Route 66 Reunions (60 page)

Amanda’s smile was tight as she glanced back at her mother. “Trust me, she’s already made a few choice remarks without coming right out and telling me to keep away from Chad. ‘Help him all you can, just don’t let your heart get involved.’ Yeah, right.”

M
idmorning on Monday Amanda pulled into Chad’s drive and admired the new barn through the windshield of her car. She still had trouble believing so much had been done in one day. Everyone who could pitched in, even her. The men and boys had worked hard on the building all day. Several of the women helped in the afternoon. But to erect a fine, strong building in a few hours seemed like a miracle to her. Of course, with Ron Kimbel’s expert supervision, they’d all worked together as if they knew what they were doing. Looked like they had, too.

She smiled as she went to the house and tapped on the door. When Chad didn’t answer, she tried the knob and found it unlocked. They weren’t in the living room, dining room, or kitchen. Each room was as clean and neat as the women had left it two days before. With her heart pounding, she moved silently down the carpeted hall to the bedrooms.

The door to the bedroom Chad had been using stood open. A quick glance showed his bed was made and no one there. She looked in Kara’s room next and stopped at the doorway. There in the rocking chair sat Chad with Kara cuddled on one arm, his sister’s Bible resting on the chair arm while he read and rocked.

Amanda held her breath, afraid to move for fear the scene before her would vanish. As she watched, he closed the Bible, placed it on a table, and stood with Kara. In two steps he reached her bed, but he didn’t immediately put her down. Chad leaned to kiss his sleeping niece before he gently lowered her into the crib. Amanda turned and fled back down the hall, tears filling her eyes.

They didn’t need her. No satisfaction came from knowing she had done her job well. Instead an ache settled around her heart. She’d expected to have another month with Chad and Kara, but why should she? He would be foolish to keep her on now. The house looked as if she’d just cleaned it. He and Kara would only grow closer as he took over her care. She started out the door when Chad came down the hall.

“Mandy, are you just getting here?” He grinned at her. “We had a big day Saturday, didn’t we?”

“The barn looks great.” She glanced around the room. “So does the house. In fact, I don’t see anything for me to do today. Maybe I should go home.”

Chad chuckled. “You aren’t trying to worm your way out of a job, are you? I thought you agreed to work for me through July.”

“For what purpose?” Her voice sounded louder than she intended. “Face the truth, Chad. You don’t need me. You and Kara are getting along fine, and you can obviously clean a house as well as I can. Maybe I should leave.”

Before she knew he moved, Chad stood in front of her, holding her shoulders in his hands. He looked into her eyes; his voice was soft and low. “What are you talking about? How could I not need you? Did I do something that makes you think I lied to you about Susan?”

She shook her head at his questions and zeroed in on the last one. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I can see you don’t need me. You’ve taken care of the house and Kara, too, yesterday and this morning.”

He gave a quick laugh. “Yesterday I took Kara to church and scarcely saw her until late afternoon when I left your folks’ house. Between your sister and your mom, not to mention you and Brad’s wife, I couldn’t have gotten close to Kara if I’d tried.”

When she started to speak, he stopped her. “No, I’m not complaining. I’m glad she’s a cutie that everyone wants to play with. And I think it’s great your mom treats her the same as she does her grandkids. Kara’s soaking up the attention.”

“You still had her last night and this morning. She’s taking her nap, isn’t she? Who put her to bed last night and this morning without help? Who cleaned up the kitchen after he fed her?” Amanda fought tears close to the surface. If she cried, Chad would know she didn’t want to leave. She’d not felt so alone since she woke up and learned that Jeff and Charity had gone to heaven without her.

In spite of her resolve, one tear left her eye and rolled down her cheek. Chad pulled her to the sofa, and they sat together as he held her close. She sat in the comfort of his embrace for long seconds, fighting the tears that soon won. He patted her back until the storm of crying ended and she pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Chad. That was uncalled for. You can fire me if you want.” She grabbed a tissue from a box on the coffee table and mopped up the evidence of her emotional display.

His chuckle brought a smile to her face. “I can’t fire you yet, because I need to go buy some paint. Can you believe I bought all the lumber for the barn and forgot to get paint? I’d feel a lot better if someone either stayed with Kara or came along with me.”

“And since she’s sleeping now, I’d better stay here.” Amanda smiled. Maybe he needed her a little bit still.

He kissed her lightly on the lips. “That’s what I thought. I won’t be gone long. Maybe an hour and a half. Will you be okay?”

Amanda sighed. “I’m fine. Just emotional.”

“Then it wasn’t anything to do with our past?” His eyes held vulnerability that touched Amanda’s heart.

She shook her head.

“Have you forgiven me, Mandy? I know what I did was wrong, but—” He stopped and took a deep breath. “No, there are no excuses. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I should’ve followed you to California and demanded you listen to me.”

“You didn’t know what Susan told me then.” Amanda touched his hand, and his fingers curled around and through hers. “She was very good at deception, to you and to me. I should’ve known you would never force a woman, but I believed her story. Of course, I forgive you, but I need to be forgiven, too.”

“Not in my opinion. She made sure you saw what she wanted you to see, and then she acted the part of the ravaged woman.” He gave a short laugh. “I’d probably have believed her myself. But all you saw was an innocent hug that I thought was her consoling me because you wanted out of our engagement. She said you were going to dump me and go to California. Then you did.”

“Because she convinced me I should.” Amanda shook her head. “We were both so gullible.”

After a short silence, Amanda looked into Chad’s eyes. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad I came back home. I believe God led me here, to help me let go of the past. I hold no ill feelings toward you or Susan. Not anymore. You were as innocent of wrongdoing as I was. She was a victim of her own sins. I hope she’s figured that out by now.”

“I always knew you were a better person than me.” Chad’s gaze held a touch of admiration.

Admiration she didn’t deserve. She shook her head. “Only I’m not. I was angry for a long time. I didn’t even know you and Susan supposedly married, because I refused to listen to anything about either of you. Even now I’m sorry it happened and that we didn’t trust each other enough to stop her. But we can’t look to the past. A verse in Philippians says, ‘Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ That’s what I want to do. I don’t want to become burdened with the past. God has much better planned for our future than we ever had in the past.”

His hand tightened around hers. “Are you saying there’s a chance for us?”

She flinched from his question. She’d been thinking of heaven and he’d taken her words the wrong way. Did they have a future together? So much still kept them apart. What of Chad? He’d been reading the Bible, but did he serve the Lord? Had he ever been born again? At this point, she didn’t know.

As if an arrow of wisdom pierced her mind, she saw the events of their past as stepping-stones laid out for Chad to come to a right relationship with the Lord. What of her? She, too, had stumbled through life saying she was a Christian, while she lived for herself. Only after sinking to the depths of grief for her husband and child had she started reaching upward to the One who gives true life. She continued daily to struggle with her journey toward God, so she couldn’t judge Chad.

She met his questioning gaze without wavering. “I don’t think we can answer that now, Chad. There’s too much we don’t know about each other.”

“Then you aren’t counting us out? If you need more time, that’s fine.” He looked around the room and back to her. “We’re always working here or taking care of Kara, so we haven’t spent much time together. Will you go out with me? On a date like we used to. Maybe we can get someone to watch Kara.”

And tell him she couldn’t have children? How would she find the words? How could she tell him she was no longer a complete woman? He’d back off and her heart would break for sure.

“I don’t know, Chad.” She stood, pulling her hand from his and missing the warmth. Still she crossed the room to stand inside the dining room. She held the back of a chair for support as she faced him. “Is that such a good idea?”

He stood but didn’t move forward. “Your mom would watch her. Please ask her. We’ll go this Friday afternoon to Springfield. Wouldn’t you like to see the museum again? We’ll go out to eat and take in a movie like we used to.”

Oh, the temptation. Her fingers tightened around the chair back to keep from moving forward and exposing her heart by accepting. What he proposed meant they’d be together with no distractions for several hours. Alone with Chad. Time to explore their feelings and learn about each other. Yes, she wanted to.

She spoke from her heart. “I can ask.”

He grinned. “Great. We’ll plan on it then.”

She couldn’t stop her answering smile. He seemed so sure of himself, and he was probably right. Mom adored Kara. She’d welcome the chance to keep her for as long as she could. Mom liked Chad. Always had. Dad did, too. In fact her entire family acted like he’d come home when he spent Sundays with them.

He moved to the door and opened it. “I’ve got work to do. If you want something to keep you busy while Kara sleeps, you might go through the bookshelf in here. I took out a few books, but I don’t want the rest. Take any you’d like and box up what’s left. Do the same with the movies.”

“Okay, I’ll take a look. There’s just a month left before I need to concentrate on school. I guess you’ll be leaving for Rockford about then, too.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He looked as glum as she felt. Then he shrugged. “We still have a month, and I’ve got to get some red paint. All barns are red, aren’t they?”

She laughed. “Of course, that’s why the color is called barn red.”

“Good thinking.” He went out the door with a smile.

Kara woke from her nap not long after Chad left. Amanda kept her busy inside until Chad’s truck on the drive signaled his return two hours later. He came in for lunch then went to the barn and began the enormous task of painting the large building. She helped him paint that afternoon while Kara played and slept in her playpen in the fresh air.

Working with Chad and Kara brought the sense of family Amanda longed for. She loved Chad. He seemed to love her, too. He wanted to renew more than friendship by revisiting their old college haunts near old Route 66. She wanted to, too, but should she? Chad had always been a nice guy, but nice guys aren’t always born-again Christians.

Pain ripped through her heart at the thought that Chad might be an unbeliever, but she had no assurance of anything different. The deeper her love for him grew, the harder it might become for her to walk close to the Lord.

That evening as she helped her mother clean the kitchen after they ate, she said, “Chad asked me to go with him to Springfield Friday afternoon.”

“Oh really? What for?”

“The Lincoln Museum, dinner, a movie.”

Mom turned from the sink and looked at her. “Doesn’t that sound like a date to you?”

Amanda laughed. “Yeah, I kind of thought that’s what he had in mind. He wanted me to ask you to watch Kara for us.”

“I’d love to.” Mom’s smile faded. “But I won’t be home from work until five and besides, are you sure this is a wise idea?”

Amanda’s heart lurched at her mother’s question. So she wasn’t the only one concerned. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I love him, Mom. As much as I ever did. In fact, where it really counts, he hasn’t changed much. He’s still the kind, considerate man I knew fourteen years ago. I love talking to him, spending time with him.”

“So what’s the problem?” Mom turned and leaned against the sink, her arms crossed, her gaze searching Amanda’s face.

Amanda pulled a kitchen chair out and sat down. “I don’t know if he’s a Christian, and I don’t want to be unequally yoked. At least Jeff believed the same as I do.”

The love she’d shared with Jeff couldn’t compare to her feelings for Chad, but Jeff had been a dedicated Christian man. He’d been good to her, and he’d loved her in his own way. She’d had a good marriage. If and when she married again, she wanted an even better one. One like she and Chad could have if they both served the Lord.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go.” Mom’s eyebrows raised in that you’d better-listen-to-me expression Amanda recognized. “If there’s doubt in your mind, there’s a reason. You are right to be cautious. We can’t always go by our feelings. Pray about this, Amanda. If you have peace, I’ll watch Kara. If not, you’ll have to tell him no.”

Mom was right, but that didn’t stop disappointment from weighing heavily on Amanda. She’d pray just as she’d been doing, and tomorrow she’d tell Chad she couldn’t go. God had been dealing with her about getting too close to Chad. He wouldn’t likely change His mind just because she asked Him again.

A
blanket of clouds overhead and rain on her windshield matched Amanda’s mood as she stopped behind Chad’s truck. They wouldn’t be painting the barn today. In fact, she probably didn’t need to be here. They’d be celebrating the Fourth of July in less than a week. If she stayed home, she could find plenty to do preparing for her family’s annual barbecue.

With a sigh pulled from the depths of her soul, she opened the car door and ran to the porch. After a quick knock on the door, she opened it and stepped inside.