Ruined (The Seraphim Series Book 1) (7 page)

“They would have no motive for hurting your mother,” he told her, his voice calm and controlled as he once again ran his hands through his hair. “Sebastian mentioned her being in an almost dream-like state. Like she was almost asleep but could move and walk. It sounds like a spell. There is a possibility she could still be in that state, which could be the reason we can’t locate her. If so, then she wouldn’t know what’s happening around her.”

“I need to get her back. Please.” Lilliah breathed in deep, trying to get her emotions under control.

“I swear,” Azrael promised, taking a small step towards her. “I swear I will get her back to you.” His hands were fisted at his sides as if he were fighting with himself. She watched him turn on his heels and stalk out of the room, leaving her alone.
So much for dinner,
Lilliah thought, watching him leave.

“Hey, Lil?” Rebecca asked a moment later, hesitantly standing in the door way. “How’d it go?”

Lilliah knew there was still more to the story; she felt it in her heart. “Oh, Rebecca.” She couldn’t stop the tears as they started to fall. “My mum.” She cried when her friend’s arms circled her.

“They’ll find her,” Rebecca said with a confidence Lilliah couldn’t understand. “Your mum’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

Lilliah listened to her friend’s soothing words, trying to take some sort of comfort from them.

Later that night, Lilliah lay in her bed, the darkness and the silence nice after the day she had just been through. There were so many questions she still wanted to ask, so much emptiness that still needed to be filled. Azrael had saved them and brought them back to his house, but could she trust him? She knew what she had heard that day in the club; he had said he wanted her blood. Had she misunderstood it? She pulled her covers higher as a cold chill ran over her body. The truth was that Azrael and Benedict were the only people who could help them right now. They were the only ones who could help find her mother.

“Surely he wouldn’t bring me here to kill me?” she asked out loud before finally letting go and falling to sleep.

Chapter 5

“Jeremy, I told you we're both fine,” Lilliah said into the phone. “The explosion sounds worse than it actually was,” she tried to explain, not really sure what Benedict and Azrael had made up about the supposed explosion at her house.

“I can't believe it happened. It’s been in the local paper and everything,” Jeremy told her, excitement colouring his words and making Lilliah smile.

“It’s so good to talk to you, Jeremy.” She sighed. It had been a whole week since the attack. It was also the first time Lilliah had spoken to Jeremy, and just hearing his voice made her happy. She needed happiness right now. She needed to have a conversation that didn’t involve angels or vampires.

“Have you seen it?” she asked, referring to her house. “Was it bad?” Rebecca hadn’t told her a lot about the state of the house when they had left, only that it had been a mess. Lilliah’s imagination had started to go into overdrive.

“I walked past it yesterday, but it’s not too bad.”
She fell on the bed behind her, dizzy with relief. “Oh, good.” It was one less thing to worry about, at least.

“So when are you coming back?” Jeremy broached.

She hesitated, not sure what to say. Rebecca had made a vague excuse about going to stay at one of her family’s houses while they all waited for the rebuilding to start.

“I'm not sure.” She decided to stick with being vague. “I have to stay with my mum and Rebecca and Seb, and . . .” She trailed off, not really sure where she was going with that sentence.

“Yeah, you have to stay with your family. Of course. It’s a good idea for you all to get away for a bit. Losing your entire house must have been awful,” he quickly reassured her.

“It sure was something.”

“It’s just that I miss you,” Jeremy carried on.

Lilliah squeezed her eyes shut. Why did he have to bring the conversation to this?

“Yeah, we both miss you too.” She laughed awkwardly, emphasizing the “we.”

“Nah, Rebecca’s hardly texted me back since you left. She doesn’t care,” he continued, completely oblivious.

“Hey, how about when we get back we all go out? We could go out drinking?” She smiled into the phone. “All three of us haven’t been out together in so long.” She wondered if she was being too obvious with how she was trying to sway the conversation. His next statement proved otherwise.

“Or maybe
we
could just go out.” The hopefulness in his voice felt like a knife to her heart. “Just me and you. Maybe dinner and drinks?” he finished awkwardly.

“That sounds more like a date, Jeremy. You know how I feel.”

“You feel nothing.” The harsh words cut through the air. She was too shocked to say anything.

“You’re my best friend.” The words were whispered.

“Will I ever be more than a friend?” There it was, the question she had been dreading being asked again. The last time she had answered this question she had lost her best friend. He came back, but each day he had ignored her, still hurt.

“Can we talk about this when I get home? A lot has happened today and I just—I just feel drained.” It wasn’t a lie; Lilliah really did feel like every bone in her body was a weight dragging her down.

“Of course.” She didn’t have to see him to know he was smiling. Was she giving him false hope? “I'll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll text you.”

She stared at the phone in her hand, not noticing when Rebecca walked in.

“How's Jeremy?” She jumped on the bed beside Lilliah. “Did you stick to the story?”

“Do you think I’m selfish?” Lilliah asked, ignoring Rebecca’s questions.

“What?” she asked, confused.

“Do you think I’m selfish?” Lilliah repeated. “Am I leading Jeremy on?”

“What? No! Of course not.”

Lilliah still wasn’t assured.

“How many times have you said, ‘Jeremy, I just don't fancy you like that’?” Rebecca asked, trying to mimic Lilliah’s voice.

“This isn’t funny. He basically just asked me out again. Every time I speak to him recently, it turns awkward.”

“I think the only thing that will stop him from asking you out is if you get a boyfriend,” Rebecca said matter-of-factly. “Trust me, it's the only way.”

“It's harder than you might think. All the boys at college—I just don't fancy any of them.” It was the truth. “Do you think the reason I don’t like any of the guys at college is because, somewhere deep down, I knew I was different?” She pondered on the thought for a moment. “Like I knew that I was older than all of them?”

“No. I think the reason that you don't like any of the guys back home is because you don’t give them a chance,” Rebecca argued. “After all of this is over, you need to go on a date.”

“Honestly, I don't even think that's possible. How could I go back to a normal life after all this?”

“Well, you can't become a nun.” Rebecca laughed.

“Yeah, but I don't think a normal, mortal guy can handle all this stuff. How would I even tell them? Could I hide it?”

“Well, when you’re talking about yourself, just drop it in the conversation, like, ‘My favourite colour’s red,’ ‘I like long walks on the beach,’ and ‘I’m an angel.’” She smiled. “Smooth and easy does it.”

“Yeah, like that’s actually going to work.” Rolling her eyes, Lilliah couldn’t help how her thoughts involuntarily drifted to Azrael. The guy was definitely too good-looking.

“Oh, you could date a magical guy!” Rebecca said excitedly, almost bouncing in her seat. “Have you noticed that every magical guy we've met so far has been extremely hot? Even the ones that have tried to kill us. There must be something in the magical water.” She laughed out loud at her own joke. “Your dating opportunities have just quadrupled.”

“Maybe. Do you think dating a magical guy is different than dating a mortal one?”

“I doubt it. It should be more exciting, though. Oh, I wonder if there’s a love spell?” she asked, her eyes widening at the possibilities. “Can you imagine what we could do with love spells? The possibilities are endless!”

“I don’t really know a lot about the witch and warlock side of things.”

“Well, find out. Something like that could really come in handy.”

“Like you need a love spell to help you find a guy?” Lilliah chuckled.

Her friend was confident, hot, and really didn’t need help finding love. Rebecca hadn’t gone through the awkward phase like every other teenager in the world. Instead, she had gone straight to knowing who she was and owning it.

“I was talking about you,” Rebecca teased back.

“Using a love spell has got to be just as desperate as online dating.” Lilliah shuddered; she didn’t feel like she was there just yet. Maybe in a few more years, but not now.

“Online dating isn’t creepy anymore. Did you know that one in three couples now meet online?” Rebecca said seriously.

Lilliah couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “I can’t believe you just said that! That sounded like it came straight from an eHarmony advert.”

“I think I actually got it from the eHarmony advert!” Rebecca replied.

Both girls giggled.

                                                              **************

“What were my other lives like?” Lilliah asked out loud, running her fingers over the words of the book sprawled out in front of her.

Had she been the same in her other lives? Same personality? Same likes and dislikes? She didn’t know and was finding it almost impossible to find out. She sat on the floor of the library, going through every book she could find on reincarnation, with the laptop opened beside her, trying to make sense of her new world and her past one.

Benedict had done his best to help, telling her everything he knew about her past lives and about reincarnation in general. Sadly, he didn’t know much. And Azrael? Well, she could probably count on one hand how many times she had seen or spoken to him in the week she’d been at his house. Even when Benedict would join them all for dinner, Azrael would always stay away, and apart from the odd times they crossed paths in the hallways, Azrael had pretty much stayed out of sight. Wasn’t that rude? They were his guests, after all. But after stewing on it for a few nights, she’d decided it was probably for the best. She still didn’t understand her own feelings when it came to Azrael. She knew she shouldn’t trust him, and she knew he was dangerous (well, her head knew that). There was something else in her, deep inside, making her want to trust him, making her want to be near him. It wasn’t just her heart; it was her gut, her bones, her soul. It was a feeling she couldn’t understand.

“You know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness?” Lilliah’s head shot up to see an amused Azrael standing in the doorway.

“Going crazy is the last of my worries right now.” The butterflies in her stomach were going crazy. How could he do that do her by just walking in a room?

“Why do you spend so much time in here?” he questioned while walking into the room. He sat on the sofa opposite Lilliah.

“I want to try and learn as much as I can. There’s not exactly a book on all of this,” she told him, noting that he was wearing all black again.
Did he only own black clothes?

“Well, you can ask me anything you want.” A small smile tugged the corner of his mouth.

“Really?” Lilliah watched him nod his head once.

“I have a lot of questions,” she said, grabbing her book as she moved to sit on the seat beside him. She tucked her leg under her as she sat in the corner.  “So,” she broached, finally picking one question, “how did I die? You know, before.”

“Lots of ways.” He shared the information as if she had just asked him any old question. “The plague, you got trampled on by a horse and cart, drowned, fell out of a tree, the common cold. Once even in childbirth.”

“Childbirth?” she repeated, horrified, quickly regretting her first question.

“Both you and the child died,” he confirmed without remorse. “Don't forget you've lived through some really dark times.” His tone softened. He stopped speaking for a moment, as if contemplating his next words. “You've never lived past your twenty-first birthday.”

“Never?” she asked, choking on a lump that had formed in her throat.

“No.” He shook his head. “You’ve died every time I’ve gotten close to you. It’s almost as if you could sense it, someone like me getting close, so your necklace hid you again. And my search would start over,” he said. “I presume this is why you always die young. Either that or you’re just really unlucky.” He turned in his seat so he was facing her more, his eyes boring into hers.

“That’s probably more like it.” Her lips twitched. “What did you mean when you said, someone like you?”

He moved closer to her. “Someone that shouldn't be near you.” He was now so close that she could feel his breath fanning her face. Would he kiss her? Without thinking, Lilliah leant in and lifted her face to meet his. But instead of meeting her halfway like she had expected, Azrael shot back and jumped to his feet. The action startled her and brought her out of her daze as Azrael paced, cursing to himself.
Did I really get it that wrong?
she thought, mortified.

“Wh-what was I like?” she stammered, trying desperately to change the subject. The heat of her blush ran down her neck. “Before,” Lilliah quickly finished, trying to hide her embarrassment and disappointment. What the hell was wrong with her?

“I don't know,” he replied harshly, finally stopping and running a hand through his pitch-black hair. “Every time I even got this close to you,” he said, holding his thumb and finger together, “you'd disappear.”

Lilliah knew that when he said
disappear
, he meant she'd die.

“Sometimes I never even found you at all. The world is a big place,” he continued in the same harsh tone, still not looking at her.

“Well, what about when we were, you know, angels?” she whispered, bringing her knees up in front of her and hugging them to her chest. She suddenly felt vulnerable and small.

He laughed without amusement. “I was a soldier. You were Michael’s beautiful but untouchable daughter.” The bitterness in his voice sent a shiver down her spine. “I had heard of you but had never seen you. You had a very protective father.”

“So how did you find me if you didn’t know what I looked like?” she mumbled. She wanted to leave the room and lick her wounds, but at the same time, she was too intrigued to leave.

“Well,” he sighed, finally turning to look at her, “you’ve looked the same in each life. The body followed you,” he joked. “But your necklace has a lot of power. You have a lot of power.” His eyes moved to the necklace that hung around her neck. “And when there’s that amount of power anywhere, it can be tracked and traced if you know how. It takes time and a lot of energy, but it’s doable.”

Lilliah was so busy looking down at her necklace that she hadn’t noticed Benedict walk in.

“Can I have a word, Azrael?” he asked, making Lilliah jump.

Smiling and embarrassed, she tried not to notice Benedict’s strained expression.