Authors: Neil Strauss
Rules of the Game (37 page)
MISSION 1:Your Internal Compass
There is one key piece of the game that most people never mention, teach, or realize exists. Even if you stop using routines and abandon the structure you've been taught, you will still be relying on this.
Beyond its uses in attraction, this is a skill that affects all areas of your life, whether you're interviewing for a job or getting held up at gunpoint.
Read about it in your Day 28 Briefing before proceeding with the rest of today's assignments.
Are You a Psychic or a Psycho?
The following exercise works best with a seated group of two or more people who look easygoing.
Your assignment is to guess how they know one another. Are they related? Roommates? Friends from work or school? In a relationship? On a date? Taking a class together?
Make an educated guess. Then walk up, ask, and find out if you're correct.
Your calibration skills will not only help you guess correctly, they'll also help you pose the question in a way that doesn't make the group feel like it's part of a laboratory experiment.
For example, you can say: “You have to help me quickly settle a debate I was just having with my friend. We noticed you all talking, and he said you guys probably all work together. I guessed you were friends from college.”
If they give you a funny lookâwhich will happen occasionallyâacknowledge the oddness of the situation by saying something like, “I know,
strange question, but he's into psychology. He does this stuff all the time. Then I have to do the dirty work.”
Make sure that you're smiling, your approach comes from a place of healthy curiosity, they know you're not asking in a judgmental way, and you use a time constraint.
Your mission is complete once you've approached three groups or made one correct guess, whichever comes first.
If the conversation goes so well that you end up joining the group for a while, take the opportunity to stock your dinner party with some new faces.
Get Proof of Interest [Optional]
If Mission 2 seems too easy, or if you want to do more calibration training today, then here's an additional goal to add to your approaches above.
Your secondary mission is to receive at least one indicator of interest from a woman in one of the groups you approach. Study the list of attraction signals in today's briefing to familiarize yourself with these indicators.
If you don't receive an indicator of interest in one of the three groups you approach today, then make two more approaches using your standard opener.
Your mission is complete once you've received one indicator of interest, or you've approached five women or groups altogether today.
If you do receive any indicators of interest from a woman you've approached, then it's your duty to exchange numbers and invite her to your party.
There are only three things you need to perfect in order to master the art of attracting women:
Who you are
What you do
When and how you do it
When it comes to who you are, during the first few days of the Challenge you worked on your goals, mission statement, and identity. Tomorrow you'll drill down and refine the individual characteristics of your personality.
As for what you do, you've spent nearly every day developing that element of your game, from openers to demonstrations of value.
And, for when and how you do it, you've learned the order and sequence of each attraction event and studied the big picture. But there is one more piece to this puzzle: calibration. And it makes all the difference.
Technically speaking, calibration is the act of adjusting or correcting the accuracy of a measuring instrument, usually through determining its deviation from a standard. In terms of attraction, the definition remains the sameâbut the measuring instrument is you and the standard is her.
When approaching, calibration is the skill that allows you to read the dynamics of the group or the woman you're interested in and know what to do next.
If, for example, a woman saunters up to you in a bar, rubs your chest, and says you're cute, what do you do?
If you try an opinion opener, you'll bore herâand a demonstration of value will seem like you're trying too hard. Through calibration, you'll know to skip most of the stages you've learned and start thinking about how to give her the physical experience she's looking for. Further calibration will help you determine if she wants to make out with you right there, if she wants to be taken home, or if she's just trying to make someone else in the room jealous. All these evaluationsâmade in a fraction of a secondâwill determine your next course of action.
Calibration continues to be necessary throughout an interaction. Making slight adjustments in your body language, eye contact, and tonality can affect the behavior, responses, and interest level of the woman you're talking to. Try standing too close to her and noticing how she reacts; then stand too far away. Try leaning in, then leaning back. Explore making direct eye contact, looking at her mouth, or looking over her shoulder when talking.
Learning to read her responses, and then adjusting your actions to elicit the feelings you want her to have, is the core of the game.
Though calibration is one of the most critical pieces of the game, it can also be a trap. If you overcalibrate and worry too much about every small sign a woman gives you, you'll probably become anxious and insecure, and sabotage the interaction.
When meeting a new person, all kinds of thoughts and snap judgments, both positive and negative, may swim through your mind in a matter of moments. So to avoid erring on the side of insecurity, when you're trying to assess how she feels about you, set your calibrator not to 0 (neutral interest) but to +2 (slightly interested). Go into every interaction with the attitude that the woman you're interested in is into youâand if you find yourself wondering how to interpret something she does, assume the best. This will motivate you to press forward with confidence.
After setting your instrument this way, you should then try to determine how she currently feels about you and what she needs to progress to the next stage in your attraction sequence.
At all times, you're looking for one of three responses from her:
Green LightâA positive response, which means go forward
Yellow LightâA neutral response, which means proceed with caution
Red LightâA negative response, which means stop what you're doing
Red lights are the realm of damage control, when you've miscalibrated and crossed a line or made an error. If that occurs, back up to the last yellow light.
The yellow light is what you'll encounter most often. It's a point when anything can happen. And the outcome depends on your ability to assess where she is in the courtship process, where she needs to be taken next, and what she needs to get there. Among the things she may need from you are more value, more attraction, more comfort, more trust, or just more time.
Make these calculations in your mind as imperceptibly as possible. One bad habit people sometimes develop while learning the game is that they become reaction seeking. Remember, as soon as it becomes clear that you've done or said anything solely to get a particular response from her, it not only loses its impact, it also appears needy.
The game hinges on subtleties and details like these, in part because, whether she knows it or not, she's also calibrating you. And most women have far more finely tuned instruments and intuition than we do.
Some people's calibration is a little off. They can't seem to tell when they're making people uncomfortableâor, conversely, when a woman is actually attracted to them.
No matter where you currently stand, if you pay attention and learn from the feedback a woman gives you, you'll accumulate enough experience and success that your calibration will correct itself. Eventually your intuition will become so strong that you won't need to apply any rules to calibrate. You'll just know.
In the meantime, here are a few clear signs that can help you tell whether a woman is attracted to you. These signals are subtle, so don't rely on just one to give you the green light to proceed. Make sure you have three to four clear, positive indications before assuming she's interested in getting a little more intimate. These indicators of interest include:
She asks you, without prompting, what your name is, what you do for work, where you're from, or how old you are.
You lean back, and she leans toward you.
Her legs are uncrossed (or crossed toward you), her body is angled toward you, and her arms are uncrossed.
She changes her opinion of a song, movie, or current event based on your opinion.
You make a joke, and no one in the group laughs but her.
You take her hand to lead her somewhere, and she squeezes itâespecially if you let go and she holds on.
She says, “I'm not going to sleep with you” or “I'm not going home with you,” before you've asked her to or conveyed any intent to do so.
She playfully punches or slaps your hand or arm.
She ignores her friends when they try to contribute or want to leave.
You stop talking and make eye contact, and she holds it for longer than a second.
You turn to speak to someone else, and she waits for you to turn back to her.
She displays a combination of subconscious attraction gestures: lip licking, hair twirling, pupil dilating, even nostril flaring.
She grooms herself or adjusts her clothes to expose more skin while talking to you.
She absentmindedly fondles something like a straw, cell phone, or piece of jewelry. (If she's clutching it tightly or fidgeting with it, that's not a good sign.)
