Rose of Tralee (46 page)

‘I’d rather walk,’ Rose said peacefully. ‘I feel so comfortable and happy, wi’ your arm round me and the water sounds in me ears. I wonder if we could see Ireland, if we were further out? It’s such a clear night I’d think the lights might show all that way.

‘Maybe,’ Colm said. ‘Now are ye goin’ to tell me what’s been after upsettin’ you, alanna, or are you goin’ on keepin’ it to yourself? Sure and a trouble shared is a trouble halved, they say. Why not give it a try?’

‘I’m goin’ to tell you,’ Rose said. Suddenly, it no longer seemed simple. ‘Colm, you know you gave
Caitlin a necklace for Christmas?’

‘I did. She liked it. Mammy says she wears it every Sunday to Mass.’ He chuckled. ‘A week or so back she telled the mammy that when she’s a full-grown woman an’ marries Cracky Fry, she’s goin’ to make him buy her earrings which match the necklace. Marry that varmint, mind, not just any ould feller.’

‘Yes, well . . . the flower on it . . . what was the flower?’

She looked up at Colm. A frown creased his brow. ‘A flower? I don’t recall a flower on it, not as I remember. Why, alanna?’

‘Colm, you must remember – you bought it for her, after all. Or didn’t you actually buy it? Was . . . was it give to you? Or did you . . . did you find it?’

Even in the lamplight she could see the puzzled look on his face. ‘Who’d give me a necklace, alanna – I’m a feller, not a gorl! As for findin’ it – what on earth are you talkin’ about? An’ why, in God’s sweet name, should it matter?’

Rose hung her head. She could back out, pretend she was just messing about, say nothing further. Because if he had found it she was sure he would have said so, told her immediately. And if he hadn’t found it . . . well, she didn’t want to pursue that thought.

‘Rosie? Does the flower matter? If it does I’ll rack me brain ... but I can’t really remember, I didn’t look that close. It might have been a daisy . . . or was it a rose? Sweet Jesus, I can drop Caitlin a line, ask her to let me know, only I can’t see why it matters, alanna.’

‘Well ... it crossed me mind that you might have found it in the jigger, or ... or in the yard, even. An’... an’ it sounded like, well a
bit
like the necklace me mam lost, an’ I just wondered ...’

He gaped down at her for a long second, then caught hold of her shoulders and twisted her roughly round so that she faced him. He hurt her and she gasped, then tried to avoid meeting his eyes. He looked – oh, unlike himself. Darkly, bitterly angry.

‘It crossed your mind that it might be your mam’s necklace ... it did that
now
? Your mam lost that t’ing at the beginnin’ of January and now it’s March, so it is. No, come to t’ink of it she didn’t lose it, did she? It was stolen. And you . . . you’ve been t’inkin’, all this time, that it were me ...’

‘No! Not all this time, Colm, I swear it on me ... on me life! It weren’t until I were cleanin’ your room last week an’ picked up the rug, an . . . an’ found a letter from your Caitlin, thankin’ you for a necklace . . .’

‘You read me letter!’

‘Well, yes. It were under the rug in your room ... I scrubbed the floor, you see, an’ the rugs had to be took up ...’

‘An’ you jumped to the conclusion that I’d
stole
a necklace to give to me little sister for Christmas! You t’ought that of me!’

‘No, no! It weren’t anything like that, it were ... not that you’d stole it, of course it wasn’t! I thought you’d ... you’d ...’

Her voice trailed off. Rose put a hand on each of her flaming cheeks and took a deep breath. She was doing her best to explain and he wasn’t helping by standing there glaring down at her as though ... as though it were
she
who was in the wrong,
she
who had taken the necklace. She had felt ashamed of what she had suspected but now she was angry, too. ‘Look, Colm, I
told
you I knew it wasn’t you, it was just that the letter ...’

He interrupted her again, without apology. ‘You
read my letter an’ leaped to conclusions. An’ just where did you put it? I save all me sister’s letters, I read ’em over and over ’cos she’s a clever kid and ... But I did know I’d lost a page somehow, somewhere. It’s not turned up again ... where did you put it?’

Rose looked up at him in an agony of doubt. If she told, she would be putting herself so far in the wrong . . . but it had seemed all right at the time. She could not understand how an act which had seemed so natural then should seem so wrong, so horrible, now. But there was nothing for it but to come out with the whole truth or she could see the situation deteriorating even further. ‘I put it back in the bundle of letters in your chest of drawers, the bundle with red ribbon round it,’ she said. She tried to sound calm, casual even, but her voice shook. ‘I shouldn’t have, I see that now, but at the time it seemed the best thing to do.’

‘And that was three days ago,’ Colm said. ‘For three days you’ve looked at me and thought me a thief. Just because I gave me little sister a necklace an’ your mammy had lost one. As if I would do such a t’ing! And as for readin’ me letter, rootin’ through me chest of drawers ... I never would have believed it of you, Rose, if you’d not telled me your own self. Just shows I don’t really know you at all.’

‘And I don’t bleedin’ well know you, either,’ Rose shouted, suddenly furious. She had done what she thought best, she’d not wanted to tell him how she had behaved but thought it the honourable thing to do and here she was, being accused of being an abominable snooper. When it was he,
he
who had possibly taken her mother’s precious necklace. ‘For all I know you’re a known thief in Ireland ... for all I know you come across one step ahead of the scuffers! So just you take all them nasty things back, Colm
O’Neill, or ... or I’ll never speak to you again.’

‘Don’t bother,’ Colm said. ‘If you never speak to me again at least I won’t have to hear you callin’ me a thief. I’m off.’

He turned from her and strode away into the windy darkness. Rose stood where she was for a moment, gazing out across the black water and, even as she gazed, the diamond lights doubled and danced as the tears formed in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.

‘Rosie! Where in God’s name have you been, queen? An’ what the devil happened between you and Colm?’ Mrs Ryder said some three hours later, as Rose came drooping in at the kitchen door. ‘Colm came back hours ago, went upstairs, packed all his things, an’ gave me a week’s rent an’ his notice. Mr O’Neill was out but he came in half an hour or so back an’ he’s got no more idea than I have what’s been happenin’ between you. We talked it out an’ had a cocoa an’ then he went up to his room an’ came down again two minutes later wi’ a note what Colm had left on his mantelpiece. It just said he’d go to one of the lodging-houses down by the docks for the night an’ would arrange new digs tomorrow. He’s ever so upset, queen – and to be frank, so am I. I can’t afford to miss out on good tenants like Colm and it ain’t as if he’s a feller to lose his rag over somethin’ you said, because he’s not. So come on, what’s goin’ on?’

‘We . . . we argued,’ Rose mumbled, coming fully into the room and shutting the door behind her. ‘He walked off. I said I’d never speak to him again unless he said he were sorry, an’. . . an’ he said that would suit him very well an’ went.’

‘Now come on, queen,’ Lily said robustly, helping
her daughter off with her coat and hanging it on the back of the door. ‘You must have said somethin’ uncommon nasty to make Colm turn on you like that. What was it?’

‘Oh, Mam, I wish ... but it’s no use, I said it an’ now he’s gone an’ he’ll never speak to me again very like,’ Rose said tearfully. ‘What’s more, I don’t
care
if he never speaks to me again, not right now, I don’t.’

‘Rosie,
what
did you say?’ her mother shouted, pushing her down in the chair nearest the fire. ‘Dear God, you’re shiverin’ an’ cold as ice. I’ll make you a cocoa whilst you tell me just what you said and no more messin’.’

So Rose, with both hands clamped around a mug of cocoa, told her mother just what had occurred and, when she finished, burst into tears. Lily stared at her without speaking for a moment, then got up from her chair and went over to her daughter, putting an arm round her shoulders and cooing lovingly. ‘There, there, queen, don’t take on so! But no wonder Colm took off when you more or less called him a thief to his face. Whatever made you say it, chuck? For I’ll be bound you didn’t mean it, didn’t believe it. Just because the poor feller sent his little sister a necklace, that don’t mean it was
my
necklace. Think straight, Rosie Ryder. That there chain o’ mine was heavy enough for an adult, it would have pulled a kid of ten or eleven flat on her face at table, just the weight of it. And it wouldn’t be suitable, either ... to say nothin’ about havin’ the lily hangin’ from it. Oh, Rosie, what have you done?’

‘I’ve ruined me life, except that so far as I’m concerned Colm bloody O’Neill can go back to Ireland an’ welcome,’ Rose said crossly. ‘The thing is, Mam, I never
said
he was a thief, nor meant it. I only
asked him whether he’d found the necklace an’ ... an’ thought it were a cheap bit of stuff an’ sent it to his sister ...’

‘What a horrible thing to say, as though he’d not bother to buy a proper present for the gal,’ Lily said roundly. ‘Look, Rosie, you’ve been an’ gone an’ put your bleedin’ foot in it proper, and the only thing you can do is find Colm and apologise real nicely. If he accepts your apology then you’re a lucky young woman, for I’d as soon accuse me own flesh an’ blood of theft as Colm. The O’Neills is decent people an’ you’d no right to read the lad’s letter, let alone ...’

‘I tried to take it back, tried to say I was sorry,’ Rose wailed. ‘But he wouldn’t listen. He just walked away an’ left me to get home under me own steam. And now I think it’s all for the best. He said he wanted to marry me – well, he couldn’t have wanted it very much if one little quarrel sends him off in a rage, so I’m glad it happened, that me eyes are open at last. And he can go to the devil as fast or as slow as he wants, but he’ll go there without me!’

Rose got out of bed and walked across to the window. Mona, in bed still, groaned and sat up on one elbow. ‘Whassa time?’ she enquired thickly. ‘Izzit time to gerrup?’

Rose, without turning, shrugged. ‘Dunno. I forgot to wind the alarm last night. But it’s light and any minute the sun’ll come up.’

Mona heaved a huge sigh. ‘Well, you wash first, then. That’ll give me another five minutes under the covers.’

Rose, still examining the morning, did not reply. Over the distant rooftops she could see a line of deep orange-gold. What was that saying? Red sky at night, sailors’ delight. Red sky at morning, sailors’ warning. Well, if that was going to be true, today should be a real stinker. Which fitted in well with her mood, which was about as low as it could get.

Two weeks had passed since Colm had walked out of the house and out of her life. She had thought at first that his father would leave too, but he and Mrs Ryder had talked it over and he had decided to stay. Not that he held any brief for what Rose had done. But her mother had explained that it had all been a dreadful mistake, that her daughter was genuinely horrified at what had happened and was willing – nay, eager – to tell Colm so to his face, if only he would come around to visit them some time.

But Colm would not. So Rose had written a truly
abject letter, to which she had had no reply. ‘He’s still very hurt, so he is,’ Mr O’Neill had told her. ‘I’m hopin’ he’ll come round, but there’s no sign of it so far. He’s in digs wit’ a couple of fellers who work wit’ us on the tunnel an’ seems happy enough.’

After that the iron had entered Rose’s soul and she became determined to be as indifferent to Colm as he seemed to her. She did not know where he was lodging and refused to try to find out. She steered clear of the tunnel when she went across the city and if she thought she saw the back of his head in a crowd – and she had done so a dozen times since the quarrel – she resolutely turned her steps the other way.

But she was beginning to feel awful lonely and to dream of him almost every night. Sometimes he was sweet and returned, apologising to her for his cruelty in not understanding her unhappy position when she had first seen the letter. At others he was cruel and came back with a young woman on his arm, introducing her as his affianced bride; then Rose woke up to find her pillow damp with tears. But she was still determined not to make the first move. ‘He walked away, so he’s got to walk back,’ she told Mona defiantly. ‘I went an’ wrote him a real lovely letter, sayin’ as how it were all my fault an’ how sorry I was, and I know he got it, because his father told me so, but not a word would he write in reply, not a word!’

‘He’ll never come round,’ Mona said. ‘Damn it, Rosie, you called the feller a thief! You should go round and find him and tell him you love him and are very sorry for what you said.’

‘I did not call him a thief,’ Rose said wearily, for what felt like the millionth time. She still maintained that asking someone if they had found a necklace was
not at all the same as accusing them of pinching it, but everyone else looked at her sideways when she said that, and clearly felt sorry for Colm and could not understand her refusal to seek him out.

So it seemed they had reached stalemate. Lily, who had read the tear-stained letter, said she thought Colm might at least have written some sort of reply, but Rose understood why he had not. He was not in love with her, he was glad to have the connection between them broken so easily and having escaped from her clutches he did not intend to do anything which might start the relationship up again.

‘Rosie! Are you goin’ to have first go at the washstand or must I gerrout of me bed an’ drag you to the water?’

Rose grinned, but it was a pretty poor effort. She took one more look at the beautiful sunrise, then went over to the basin, poured cold water and dragged her nightgown over her head. Although it looked like being a nice day – the sunrise was more gold than red, she decided – it was still cold enough to make washing in icy water a penance, but she soaped herself all over, rinsed off and towelled herself briskly. Then she took her toothbrush and cleaned her teeth, using a bakelite mug of clean water to do all her rinsing in, though she spat into the slop bucket. Finally, she began to dress, informing Mona briskly that she had better get a move on or they would both be late.