Rounding Third (20 page)

Josh sat on the
edge of the hospital bed. His feet dangling above the floor made him look like
a lost little boy. A large bandage still covered half his face. The other half
still bore the black, purple and green of the bruises. His mouth was still
swollen. He was dressed in scrubs with a small plastic drawstring bag next to
him. His head was down. He looked helpless and homeless. 

     “Hey
Josh-u-a!” he tried to chime, but his voice broke more than it sang. 

     Josh
moved, but didn’t look up far enough to meet Rob’s eyes. He tried a smile, but
the muscles around his mouth never got the message and the corners of his lips
just twitched. His young athletic form was now frail, as though he had lost
twenty pounds in the last few days. Rob thought of the black and white photos
in his history book of men during the Great Depression who had seen too much
sadness for one lifetime. 

     “Weady to
woll?” Rob asked. Again he tried to inject some joy into his voice and again he
failed.

     Josh’s
head bobbed in a slight nod. He mumbled something about the nurse and checking
out, but it was so soft Rob couldn’t catch it. With great effort, Josh reached
for the phone and dialed a few numbers. He spoke gingerly to someone about
being discharged. He placed the phone back on the cradle as though it was fifty
pounds of fragile glass and turned toward Rob, still not meeting his eyes.
“They have to wheel me out. They said my father came this morning to settle the
bill and left. He told them to tell me not to come home.”

     “I’m
sorry,” was all Rob could say knowing it sounded small and inadequate. 

     Rob was
grateful when the nurse arrived with the wheelchair. “Hey there! Liberation
day!” she beamed. The clowns on her scrubs were obviously geared to the younger
kids at the other end of the pediatrics ward and seemed particularly out of
place in this room. “I’ll bet it feels great to be going home.”

     Rob
wanted to tell her to be quiet. To quit reminding Josh that he had no home to
go to. She wheeled the chair into place and Josh took his seat. Rob reached for
the bag, but she got it first and placed it in Josh’s lap with an exaggerated
flourish, “Here’s your goody bag!” Rob wanted to stuff something in her smiling
face to shut her up. Didn’t she know that small piece of hospital-issue,
throwaway luggage was a symbol of the meagerness of Josh’s existence right now?
Her cheery flow of words was no match for his silent flow of tears and by the
time they reached the lobby, she had admitted defeat with her silence. When
Josh stood, she hugged him and said with none of the forced humor, “It’ll get
better.” 

     They
walked in silence to Rob’s mother’s car, Josh clutching the bag in front of him
as though it could protect him from all of the evils of the world.

They were out on
the highway before Josh spoke and when he did the voice was thin and far away. “You
won’t want me coming to your house after I tell you what I have to tell you.”

     Rob
turned to Josh and looked so hard for some hint of what Josh meant that the car
dropped onto the gravel shoulder and Rob had to wrench the wheel to veer back
into his lane. He glued his eyes to the road and hands to the wheel to
counteract the lack of control inside. 

     “There’s
something I need to tell you,” Josh croaked.

     “K,” Rob
answered, his eyes still a part of the white lines, his heart pounding.

     He
fought to maintain control of the car and his emotions as the silence in the
car grew, punctuated only by the feeble sounds of Josh’s crying.  

     When Rob
saw the exit for Lake Isaac, he looked at Josh. “Is this okay?”

     It took
Josh a moment to realize what Rob was asking and he made a small sound that Rob
took as agreement, so with keen concentration Rob guided the car through the
turn. Rob’s hand was shaking badly when he turned off the ignition key in the
parking lot overlooking the lake. Rob looked left and right to confirm that the
area was deserted. Rob put a hand on Josh’s shoulder, but Josh pulled away,
pressing himself against the car door. 

     “You’re
going to hate me,” Josh said.

     “I could
never hate you.” Rob hoped what he was saying was true, but he dreaded to think
of what Josh could be on the brink of telling him that might change that. Josh
gasped for breath like a fish with a hook still in its gills. “Just tell me
what it is. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. Just tell me.”

     “I lied
to you. And I’ve been cheating on you.”

     Rob felt
his heart, which had been in his throat plunge hard into his stomach. Waiting
for Josh to speak again was like waiting for the guillotine blade to make
contact after hearing it start to fall.

    
“I’ve been having sex with
Danny Taylor for the past year.” 

26
 

The news about
Danny Taylor made Rob’s gag reflex instantly kick in and he had to suck air to keep
from vomiting. Rob was still reeling from the news when Josh drove more nails
into his gut. “And Corey Brickman. And Shane Poulan.”

     Rob felt
the car lurch forward and grabbed for the parking brake only to discover the
car had not moved; it was just the ground shifting under his world. Rob waited
for Josh to say something more but heard only Josh’s crying. Finally Rob said,
“I thought...”

     “I
didn’t want to.” This remark puzzled Rob, but before he could decipher it, Josh
added, “I understand you don’t want me at your place. I don’t blame you.” He
reached for the door handle.

     Rob
clutched Josh’s arm. “Why?”

     Josh was
speaking, but crying so hard Rob couldn’t make anything out. Tears continued to
drown some of the words, but Rob was able to piece together the story. Josh had
only been in school a few days--the new kid last year-- and had noticed Rob and
had tried to get his attention. When it didn’t happen, it dashed Josh’s hope of
finding a friend.

Then Danny
noticed Josh checking him out in the locker room at football practice. It
wasn’t the first time their eyes had met and held a little too long. Danny came
on to Josh and Josh thought he had found a kindred spirit. Not since he was
twelve years old and experimented with the guy at Christian camp had Josh had
the chance to touch another boy. Rob remembered Josh telling him about his
sexual experience; when they got caught and their parents told, the other boy
blamed Josh and left Josh to feel he had done something unforgivable. That one time
had left him scared and confused, but every time he thought about being with
the boy, he knew he wanted more. To have a stud like Danny Taylor checking him
out was more than Josh could resist. 

     “But
he’s an asshole,” Rob blurted into Josh’s story.

     Josh
nodded. “You don’t even know,” he sobbed. “After practice, we drove off in
Danny’s car.” Josh thought he was finally making a friend. He had never been
offered a ride by anyone before. Had never been in a friend’s car. Rob certainly
knew how thrilling the feeling was the first time Josh had given him a ride.
Danny touched Josh, stroked his hair and suggested Josh go down on him. Josh
continued, “And I wanted him so badly, I did.” 

Once Josh was
done, Danny completely changed. He grabbed Josh’s hair and yanked his head up.
“You liked that, didn’t you, fag boy?” Josh was too stunned to answer and Danny
continued, “You really didn’t think I was going to suck you, did you? You
didn’t really think I was a faggot like you, did you? God, fags like you
disgust me!” Josh said that being so used and rejected devastated him and he
started to cry and Danny said, “That’s right, cry, you little cocksucker. And
you aren’t going to mention this to anyone, ‘cause if you do, I will kick your
faggot ass, and then tell the whole school what you wanted to do to me. How do
you think the rest of team will like having a queer receiver? They’ll stomp
your fag face in. And you know they’ll believe me--I grew up with those guys.
And your parents go to the same Jesus-freak church as my parents. They’ll love
hearing their son’s a homo!”

Before Josh
could even register all of this, Danny ordered him out of his car and left him
shaking in the parking lot behind Trent Flooring. He shivered behind the
shipping racks for hours. Then he had to make a major effort to compose himself
before he walked back to school, got his car and drove home. 

Rob felt the
horror surrounding him and also it hit him--if he had befriended Josh
earlier--when Josh had first smiled at him in the hall, none of this might have
happened.

“I thought that
would be the end of it,” Josh choked. “But two days later, after practice, he
cornered me and said, ‘We’re going for a ride.’ I knew what he meant. I was too
afraid not to. It went on for weeks. Finally I told him I couldn’t do it
anymore and he hit me. I couldn’t even defend myself. Just a bunch of fast
punches.”

Rob remembered
seeing Josh at school with a black eye and swollen lip. The story was he caught
a shoe during a pile-up at football practice. Rob remembered feeling so bad to
see Josh’s cute face marred, and now even more so that he knew the real reason.

“He told me if I
didn’t get down on my fag knees and do what I was supposed to, he’d really hurt
me. And tell everyone about me.”

“Hello.” The
deep voice of authority startled them both. Rob looked up into the window of a
four-wheel drive.

“Something
wrong?” The voice of the park ranger was something between concern and an
accusation; that professional tone adopted by peace officers until they’re sure
who or what they’re dealing with.

“Yes, something
is wrong, but nothing you can really help with, sir,” Rob replied.  Rob
could feel Josh’s eyes on him. Rob went on smoothly, “We just got a call at
school. My friend’s father just died. They were both in a bad car wreck. I
offered to drive him home, but he wanted to try to calm down a little before
seeing his mother.”

The ranger
nodded gravely and offered generic words of condolence. He wished them well,
pointed out an emergency callbox if they needed it, and drove off. 

Rob turned to
see Josh’s eyes still on him. “You lie so well.”

“I’ve had a lot
of practice.”

“So have I. I
hate that I lied to you.”

“I understand
why you did.”

“You haven’t
heard all of it.”

“I’m not sure I
want to.”

“Danny got me to
do the other guys as well. If I ever resisted, they’d beat me up. Usually just
body punches so the marks wouldn’t show.” Rob winced at the thought of Josh’s
fine body being battered and bruised. “They didn’t care how much they hurt me,
or how much I cried, as long as I sucked them. One night they took me to
Brickman’s cabin, held me down and took turns using me and hitting me.
Especially my balls. They kept pounding and pounding my balls. Their fists,
their feet...”

Josh was
convulsing now, reliving the agony. Rob, too, was cringing in sympathetic pain.

“I pissed blood
for a week, but couldn’t tell anyone. I was so scared. I didn’t even want to go
out for football this year. I knew what would happen. My father made me. Said
it would make a man out of me. I worked hard to avoid them all summer. I didn’t
completely. That weekend at Brickman’s cabin...” He was sobbing so badly now,
Rob had to lean close to understand the words. “I couldn’t take it anymore. And
once you came into the picture, lying to you...then football started up again
and Taylor wanted to pick up where we left off...I should’ve known I couldn’t
avoid them forever. ”

Rob could resist
no longer. Whether the ranger was watching or not, he took Josh in his arms and
buried his face in his neck. “I had to tell them no. I had to. And you saw what
they did. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.” His story finished, he became a
limp doll in Rob’s arms.

When Josh could
finally breathe enough to speak he said. “That’s why I insisted we use condoms.
I told you it was ‘cause I was fooling around with Jenny, but I haven’t, not
since prom night. So I’ve been cheating on you and lying to you, so I
understand if you never want to see me again. No one else does.”

Rob looked into
Josh’s red and bruised eye. “I want you to come home with me now.”

“But...”
     “You did what you had to. It wasn’t by choice and it
wasn’t your fault. So let’s not talk about this anymore. Let’s go home.”

“You forgive
me?”

“There’s nothing
to forgive.”

“So you’re sure
you want me to come stay with you?”

“I’ve never been
more sure of anything in my life. I feel like it’s my fault that you went
through all this.”

“It’s not your
fault. In fact ever since I met you, you were the only reason I made it
through. I saw a thing on TV once about POWs in Vietnam and they said you just
had to focus your mind elsewhere so it really doesn’t hurt that much. So I just
focused on you and it made it bearable.”