Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction (Goose Pimple Junction Mysteries Book 4) (23 page)

“I don’t think we’re gonna get much on the prints, Chief.” Velveeta stood in Johnny’s doorway in a kind of military at-ease stance.

Johnny looked up from the papers on his desk. “Elaborate.”

She entered the office. “First off, we didn’t find much that was good enough for identification. And from what I can tell, there were only two different prints. It’s highly doubtful either one is the perp’s.”

“I tend to agree with that assessment. What about Louis and Jimmy Dean’s alibis?”

“You’re not gonna believe it, but they check out. Several people remember seeing the punk at the theater, and Louis’s secretary says the car wasn’t in the parking lot when she left after bringing him dinner. She says she remembers that because she thought at the time it was strange.”

“Good job, Officer.”

Velveeta turned to go, but Johnny stopped her. “Listen, Jack and Tess Wright are coming in. They said they want to talk. I want you in the conversation.”

“Sure. Anything special we’re talking about?”

“Jack said he’d fill me in when they got here.”

“I did and I will.” Jack and Tess stood in the doorway behind Velveeta.

“Hey, you two. Come on in. I didn’t hear Bernadette say you were here.” Johnny stood behind his desk.

“She didn’t. We told her we’d go on back because you were expecting us. Hope that’s okay.” Jack reached across the desk to offer his hand to Johnny.

Johnny took the outstretched hand and then kissed Tess on the cheek. “Sure. What’s all this about?”

Jack and Tess sat opposite Johnny at his desk, and Velveeta pulled a chair over next to them. Jack spoke first. “We’re worried about Caledonia and wondered if y’all were too.”

“You mean because she’s been involved in two violent crimes in less than a week?” Johnny puffed out his cheeks.

Tess laughed through her nose. “Yeah, that.”

Johnny glanced at Velveeta and then back at Jack. “Well, I can’t comment too much, but yeah, don’t worry. We’re on it.”

“Do you think she needs a bodyguard?” Tess asked.

“Possibly. But Goose Pimple Junction isn’t set up for that kind of operation. Maybe her husband could help out with that.”

“Her husband left her,” Tess said.

Johnny’s eyebrows rose. “When?”

“This morning.”

“Well that puts some pepper in the gumbo,” Velveeta said.

Johnny rubbed his hand over his face. “I don’t know, y’all. If Phil were behind this, would he be stupid enough to leave her right after he tried to have her killed?”

“Well, if he’s the one who wanted her dead then that’s stupid number one. We know he left her the day after she was in a car accident. That’s stupid number two. And stupid is stupid.”

“Um . . . What, Velveeta?” Johnny cocked his head.

“I mean stupid people do stupid things. All the time. That’s what makes them stupid. They’re not hooked up right.”

Jack surmised, “He tried to kill her twice, and she didn’t die. So now he figures he can’t get rid of her, so he might as well leave.”

Tess shook her head. “The only thing that bothers me is the timing. You would think a successful man like Phil would be smart enough to wait a while to leave his wife if he’d put a hit out on her.”

Velveeta held her hands up. “I’m telling y’all; he’s stupid.”

“I don’t know.” Johnny stroked his chin. “I can stop by and have a conversation with him, but I don’t see it going anywhere. We don’t have anything on him.”

Tess cleared her throat. “What if I obtained proof?”

Johnny frowned. “Zactly what kind of proof?”

“Written proof. Maybe he has incriminating emails or something on his computer.”

“Uh uh. The judge isn’t gonna give me a search warrant for a computer just because we think Phil’s stupid. And anything we obtain outside of a search warrant isn’t legal. I don’t wanna know about it.”

Tess sat on the edge of her seat and looked earnestly at Johnny. “But see, I think knowing the truth is half the battle. Once we find something, maybe that will lead us to something else that you
could
obtain legally.”

Johnny held his hands in the air as if to ward off evil. “Hold up. I don’t want to know anything about illegal activity.”

“Me either,” Velveeta said. “We got to go about this the right way. Y’all best let us handle it.”

“Well, you do what you gotta do, and we’ll do what we gotta do.”

Johnny lowered his eyebrows. “Jack, I don’t like the sound of that.”

“The sound of what? I didn’t tell you anything.”

“Darn right you didn’t. Nothing illegal, you two. You hear?”

“We hear,” Jack and Tess said in unison, waving as they walked out the door.

Mama always said . . . If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.

J
immy Dean sauntered into the bookstore, smiling broadly at Louetta. She put on her game face and smiled right back. “Jimmy Dean, what can I help you with today, darlin’?”

His response was the same as always. “Just here to browse, Miss Louetta. Just gonna browse.” She saw the challenge in his eyes and silently accepted.

“Well, if you’re looking for some self-help books, let me show you this . . . ” She took his arm and propelled him to the self-help section. Pulling a book off the shelf, she held it up for him to see the cover and the title:
Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior.
“This one might could help you.”

He started to protest, but she cut him off.

“Or this one:
The Universe Doesn’t Give A Flying Fart About You
.”

He snickered. “That’s not the title. The title is
The Universe Doesn’t Give A Flying F*%# About You
.” He said it louder than he needed to. When Pickle looked over at him from the top of a ladder several feet away, Jimmy Dean mouthed, “
Or you
.”

“You youngins think that F-bomb is the word to beat all words. Personally, I think it’s shallow. I think it’s for simpletons who can’t think an original thought to save their lives from dying.” She shoved the book into his chest and kept talking. “Or you might try this one. Granted, the title is a little wordy, but I think it just screams Jimmy Dean:
Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame.
” She pushed it at him behind the first book and kept going. “Or how about this one, hon?
100 Ways to Be a Better Man
. Shoot, they shoulda put your name right on the title of that one, huh?” She talked in a friendly tone, but they both knew she was mocking him.

He kept putting books down, and she kept supplying more. Finally, he dropped an armload of books into a chair and began to walk away. She followed. “Those don’t interest you? Well what about this?” She pulled a Bible off the shelf and held it up.

He ignored her but twirled his finger next to his temple at a nearby customer.

Louetta kept right with him, violating his personal space.

“You want something recreational to read? How about this one?”

He put earbuds in his ears and pretended he couldn’t hear Louetta.

She raised her voice and inched closer to him. “Do you need something remedial? Those types are over there,” she pointed and attempted to direct him, but he pulled away and kept walking.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to just browse on my own,” he grumped.

“Oh, honey, I just want to help you out, bless your heart. No offense, but you look like a lost puppy.”

He pretended to bump into a table of books, knocking some of them to the floor. She made no notice of it but kept in step with him, jabbering on and on.

“It sure is hot out there, idn’t it?

“That poor Miss Penny. What is this world coming to anyway?

“You going out for the high school football team? Oh no, scratch that.” She looked genuinely embarrassed at her gaff.

“How’s your mama and ‘em?” Louetta said anything that came to mind, talking like a magpie. Jimmy Dean didn’t respond, but that was fine with her. She was enjoying annoying him to pieces, and she was intent on not leaving his side until he left her store.

He stuck it out for ten minutes while she chatted nonstop. Finally, she followed him to the door. “You leaving so soon, J.D.? I hate to see you leave without a book, but you come back soon, you hear?”

At the door, he turned and met her eyes. “Oh, you can count on it, Mizz Louetta. Count on it.” To punctuate his statement, he put his sunglasses on and pushed them up with his middle finger. Then he stepped into the sunlight.

She followed closely. “I will, Jimmy Dean. And next time, we’ll practice method acting.”

“Method acting?” He turned and looked at her over his sunglasses.

“Yep. I’ll give you a little preview: You’ll be rice and I’ll be white.” She winked at him, stepped back, and closed the door in his face.

Phil walked into the diner and ignored the ugly look Junebug shot at him. The diner was almost empty, and he immediately saw Dee Dee.

“I got your text. What’s up? Are you all right?”

“You were right. Your wife wants to hire me.” Dee Dee stirred sugar into her coffee.

“I love it when a plan comes together.” Phil slid into the booth. “Frankly, I’m surprised she’d go to you. She never did like me getting texts from you or my having lunch with you. But then she always was about as bright as a night light.”