Room to Breathe (20 page)

“Fine. You are completely wrong, you know? I do love you. I love you so much it scares the hell out of me and if you need time to see that then so be it. I am not going far though. I know you aren’t supposed to be leaving for Kamoshi in a week. I will be at my house here in London. I will be waiting.” He brushes the back of his hand down my cheek before I can move away. I can feel my legs start to shake from his touch.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he says, pulling a piece of thick, folded paper from a brief case I didn’t even notice he had. “This is for you. I wanted you to know how much I support you. You need to know that I will always support you.”

He hands me the paper and turns to leave. The door clicks behind him before I unfold it. In the center are the words ‘Thank You’ and they are surrounded by children’s signatures. There are also a few little drawings obviously done by children as well. I notice a small note and photo that fell out when I unfolded the paper. I look at the photo of smiling children all holding their own water bottles. Before I even read the note the realization of what this is sinks in.

I can’t believe he did this for me, well for them really, but because of me. I have never had anyone believe in me. Not really anyways. My family has always been good at lip service but this is the first time anyone has ever done anything to show me.

I collapse on to the couch. I am just staring at the note. I can’t even cry. I am in shock and I don’t know how to react to everything. Suddenly my phone pings in the quiet, making me jump.

It is a text from Harrison;
See you in thirty – xo

I take a deep breath and stand from the couch. I still need to get dressed for our dinner date. I resolve to take my things up stairs and leave Eric and everything that just happened to another time. I push it out of mind as best as I can.

I am almost to the door when Jane walks in. I can tell by the look on her face that she talked to Eric.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a moment? It is about Eric.” Urgh. I really don’t want to talk about this right now but I am a guest in her house so I don’t feel like I can just brush her off.

“What is it?” I ask sounding short on purpose.

“Eric didn’t want you to leave Greenwood. It was kind of Tristan’s idea.”

“Tristan wanted me to leave Greenwood?” I respond, raising my eyebrows.

“Well yes. It was kind of a set up. I know that sounds bad but it isn’t what you think,” she says, fidgeting with her hands.

“Okay. Well I am not sure what I think so why don’t you tell me?”

“Tristan thought Eric was falling in love with you. Just the way he was acting wasn’t anything like him and it turns out he was right.”

“Well that is debatable but go on.” I am not sure I have the energy for this.

“Tristan knows Eric better than most people. He thought that Eric would fight against his feelings. This was the happiest Eric has been since Sarah. The thing is that Tristan doesn’t do things the way a normal person would. I mean his whole life has been really unusual so it makes sense,” she explains like that makes everything okay.

“Okay.”

“So he thought that if he could get you to leave Greenwood Eric would realize how much he felt for you. I mean I know it sounds mad but it did work. The only problem is Tristan didn’t consider how you would feel about it. Cora, I am so sorry. I should have stopped him but Tristan gets so carried away.”

“Okay so my coming here was just part of some game. Does Eric know any of this?” I inquire with more than a touch of irritation in my voice.

“No. I know he thought Tristan would try something. Eric thought Tristan wanted to keep you two apart since you aren’t like us, but the truth is Tristan adores you,” she adds like it is a compliment.

“Oh well thanks. I am glad that he can tolerate me being so different.”

“I don’t mean it in a negative way but you have to admit you are different from us.”

“Okay, you’re right,” I shrug. I would like to argue with her but she has a point. I am different than them but it just makes me more certain I made the right decision. “If that’s all, I really need to go get ready. I am going to dinner with Harrison and he will be here soon.”

“You are still going to see Harrison? Don’t you see? This should change everything,” she states looking completely confused.

“No, I am sorry but it doesn’t change anything for me. Eric still had a chance to keep me. All he had to say is that he thought it was a bad idea for me to leave and he didn’t. He said I should go so why would I fight to stay?”

“But it wasn’t his fault. Tristan knows him really well and knew what he would do,” Jane pleads.

“Jane, I am sorry but I think it is better this way. I really do have to get dressed now or I will be late.” I hurry upstairs, leaving Jane alone.

Twenty minutes later I am at the front door as Harrison walks up. Thank goodness my hair and make-up were already done.

“You look fantastic as always,” Harrison comments, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

“Thank you,” I say, smiling at him. He really is a good guy after all and so easy on the eyes. He leads me to through the front door and to his car. We drive along in silence for about a mile.

“Are you alright?” he asks, looking a little nervous.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You are just very quiet for you.”

“Oh, well it was kind of a long day,” I say in an attempt to be vague. He scowls at me and I know I am going to have to confess everything.

We have been spending a lot of time together and he has begun to know me pretty well. I take a deep breath to steady myself. Please God, just don’t let me start crying.

“Eric came to see me today,” I start trying to gauge his reaction.

“What for?” he asks, still scowling.

“He wanted to tell me not to go to Japan with you.”

“That is odd. I didn’t know he has anything against me.”

“Well I don’t think it is you so much,” I sigh. I might as well tell him the rest. “He wants me to stay in England so I can go back to Greenwood Manor with him. He said that he thinks you are a great person and would be great for me to be around but that he misses me. He wants things to back to how they were.”

“Oh, I see. So what did you tell him?” he asks carefully.

“I told him that I have no desire to have things go back to how they were. I appreciate that he misses me but I have moved on,” I state, leaving out the emotion. I don’t have any desire to tell Harrison how I feel about Eric or how Eric thinks he feels about me.

“Oh,” he says, still seeming apprehensive. “What did you tell him about Japan?”

“I told him I am going. I want to go to Japan with you,” I respond, smiling at him.

“You do?” he inquires, sounding relieved.

“Yes, I do. I think it will be a great learning experience. I also think you and I can have fun together.”

“Well that is good to hear,” he says, smiling back at me. He is clearly pleased that I am going with him. “I don’t know how much fun this trip will be. A few of villages we will be going to during the day are kind of remote. There are a few black tie events at night which is why you are coming with me. You will be working as sort of my assistant as well.”

“I am sure it will be still be fun. You don’t have to worry about me and rural. I can rough it if I have to. We used to go camping when I was a kid.”

“Well that is good to know,” he says reaching over to take my hand in my lap. “I hope this won’t be the only trip we take together.”

“Well Mr. MacGuire, we will just have to see how this one goes,” I smile at him. Suddenly I notice the song playing on the satellite radio. It is an acoustic piano cover of Teenage Dream. I feel like the earth just tilted under me. My eyes start to fill with tears. I fight them back as I start to softly sing along with the lyrics. For a moment I contemplate jumping from the car and running to Eric. I wonder if the things that make me think of him would make him think of me.

Let’s run away and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back
, the guy doing the cover sings. God, I miss Eric so much.

“I am sorry but I hate this song,” Harrison says changing the channel. “I am sorry if you like that kind of music but I can’t handle it. I don’t want you listening to any of that pop shit when I am around.”

“Oh, okay. I am sorry.” I am afraid to say more for fear the sob in my throat will escape.
What the fuck am I doing?

“Don’t be sorry. We all have secret guilty pleasures. While we are the topic I have no tolerance any celebrity following or reality shows either. I just see all of that as low class.”

“Gotcha. What kind of music do you like?” I am trying to change the subject.

“I don’t really like a lot to be honest. When I do listen to music it is mostly classical,” he adds, bringing the car to a stop in front of a trendy restaurant.

We go in and are seated right away at a booth in the corner. The room is a little too dark for a restaurant. I feel very out of place. Everyone in the room is dressed like they just walked off a
Vogue
fashion shoot. I open the menu and try to find something I can handle eating. After the past few hours my stomach is in such knots I can’t imagine trying to eat anything heavier than a salad.

I decide on a spinach salad just before our server walks up. She angles her body so that her back is to me and she is facing Harrison. He orders a bottle of wine for us. Before I can tell Miss Personality what I would like, Harrison orders two rare steaks for us. So much for wanting something light.

He starts talking about Japan and what we will be doing while we are there. I will be working as his assistant as well as accompanying him to events. He says something about the village, Kamoshi, and where we are staying while there. He starts explaining all that he expects me to do. I know I should be listening but I can’t focus on what he is saying. I keep replaying everything Eric said this afternoon. The desperate look he had in his eyes.

“So, what do you think?” Harrison asks, cutting into his steak.

“Oh that all sounds great,” I half smile back. I hope that was the right answer.

“Good. It is only two days and you will have one of my co-workers with you. I will meet you both on the twelfth. I really do want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I am sure I will.” Oh great. So I just agreed to go to somewhere in Japan without him for two days.

We finish our meal with him doing most of the talking. The car ride back to the Cooper’s home is pretty much the same. He is going on about everything and anything having to do with Japan. When we pull up to the front entrance I am happy.

“I am so sorry. I know I have been talking too much. I am just really excited that you will be coming with me.”

“Oh it is fine, really. I’m glad.”

“Cora, I don’t think it will surprise you to know that I have been interested in you from the first night we met. I mean that in every sense,” he says, kissing the back of my hand.

“I kind of noticed.” I smile awkwardly.

“Good,” he remarks, leaning forward pulling me into a light kiss. He releases me and smiles. He gets out of the car and comes around to open my door. He helps me out and walks me right to the door.

“Thank you for everything,” I say with a smile. I try to get inside before he can kiss me again. It is way too soon for me to be kissing anyone.

“Of course. I hope to be able to do more for you. Cora, please tell me you won’t change your mind,” he grabs my arm before I can reach the handle.

“I won’t change my mind. I will see you at the airport on the tenth. I promise,” I add, leaning into him. I lightly kiss his cheek. He pulls me into a full kiss. I step back and smile at him. I enter the house and close the door behind me without another word.

This has to be the strangest day of my life. I need to go to bed. It looks like the house is deserted. I have no idea where Tristan and Jane are but they seem to be gone more than they are here. I walk towards the stairs intent on taking a long hot bath.

“Cora?” I hear come from down the hall. I turn to face Jane.

“Hi Jane. I am just headed upstairs. I am kind of worn out.”

“I understand. Tristan and I were just wondering what you decided about Japan.”

“I am leaving on the tenth.” I say in a matter of fact tone.

“Oh, so you are going?” she asks, clearly disappointed. “What about Eric?”

“What about him? He went a month without talking to me so I think he can understand why I am going to do the same. I need some space and time. I think at very least it will be good for me to live a life completely separate from him. That way I can see how I feel when I get back,” I shrug and hope she will let it go.

“What does Harrison say?” Jane presses.

“Harrison didn’t really seem fazed about Eric. He only seemed to care that I want to go with him to Japan. Now, I am going up stairs to take a long and very hot bath.”

“Did you tell him that Eric is in love with you and you are in love with Eric? Because I know Harrison pretty well and I don’t see him getting involved with a woman that is in love with someone else.” Jane narrows her eyes at me.