Room for More (31 page)

“I’m so sorry this is rattling you like it is.” My mom sniffled. “I wish there were something I could do to take this pain away for you. I just don’t know how to make it better.”

“I’m just pissed, Mom. I don’t understand why you guys are giving up.”

“Brody, here’s the thing… It’s not your relationship to understand,” she said softly. “Your father and I didn’t wake up and just decide this last week. We’ve been growing apart for awhile. We’re different people now. He still loves me and I still love him, just not it the same way.”

“There’s really nothing that can be done? That’s just it?” I sounded desperate, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“That’s it, Son,” my dad spoke up. “Your mom is right. We have nothing bad to say about each other and we’ll always be friends.”

“You’re just starting this process, honey, this mourning process,” my mom followed.

“Mourning?” I asked.

“Yeah. You’re mourning the loss of what you thought things would be like, the life you
thought
you would have. You grew up with this idea of how your life would be when you were older, and I’m sure it didn’t include having your parents separate.” Her wise words and soothing tone made me relax for the first time in a week. “This is going to take some getting used to, but eventually you’ll realize you’re not losing either of us. Just the idea of us.”

She was right. I’d always figured one day I’d bring my kids to this house to have picnics and sleepovers with their grandparents, together. This was just going to take some getting used to.

I felt defeated.

Deflated.

Exhausted.

“But if
you guys
can’t make it work, how is there any hope for anyone else?” I resigned, waving my imaginary white flag.

“Honey, just like I said the relationship between your dad and I isn’t for
you
to understand, your relationship with Kacie isn’t for
me
to understand. Hell, I shouldn’t even be offering advice, but I can tell you what I’ve learned along the way. If you guys want to be together, you’re going to have to roll up your sleeves and put in the work. Forever. People stand in front of an officiant and say ‘I do’ but that shouldn’t mean ‘I’m done’ when it comes to putting time and effort to grow their relationship.” She looked at my dad and a sad smile appeared on her lips. “I wish I could go back in time and take my own advice.”

An hour later, Kacie and I were in the car on the way home and she was quiet. Really quiet.

“What are you thinking?”

She sighed. “Just kinda going over in my head what your mom was talking about.

“What part?”

“All of it, but mostly the part when she said that no two families are the same and they come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It really hit home for me.” Nervously, she looked down and started playing with her hands. “Especially the part when she said that sometimes what people want at twenty-five years old isn’t the same thing they want at fifty.”

I looked back and forth from her to the road. “What are you trying to say?”

She shook her head at me. “No. No. Nothing about us, nothing about us at all. I’m just thinking. Do you think that people can sometimes want something different at twenty-five than what they thought they wanted at twenty? Like Zach?”

I clenched my jaw and dug my fingers into the steering wheel.

“Think about it, Brody. The fact of the matter is he’s here and he seems different. I feel like I owe it to the girls to at least give them a shot at having a meaningful relationship with him.”

“You owe him nothing,” I said sternly.

“Okay, you’re right. I don’t
owe
him anything, but I’m thinking about it from Lucy and Piper’s perspective. I don’t want them to grow up and ask where their dad is some day and I have to tell them that he came back but I wouldn’t let him see them.”

“What if he wants
you
back?”

“Not possible,” she insisted. “I have the sexiest, sweetest, most amazing boyfriend on the planet who’s not afraid to kick his ass if he gets out of line.”

“You can say that again—about the ass-kicking part.”

“We want to move forward as a couple, right?”

“Right,” I agreed.

“Then I need your blessing on this.”

“Why?”

“Brody! Because! I love the way you protect the girls and me with the fierceness of a lion protecting his cubs, but you can’t kick his ass every time he comes to the house to see them.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled like a dragon again. “When were you at the park with him? We never talked about that.”

Her eyes dropped to her lap again. “He wanted to see the girls, but I wasn’t comfortable with introducing them to him, especially since you didn’t know yet, so I told him I would bring them to the park to play and he could watch from a distance. We were only together about fifteen minutes or so.”

“Hm.”

“What does that mean?”

“That’s actually not as bad as I was picturing,” I admitted.

“What were you picturing?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “The two of you having a picnic and pushing them on the swings together.”

“Oh, God,” she scoffed. “Not even close. You’re the one I want to do those things with. Not him.”

“But—”

“Stop but-ing me and stop assuming that just because he’s back, I’m going to run off with him. You’re what I want, Brody. I want you now. I want you in ten years. I want you in fifty years. Now, let’s roll up our sleeves and work on this shit.” She winked at me.

We pulled up to a stoplight and I used the driving break to my advantage, leaning over and kissing my girl. She grinned at me with that crinkly nose that brings me to my knees. I couldn’t imagine spending thirty years with her, and then just giving up. If I was lucky enough to one day persuade her to marry me, I was holding on tight and never letting go.

“Why am I so nervous?” Brody asked, pacing the kitchen like an expectant father.

I laughed. “Because they’re six and Lord knows what’s going to come out of their mouths.”

Today was the day.

Today was
THE
day.

We were sitting the girls down and telling them about Zach. I was nervous, but excited to get the weight off my shoulders and move on. I had no idea what to expect from them when I told them. They were only six years old, after all.

“So what are you going to say?” He sat down at the kitchen island, nervously tapping his thumb on the counter.

“I’m going to keep it simple. They’re still pretty little, so just the basics.” I sat down across from him and held his hand, steadying it. “As they get older, they’re going to have more questions and we can get into detail then. For now, less is more.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He sighed.

“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?”

It was Halloween and Brody had suggested that it would be a good night for us all to put the past behind us and take the girls trick-or-treating. I called Zach and suggested it. He was overwhelmed with my offer and thanked me profusely.

“Yes. Let’s just rip that Band-Aid off.” He nodded.

“By the way, I’m dying to see these costumes you have for them,” I said excitedly.

A devilish grin slowly rolled across Brody’s lips as he cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Okay.
That
face makes me even more curious than I already was.”

A couple weeks ago, Brody asked if he could be in charge of the girls’ Halloween costumes. He said he had a plan and the girls were in on it too, but they didn’t want me to know. As a mom, Halloween costume selection was a very big deal, but I threw caution to the wind and let him have this one.

“I’m so surprised that they haven’t told you. I really thought they would.”

“Me too. I was kind of counting on it, actually.” I rolled my eyes.

My heart pounded as the front door swung open. Mom and Fred had gone for a walk and had agreed to pick up the girls from the bus stop on the way back. I heard their giggling in the foyer and looked at Brody. His eyes were practically bulging out of his head.

“That’s them!” he whispered.

“I know. Relax.” I walked to the other side of the island where he was sitting and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “We got this.”

He reached up and squeezed my hands. “Sleeves up, Jensen.”

Brody and I had been saying that to each other for a couple weeks now, ever since his mom said it to us. It’d become a little thing we said to each other when we were nervous about doing something. I kissed the side of his head and took a deep breath as Lucy and Piper came running around the corner.

“Mom!” Lucy squealed, jumping into my arms.

Piper dropped her backpack and sat at the island, propping her chin on her hand. “Can we have a snack?”

“Yes, in just a minute, okay?” I set Lucy down in the chair next to Piper and sat across from them. “We want to talk to you for a minute.”

My mom kissed my cheek as she passed through the kitchen. “Good luck,” she whispered in my ear.

I gave her a tight smile and looked at Lucy and Piper. Their little faces stared back at me, blinking innocently. In twenty years, they probably wouldn’t remember the conversation we were about to have, but I would never forget it. All of our lives were about to change, forever.

“So…” I took a deep breath, preparing myself. “Remember a few weeks ago when you said that there was a little boy at school who said Brody was your daddy?”

They both nodded.

“And remember how we told you that you could tell anybody you wanted that Brody was your daddy?”

“Yes, like we told the man at the hockey game,” Piper stated proudly.

“Exactly,” I answered. “Well, it wasn’t completely true.”

They both frowned in confusion.

“You guys know that I love Brody, right?”

They nodded again.

“Well, before I loved Brody, I loved another man… a long time ago. His name was Zach.”

Lucy’s eyes lit up. “The man from the park!” she exclaimed.

I flashed Brody a quick glance, thankful that he was so focused on the girls the park comment didn’t seem to bother him at all. “Yes, the man from the park. Like I said, a long time ago we loved each other. And we loved each other
so
much, we made you guys.”

Brody looked down at the table and took a deep breath.

“So Zach is our dad?” Lucy’s little face twisted with such confusion as to where she’d come from; it made my chest ache.

“Yes, honey. Zach is your real daddy.” I swallowed the lump in my throat that formed instantly as those words left my mouth.

“But I want Brody to be my daddy.” Piper’s chin started to quiver.

“I know you do, but—”

“Brody kills all the spiders and he’s really good at tying our shoes, Mom. He should be our daddy.”

“Listen,” Brody interrupted. “Just because I’m not technically your daddy doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. I’ll still be here to kill all the spiders and tie your shoes and build your forts. Forever and ever, okay?”

“Pinkie swear?” Piper asked quietly, holding her tiny pinky finger in the air.

“How about we change it to Twinkie swear?” Brody grinned. “It’ll be our own secret way to promise each other something.”

“Yay!” Lucy clapped.

“And yes, I Twinkie swear. Forever.” They wrapped pinkies and Twinkie swore before Brody cleared his throat and continued, “Think about it. How cool is this? You guys get one mommy and two daddies! You’re the luckiest kids ever!”

Lucy searched Brody’s face adoringly, thinking about what he’d just said.

Piper, on the other hand, wasn’t affected as deeply. “Mom, can we have a snack now?”

I’d agonized over telling them about Zach for days, and the whole conversation was over in five minutes flat. They hopped off their stools and each grabbed an apple out of the fridge before they ran down the hall.

I puffed out my cheeks as I exhaled. “Wow. That was interesting.”

“Interesting is an understatement.” Brody patted the stool next to him, signaling for me to move around the island and sit next to him.

I walked over and sat, immediately leaning into him and resting my head on his arm. “I’m so sorry about that.”