Ross 01 Unleashed (3 page)

But her mad housecleaning and good-doing could only keep the thoughts and memories at bay for so long. Once unleashed, they consumed her.

The past couple of weeks had been hard. Feelings she’d managed to bury since Todd’s betrayal had weighed heavy on her since she and Evan had begun to talk more. He often called to check on her, make sure she was managing, see if there was anything she needed. She’d seen him around the courthouse a couple of times while she was filing papers and running errands, and her heart had dropped to the pit of her stomach every time. But those had only been brief, rushed encounters. Despite the pain of it, she wanted to see him, needed to see him. And she had a whole week of him ahead of her. She should be happy. If nothing else, she was getting an opportunity to spend time alone with one of her favorite people in the world.

God, to be so conflicted.

She couldn’t imagine how anyone who knew Evan well could betray him like Todd and Courtney had. Soulless, they were simply soulless. It was the only explanation. Surveying her wardrobe, she absently jerked out the blue blouse she’d been wearing the day she caught them—pathetic that she still remembered what she was wearing—because it had to go. She stuffed it deep into her sack of donations.

Evan inviting her on this trip was just like him, and if she hadn’t accepted, he would have offered it to someone else and expected nothing in return. He came from money—his father owned half their mid-sized Texas town and his mother was like some freaking Italian goddess, but there was no spoiled rich-boy trip with him. Even after the events of last Christmas, he was still upbeat. Still Evan. She didn’t know who the hell she was anymore.

But the last time she’d seen him before his call two weeks ago…oh, God. It had been at her divorce hearing, just one of many events of the past few months that made her want to crawl under a rock and never emerge again. Evan had been in the courtroom for plea bargain hearings. Upon first seeing him as she entered the room, she’d wanted to turn on her heel and flee, wondering simultaneously how she could possibly face him today of all days and how in the hell it was possible for a man to look as comfortable and at ease in a suit as he did in jeans and a T-shirt. But she couldn’t leave and there was no place to hide. Without hesitation he’d come over to hug her, and he’d sat with her when he wasn’t dealing with other attorneys or standing at the bench.

When lunchtime rolled around and they still hadn’t reached her case on the clogged-up docket, he’d insisted on taking her out to lunch, though the thought of food had wrenched her gut. She’d fought tears the entire time: riding with him, sitting in the restaurant, watching his every little move with fascination. Somehow, she’d managed to hold it together. She’d even managed to eat at his prodding.

Seeing him that day had given her strength and torn her apart all at once. She’d been mourning the demise of her marriage, but watching him work—admiring both his ruthlessness with the defense lawyers and his compassion for any victims who were present—had filled her with a heartache so intense not all her tears that day were for Todd. She’d shed a few for what might have been, if she’d only opened her mouth so long ago and told Evan how she felt. If it would have even mattered.

After the judge declared her divorced from Todd later that afternoon and the hearing was closed, she’d ambled back to where Evan sat watching with a tightness to his jaw she’d seen only when he was furious and holding it in. He’d wiped it away as she wordlessly plopped down next to him. And without comment, he’d picked up her hand, turned it over and drawn a little smiley face on her palm with his pen. The gesture had her blinking back tears as she looked up at him, and he’d smiled and kissed her forehead before standing to head back to his office. He’d stayed later than he needed to, just to be there for her.

She’d left that smiley face on her hand until it faded. Should have gotten the thing tattooed on for all the comfort it gave her. Even now she could still feel his fingers holding her hand, the tickle of the pen tip on her flesh.

And that was how Evan had always been. Encouraging her, telling her everything was going to be all right. Any time she’d found herself in a jam back in school, he was there to bail her out, whether it was dropping everything to help her with a paper or escorting a drunken, pawing frat brother away from her at a party.

To hell with it. Kelsey left the depths of her closet and made a beeline for the phone in the kitchen, sending her two cats fleeing in the process. Her fingers tapped out his cell number from memory and her breath froze up in her lungs in anticipation as it began to ring. When she heard it being answered, she nearly choked, and then the sound of his voice sent a shiver down to her toes. It made a stop in several other places along the way.

“Hey, you.”

Oh, God, yes, sin incarnate. Was she pathetic because it gave her a warm glow that he had her number in his contacts? She struggled to sound casual and cheery. “Hi! What are you up to?”

“Not much. Just got home. I’m outside feeding my dogs—” His voice became distant suddenly, as if he’d pulled the phone away from his ear. “Dammit, get
off
me, you big bastard!”

Laughing, she imagined the scene that was playing out right now. She’d seen it before. Evan had Great Danes. They got so excited when he fed them they nearly took him down every time, and being that they were the size of small horses, sometimes they succeeded. “Are those my babies Zeus and Hera?” she asked.

“Babies, yeah. Ponies, maybe. You want them?”

As usual, he had a way of putting her at ease. Banter she could handle. True feelings—yeah, not so much. “I’m sure my landlord and my cats will love me for that. Dogs bigger than my apartment.”

He chuckled. “I swear one of these days they’re going to knock me down and eat me alive.”

“You shouldn’t starve them so much,” she teased.

“Damn dogs eat more than I do. Hang on just a sec, Kelsey.”

There was a rustling as if he was putting the phone in his pocket, and she had a few moments to ponder the imagery of him being knocked down and eaten alive by
her
. She could hear doggy grunts and whines and Evan scolding and laughing as he poured what sounded like an entire bag of dog food into their bowls. Then happy smacking sounds abounded.

“Okay, I’m back, dogs nourished. How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Was she such an open book? The worst of it was that he knew her well enough that she couldn’t lie to him. It was all those nights back in college—venting to each other about classes, professors and Evan’s various girlfriends until the sun came up—that had given him this keen insight into her soul. Some of the best times of her life, even if he’d never laid a hand on her. “Yeah, just packing, nothing new,” she said. “I just…”
Wanted to hear your voice
. “I wanted to see what you were up to. Are you excited?”

He scoffed. “Are you kidding? You know I am.” She heard a sound like a door opening and closing. He must have entered his house. “I’m all packed and ready myself. That’s a record for me. I’m usually still throwing stuff in as I head out the door.”

“I’m impressed, then.”

“You should be.” She could hear the smile in his voice and couldn’t resist answering it with one of her own.

“You’re doing the right thing, you know,” he said.

The statement hit just a little too close to home. “Why do you say that?”

“Because a couple of times I’ve got the feeling you think you’re not. We’re going to have a great time, all right?”

“I know that. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good. So what are you doing right now?”

“Umm…sitting with my hair all in curlers, a green mud mask cracking on my face. It’s not a pretty sight.” An elaborate lie had always been their code for “nothing”.

“Do you want to bring your curlers and mud mask to my house? I can throw a couple of steaks on the grill. We can celebrate our impending departure.”

“Oh…” Momentarily, she lost her breath again. She hadn’t expected this, though she’d been to his house many, many times…only her husband had always been with her, and those two had been grilling the steaks while Kelsey and Courtney tried to find something in common to talk about. They’d always been like two different species, even back in their friendly days.

“It’s kind of late for you to go to all that trouble—”

“It’s only eight thirty. It’s Friday night.”

She’d wanted to see him and here was her opportunity. Why was she balking? If she was about to spend a week alone with the man, she needed to get herself re-accustomed to being around him. A lot. The last thing she wanted on her vacation was any awkwardness between them. Sharing a room…sharing a
bed
?

She ran wet and hot between her legs just thinking about it, and about the possibility of seeing him tonight. Only it would surely end in frustration for her, as it always had. It wasn’t like they’d never shared a bed. She’d never had hang-ups about her looks, but she’d decided long ago—nine, ten years ago—that he must find her repulsive in some way, and she’d just never had it in her to seduce him. She hadn’t even known where to start.

Regardless of whether she and Evan would ever take it to the next level, and even knowing the sight of his beautiful face would only break her heart, she was achingly lonely since Lisa had left. She needed company. His.

The contents of her checking account flashed before her mind, and she considered it before making her offer. “All right. Do you need me to bring anything from the store?”

“I’m pretty sure I have everything. If I don’t, we’ll just go after you get here.” That smile was back in his voice. “I’m glad you’re coming out. How long will you be?”

“Thirty, forty-five minutes?” She needed to shower and change. And wear sexy underwear,
just in case
. God, it was just like college on automatic replay, when she’d woken up every morning and wondered if today might be the day he came to his senses and realized they were meant to be together. Did she really want to put herself through that pathetic yearning again?

“Great. I’ll see you then.” The warmth in his tone curled up and settled around her heart, completely separate from the warmth curling in other places. As they hung up she could visualize his bedroom in her mind—she’d been in it only once a couple of years ago, shortly after he bought the house—with its deep jewel tones and the stately California king sleigh bed. She loved that bed. She could see them together in that bed.

Stop
. Kelsey supposed she would never get it through her thick head that it wouldn’t happen for them. Lisa was wrong. Evan could have any woman he wanted and he’d never wanted her. Kelsey had to face that fact, and accept that she would go to his house, eat and drink and laugh all night, then leave. They would go to Hawaii and do much of the same. And she would come home always having a friend in him, but never a lover.

She could accept it, but it wouldn’t stop the hurt.

Chapter Three

Evan put the phone down on the kitchen counter, his smile still lingering even after her voice was gone. And that silly grin wouldn’t seem to go away as he walked over to wash his hands in the sink and take two porterhouse steaks out of the freezer.

“Who’s coming over?” his brother Brian yelled from the living room. He’d been earjacking again, despite the metalcore videos blaring from the TV.

“Kelsey. So get your slacker ass off my couch,” Evan called back. The casual bystander would have detected a hint of hostility in his tone. They might have been right. Brian took it all in good humor, though at twenty-six he really did spend more time on Evan’s and his parents’ couches than anywhere else except the local tattoo parlor, where he was an artist. And a damn good one, at that, but he couldn’t even commit fully to the things he excelled at and enjoyed.

“I knew you were talking to a girl. I can always tell.” Brian padded into the kitchen, his feet bare and his long black and blue hair mussed, to get a Red Bull from the refrigerator. Dragons and flames and God only knew what else crawled down the skin of his arms from under the Nine Inch Nails T-shirt he wore. To look at him, one would think he was a pierced, tattooed nightmare, and it was true Evan often worried when Brian showed up unannounced that he might be harboring a fugitive. He was the reason Evan would probably never make a run for district attorney. But he was mostly harmless.

“Brian, piss off.”

“So she’s coming over because…”

“Because I invited her.” Evan set the microwave to defrost and put in one steak. He turned to his pantry and collected the spices he needed for seasoning. “You do remember that we leave the day after tomorrow, right? And that I’m letting you stay here unsupervised the whole week? Don’t make me regret it before I even leave.”

“Whatever. So are you making a play for this girl?”

It was the burning question. Was he? She’d always been an enigma to him in college, and ten years later, she still was to an extent. Back then she’d been a strange mix. At a party she was the one laughing the loudest in the room, talking to the most people, staying till the wee hours. She might do that one night and close down the library the next, careful not to jeopardize her near-perfect GPA. He’d never known anyone more loyal, more genuinely nice. She was everyone’s sweetheart. He’d been head over heels for her because of that alone.

But on the flip side, she’d been a bit…prudish. She was only laughing the loudest until dirty jokes or sex talk started to fly, then she turned blood red and usually vanished. She’d never dated anyone that he knew of until she met Todd. Even now, just two days ago, she’d choked up when he got a little suggestive over the phone.

And by the time long ago when he’d decided that facet of her personality didn’t matter to him anymore, it was too late. Now there was another chance, but damn if there weren’t even more problems.

He’d seen how her heartbreak of six months ago had wounded her down to the bone. He couldn’t relate. Courtney’s betrayal had delivered a swift sucker punch to his ego that over time morphed into relief. Most days he didn’t waste a single thought on what the girl had done to him, and if he did, it was because he was thinking of Kelsey, and wishing he hadn’t introduced two such destructive people into her life. She’d probably be better off right now if she’d never met him.