Room 702 (29 page)

They chose the Winchester, because the hotel was the site of their first date.

Like many modern couples frustrated by the lack of places to meet and interact normally with others seeking relationships, the pair had individually turned to online dating.
 
The bar downstairs, Fringe, turned out to be neither of their style, but they had such a good time they persevered.
 
Now, the Winchester has come to stand for special occasions and of a reminder of how things could be.
 
 
Amy, a successful pediatric surgeon, only has some time to wonder what caused her to fall in love with a roving photojournalist.
 
Their schedules do not match, nor do their future hopes and wants.

Already thirty-two when they met (although Amy looks not a day over twenty-eight), Dr. Mathews had more or less resigned herself to an existence alone.
 
Naturally a reserved person and rather introverted, Amy didn’t feel like she was missing out on too much.
 
After all, she had a very rewarding job, great colleagues and wonderful friends.
 
It was only through a friend’s urging that she put her details online.
 
Too fussed and shy to check or pursue any of the potential partners, like any one of her ‘to do’ lists, after two weeks of having an active profile, Amy made time on Saturday afternoon to go through those who had responded to her.
 
By cross checking and making a points system based on age, suitability, background and location, she had come up with three potential matches.
 
Zach had been her second date, and the only one she had chemistry with.

That had been three years and a wedding in Las Vegas ago.

 
Now they are strangers.
 
Trapped in the same house, going through the motions of a marriage which doesn’t make sense.
 
She is relieved when he is called out of town on assignment, so she can have her house to herself once again.
 
So she can lounge in the bath and not feel guilty for not brunching, or going to farmers’ markets or trying to be the perfect wife.
 
She wasn’t raised in a traditional home, she doesn’t know what a successful marriage involves.
 
As intensely private as she is, she does not discuss her marriage at work, and rarely with friends.

Is this how it is supposed to be?

Looking at him, with his shaggy blond hair and nervous hands shaking for a cigarette, Amy’s desperate to know what he’s thinking, but can’t form the words.

“I made a reservation at the steakhouse for later tonight,” he says.

“That’s nice,” she responds, wondering if there’s a deeper subtext to his comment.
 
Zach is late, messy, and chaotic.
 
He rarely plans for things in advance – always preferring spontaneity.

“Shall we sit outside?”

“Sure.” Quirking a delicate eyebrow, she says, “You know this room is non-smoking,” then immediately feels bad for admonishing him.
 
He is a grown man capable of making decisions on his own.

Although she has tried since meeting him to break her husband of his smoking habit, it’s something she’s not had any particular success with.
 
She’s lectured, cajoled, and held out on sex for a few weeks before she learned he is well and truly addicted to nicotine.
 

He opens the door for her and they settle into seats in the warm afternoon sunshine.
 
It is strangely peaceful above the traffic on the street.
 
Also, something about the situation feels particularly decadent – checking into a nice hotel in the middle of the day in the middle of the week is a luxury.
 
Amy’s off work for an entire week and Zach is between assignments.

“So.”

“So.”

Amy, not prepared for all out conflict had sent Zach a passive aggressive e-mail, clearly outlining her feelings and suggesting their excursion today as a need to reconnect.
 
The logical side of her knows there are countless therapists they can meet with – all recommended by others at the hospital.
 
Unfortunately, having been in a single parent home for her entire childhood, she also realizes that sometimes people are just meant to be apart.
 
The failure of this relationship is one of the few things in her life she will have failed at, but she tells herself it will make her stronger.

“You think things are unfixable?”

 
“Don’t you?” It’s a rhetorical question and she feels bad for immediately turning around his question with one of her own.
 
She wanted to be calm and open, not defensive.

He lights a cigarette (loyal to Marlboro Lights for many years), and smoothly exhaling the smoke, answers, “I’m not sure.
 
I’ve never been married before.
 
I don’t know how this is supposed to work.”

They sit, proud, neither willing to give an inch.

Unexpected tears fill her eyes.
 
She tries to blame their arrival on a recent set of grueling rotations, but knows it’s more than that.
 
She doesn’t want to let him go.
 
Sounding ever the emotional female, she asks, “Do you still love me?”

He stubs the spent cigarette and returns her question, “How can you even ask that?”

“Are we down to clichés already?”

Zach stands up, looks over the railing and comments, “Listen, you wanted to come here.
 
I came.
 
You wanted to talk about our relationship, let’s talk.
 
However, I don’t need you jumping to forgone conclusions.
 
I don’t want you to try and rationalize this out.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want more than what the books tell you to do.
 
I have no doubt you’ve been reading up on this for weeks.”

She won’t say anything, because he is correct.
 
Perhaps he knows her better than she would care to admit.
 
Instead, she asks, “I can try.
 
What else do you want?”

Although they can be passionate, they both tend to avoid any sort of dispute.
 
Usually one goes along with what the other has suggested.
 
This discussion is one of the few times they have verbally disagreed.

“I want…” his voice trails away.
 
From behind his lens, he’s witnessed tragedy, despair, and lives that will not improve for generations.
 
He’s seen the world ripped apart by war, genocide, famine, and the elements.
 
And now, given how minor their problems seem against what he’s seen, why can’t he tell her how he feels?

With his inability to finish a relatively easy question, Amy looks away, not ready to make eye contact and says, “We rushed things.
 
We didn’t get to know each other, to think things through.
 
It happens.”

“I disagree.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never met anyone like you.
 
In fact, I never expected to meet anyone like you, especially online.”

“Then why did you respond?”

He pulls out another cigarette, after lighting it, says, “I was just back from Sudan.
 
It suddenly hit me that I was alone…”

“Except for your various girlfriends stashed around the world.”

Zach had never been shy in holding back about how his nomadic lifestyle had impacted his love life prior to marriage.
 
Upon meeting her, he never wanted to hide anything from Amy.
 
In fact, during their first date he had been completely honest.
 

“I’ve told you a million times, they don’t…
 
There’s only you.
 
Since I met you, I couldn’t even think of being with another woman.”

“I’d like to believe you.”

“Have I given you any reason not to?”

“No.”

“So how does this end, Doctor?”

He is angry.
 
When Zach is upset, he uses her title.
 
While she thinks he has more of an impact on the world through his pictures than she ever will, even as a doctor, she knew there is some ingrained animosity towards her entitled background.
 
With her mother hailing from a very well to do East Coast family, Amy had been educated from birth in expensive private schools and ultimately the top universities and medical college.
 
Zach is Amy’s polar opposite.
 
He was born and raised in a much different economic bracket.
 
He attended public schools.
 
He stole his first Canon.
 
He is self taught and never attended college.
 

“I’m not sure.”

She wishes she had a better answer.
 
She and her mother had nearly come to the largest fight of their adult lives when Amy had disagreed to sign or even consider a pre-nuptial agreement.
 
Under California law, Zach would be entitled to half of the estate.
 
While Zach does well enough to support himself, Amy has always been the major breadwinner in the family.
 
It is her quaint house tucked away in Santa Monica they reside in.
 
It is her money that funds most of their life.
 
However, she can always earn more money.
 
Finding another Zach seems like a much greater challenge.

“When did you first think we might not last?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

“Was it soon after we were married?
 
Was it while I was gone?
 
Is this because of our choice not to have children?”
 

Strangely, Amy is witness to more templates to marriages than most would believe.
 
In pediatrics, she usually sees mothers dragging the babies and toddlers to their scheduled tests and vaccinations.

“No.
 
Not at all.
 
Why would you ask that?”

“I just wondered if you had changed your mind.”

 
Not having children is what she thought she always wanted.
 
But she’s seen the other side – beyond the poopy diapers and tantrums – she’s seen unconditional love and sacrifice.
 
Purely from a biological view and partially from medical curiously, Amy is slightly interested what their offspring would look like.
 
However, as honest as she was on their first date, and given their lifestyles, bringing a child into the world would be more or less setting the child up for failure.
 
While Amy could afford a top notch, accredited au pair, nanny or day care, she wants her hypothetical child to grow up with a parent in the house.
 
She looks across at her husband and can easily see him playing with a fluffy haired girl or a serious little boy in her own image.

“Given we’re having this conversation, I’m not sure adding a child to the mix would be the temporary band aid we need.
 
Additionally, while I do genuinely worry from the moment you leave the door on assignment, I couldn’t and wouldn’t subject a child to the same ordeal.”

“Ordeal?
 
You said you were fine.”

“Not knowing if my husband is going to be blown up, taken hostage or swept away?
 
I know I don’t readily share my emotions, but I do get concerned about you.”

“Really?”

“How could you think I didn’t?”

“You always seem to have everything together.”

“If I…” she hesitated and started again, “If I allowed myself to think for one second that you wouldn’t be coming back, I would handcuff you to the bed and not allow you to leave.”

“Is that so?”

Crossing her arms, she answers, “Quit being charming.”

He puts his hands up in submission and replies, “No.
 
I just want to hear more about my wife tying me up.”

“Can we get back to what we’re supposed to be talking about?”

“Okay, so you’re saying, you might want children but only if I didn’t travel for work.”

“How did we get back to the children issue?
 
I never want to force you or make you give up something you love – especially if I’m not prepared to do the same.
 
I don’t want to be a hypocrite.”

“And you don’t think I would love our children more than my job?
 
That there might be other opportunities for me in town?”

 
“I…”

 
“So let me get this straight.
 
If I were to find something permanent or freelance that would keep me close, or forego work altogether, you would consider getting pregnant?”

Taken aback, Amy says, “You’d have to quit smoking.”

Zach stubs the cigarette in the ashtray and says, “Consider this my last one ever.”
 

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Isn’t that the whole point of us checking in to a fancy hotel?”

“I’m thirty-five, there’s no guarantee things will happen easily or without help.”

Zach walks over to clasp her hands in his own and says, “Are you actually considering having a baby with me?”

“While we’re trying, I want to attend couples counseling.
 
I don’t want to bring a baby into a dysfunctional home.”

“And if I don’t agree?”

“No counseling, no baby.
 
I know we’ve done a lot of things our own way, but if we’re going to bring another life into this world, I want things to be done correctly.”
 
“I could manage that.”

They sit in silence for a moment, then Amy asks, “When is your next assignment?”

“I’m supposed to fly to Libya early next week, why?”

Blushing prettily, she looks aside and says, “I’m fairly positive that’s when I’ll be ovulating.
 
Do you mind if Ito covers the gig?”