Ruined (24 page)

I sit up in bed and stretch. I have classes this morning, and seeing Reed isn't on the top of my list of things to do right now. But, I have to push through and continue on. I've learned that I can push through just about anything in the past four years.

I take a quick shower, get ready and head downstairs. No sign of Kellan. Carmelita is finishing breakfast, and this morning it's French toast, sausage and coffee. I scarf down a plate and head out to the beach to make the walk to class. The breeze is nice this morning, and it's not so hot outside anymore as Fall is starting to creep into Charleston.

I arrive on campus and make my way to my first class which is math. I know I'll see Reed there, so I steel myself for a tough hour. But class comes and goes without Reed. I go to broadcasting class, fully expecting to see him waiting for me outside of the classroom, but he's not there. When I arrive at the station and find it locked, I'm a little worried. Maybe he just needs his space. I can totally understand that.

Thankfully, I have a key to the office so I enter and start working on some promos that Reed mentioned while we were on our trip. I spend about an hour doing that before Reed shows up.

"Hard at work?" he says from the doorway.

"Oh, hey," I say with a slight smile. "You mentioned these promos. I hope it's okay that I started on them."

"Of course it is. That's a big help," he says sitting down in the chair across from me.

"How are you?" I ask softly.

"I'm okay. I'm good, actually, Willow. I took the morning off to just do some thinking, and then something really great happened."

"Oh yeah?"

"I got a job. An actual TV job. In Boston," he says grinning. I know that I have to do a good acting job now or else Henry Tate Miller will ruin my life and his.

"Really? Wow! That's great, Reed. I didn't know you had applied for anything."

"Actually, I hadn't. I didn't think anyone would even consider me without my degree yet, but this station is willing to take me on as a producer. Apparently, they saw some tapes of me from DCTV. Eventually, I might even get some air time as a reporter."

"Congratulations," I say reaching out and squeezing his hand. "When do you leave?"

"Well, that's the thing. I have to leave Friday."

"Friday? Are you kidding me?" I'm shocked that he's leaving so soon.

"I was surprised too, but I think this is a good thing for me, Willow. This is what I want. That is, unless you've changed your mind. About us."

“Reed, nothing has changed since yesterday,” I say with a sad smile. “You should go. This is your big dream.”

“It is my dream, and I'm happy for this new start. I just thought I'd ask at least,” he says with a sad laugh.

I'm happy to hear that he's happy. He wants this, and that's what is most important.

"What about DCTV?" I ask softly, all too aware that without Reed there isn't a station.

"I want you to run it, Willow." Shock overtakes my face, and I swear I might hyperventilate again. Me?

"Reed, I don't have enough experience..."

"You have something more important than that, Willow. You have heart. That piece you did for Kellan showed that in spades. Your heart will always carry you through. I believe that."

"What about the faculty advisors?"

"They ok'd it this morning. Of course, I will be packing up a lot this week but I will also make sure to answer any questions you have. Dexter is back, so sports is handled. You know how to edit well, and the news show is more popular now that you host it anyway. You don't really need me anymore, Willow."

"I'll always need you, Reed," I say without thinking. "As my best friend," I add to clear up any mixed signals.

He stands up and pulls me into a big bear hug, and I don't let him see the single tear that falls from my eye. "You will always be my best friend, Willow," he says pressing his lips to the top of my head. "Even though things have worked out differently than I would have ever thought, I will always be grateful to have you in my life."

We stand there for awhile, enclosed in each other's embrace, and I feel conflicted again. This time I'm not conflicted about Reed and Kellan. This time I'm conflicted about telling him what his father has done. But if he wants the job, then why would I tell him? There's no point.

"I've gotta run. I have movers to hire and some other stuff to take care of. You got things here for awhile?"

"Yeah," I say stepping back and looking up at him. He looks genuinely happy, and that makes me happy. "I'm almost done for the day. I was about to head home when you got here."

I walk him to the door, and he turns around and looks at me.

"Willow, can I say something?"

"Sure, best friend," I say with a smile.

"Be true to yourself. If it's Kellan you want, don't lose yourself in the process. You are a special person, and you deserve a do-over. But I don't think you'll ever be free of your past until you claim it as a part of your story. You know, every news story is a part of someone else's story, but it doesn't have to define you forever."

I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks, Reed. For everything."

He winks at me and walks down the hall. I'm left leaning against the doorway and wondering what's next for me.

I end up working later than I'd planned at the station, so I miss dinner. When I walk into the house, Carmelita has left me a plate wrapped in the refrigerator and there's a note on the counter from Mom.

Hi, honey. Bruce and I are taking an overnight trip to get some papers signed for his business, so we'll be home tomorrow. Carmelita left you a plate in the fridge, and she's gone to visit her sister tonight. I think Kellan had a late personal training client, but he might be around later. Have a good night and call if you need me.

Kisses,

Mom

Good. That's what I need. A nice, quiet night at home alone. I haven't been alone in so long. Since that night four years ago, actually. I should feel anxious, but I don't. For the first time, I realize that I'm in a totally different place in my life than I was back then. Kate isn't here anymore. Willow, who is strong and flexible, is here now.

I heat up my plate and eat before retiring to my bedroom. It's only eight o'clock, but I decide to sink into a hot bath. I light candles, put on music and ease myself into the hot water. As I relax, I find myself thinking back over the last few weeks. Reed. Kellan. The whole thing.

For the first time, I start to dissect what Emmy's aunt said. Choose a person who fills you up with more of yourself. I've been running from myself for so long that I think I'd forgotten who I was. Reed was able to pull me out of my shell, but when I'm really honest with myself, it's Kellan who makes me feel like me. He makes me feel strong and honest and real. Reed makes me laugh and makes me feel desired, but Kellan fills me up with more of myself.

But what good is this information? After all, he doesn't want to be with me. Ugh. I sink further into the water and allow my mind to wander. Somehow, I end up imagining what it would be like to be with Kellan. His rough hands taunting the delicate parts of my body, his tongue caressing me in ways I can't even imagine. I feel myself getting too hot and bothered for this bath, so I drain the tub and dry off.

No one is home. I can take care of myself, and I dig out my box of "goodies" that I keep hidden on the top shelf of my closet. Completely naked, I turn off the lights and slip into my bed, pulling the sheet over me. Lost in thoughts about Kellan, I slide my hand between my legs. It's been a long time since I've done this, with myself or anyone else. The small bullet vibrator in my hands energizes the sensitive skin between my legs, and I immediately shudder as my hips rocket upward over and over. The feeling is heaven, but I still long for Kellan to be here making me feel this way.

Suddenly, as I'm just on the edge of an amazing release, I feel the sheet move. I feel air coming from my feet, my knees. And then I feel warmth. I yank back the sheet to find Kellan is sliding up between my legs.

"Kellan..." I say breathlessly, full of embarrassment and arousal at the same time. He caught me.

"Shhh... Please, Willow, let me do this for you," he says looking up at me in the darkness. Only glints of moonlight illuminate the room, and his lips are only inches from my throbbing core.

"Yes..." I groan, unable to think clearly or say no. I just want him there. I grab his hair and then he's there. His warm lips and wet tongue are exploring me in a way that I can't describe. Words don't do it justice. And I'm already almost gone, so it doesn't take long before I just explode into him. When my body stops shaking, he kisses me over and over, up and down my stomach and then finally he slides over me and lays down beside me.

"Was that better than your toy?" he whispers into my ear.

"Immensely," I purr. He pulls me into him, my face against his chest, and holds me there. I feel strange because I'm completely naked and he is wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. "Kellan?"

"Yeah," he says in a whisper.

"What are we doing here?"

"What do you mean?" he asks. I sit up and put the sheet around me.

"You said you didn't want anything with me. You wanted me to go for Reed."

"And did you?"

"No. In fact, he's leaving for a job in Boston on Friday." I think I see him smile in the moonlight.

"I never said I didn't want anything with you. I just thought he could give you more. I just want the best for you."

"And what right do you have to just barge in on my... private moment... and have your way with me?" Now, I'm back to my senses and a little irritated.

"Your door was cracked. I was coming to check and see if you were awake. I heard a vibration..."

I am so embarrassed. I want to crawl under the bed. I jump up and walk into the bathroom. I put on my yoga pants and tank top and return to find Kellan sitting on the end of my bed.

"Can you just go?" I say as I attempt to walk past him. Instead, he grabs me by my arms and pushes me up against the wall gently.

"I'll go if you want me to, but I don't think that's what you want. Tell me what you want, Willow." I turn, trying to avoid eye contact.

"The question is what do you want, Kellan?"

"God help me, but I want you. Only you. I want your hands, your arms, your heart, your lips..." he says as he leans in and lightly brushes a kiss onto my lips.

"Are you sure?" I ask softly. “Because you didn't seem so sure before I left town.”

"I've never been so sure of anything else in my life. And maybe I can't offer you what another guy can, but I will give you everything I have, Willow. Everything." His voice is so soft and tender.

"I don't want anyone else but you, Kellan. I want whatever you have to give. My fairytale is with you," I say through quiet tears. "I don't want you because we have tragic pasts that we share. I want you because when I'm with you, I feel like more of myself. You don't complete me. You allow me to complete myself."

"And, for the record, I didn't mean to interrupt your private moment," he says with a smile. "But when I saw, or heard, what you were doing... well, I couldn't stop myself. I was jealous of that little vibrating bullet." I start laughing hysterically as he lifts me up into the air. I put my legs around his waist and he carries me to the bed.

"Tonight's about us, Kellan."

"You know, it's been a long time for me, right?" he says grinning.