Romancing the Nerd (5 page)

Chapter Six

Dan

The second I step into The Phoenix, Zelda hits me with another one of those stupid glares of hers. Well, I’m not one to keep things bottled up. The question is out before the bell over the door stops ringing. “Why, why, why do you keep looking at me like that?”

She glances at the others around her like she doesn’t know full well I’m talking to her. “Who? Me?” She puts a dainty hand to her chest.

I go into a long speech as I walk down the center aisle of the shop. “Cut the innocent act. You’re up to something. Every time I see you, you either look at me like you want me to burst into flames or like you know a secret about me. But the thing is, I’m an open book, I have no secrets. So, either you really do want me to burst into flames or you have, like, eye Tourette’s. Like you don’t have control over them. And if that were the case, then why have I never seen you randomly cross your eyes or blink rapidly?”

Her brows knit together and her lips purse. Then her face relaxes and she freaking crosses her eyes. She turns to everyone else. “I have no idea what this guy is talking about.”

They all laugh way too hard for my liking. Logan crosses his eyes, too. “Dude, are you okay? Do you need a glass of water? Maybe a cup of tea?”

“Ha ha, it’s all so funny, but I’m serious!” My arms fling out in exasperation. “She’s up to something.”

Zelda shakes her head and scoffs. “Whatever, Dan.”

She’s sitting on the counter, so when I try to get in her face, intimidation style, the front of my thighs end up leaning on her knees. I put a hand on either side of hers, which are clutching the counter pretty tightly. I close in so our noses are maybe three or four inches from touching. “You might as well just confess, Zelda. You know I’ll figure it out, whatever it is.”

She doesn’t back down in any way. She just purses those glossy lips again and says, “You are delusional.”

The thing is, I pride myself on my ability to be unaffected by the opposite sex. It’s a very rare occasion when a girl makes my stomach clench without my permission. So it’s a bit of a shock when the tiny hairs on the back of my neck rise at this moment. One side of Zelda’s mouth lifts in a defiant grin and her hazel eyes go from plain to nebula-like. My mind is telling me that the attraction I’m feeling can be chalked up to hormones and instinct. The rest of me just wants to see if her lip gloss doesn’t only smell like cotton candy but tastes like it, too.

Maddie’s voice breaks through the tension. “Oh my God, it’s like watching a movie. Don’t move, you two, I’m going to make some popcorn.”

She’s not kidding. She runs into the office and I can hear cabinets opening and closing as she searches for the popcorn. I stand straight and clear my throat. Lowering my voice, I say, “Listen, Z, about the other day in the gym. You know that was an accident, right? I would never hurt you on purpose.”

She frowns at me then grabs a comic book. “Whatever.”

Well, that’s getting frustrating. Here I am trying to sincerely apologize and all I get is a “whatever.” I bet her lip gloss tastes nothing like cotton candy.

Logan takes a thick paper bag from a shelf and slaps it on the counter. “I have your pull list right here, dude. It’s been sitting here forever though. Why didn’t you come in on new comic book day?”

“I’ve been busy. Practice and games. It’s exhausting.” I slip my debit card from my wallet.

The sound of the microwave door slamming shut comes from the office as Logan says, “And we haven’t seen you at LARP, either. Planning on playing, like, ever again?”

“I just don’t have the time. It’s painful to talk about, dude. I hate it.” I’m not kidding, either. I miss the smell of duct tape and face paint, and the smell of fear that always accompanied my arrival.

“There’s a game tonight,” Logan says pitifully. And there’s another twist to the gut. I haven’t hung out with him in ages.

“I can’t. There’s this stupid fund-raiser thing I have to go to. Taxidermy Todd insists.” I shrug.

Logan punches me in the shoulder. “Come on, man. When was the last time you did anything for yourself? You have to have a little fun sometimes. YOLO.”

To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I went to a movie or played video games until dawn. I’m always on a schedule. Chatting with effyeahFinityGirl is something I have to do on the sly by hiding under the covers with my phone, or by waiting until my parents go to sleep. Would it really be so horrible to miss one little fund-raiser?

I take a moment before I answer, trying to remember the last time I got in big trouble. Finally, I decide I’m due for a little mischief. “Well, you know what they say, ‘Only the brave catch the worm.’ Fine. I’ll be there. But on one condition.”

I hear a sigh of frustration from Zelda, who’s been reading this whole time, and I cut my eyes at the back of her head. “What?”

“I can’t even begin to explain what’s wrong with what you just said, because it was such an amalgamation of stupidity.”

I open my mouth to deliver a scathing retort, but Logan speaks up, trying to defuse the tension. “What’s the condition?”

I decide to let Zelda’s comment roll off my back.
Rise above, Garrett
. I turn back to Logan. “You shall never say ‘YOLO’ again. Like, ever. Ever, ever, ever.”

He laughs. “Done.”

“Good. Okay, so if I’m going tonight, then I have to prepare. It’s going to be so awesome to dust off Craytor’s armor. I’ll see you guys later.”

A zing of excitement gives my steps a little bounce as I leave the shop. Even Maddie coming out of the office with a fresh bag of popcorn and saying, “Guys, you moved. I said don’t move,” doesn’t upset me. That much.

Zelda’s comments and generally pissy attitude do ruffle my feathers, though. I said I was sorry… Or did I? Damn it, maybe I didn’t actually say it. But she had to understand I was apologizing, right? I mean, why does she hate me so much? What am I saying? I know why. It’s because of me ditching her all that while ago. And because I go out of my way to piss her off sometimes.

I toss my new comics into the passenger seat and slam my door. Then I just sit and marvel at yet another spectacular demonstration of my horrible abilities when it comes to talking to Zelda. Why do I care so much, though? Because I’m a decent human being? That’s debatable. Because I like her and if I could choose a girlfriend, she’d be the one? That’s about right. Then I remember her very curt “whatever” from a second ago and I frown. Also, why am I even allowing the GF word to pop into my head? I’ve always been a happily confirmed bachelor. A significant other is just too much hassle. I prefer simple, straightforward relationships like what I have with effyeahFinityGirl.

I nod at my reflection in the rearview mirror, deciding to forget about Zelda Potts and enjoy my time with effyeah. Physical contact is overrated anyway.

Zelda

Why don’t things ever work like they’re supposed to? I picked up this old bike helmet at the Goodwill and turned it into a great war helm, but the strap isn’t staying tight. No wonder someone got rid of it. The stupid thing keeps falling to the side or sliding down to knock my glasses askew as I walk around saying hi to the other players at the game. It throws off the aura I’m trying to create. I’m a battle-hardened, dwarf shield maiden named Bronla, damn it, not a goofy noob.

I can’t handle it anymore so I take off my helm and set it on one of the fold-out tables the gamemasters have set up in the backyard. It’s a really nice night out, perfect for a little nerdery. It’s a rare Louisiana winter evening, which just means it’s not raining. And they’ve put speakers outside so they can play epic fantasy movie soundtracks to set the mood, which it’s definitely doing.

“Nice work on the helmet, dude,” someone says from behind me.

I turn to graciously accept the compliment. “Of course it is. I made it, after all,” I say then realize who I’m talking to.

I should have known Dan would be making his annoying appearance at some point. I didn’t really believe him at the comic shop when he said he was coming, nor did I believe him about the basketball incident, but effyeahFinityGirl got a message earlier from him saying he was going to the LARP game but that didn’t mean he couldn’t chat. And she, I, replied with, “Oh, LARPing? That sounds like so much fun! I’ve never been. Give me a play by play if you think of it!”

It was a spur of the moment request. I figured I need to prove that his new station in life has changed his view on those of us who don’t have the world at their feet. So, if he started slamming his fellow gamers, a group in which he used to proudly count himself, there it would be: my proof. Now I’m torn as to whether or not I want him to keep FinityGirl updated. What if he tells her stuff that me/Bronla wouldn’t know in character? What if I accidentally use that information later and unintentionally cheat? I’m not exactly batting a thousand when it comes to moral fiber at the moment, and I’d rather not make it worse.

He lets out a big, fake
Ha!
“Well, aren’t we modest. It is pretty boss, though. Is it comfortable? That’s the true mark of great craftsmanship.”

I’m too shocked to stop him before he puts the helmet on his head. How dare he?! But of course, it fits him perfectly. Wearing the helmet and the armor he bought on eBay, which was advertised as “an early test chest plate from the costume department for the
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
,” he could easily be mistaken for a young warrior of Rohan.

“How do I look?” He strikes a hero pose with his fists on his hips and his face turned to the side so his profile looks regal and strong. He’s positioned perfectly in front of the back porch light so it creates a golden halo around his head and shoulders.

When I start to wonder if I was wrong when I told Beth, “The Gondor men are way hotter than the guys from Rohan,” I snatch my helmet off his head. I do not like my nerd opinions to be called into question, especially not because of Dan Garrett.

“You look like an imposter. A tall, impostering imposter.” I know my tone sounds bitter, but I don’t care.

“Excuse me? You’re lucky my rank in the king’s guard exceeds yours by so much, or I might give your insult notice.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh please, get off your high horse. You haven’t been here in forever. I’d be willing to bet I’m actually the higher rank now.”

He holds his hand out. “Prove it. Gimme your character sheet.”

It’s my turn to fake laugh at him. “Ha! No.” There’s no way I’m going to let him see all my powers or Bronla’s secret origin story. Keeping your character’s skeletons in the closet and surprising people with powers is all part of the game.

His eyes narrow at me and I narrow mine right back at him. The tension, you could cut it with a lightsaber.

From across the backyard, Maddie’s voice sounds all high-pitched and giddy. “Oh my God, it’s happening again. They’re doing the thing, come on!”

I step back from Dan and watch Maddie tug Logan behind her. They’re playing as their elves, Laowyn and Graffin, tonight, and they look awesome. Maddie’s sparkly leggings and shimmering face powder have made me contemplate playing an elf or fairy on many occasions, but I always remember how great it feels to defeat a foe using straight-up strength instead of magic. Maybe I’ll channel my need for girly glitter into Bronla’s weapon, which I’ve yet to make, because not only is glitter awesome, but it can also be a weapon itself. A spec of glitter can turn into a tiny razor blade if it gets in your eye.

Maddie and Logan make it over to us, and her face falls in disappointment. “Why don’t you guys ever listen to me? Do the thing again. And go.”

“Cut it out, cheerleader. The game is starting.” Dan nods to the middle of the yard where Tommy, one of the gamemasters, stands beneath a large magnolia tree, holding his arms up for silence.

As Tommy goes over the rules of the game, which I’ve heard a million times, I go over my goals for tonight in my head. I’ll need to do some major feats in order to get enough experience points so I can up my rage level. And I’d like to make friends with some of the fairies who always have the best potions. It’d also be nice to develop some sort of alliance with the vampires, because they know everyone’s secrets.

Tommy’s last announcement breaks into my thoughts. “I’ll need volunteers for a mission tonight. Know that the mission is treacherous but the rewards are high.”

Perfect, that’s just what I need for the XP.

“Who will lend us their bravery?” Tommy asks, channeling Gandalf the Grey.

I throw my fist in the air and shout, “You have my shield and ax!” But my words have an echo. I look to my left and see Dan scowling at me, his fist in the air as well.

If I wasn’t concerned with getting a butt-ton of XP this game, I’d drop out of the mission this very instant. But I will not be cheated out of my next level-up by Dan-freaking-Garrett.

Tommy motions for the volunteers to follow him into the kitchen, or “the war room” as he calls it.

“Have fun, you two. Don’t kill each other,” Logan calls out as we walk behind Tommy.

In the “war room,” it’s me, Dan, a fairy I’ve only seen a couple of times at the game, and a vampire who’s been playing for years. So, it looks like I’ll be sticking by the vampire while trying to protect the fairy who can’t possibly be advanced enough for this mission. And all the while, I’ll be trying to
not
punch Dan in the throat. Just another fun night of pretend life.

While Tommy runs to his room to get reference books and stuff he’ll need to prepare for this, Dan whips out his phone. A few seconds later, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Of course Dan couldn’t wait to bitch about something to effyeahFinityGirl.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, but when I’m there, I almost resist the temptation to check Dan’s message. Curiosity wins out fast, though. I’ve just got to hope he’s not about to reveal something super juicy about the vampire in our group or anything. I like to think I’m good at this game but when it comes to separating things I know out of character from things I know in character, it gets tricky.