Romance: Love Left Behind - A Mystery Romance: (Romance, Mystery, Mystery Romance, Romantic Suspense) (9 page)

“I know a lot about you too, Ben.”  Her voice wavered, but she spoke her mind.  “I know that you used to be strange and geeky and awkward, and you’ve carried that discomfort around with you for your entire life.  I know you write stories and sometimes you get published, but you don’t believe in yourself enough to go for your dreams.  I know you left me sitting alone in my prom dress eight years ago.  And I know that in a few days you’re going to leave again to go back to New York City and your brilliant girlfriend.  You can say I mean something to you as much as you want but I know that, in the end, you’re not going to stick around.”

The dose of truth hit him like a slap in the face.  He really did love her; he wasn’t lying about that.  But Starla brought up a valid point.  In a few days he’d have to go back to the city, back to his life, and back to Mina.  It all seemed so pointless to do now, though, after he had seen Starla.  She changed everything for him.  However, after all that they had been through, Ben knew that she probably wouldn't believe him.

As the silence set in, Starla murmured, “I do love you, Ben.  But sometimes I hate you too.”

He cupped her chin in his hand and felt her lean into it.  With a shaky voice, he said, “You hate me, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Then they were kissing again, the bottle of wine spilled and forgotten.  The clothes came off quicker this time.  There was this urgency between the two that only love and hate can create.  Ben worked himself inside of her, in and out, hard and fast.  The session only lasted for a few minutes until both lay spent on the ground, breathing deeply.

And just like he had at prom, Ben said, “Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me,” he repeated, “to the city.  Let me show you around Manhattan, if only for a day.  Katie will cover for you.  She’ll tell Blair that you had to go in for an extra shift at work or something.  I promise it’ll only be for the day.  I want to just get you out of Bellen, give you a tour of my life, my city.”

Starla fidgeted on the grass.  Without warning she reached out and entwined her fingers with Ben’s, bonding them together.  Her hand was clammy from nerves but, as they had already been physical, she felt like there was probably not much to be nervous about anymore.  She closed her eyes, knowing in her heart what she wanted to respond but fearing repercussions if Blair ever found out.

“I promise that Katie has your back,” Ben said, as if reading her thoughts.  “We’ll leave tomorrow morning.  I’ll drive us in and then take you on a tour.  You’ve never been to the city, have you?  It’s crazy since you’re so close.  But you’ll love it.  I know you will.”  He gave her fingers a squeeze as if to reinforce his words.

“What if we see your girlfriend?”

Ben laughed.  He rolled onto his side and planted a kiss on Starla’s forehead.  “Well, she’s not going to be my girlfriend much longer.  I’ll leave her for you in a heartbeat.  I’m telling you, I love you.  I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.”

They laid there in the grass and watched the stars, neither of them speaking.  The silence was both scary and soothing.  It was hard to figure out how it could be both. 

“Fine,” Starla said quietly. “I’ll do it.  I’ll go to New York with you.”

She sat up, unwinding her fingers.  Without speaking, she stood up and stared off into the distance.  “You have to promise to protect me, though.  You have to make sure Katie comes through for me because if she doesn’t, Blair will find out and there’s no way that will end well.”

“I promise.  Will you meet me back here tomorrow morning around ten?”

Starla bobbed her head up and down like one of those little Hawaiian dolls that sat on car dashboards.  “Okay,” she said simply.  “Okay.”

Then she slipped away, speeding down the footpath.  She didn’t know whether she was running to or from anything anymore, just that her life had irrevocably been changed.  Whether or not it had been changed for the better, well, she would just have to wait and see.

2014 – Starla and Ben

One of the waitresses at the diner was sick.  She had the flu.  So every available waitress had to come in and work doubles that day to pick up the slack.  That was the story that Starla told Blair when she had rushed out of the house early in the morning.  She wore her waitressing uniform over some more casual clothes, ready to strip down in the car.  Although she could tell that Blair wanted to argue with her as she left the house, he didn’t have enough time.  Starla blew a kiss and slammed the door before he could say anything.

Her heart was fluttering like a newly un-caged bird in her chest.  She found herself skipping down the street towards the park.  Everything in her life felt so new.  It was thrilling to be so sneaky.

Ben was already waiting at the park for her.  He was sitting casually on the hood of his black Lexus, two coffee cups clutched in his hands.  As Starla approached, he offered one to her.

“Coffee with milk and three sugars,” he said with a smile.  “I hope that’s still how you take it.”

“It is, thank you!”

Ben hopped off from the hood of the car and walked around to the passenger side.  He opened the door for Starla like a true gentleman.  “I also bought some bagels and donuts, in case you didn’t eat breakfast and were hungry on the way into the city.  They’re in the bags on the floor.”

Starla climbed in and Ben shut the door behind her.  She reached down to the floor by her feet, grabbing the tops of two greasy brown paper bags.  One held a variety of freshly baked bagels – everything, poppy seed, asiago.  The other bag had one glazed donut and two Boston crème donuts.  The smell alone nearly made Starla swoon with joy.  She picked out an everything bagel and began to chomp on it.  The best thing about New Jersey bagels were that they were so well-made and so flavorful that it wasn’t necessary to put anything extra on it.

As Ben settled himself into the driver’s seat he asked Starla to pass him a Boston crème donut.  He ate a huge mouthful of donut, sending crumbs and clumps of crème tumbling down his chin and onto his shirt.  Rather than clean himself up, he swallowed his portion of the donut and flashed Starla a sassy smile.

“You’re a mess,” Starla said.  She reached over and began to wipe the donut remains off from Ben’s shirt.  When she looked up at him, she had a sparkle in her eyes.  It was nice to see.  After all of her time with Blair, Ben didn’t believe that she spent much time being happy.  Without thinking, he leaned down and kissed her.

So the trip started late because the two lovers were making out secretively in their car like they used to do in high school.  By the time they pulled out of Bellen and got on the road, both of their lips were red and plump.

Going to New York City for the first time provided some of the most amazing sights Starla had ever seen.  The buildings stretched high above city streets, their hundreds of windows glimmering in the sun.  Trees were planted up and down the sidewalks in sections of dirt, but there was nowhere near as much nature as there had been in New Jersey.  Starbucks dotted nearly every corner.  Sidewalks were populated with food vendors, carts with loud yellow and red umbrellas and signs proclaiming them to have the cheapest street food in the city.

But it was the sight of all of the people that was the most astounding.  Every single city block was crowded with individuals trying to go about their day.  There were men in sharp suits carrying shiny leather briefcases as they strolled down the street on their phones.  Women in sundresses and cardigans smoked cigarettes on the steps of their buildings.

Groups of hundreds of people crowded on street corners.  They weaved through traffic and speeding taxis to cross the roads.  Black, white, Asian, Hispanic, men, women, children.  New York had one of the most diverse communities in the world, opening its doors and its streets to everybody.

Starla watched how people interacted, the way they moved to the side and pressed their bodies against buildings so that others could pass by.  She watched the tourists taking pictures of themselves outside the tall buildings as they chattered away in languages she didn’t understand.  She wanted to get out of the car, to explore.  Luckily the parking garage Ben chose wasn’t too far off from Times Square.  It was definitely going to be significantly more expensive to park there but it was easier than parking near Central Park and walking back.

When they walked out, Ben felt the need to hold Starla’s hand in order to keep her from running off.  She had a light shining in her eyes.  She looked happy, inspired, and excited.  His heart soared to think that he was helping her experience life to the fullest.  It blew his mind that she spent her entire life living only an hour or so away from New York City but had never gotten the opportunity to see it in its entire splendor.

They strolled down the street and into the heart of Times Square.  Everything was electric, neon, lit-up like the solar system fell down and crashed in Manhattan.  Vendors called out to the couple, trying to entice them with cheaply made jewelry, fake handbags, and pirated DVDs.  Bodies pushed into bodies, cramming everyone on the sidewalk together.  Ben moved Starla in front of him, wrapped his arms around her.  They walked like that so that she was relaxed in his arms.

After every few steps Ben would lean in and kiss Starla’s neck, sending a shiver rocketing through her body.  It warmed up her heart and some other body parts, although she was mildly ashamed to admit it.  Having spent so long with Blair, she wasn’t used to being stimulated – mentally or physically – in the way that Ben stimulated her.

Hunger rolled through her stomach so she requested that they stop and buy a hotdog from one of the vendors on the street.  It cost only two dollars.  Starla got it decked out with ketchup, mustard, and onions.  As they searched for an empty table with two seats on the closed off street, she couldn’t stop babbling about how exciting cheap food was.  It cracked Ben up.  He didn’t think it was such a big deal.  Hotdogs hadn’t really been a serious thought of his during his time living in the city.  It just went to prove how two people who didn’t live in the same area could have such vastly different perceptions of the small things in life.

Finally they found a table and sat down, exchanging genuine grins across the table.  Starla was halfway done with her hotdog.  A smear of lemon yellow mustard ran from the corner of her lip to her chin.  It was speckled with flecks of red.  Ben reached across the table and attempted to wipe it off with his thumb.  However, he only succeeded in smearing it more.

Embarrassed but giggling, Starla lifted her own thumb to her face and wiped a few times.  Save for a slightly golden sheen, she managed to get most of the remaining condiment off from her skin.

“I would have licked it off,” Ben teased, “but I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

Starla guffawed.  “That’s disgusting.  You would lick ketchup and mustard off of my face?”

“I would lick a lot of things off you,” Ben said with a wink before dissolving into a fit of laughter.  Across the table, Starla began cracking up too.  But then Ben said, “Does Blair ever flirt with you like this?”

All of the feelings of excitement and lust that had surged up during that moment came crashing down.  They sat in shattered ruins at Starla and Ben’s feet.  Starla bit down on her lip and drew back, pulling it into her mouth.  She sucked on it contemplatively then let it flop back into place, wet with spit.

“Blair doesn’t really flirt with me.  I guess we’re just at that point in our relationship.”  Starla drew the words out gradually.  “I mean, we went through a honeymoon period just like any other couple does.  He helped me out a lot when Lisa died.  Everyone always says he’s so mean to me and that I deserve better, but they don’t know Blair like I do.”

“Do you love him?” Ben asked.

“In a sense.  I care about him, I do.  So I guess I’d have to say that, yeah, I do love him.  Is he the person that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?  I don’t know about that.”

“Then why are you with him?”

Starla’s eyes glazed over and became cold.  “I really don’t feel the need to explain myself and my decisions, Ben.  But you want to know why?  Because he was there for me when nobody else was.  He helped me through the shittiest time in my life.  Maybe he’s not the most charming guy on the planet but so what?  Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone you can crawl into bed with at night.” 

She aggressively took a bite of her hotdog, mashing it around in her mouth.  As she chewed, she placed the final uneaten portion down on the top of the table.  Her breathing became rapid and agitated.  She swallowed her mouthful then leaned forward, glaring at Ben.  “You know, Blair always tells me that he’s the best I’ll ever have.  I used to think you were the best I was ever going to have.  God, Ben, when we were in high school I thought you and I were going to be together forever.  Then you left.  So guess what?  Blair may have a nasty temper and he may smack me around every once in a while but I know that he’ll be there whenever I go home.”

She finished with, “And if you care so much about why I’m with Blair, why are you with Mina?  Do you love her?”

Ben, ignoring the potential health risks and bacteria that was probably covering the New York City table, reached across and snatched up the hotdog.  He shoved it into his mouth and chewed long and hard. 

“I do,” he said through a mouthful of bun, spraying half-chewed bread droplets across the table.  Seeing his lady friend recoil in disgust, he waited to chew and swallow the rest of his food before he continued.  “I’ve had such a great history with Mina.  She taught me about life.  She introduced me to all sorts of interesting things that I never would have gotten the chance to experience if I hadn’t met her.”

He scooted his chair closer to Starla and pulled her towards him, giving her a perfunctory kiss on the lips.  “But I love you even more.  Don’t you doubt that.  I swear that if you want us to be together, I’ll end things with Mina right away.  You mean the world to me.  It might have taken coming back to Bellen to realize that but I’ll do anything for you.”