Ruin (21 page)

Because I know I can always hold onto hope.

This is the end.

Well, to this story, at least.

It’s not the end of mine.

I figured you must’ve gotten it by now, but RUIN was based on
my
life.

Now, not everything in this story truly happened; it’s not a biography. It is part fiction and part reality. I merged truths about my life with fiction, so I could make it into an interesting and dramatic story because let’s face it … real life can be pretty boring.

However, I wrote this story because it demanded to be written.

Late 2013, I came up with the idea to write a book about a girl in a hospital who lost her leg due to an accident and would have to face life as an amputee, while finding love with someone else from her school, who turned out to be the cause of her accident. However, the story is too emotionally charged in the way I intended it to be written, and at the time, I did not feel I was ready for it myself. I felt like I wasn’t the right person to write it. Emotionally, I wasn’t there yet.

This year I was.

This year, January 9
^th
, 2016 … when I broke my tibial plateau in several pieces and needed surgery. You see, I have a plate and seven screws in my leg. Just like Maybell. I was also in a wheelchair for five months. Normally, when people break their leg, they get a cast and can walk on it about eight weeks later. But since my fracture was in the knee part, it needed to stay flexible at all cost. So yeah, imagine your bones being a squiggly, mushy, and thick with no bandages whatsoever. That was my leg.

I wasn’t nineteen when it happened, though. I was twenty-five.

It’s a bit funny, though, if you think about it. I went through exactly what I wanted my character to go through. Albeit, not with an amputated leg but one that wouldn’t be functional for months. It’s now August 24
^th
, 2016, and today, I walked one kilometer for the first time since my accident.

Even though at one point, I thought I would never be able to walk without pain again.

It took me several months after my accident to finally have the courage to pen down this story, and now that it’s finished, I can say I’m glad I did (even though each and every word was hard as can be).

So … let me cut to the chase.

I am Maybell but only partially.

I love dancing more than anything, but I’ve never done it professionally, even though I could’ve imagined myself doing it in another life. Her being a dancer was just my way of adding drama to the story. I did, however, put my own passion, which was writing, on the backburner for a career in digital communication (aka internet & social media). Can you imagine? But anyway…

I am a writer. I am an author, just like Maybell often dreams of. I also love to read and play video games, like World of Warcraft.

I was also bullied for having Asperger’s.

All those weird quirks Maybell had and her inability to cope with change come from me.

That part about the potato nose … All me.

Those horrible notes the girls wrote her … Me too.

The girl who wanted to be the next J.K. Rowling … That was me.

That party with the purple pants …. Again, me.

Although I never had a boy looking out for me, I did have a friend in school once.

No, my Alexander … whose name is actually Sander, did not show up for the first time in my life in the hospital or at school. We weren’t nineteen, but sixteen when we met. We were actually friends on World of Warcraft, after which we met in person and went to the cinemas … and well, here we are. Together for about ten years now.

My guy has many similarities to Alexander, but he is also very different, like I was to Maybell.

He loves drawing and especially anything to do with architecture. Family issues always played a big part in his life. His dad did, unfortunately, experience a cardiac arrest, and it changed him permanently. But we are grateful he is still alive.

Depression has played a role in both our lives, but it does not anymore, luckily.

However, we are both very childish and awkward, and we love this about each other.

My parents didn’t pay for our home. That was all us (But like I said, I like to mingle reality with fiction).

We didn’t race through the hallways in my wheelchair and I never chased him on my sticks. We also didn’t dance under a tree in the fall. My inner romantic just likes to have her way.

He did cause my accident, actually, although we make stupid jokes about that nowadays.

It wasn’t in a car, however. We were biking, and he made a maneuver to pass another biker, only to cut me off. Before I knew it, my bike crashed against his, I had to catch myself with my leg … and then I was on the ground.

It was painful. Just as painful as in the book, but I was never ‘out.’ That part was made up. Just like the part where Maybell stays in the hospital. I actually did not stay … I was home for an entire week before they’d do the surgery. It was the worst week of my life because my leg was in shambles, wrapped in only a thin layer of cloth and a plastic boot, which didn’t provide much support. The surgery and all that came after was the easier part, even though none of my experience was, in fact, easy.

But it did teach me a lot.

I learned I could stomach more pain than I ever possibly imagined.

I learned that my determination is much greater than any downfall.

I learned that I have an amazing boyfriend who will jump into the deepest, darkest hole with me to help me crawl out.

I am a very independent soul, and I learned what it truly means to be dependent.

When your soon-to-be husband has to take care of you because you’re incapable, you know it’s going to be tough. When he brings your laptop to your hospital bed so you can continue working on your novel, despite the fact that you both know you probably shouldn’t. When he learns how to do the laundry and how to cook just so he can feed you because your hands have turned into legs because you can’t use them for anything except walking with crutches or spinning your wheelchair.

When you look away as he jams a needle into your stomach every freaking day to prevent your blood from clotting in your unusable leg, even though he hates seeing you like that, but he does it because he knows it’s needed. When you’re stuck naked in a shower waiting for him, and he comes to dry off your back because you
can’t
. When he helps you lift your leg so he can put a bucket under you because you physically
can’t
move your leg or get out of bed to go to the toilet. Because you can’t even put on your own socks or literally wipe your own ass … and he does it without complaining, without feeling sorry for himself … That’s when you know you’ve got the right one.

That’s when you know that being dependent means trusting someone else with your life.

It means unconditional love.

And for that, I’m eternally grateful.

If you wish to find out more about Asperger’s Syndrome, you can visit the following websites for more information:
http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx
&
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
.

###

Thank you so much for reading RUIN. I truly hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please leave a review and let others know!

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***

Like something hot? Check out:
Bad Teacher

My name is Thomas, and I’m always hard.

No really, that’s my last name. Thomas Hard, the pleasure is all mine … literally.

I can’t help it that my name suits me well.

You know what else suits me well? That girl sitting across the bar, with her lips right where I tell them to be. I want her, and when I want something, it’s gonna be mine.

One night. No names. No phone numbers. Just me, her, and pure pleasure.

Except that one girl turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life.

Why?

Because I broke my Cardinal rule …

Never bang a student.

* Author’s note: Don’t like reckless decisions & unbridled screwing? Don’t love girls that are obsessed with ice cream, rainbows, and unicorns? Don’t enjoy a bit of corny humor sprinkled on top? Then this book is not for you. And last but not least, if you hate cats with giant balls … Don’t even bother.*

Read it now!

Or read an excerpt below.

Excerpt of Bad Teacher

“I’m going to teach you my rules,” he whispers, and his tongue briefly darts out to lick my earlobe, sending waves of heat down my body.

Then he steps back, leaving the air thick with desire.

Before I can glance over my shoulder, his commanding voice takes over.

“Bend over.”

I hesitate.

Three seconds.

That’s all it takes for me to actually go through with it.

My body leans over on its own while my brain shouts at me. What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

“Lower. Facedown on the desk.”

I don’t know why, but I listen.

With my head and tits on the desk, I suck in a breath, awaiting the next move.

I’m insane. Lost my fucking mind.

His hand gently pets my back, gliding down until he’s on my ass … where he grasps me firmly, squeezing tight. I hiss, biting my lip. Memories of our night together resurface, my panties getting wet with just his touch.

“You tempt me too much, Hailey …” he murmurs with a deliciously low voice.

His hand skims down my skirt and roughly shoves it up, pulling it over my back.

I freeze.

What the fuck.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?

I shiver as his hand travels over my panties and across my ass, and my heart beat shoots through the roof. This is crazy. We’re in a room that can’t be locked. Anyone could come in at any time. Anyone could see us.

And still, I don’t stop him.

I don’t say no.

And I don’t want to.

But then his hand comes down on my ass.

Hard.

“You make me do bad … bad things, Hailey.”

Again.

I slam my lips together to prevent any sound from spilling out.

His hand is rough and ruthless as it spanks my ass again and again.

One after the other until both my cheeks zing with red-hot pain.

My body bucks against the table each time his hand strikes my ass. It hurts, but not enough to make me cry. Enough to make my legs shake with desire, though.

It’s sick, completely twisted, yet I still don’t want to tell him to stop.

Maybe I just don’t want to give him the satisfaction of winning our argument. Or maybe I’m willing to take whatever he’s willing to give.

“You have such a nice ass …” he says softly, rubbing my painful ass with his flat hand. Every movement makes me twitch with excitement. “It should be cherished. Especially when red. Has anyone ever told you that before?”

I shake my head.

He fists my hair and pulls my head back enough for me to gasp. “Answer when I ask you a question.”

“No,” I say.

“It’s Sir for you, Hailey.” He grabs my ass again, this time even harder than before. “Say it again.”

“No, Sir.”

I moan out loud when he smacks me again.

“Good girl.” I can almost hear the smile in his voice.

I expect him to spank me some more, but his fingers are so gentle on my skin that it makes me relax. My muscles unwind from all the tension, but my pussy is thumping so hard I can feel it through my entire body.

When his hand disappears, I’m left struggling to breathe.

After a while, I look back over my shoulder.

He’s not even there anymore. He’s standing at another table, gathering pieces of paper and putting them in a stack.

Confused, I stand up again and pull my skirt back down. He doesn’t look at me, which surprises me, after what he just did.

Jesus Christ.

I can’t even think about it straight.

What just happened here?

I step back slowly, trying not to make a sound. As I turn, my eyes search the room, hoping I don’t find anyone who has been sneaking a peek. Luckily, I don’t see anything but a door, to which I immediately start to walk.

Right before I open the door, his voice booms once more through the room, reminding me who’s in charge. “I’ll see you Monday, Hailey. Don’t be late.”

Click here to read more!

***

Or check out
VIKTOR
, a dark romance standalone!