Round-the-Clock Temptation (9 page)

Even when she was angry and frustrated with him, she couldn't be near Connor without experiencing a giddy, excited sensation in her tummy. A need to touch him. To be touched. It was as intriguing as it was frustrating.

She didn't know what it was about him that fascinated her so. She only knew that she wanted—no
needed
—to be near him. She wished he would just give in so their affair could run its course and she could stop
feeling this way. She'd been so restless lately, so unfocussed and out of her element. It was as if her entire life was spinning out of control and he was the only thing keeping her rooted in reality. The only thing she could depend on, even if that meant depending on him to constantly avoid her advances.

And she didn't like it one bit.

She shivered under her sweatshirt and Connor surprised her when he slipped his arm from the swing onto her shoulder.

“Cold?”

“A little. It's chillier than I thought it would be.”

Well, this was nice. Unexpected, but nice. She inched a little closer and rested her head on his shoulder. The stubble on his chin was rough against her forehead and, Lord, did he smell good. That masculine, woodsy smell that made her want to bury her nose against his neck and sniff. Of course, she knew she couldn't get that close to his neck without taking a nibble or two.

“I know what we could do to raise my body temperature,” she said, and heard him chuckle.

“You don't give up easily, do you?”

“I'm not going to fall in love with you if that's what you're worried about. I know a lot of women say that but don't really mean it. I'm too independent for that. I just want us to have some fun.”

“It's not that I don't want to, Nita. It's too risky.”

Too risky? What was that supposed to mean? “Are you afraid I'm going to get pregnant or something? Do you think I have diseases?”

“It has nothing to do with that.”

“Is it my age? Do you think I'm too young? Too immature?”

He turned his head, brushed his lips across her hair. “Nope, you're just right.”

She could feel how much he wanted her, could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. Why wouldn't he just give in to the inevitable? “Would you please explain to me exactly what the problem is? I'm getting a complex here.”

He was quiet for several minutes and she could practically feel him working it out in his head, deciding what to tell her. Finally he said, “I have a temper, Nita.”

She snorted. “Tell me something I didn't already know. I have a temper, too. So what?”

“Sometimes I don't have a lot of control over it. And when I get really angry, bad things happen.”

“What kinds of things?”

“Things I don't want to talk about.”

She reached up, touched his cheek. “I'm not afraid of you, Connor.”

“You should be.” He grabbed her hand and held it, gazed down at her. “All my life, the only way I've been able to control my temper is to keep a tight rein on my emotions. But when I'm with you, when you touch me, I feel like I have no control at all.”

Instead of feeling fearful, a shiver of excitement raced through her. She wanted to make him lose control. Wanted to push him to feel everything he wouldn't allow himself to feel. “It's okay to lose control sometimes.”

The arm around her tightened. “Not for me.”

She could feel herself being pulled in emotionally, sinking too deeply into a relationship that should have been anything but. Yet she couldn't stop it. She had to know.

“Tell me,” she said, looking up at him, disturbed by the anguish in his eyes, by the raw hurt. “Tell me what happened to make you feel this way. Why you don't trust yourself?”

“Because I almost killed a man with my bare hands.”

“W
ho was it?” Nita asked.

Connor didn't want to do this. Didn't want her to know who he really was, but there was no other way to make her understand. No other way for her to see the mistake she was making. “He was in my platoon. One of my men. A friend.”

“What happened?”

He leaned his head back against the swing and gazed up at the stars, at the same sky he'd gazed up at that night. It felt like yesterday, and it felt like a hundred years ago. “He used to be one of my best men, but he'd changed those last few months. The things we saw over there…” He shook his head. “He'd become reckless, self-destructive. I didn't realize how bad it was and I kept cutting him slack. I thought that whatever was
wrong with him, he would work through it. But that night he disobeyed a direct order. He disclosed our location and put us all in mortal danger.”

“Is that when you were shot?”

“Me and half a dozen other men were injured. Two almost fatally. I've always had a volatile temper, but that night, I lost it. It took four men to pull me off him.”

“Everyone has a breaking point,” she told him. “He'd pushed you too far.”

“And I should have taken formal action against him. Instead I flew into a rage. If they hadn't pulled me off, I wouldn't have stopped. I would have killed him.”

“But you didn't.”

“But I would have, and the worst part, the thing that makes me sick to my stomach, is when I went back a few weeks ago they threw a damned party for me. This man who I nearly beat to death came up to me and apologized. Said he was sorry he let me down.”

“He respects you,” she said.

“I gave him no reason to.”

Nita stroked his arm, and the simple gesture took away some of the pain. Soothed him in a way he'd never felt soothed before. He was so tired of feeling angry. So sick of the guilt. But it wouldn't go away. It was as if it had become an extension of his personality. A part of his soul.

“This is why you left the army, isn't it?”

“I had to. What if I lose it like that again? Next time, someone might not be there to stop me.”

She was quiet for several minutes. He needed her to tell him that it was over, that she would stop pursuing him. He both anticipated and dreaded it.

“Connor,” she finally said, turning to face him. “Were you happy in the army?”

Her question threw him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, did you enjoy it?”

“I was serving my country.”

“Yes, I realize that. But did you like it?”

It was what he was meant to do. What he was expected to do. Whether or not he liked it had never crossed his mind. “It was an honorable career,” he told her.

She blew out a frustrated breath. “Let's try this again. When you were in the army, did you have fun?”

“It's not supposed to be fun.”

“Yes, Connor, it
is.
When I wake up in the morning, I can't wait to get to work because I love it. Sometimes, when I'm training a horse, it's scary and it's frustrating and it's difficult, and it's still
fun.”
She touched his cheek, turned his head so he would look at her. “I'm going to ask you again, did you enjoy being in the army?”

“It's what was expected of me. What I was good at.”

“What about working in your father's firm. Is that fun?”

He gave a rueful laugh. “I don't think you could ever categorize engineering as fun.”

“The people who like to do it can. The people who don't do it because it's what is expected of them.”

“Life is not about having fun.”

“Why not? Shouldn't it be?”

Good question. One he'd never considered—and had no idea how to answer.

She didn't wait for one. “If you're not having fun, you're most likely unhappy, and people who aren't
happy get angry and bitter. And if they don't do anything to change, they just get angrier and angrier until they snap.”

It took a full minute for his brain to absorb the meaning of her words, the concept was so foreign to him. Could she be right? Could his rage, his anger be the result of a life spent pleasing other people? Had he really been so unhappy?

What was it his brother had said? Connor needed someone who could show him how to have fun. Had he become so closed off, so mired in other people's expectations and his father's constant disapproval, that he'd forgotten how to have fun?

Hell, had he
ever
known? Had he
ever
been happy?

Nita yawned and stretched, and pulled herself to her feet. “Well, it's getting late. I think I'll head back up to bed now.”

“I'll be up in a bit,” he said. He didn't feel much like sleeping.

“You know, you're still welcome to join me.”

Everything in him wanted to accept her offer. But he wasn't prepared to drag her into this mess that had become his life.

“Maybe another time,” she said, when he didn't answer. “And think about what I said.”

Thinking about what she'd said seemed to be all he could do as she disappeared into the house. When dawn cast a pink shadow on the horizon he finally got up and went inside, no closer to a solution than he'd been before.

 

Nita stormed into the family room, feeling as if she were about an inch from her wits' end and slipping fast.
The men in this house were all acting like a bunch of fools and, damn it, it was time she did something about it.

She smacked the newspaper down on the coffee table across from her father's chair. Startled, he looked up from his game.

“What's the matter with you?”

She pointed at the paper. “You want to explain to me why there's no ad in this paper for a housekeeper when you assured me that you were going to take care of it.”

He looked away, but not before she saw the guilt in his eyes. “Musta forgot.”

Forgot my foot. “You haven't noticed the house is falling apart? Daddy, I am only one woman. I can't do it all. You, of all people, should know that.”

“I'll start helpin' out then,” he grumbled.

She doubted that. All he'd done since the hospital was sit on his duff and mope. Between him and Connor—who had grown even more withdrawn and cranky since their talk the other night—she was beginning to believe both men had developed some sort of weird, male PMS.

And even if her daddy did get off his behind and lend a hand, which at this point didn't look promising, he was limited as to what he could do in a cast.

It was time she put her foot down.

“That's not good enough,” she told him. “We have to hire someone.”

“It just… I can't do that.”

“But we need a housekeeper!”

“It feels wrong to bring a new housekeeper in. This is Jane's house.”

“
Jane's
house? I thought you built this house for Momma?”

If she'd been trying to push a button, she'd apparently hit the right one. He looked crestfallen. And for the first time since Jane left she realized he wasn't just being stubborn. He was genuinely hurt and lonely and confused.

“I never realized how much I would miss Jane,” he said.

Nita knelt on the floor by his chair. “Then you have to tell her how you feel.”

“When she comes back, I will.”

“
Comes back?
Daddy, she isn't coming back.”

He turned back toward the television. “She will, when she cools off, then I'll talk to her.”

Nita groaned and let her head drop to the arm of the chair. So much for him not being stubborn. And here she'd actually felt sorry for him. The man obviously knew nothing about the inner workings of the female mind. If he thought Jane was going to come crawling back to him, he was in for a surprise.

If Will wouldn't go after Jane, maybe Nita should. Maybe Jane would swallow her pride, come back and listen to what Nita's daddy had to say. Short of hogtying her daddy, throwing him in the truck and taking him to Odessa against his will, she didn't see a solution to this.

Something had to be done.

She left her daddy sulking in front of the television and set out to find Connor. He'd been outside talking with Jimmy when she went inside with the paper, so she headed through the kitchen to the back door.

“Where do you think you're going?” Connor snapped from behind her.

She turned to find him standing in the mudroom
doorway, arms folded over his chest, face pinched with irritation.

“I was coming out to look for you,” she said.

“Uh-huh. Sure you were.”

She felt like smacking him upside the head. “What, you think I'm lying?”

“Wouldn't be the first time you tried to sneak away from me.”

“I thought you were still outside, and I was coming to talk to you.”

The look of accusation didn't waver, nor did his aggravated tone. “Whatever you say.”

No doubt about it, male PMS. That's what she got for trying to help him the other night. Silly her, she'd thought he would be grateful, or at least start acting human. And she was going to spend an hour in the car with him driving to Odessa?

Don't think so.

If he was so determined to believe the worst, that's exactly what she would give him. When the opportunity presented itself.

She folded her arms over her chest, imitating his stubborn stance. “Well, Mr. Crabby Pants, if you'd like, you could put a collar and a leash on me. Or how about an electronic ankle tether? Then you would always know where I am.”

Connor tried to work up the will to be angry at her, since that seemed to be what she was aiming for, but all he felt was tired and frustrated. He knew he'd been difficult the past couple of days, and he had no right to take it out on her. Kind of like shooting the messenger considering, thanks to her, he'd come to realize his life was total crap.

Well, not
total
crap. He had the Cattleman's Club, and a brother who, despite Connor's persistent bad attitude and bitterness, still loved him and wanted what was best for him. And he had Nita—a woman he was falling hard for. But she didn't want a relationship. She only wanted him for sex.

Great.

“I'm going outside to work,” Nita told him. “Is that okay with you?”

Since he didn't figure she expected a reply, he didn't bother to give her one. He just followed her as she stormed out the back door, contemplating the irony of the situation. Because of her, he could finally see the mistake he'd made living his life to please everyone else, and he was ready to take something for himself. Yet, once again, happiness evaded him. He'd spent the better part of his life distancing himself from women, taking only what he wanted and never letting anyone too close. Now the tables had turned on him. Apparently he was getting his just deserts. And he couldn't deny he deserved it.

That didn't make it any easier though.

Nita disappeared into the stable and Connor leaned against the fence. He closed his eyes and turned his face up into the sun, absorbing its heat, contemplating his next move. The one thing he knew he had to do, the thing that would be the most difficult, would be telling his father he was leaving the engineering firm permanently. He wasn't sure how the old man would take it. He was used to Connor doing what was expected of him. There would be shouting and disappointment. Nothing Connor hadn't heard before, and nothing he couldn't handle.

Short of that, he wasn't sure what he planned to do with the rest of his life. But of one thing he was certain, he wouldn't be making a decision until he was damned sure he was doing it for himself.

He heard a loud curse from the stable and snapped to attention. That was definitely Nita, and something was wrong, he could hear it in her voice. He broke into a run and reached the stable door just as she was limping out, her face a pale mask of pain.

He caught her under one arm. “What happened.”

“Adonis got spooked and stomped on my foot.” She cringed. “Damn it all, that smarts.”

“Let me take a look.” He knelt down beside her and gently pulled on her boot.

She gasped and yanked her foot away. “Hurts too much.”

“Can you walk at all?”

She tried to put weight on her foot and shrieked in pain. She shook her head.

“Sounds like it's broken. I'd better get you to the hospital.”

“I can't have a broken foot,” she wailed. “Who's going to run the farm?”

“Until you're back on your feet, I will.” The words came out before he had a chance to think it through, but he realized, he didn't mind. And not because it was the right thing to do. He really enjoyed working the farm. Working with the horses. It was…fun.

“I can't ask you to do that,” Nita said.

“You didn't ask me. Let's worry about it after we get you taken care of.” Connor lifted her as though she weighed nothing at all and Nita wrapped her arms
around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder as he carried her to his car.

“I'm sorry,” she said, feeling only slightly guilty as his strong arms cradled her. He was being a lot sweeter about this than she'd anticipated. It would be a whole lot easier if he was annoyed with her. If he didn't smell so good.

“No need to apologize.” He pulled his keys from his jeans pocket and unlocked the car door, then he opened it and sat her gently on the seat. When she was settled in, he jogged around and climbed in, starting the car.

“Wait!” she said. “My insurance card. I have to have it.”

“Tell me where it is and I'll go grab it.”

“Upstairs in my room, on my dresser. And we have to tell Daddy what happened. He'll be worried.”

“I'll be right back.”

Nita waited until Connor had entered the house, then she tore the keys from the ignition, flung the car door open and ran like the devil was after her to the truck. She tossed Connor's keys on the front seat and yanked hers from her pocket, then she hopped in, shoved the key in the ignition and gunned the engine. She'd just like to see him catch her this time.