Room for More (14 page)

“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Alexa snarled sarcastically when I walked through the doorway at The Twisted Petal. Her arms were folded across her chest and a hard glare was plastered to her face.

“I hear you’re mad at me.” I pouted, walking over and throwing my arms around my best friend’s shoulders.

“Mad? Why would I be mad?” She wiggled out of my grasp and went back to clipping stems at her work station. “Because I talked to my dear friend—you know, the one who lives four thousand miles away?—and she filled me in on some very interesting happenings that are going on right here in my own town with my best friend and I had no clue? Why would that make me mad?”

Way to keep a secret, Lauren
.

“I’m sorry, Lex. Things have been so hectic between my shifts at the hospital, making sure I spend enough time with the girls, and my relationship with Brody—which seems to mainly be a texting relationship now that his season is getting busier…” I sighed and plopped myself down in a chair in the corner of her shop. “There just aren’t enough hours in the day.”

Her face softened and she even let a tiny smile crack her lips. “I hear ya. I don’t know how you do it all, girl. Now what’s going on with Zach? I really can’t believe you didn’t tell me. What did Brody say? How is he not in prison for killing him yet?”

“He doesn’t know.”

Her head flew up and her mouth sprung open. “What?”

My head dropped into my hands. “I know, I know.”

“What the fuck are you thinking? Why haven’t you told him?”

“I don’t know. He’s just got so much going on right now with the start of hockey season. He’s also really stressed out because it’s a contract year.” I chewed on the corner of my lip, wondering if I was trying to talk myself into believing what I was saying. “I just don’t want to put any more on his plate, ya know?”

Alexa eyed me skeptically. “Mmhmm. So what did the dickhead say? Where’s he been all these years?”

“Well, it was a long-drawn-out story, but basically he was battling some pretty big demons. Way bigger than anything I knew about.”

Whenever I thought about the conversation Zach and I had in that cafeteria, the way his chin quivered, the sincere regret in his voice as he poured his heart out, I couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

“Oh my God. You’re going to let him back in, aren’t you?”

“Back in where?” I snapped defensively.

“Anywhere!”

“I don’t know. He hasn’t seen the girls yet, but I think I’m going to let him… eventually.”

She didn’t say anything as she dramatically dropped her pruning shears on the counter and turned to wash her hands in the sink.

“I know you don’t agree,” I defended, “but it’s my decision, and he
is
technically their dad.”

She spun around and narrowed her eyes at me. “What did you just call him?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Uh, no, I don’t. He’s a fucking sperm donor, Kacie, not their father. I’ve been more of a father to those girls than he has.”

I looked down at my hands and picked at my dark pink nail polish, distracting myself from making eye contact with her. “I know you have. But… what if he’s changed? What if he can have some sort of positive role in the girls’ lives? Don’t they deserve that?”

Alexa tapped her foot against the cold tile, staring a hole right into the top of my head. I could feel it. “I don’t know. I have no clue what I would do in your situation. What I
do
know is that you need to be honest with Brody about this.” She wiped her hands on her hot pink and black apron and took a step toward me.

“I know.”

“I mean it, Kacie. He’s the best thing that’s happened to you since you had those girls. You don’t want to fuck this up because you were too chicken to open your mouth.”

“I’m not a chicken; I’m just waiting for the right time. But you’re right. I’ll tell him tonight.”

“Alexa is always right—remember that.” She winked at me. “Back to the asshole. What are you going to do, seriously?”

“There’s nothing to do right now. I’m just taking it day by day.”

“Kacie, be strong. Do not let him near your heart.” A worried frown tugged at her eyebrows and twisted up her lips. “Wrap that shit in barbed wire when he’s around.”

“Lex, don’t be dramatic.” I laughed. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, really? You’re fine? I seem to remember a time awhile back, let’s see… the girls were probably about four months old. He messed up so bad that I told you if you went back to him, I’d beat the crap out of you. Remember that?” She cocked her head to the side and glared at me. “I still owe you a beating.”

I did remember. How could I ever forget that day? It was a normal Saturday morning in late November. The leaves had all fallen from the trees, matted to the ground by the pouring rain. Thanksgiving was the following week and Christmas was just around the corner. It was Lucy and Piper’s
first
Christmas and I was beyond excited. I knew they didn’t exactly know what was going on, and I’d promised Zach I wouldn’t go crazy, but I wanted them to have a few presents each under the tree. We’d been saving money in our trusty savings account, also known as the coffee can in the cabinet above the fridge.

Mom wanted us to come home for Thanksgiving and that was fine, but I’d also planned for us to have a mini-Thanksgiving the weekend before. I was excited to cook for Zach and the girls and spend the day just being together. Like every other Saturday morning, I let Zach sleep in, waking him for just a second to ask for the debit card. I bundled the girls up and headed out to the grocery store.

Zach and I both made minimum wage, but we made it work. Every week, we bought whatever the girls needed first—diapers, formula, and baby food—and then we stretched the rest.

Admittedly, I probably went a little overboard, but with good reason. We made our way to the checkout and I felt like I was pushing the Grinch’s overflowing sled. The cart was piled high with a small turkey, potatoes, and all the fixings to make our first Thanksgiving as a family memorable, not to mention all the regular weekly groceries and Lucy and Piper.

The teenage girl with blue streaks in her hair handed me my debit card back. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your card was declined.”

“Wait. What?” My voice squeaked in confusion.

“Your card, it didn’t go through.” She shook her head, looking down at her computer screen.

“Can you try it again?” I gave it back to her, my chest growing tight. “I know there’s money in there.”

“Sure.” She took the card back and Lucy started to howl, sick of being strapped in the cart.

“Shh, shh.” I tried to calm her while still staring at the cashier. I looked at the line of people standing behind me. An older woman with gray hair looked down at the girls and back at me, smiling sympathetically.

The cashier swiped the card and stared at the screen again, eventually shaking her head. “I’m sorry, it’s not going through. Do you have another form of payment?”

“No,” I said quietly. An empty feeling grew in the pit of my stomach as I felt my face redden.

She asked me a question, but I didn’t hear her over the girls’ crying. They were battling each other for the loudest screamer as I was having the most embarrassing moment of my life.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I walked off with the empty cart that carried nothing but my two hysterical four-month-olds.

I hurried to my car as quickly as I could, not wanting to see the people who were in line behind me again. As soon as the girls were buckled, I hurried out of the parking lot and drove home as fast as I could.

“Hey! Wake up!” I sat down on the bed next to Zach.

He groaned and rolled away from me.

“Zach?”

Lifting his head slightly, he squinted at me. “What?”

“Uh, I just tried to go to the grocery store and the debit card was declined. You need to call the bank.”

“Why?”

“So they can see what happened. Both of our checks went in yesterday. There should be more than enough money.”

“I don’t need to call. I know where it is.” He lay back down and covered his head with the pillow.

I pulled the pillow off of him. “Zach! Where is it? I need to go to the grocery store. I just wasted two hours!”

“It’s gone!” He snatched the pillow back.

“Gone? What do you mean gone? Where is it?”

“I spent it.”

“
What
?”

“Me and the guys, we went gambling after work last night. I lost.”

I shot off the bed and glared down at him. “You gambled away both of our paychecks?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“You are such an immature ass!” I turned and stormed out of the bedroom. The last thing I wanted to do was dip into the girls’ Christmas money, but at this point, I had no choice. I could forget about the turkey and all the sides, but I needed to cover basic groceries for the week. I lifted onto my tippy-toes, grabbed the coffee can from the cabinet, and opened it.

Empty.

What the hell?

I sprinted down the hall and threw the can at Zach, happy when it connected with his head.

“Ow! What the hell, Kacie?” He sat up and rubbed the side of his head.

“You bastard! Where is the girls’ Christmas money?”

“Oh. That.” He looked down at the bed, avoiding my glare. “I took that too.”

“Zach! What the hell! How could you do this?” My throat burned and my voice cracked even though I was trying to stay strong. “It’s their first Christmas and now they won’t have
any
presents. Nor will we have food for the week. What are we supposed to do?”

“Calm down about Christmas. They don’t know what the hell is going on anyway. And there’s probably enough food here for the week. We’ll be fine.” He yawned like he didn’t have a care in the world. “Anyway, you should be thanking me. I tried to double it. How much would you have loved me then? Damn blackjack table.”

My pulse raced, my heart pounded. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him so bad. How could I be with a person who literally gambles away their kids’ food?

I ran to the bedroom and packed two duffel bags. One for me and one for the girls. I had no idea where I was going or how long I would be gone, but it didn’t matter at that moment. I just needed to get away.

Zach didn’t try to stop me as I left. In fact, I think he went back to sleep.

My mother couldn’t know what Zach had done, she’d never let me hear the end of it. I only had one option: Alexa’s.

She opened the front door to her house and shook her head.

“Don’t say a word,” I begged as I walked past her into her house and set the girls in Derek’s lap. “Congratulations. It’s a girl. Actually, two of them.”

He laughed and picked Lucy up, tossing her in the air.

“Dude. He is such an ass,” Alexa snarled after I grabbed the bags from the car.

“I know.” I sighed. “That’s it, Alexa. I mean it. If he doesn’t even care about groceries for the girls, there’s no hope for the two of us.”

“I hope you really mean that this time,” she accused, raising an eyebrow at me. “Don’t fall for any of his bullshit excuses. You deserve better.”

Zach and I were back together before Thanksgiving. He showed up at Alexa’s house with apologies and empty promises galore. I was holding strong until he apologized for the twentieth time and asked if we could look at engagement rings before Christmas. I melted and went home with him.

“Earth to Pooks.” Alexa’s voice rattled in my brain. I was so engrossed in my memory, I hadn’t listened to anything she’d been saying this whole time. “You were thinking about it, weren’t you? That day?”

I nodded and picked at my nail polish again.

“You were stupid,” she said.

My head snapped up and I glared at her.

“It’s true.” She shrugged. “You were stupid to go back to him and you know that you were, but I believe everything happens for a reason. If you hadn’t gone back that time, who knows what your life would have been like?”

I sniffled and thought back to how hard I’d fought to be a good mom and keep my family together.

“Those girls are lucky to have you, Kacie. And all three of you are lucky to have Brody. Do not fuck this up. Just don’t.”