Rowan's Lady (14 page)

Rowan’s heart sunk. He looked at the woman holding
his babe. She had risked her own life for Lily’s. How sad it was to think that
such a woman as Lady Arline, one who apparently loved children or at the very
least cared about them, could not have one of her own.

He thought back to how hard it had been for Kate
to make it through her first trimesters. The poor woman had suffered through
five miscarriages before they were blessed with Lily. For Kate to go through
all of that, only to die a few short months after Lily was born, seemed
inherently unfair.

He was always left with an overwhelming sense of
sadness whenever he thought of his Kate and all that she had missed. Lily’s
first steps, her first words. The first time she fell and skinned her knee.

Lily was surrounded by people who loved and adored
her. But still, something was missing in the child’s life. A mother. There were
things a mother could do for a daughter that a father could not. Such as braid
her hair or sing her to sleep. Rowan had tried to do those things, but his
talents with braids and singing were sorely lacking.

As he stood watching Lady Arline and Lily he could
not make up his mind if he was angry at Lady Arline for taking on the role of
mother, or at himself. Selfishly, he had kept his heart under lock and key
these past years. The only person he allowed in was Lily. He refused all others
entry. And it was not as if no one had tried.

He thought of Lady Beatrice of
Cill Saidhe.
They had met six months ago when the wheel on Lady Beatrice’s wagon had broke.
Lady Beatrice and her entourage had sought refuge within
Áit na Síochána.
They
had stayed the night, left at dawn the next morn, and Rowan had thought he
would never see her again.

Beatrice was a bonny woman to look at. She was
well-educated, graceful, and elegant. She would have made any man a fine wife.
But, she was not his Kate. He had turned down her offer that night to warm his
bed. He found himself regretting it the next morning.

However, a few months ago he had received a letter
from Beatrice, asking if she could take refuge in his home again, but this time,
for a more extended stay. Apparently there was a man who very much wanted to
make her his wife but Beatrice did not have the same feelings toward the man.
She wanted away from Inverness and from the man. Thinking he might be ready to
open his heart to another, he agreed to open his home to Beatrice.

She had arrived two weeks before he left for the
hunting trip. Aye, she was still as beautiful as he remembered, still as
graceful and elegant. But, there was something missing and he had not been able
to figure out what that something was, until now.

Warmth.

Aye, she had warmed up to Rowan quite nicely. But
Lily was another matter. Beatrice rarely spent any time with Lily. And in those
rare moments that she did, there was no outward affection on her part toward
his daughter. She had never held his daughter while she slept. She had never
played with Lily nor taken her for walks. Those things bothered him.

Thomas’ voice broke through Rowan’s quiet
contemplation. “How soon do ye wish to leave?”

Rowan had no way of knowing yet if Garrick
Blackthorn and his men were following. Deciding it best not to wait and see,
Rowan gave the order for them to leave immediately. He also decided it might be
best if Lady Arline rode with someone else to which she did not argue. Daniel
pulled her up to sit behind him while Thomas lifted Lily up into Rowan’s
anxious arms. He held her tightly in one arm, tucked the fur all around her.
She was clinging to the doll Lady Arline had made for her.

Lily stirred, lifted her head and smiled up at
Rowan. “Da!”

Rowan returned her smile as he tapped the flanks
of his horse. He kissed the top of her head and held her closely.

“Are we goin’ home now?” Lily asked sleepily.

“Aye, we are, lassie.”

Lily yawned and fought to keep her eyes open.
“Good. I missed ye.”

“And I missed ye,” Rowan told her. “Verra much.”

“Is Caelen goin’ to go get Lady Arline now?”

Apparently, Lady Arline had made a long lasting
impression on Lily. He did not want Lily growing too attached to the woman for
he hadn’t decided yet what he was going to do with her once they reached his
keep.

“Nay, Caelen will no’ be doin’ that, lass, fer we
already found Lady Arline. She be ridin’ with Daniel.”

Lily bolted upright, her bright blue eyes
searching for the topic of their conversation. She squealed with delight once
she saw her.

“Lady Arline!” Lily shouted as she struggled to
get out of the furs.

“Wheesht, lass!” Rowan admonished her. “Sit
still.”

“But I want Lady Arline,” Lily cried.

Rowan let out a frustrated sigh. “Lily, ye need to
sit still. Ye can see Lady Arline when we stop.”

“But I want her now, da!”

Back and forth the two of them went. Under
different circumstances, Rowan would have sent her to her room until she
decided to listen. His daughter had been through one hellish ordeal over the
past weeks. Even after he tried to use his sternest voice, Lily continued to
cry and plead with him to allow Lady Arline to ride with them.

In the end, it was Lady Arline who settled the
matter.

“Lily Graham,” Arline said as Daniel pulled their
mount next to Rowan and Lily. “Have ye no’ missed yer da?”

Lily sniffled and nodded her head.

“And is
that
how ye show him ye missed
him?”

Lily suddenly grew quiet and looked quite ashamed.
She remained silent, shook her head no and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

“I did no’ think so,” Arline told her then clicked
her tongue and shook her head, looking very displeased with the child.

“I believe yer da has been missin’ ye as well,
haven’t ye?” Arline cast Rowan a faint smile, encouraging him to say something.

Rowan had been staring at Lady Arline, stunned at
how easily she had gotten Lily to settle down. Lady Arline raised an eyebrow
and tilted her head toward Lily. Rowan cleared his throat. “Aye, Lily, I have
missed ye verra much.”

Lady Arline smiled and looked pleased with his
answer. “There ye have it, sweeting,” Lady Arline spoke softly. “So I think ye
be needin’ to show yer da how much ye’ve missed him by lettin’ him hold ye a
while. He went through much to get ye back. I be quite certain he wants to hold
on to ye fer a time. If ye act like the wee lady I ken ye to be, when we stop,
I’ll be holding on to ye fer a spell.”

Lily seemed content with Arline’s promise and in a
matter of moments, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Rowan was stunned. Lily was a very determined
child, one might even call her strong-willed. There were times when Rowan and
Lily butted heads, usually over quite silly things such as eating vegetables
and taking baths. On more than one occasion, his daughter left him to question
his own sanity and abilities as a father.

But Lady Arline was able to get his daughter to
calm down and fall asleep in a matter of moments and with seemingly little
effort. He found it perplexing.

What was it about this woman that left him feeling
so bloody confused? There was a calming influence that seemed to ride in the
air all around her. He looked around at his men. They seemed… content and
unbothered by the events. No one seemed tense or on edge and acted as though
they were simply out for an afternoon ride across their lands.

Even Thomas seemed at ease and he was usually the
most excitable one of the lot. Was it Arline who brought them this sense of
peace and contentment or had they been in the
uisge beatha
? Since the
men weren’t dancing around the campfire and no one was singing, he doubted
they’d been at the whisky.

While Lady Arline’s presence might calm his men,
Rowan felt anything but calm when near her. She made his heart pound, his blood
heat through his veins and his mind turn to think all manner of sinfully
delightful things he’d like to do with her were the opportunity ever to present
itself.

He didn’t like it. It made him feel guilty, as if
he were not being true to the love he still carried for Kate. He felt that by
lusting after any woman he was being disrespectful to what he and Kate had.

True, she had made him promise not to keep his
heart to her after she was gone. Kate had wanted him to go on with his life, to
love again, to marry and have more children.

He knew he was being foolish, for if Kate were
here, she’d smack him along side his head and tell him just that. Kate would be
very upset that he had not moved on. But he couldn’t move on. It was too
painful, the guilt all too real. It should have been
him
that died, not
Kate. And that was what most of it all boiled down to. He felt guilty that she
had to die such a painful and ugly death while he lived.

If he didn’t have Lily? He would have taken his
own life by now.

Lily was the only thing that kept him going. And
Kate’s memory and his guilt were the only things that kept him from moving
forward.

They had ridden well into the afternoon before
Rowan called for a rest. Surrounded by trees to the south and west, they now
stood in a large clearing. The mist had subsided not long ago and the sun made
a grand attempt at trying to burn its way through the clouds. The clouds were
currently winning the battle.

Lady Arline was quite relieved to hear his
command. She slid from the back of Daniel’s horse without waiting for
assistance. Tiny needles of pain raced up from her feet to her knees the moment
her feet touched the ground. She stifled a curse, took a deep breath and waited
for the pain to pass.

Her legs ached, from her ankles to her buttocks.
Her ribs were still quite sore from where Garrick had kicked them. Her neck was
stiff from resting her head against Daniel’s back, unable switch from left to
right because of her wounded cheek and eye.

Lily was awake and came rushing to Arline’s side
and flung her arms around her legs. Arline resisted the urge to cry out in pain
or to push the child away. Instead, she patted her little head and hugged her
back.

“Will ye hold me now, Lady Arline?” Lily asked
looking up at her dolefully.

There wasn’t a chance on God’s earth that Arline
could bend over let alone life the child into her arms. “Soon enough, sweeting.
First, let’s find a tree.”

Rowan was now standing beside them, his arms
crossed over his chest as he studied Arline closely. “Are ye well, lass?”

For a brief moment, she thought of telling him and
the rest of his men that she would scream if another person asked her that
question. “I am good and well, thank you,” she managed to keep an even tone to
her voice. “Lily and I will need a few moments, me laird.”

Rowan gave a curt nod. “I shall escort ye,” he said.

Arline’s brows knitted and she felt insulted. “I
can assure ye, me laird, that I have no intentions of takin’ yer daughter from
ye. I can certainly be trusted to help tend to her private needs,” she bit out.
And she most assuredly did not need any help in that department.

Rowan rolled his eyes at her. “’Tisn’t
ye
I
worry over takin’ me daughter,” he explained. “We do no’ know yet if any of yer
husband’s men be near by.”

Arline returned his eye roll with one of her own.
“He is
no’
my husband.”

“Fergive me.” Rowan gave a slight bow at his
waist. “Yer
former
husband then. I will no’ take any chances of ye or
Lily bein’ in harm’s way again.”

“Would we no’ have seen them by now?” Arline
asked. Clearly she thought it a foolish notion that Garrick’s men would be
waiting in the woods. If he was going to attack he would have done so by now.

“Mayhap aye, mayhap nay,” Rowan said. “But I’ll
no’ be takin’ any chances where me daughter is concerned.”

Arline shook her head is frustration, took Lily’s
hand and began to walk away. “Fine, me laird. As ye wish.”

She wished she had the strength to stomp away from
him. But stomping would have been quite painful and a bit childish. Instead,
she ignored him and led Lily toward the tree line. Lily was happily skipping
along beside her, clutching her doll to her chest.

“Da,” Lily spoke over her shoulder. “I be verra
hungry.”

“I have cheese and bread in me bag, lass,” Rowan
told her as he walked not far behind.

“Do ye have any apples?” Lily asked.

“Aye, I do,” he told her. His focus was not on his
daughter, but on Lady Arline. Any fool could see that she was in a good amount
of pain simply by the way she walked -- stilted and stiff.

“The mean people would no’ give us any apples,”
Lily informed him. She sounded upset with that. “All we had was porridge and
bread. Sometimes the maid would sneak us cheese.”

Rowan’s gut tightened. Apparently they had treated
his daughter more like a criminal than a child. Silently, he wondered how far
they had taken their mistreatment. He doubted there would be much need for
asking his daughter many questions. She would tell him everything and would
need little prompting.

“Lady Arline gave me her cheese,” Lily went on.
“She gave me her bread, too.”

Arline gave Lily’s hand a slight squeeze and
smiled down at her. They came upon a large tree, one that would allow them some
amount of privacy. After Lily was done, Arline smoothed out the little girl’s
skirts and sent her around the tree to her father.

“I’ll be but a few moments, me laird,” Arline
called out to Rowan. She wished he would go back to the camp and allow her a
few minutes of complete privacy. Truthfully, she wanted a moment alone to let
out the tears she’d been holding on to and she did not want anyone to hear her.

Only a moment or two had passed when Arline heard
someone from the camp calling out for Rowan. There was no urgency to the man’s
voice, but Arline took advantage of it.