Room 212 (23 page)

I pushed down my own greed to please him. He cupped my chin tenderly with his hand and stroked his knuckles over my cheek as my throat went numb and I was finally able to take him in fully. I heard him moan and beg me to stop and he reached for me to keep from finishing. I swatted his hands away, fisted him more aggressively, and felt him harden further as he came into my mouth. I loved the taste of him and swallowed what he gave to me. I felt his legs tremble and looked up to see him gnash his teeth as his orgasm continued to shake him. I wanted more, so much more. He sat down next to me and took my mouth. We both lay back on the bed facing each other, reaching out to stroke the other. I felt his fingertips trace my nipple and trail their way back up to my mouth. He pushed a finger inside and I obliged, sucking it slowly, taking all of it. He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes.

“I have never felt so good, baby. You…feel so good.”

“I want more, Seth.”

“You can have whatever you want, baby. I want you so much, it hurts. It hurts, Laura, that I want you this much. It will never be enough.” His mouth crushed mine as he climbed on top of me. He took my nipple in his mouth, watching my reaction, and trailed his way to the other. I was just as lost to him as he was to me. He picked my head up with his hand behind it, exposing my neck, his mouth covering it while his tongue made lazy circles. I reached for his shaft, praying he was ready and was rewarded. I let out a low moan as he positions himself above me.

“It will never be enough.”

Two months flew by like two minutes and I was pouting as I kissed Seth goodbye. He had decided to go and visit his son on his weekend off and though it tugged at my heart to see him go, I knew he needed to be with him. I drove him to the airport and got out with him, my truck idling, waiting for the epic goodbye kiss Seth was sure to deliver. I smiled on his lips as he didn’t disappoint.

“I love you, Laura.” It was a little more than a whisper in my ear. I felt my heart explode as the emotion took hold. I wanted so much to return the words, but he didn’t give me a chance. He scooped me up into his embrace again and kissed me, catching my tear filled eyes. “I love you so fucking much.” I buried my head in his neck and let out a small sob. Relief washed over me as I finally heard the man I had loved for so long say the words to me. Still, I couldn’t let them out. I was cursing myself as I watched him walk away, his weekend bag in his hand as he walked through the electric sliding doors.

“Seth! Seth, wait!”

He turned to me a smile already on his lips. “See you Sunday, baby.”

I got back into the truck and let myself cry happy tears. I beat my hand on the steering wheel in excitement. It was amazing. It was better than amazing. It was unbelievable. I looked up and pleaded with God. “I love him, but I love you more, please, please let this be it.” I addressed karma next. “Come on, pleeease. I have to deserve this by now.” To my mother I prayed, “Don’t let me do anything stupid to screw it up.”

He called me twice during the weekend and we spent an hour on the phone as he sat watching his son play soccer at our park, a son who he had lovingly nicknamed Squirt.

“You are a sick, sick man calling your son that.”

“What? Why? You’re the one with your mind in the gutter.”

“And yours is the company it keeps.”

“I wish you were here now, Laura. This is our place. You belong here with me.”

“You can have Texas.”

“Can’t I have you both? Squirt, stop talking and get out front, get in front of the ball!” I took the phone away from my ear as he scorned his son.

“Seth, take it easy. It’s just a game.” He completely ignored me as he pestered his son. When he finally stopped annoying him and I again mentioned it was just a game, he quickly corrected me.

“He has got to take it seriously if he’s going to be the next Beckham.”

“He’s twelve, Seth. Can you give him a few years before you decide to get him to stick to your plan? I’m sure you have his life perfectly mapped out.”

“What would you know about plans, you hippie?” I heard his smile and quickly replied.

“Damn proud of it. You were always a bit too serious.”

“And you were always a bit too liberal.” I couldn’t help the small pain in my chest. Though I knew he was teasing, it still bothered me. I wanted to say something, but let him off the hook.

“Well, just let that voice in your head do what it wants. I’m sure he won’t be rebelling soon.”

“Hey, what is this Parenting 101? How many kids have you successfully raised?” Another sharp sting. What the fuck, Seth?

“None. You’re right. I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” I hung up on him and sat in my chair in my office. I had no right to tell him how to talk to his child, but who the hell did he think he was? I quickly remembered he had always been that way, a presumptuous ass, who thought his opinion was the only opinion. I felt the heat on my cheeks as my phone rang in my hand.

“Sweat it out, asshole.” I hit the ignore button and glared at Tetris 2 who was peeing on my new rug. A text quickly came across my phone screen.

I’m sorry baby

I didn’t mean to get so defensive

I love you

See you tomorrow

I couldn’t respond. I was too angry.

I had never had a child because I never loved any man I was with enough to try. I knew it wouldn’t last with them, and by the time I was ready to do it anyway with Anthony, my newest ex-husband, he was dead set on not having any. I still had time and I knew it, but didn’t want to take a chance now. Seth’s baby, oh God, my heart beat faster at the thought. I closed my eyes and pictured his son in my mind and felt a huge tug of jealousy. He already had a carbon copy of himself, a gift I had not given him.

I grabbed my birth control from my purse and popped my Saturday pill. I shouldn’t be thinking about kids with Seth. I had no idea how this was going to work. His life was in Texas and mine was here. He had four months left in Colorado and he would be going home. Was I clinging to false hope already? This isn’t healthy. I swatted Tetris’s nose lightly with a firm “No” and let him smell his damage before taking him outside.

What was going to happen when he left? Did we even have a future? Would he consider coming to live here? What about his son? Chill out, Laura, you are over thinking this. Fourteen years of being in love with him and without him was enough to quickly bring me to the realization that I could never go through it again. I could erase a few months’ worth of new memories, couldn’t I? Was being with him for the next four months worth bringing the similar pain I had experienced for the last decade and a half of my life?

No! I can’t go through that again! I can’t get over Seth again. If I let him hurt me, everything I had done to get myself here would be wasted. I would be lost, with memories of him all over my life here!

What the fuck had I done?

*****

I spent that night tossing and turning in my bed. I pulled up to the airport a different woman than the one he had left. Fear and doubt raced through me and I saw him smile at me as I unlocked my doors so he could stick his bag in the back. He jumped into my truck and leaned over to kiss me. When he saw my face his smile faded.

“I said I was sorry, Laura. You going to hold it against me?”

“No, it’s not that. We need to talk.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

I drove away from the curb without answering. I was nauseous already from the sting. I could survive life without Seth. I had proven that to myself. Still, that knowledge wasn’t going to make this any easier.

“We dove in head first, we didn’t think things through. Your life is in Texas and I belong here, and it doesn’t matter how much I care about you. I’m not willing to leave my life to go there, if that’s what you want.”

“You know I want you to, you know I want to be with you. I love you. I made it clear.” I saw his body stiffen next to me. His voice was already angry. This wasn’t going to go well.

“You’re still the same selfish guy, aren’t you? You want what you want, Seth. Were you ever thinking of the long run? Of me? You leave here in four months and you go home to spend well deserved time with your son, and then what? You are off to a new location? You have no room for me.”

“Laura, what the hell has gotten into you? Stop it. We’ll figure this out together.”

“No,
we
won’t. You are always so dismissive of me. I have a point, Seth.”

“Well get to it, Laura,” he snapped. I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“Seth, we have two totally different lives. Mine is a good life I built for myself, a life of leisure, I guess. A life I love. You have obligations, your business, and your son. You can’t just do whatever you want.”

“Laura, we haven’t talked yet about together. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about how we could do this once I left. We just got each other back. Why can’t we just be happy?”

“I was so happy. I was, Seth, until I realized it was temporary and could hurt us both so badly in the long run. I mean is that what you want, to hurt me? I had no intentions of getting serious with you.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull the fucking truck over, Laura!” I flinched as he yelled at me, then I stopped the truck.

“Look at me.”

I kept my stare hard and saw his face filled with anger.

“You don’t get to decide the rest of our lives in one day. We make those decisions together. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you are, Seth. The day the job is over and it’s time to go home, are you telling me you won’t go home to be with your son?”

“Yes, of course, but—”

“And I would never ask you to stay, knowing you belong with him. But, I won’t be with you. You have no right to ask that of me. My life is here and yours is there. It will never work. And I can’t do this, so don’t ask me to. I just can’t.” I kept my emotions completely away from me. I found strength in preservation mode.

“So it’s over? You just decide it’s over and all this we feel for each other means nothing? What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” He put his hand over his chest, gripping his t-shirt and letting it go as I delivered my final blow.

“Hurts doesn’t it?”

“You have got to be kidding me! This is you getting even for something I did fifteen years ago? Are you fucking serious, Laura?”

“No, it’s self-preservation. You are a reckless man. You are romantic and beautiful, but you are completely reckless with the people who love you. You think of only what you want and never give them a say. I am not the pushover I once was. This isn’t all your way or no way.”

“You haven’t even given us a chance!”

“I know it’s a good relationship, but one that doesn’t last.”

“And it won’t if you keep running away! Jesus, Laura, I love you. Don’t do this, don’t throw us away. It’s a miracle that I ended up at your motel. You think things like that happen all the time? Do I need to remind you how many times this has happened to us?”

“What do you want from me? I’m trying to be reasonable.”

“You’re reasoning your way out of loving me, and it won’t work. You can’t do this, and I won’t let you.” His lips were on mine in a flash. I knew he would try it and still I let his mouth coax mine open, feeling the rush of his tongue tangle with mine. I moaned into him, my body instantly relaxing. I caught myself on the brink and went rigid. He sensed my restraint and pulled back.

“You’re being an idiot. We love each other and you know it. We’re perfect together and you know that, too. If you want to pretend this is an adult decision to avoid getting into a situation where we both don’t get hurt, fine. You are the grown up. But I am here now, telling you I love you. I’m giving you my heart, Laura, telling you I am not leaving you. We can figure out a way.”

“The motel?” I asked as I pulled onto the road. I saw his fury and he punched my dash, cursing as he looked out his window. He quickly caught his temper and turned back to me.

“How about Room 212, Laura?” I jerked my head in his direction. “You thought I wouldn’t notice? I saw it. How long have you been waiting for me, Laura? I can tell you how long I have waited for you, every breath since 1997. Don’t do this, please, don’t run away. You’ll hurt us both, you can’t do this again.”

“Again?” I gave a bitter laugh as the cold, manipulative bitch Laura came out to play. “I did nothing to you, Seth, remember? It was so important to you that I remember, do you? You wanted to marry little Ms. Perfect.”

“Laura, stop it! I told you it was a mistake. You’re the one who—”

I pulled the truck to a screeching halt in front of the motel. “Just get out. I don’t want to hear your lame ass excuse again for breaking my heart.”

“You broke your own heart then, you cold-hearted bitch, and you’re doing it now.”

“Petty, don’t you think?”

“Please don’t make me hate you.”

“Oh, but Seth, it’s the only way. Take care of yourself.” I took one last look at him and his eyes were filled with pure fury. Without saying a word, he got out of the passenger side and grabbed his bag from the back. He walked over to the driver’s side and leaned into my window.