Rumor (A Renegades Novella) (5 page)

“He’s so sweet, Nikki,” Kelly said. “Not to mention smokin’ hot. Kept his back to the stage all night. Kept asking when you’d be off. If you aren’t keeping him, would you mind giving him my number? I never meet nice guys like that.”

Grace sighed and turned her gaze on Josh. His hair was a tousled mess, one closed eye visible beneath the fringe. The sight of his long golden lashes curved against his cheekbone took Grace back to what had seemed like magical months together. From the moment he’d been flown back to San Diego from Syria, Grace had been by his side.

She fingered back the butter-soft strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes. A soft smile turned her mouth, and tears welled out of nowhere. She sniffed them back, then squeezed his shoulder to wake him. “Josh, time to go home.”

His lashes fluttered, but he remained perfectly still as he gained his bearings. Only then did he sit up slowly. He rubbed his face on a heavy exhale. “How long was I out?”

“Not long,” Sandra said.

“Maybe ten minutes.” Kelly added with a flirty smile. “You can sleep on my bar anytime.”

He licked his lips, pulled cash from his pocket, and laid out two hundred-dollar bills, one for each of the women. “Thanks for keeping me company, ladies.”

Both Sandra and Kelly lifted their brows at Grace.

“Okay, big spender, where are you staying? And how are you getting there?” She could easily drive him to his hotel, but she was tired and absolutely didn’t want to get into another argument.

“Nowhere.” He reached for a small bowl of mints sitting on the bar and popped one into his mouth. “I wasn’t planning on staying. Shit, I have to call my mom.”

He stood and took a few steps away from the bar, the phone at his ear.

“His
mom
?” Kelly asked in a hush. “God, he’s adorable. I just want to take him home.”

Take him home.
That thought lit off flashes all over Grace’s body. “He’s not
that
adorable. Josh.” She lifted her voice and he turned around. “It’s too late to call your mom. Three-hour time difference, remember?”

“But they’re expecting me…” He rolled his wrist to look at his watch—the same watch Isaac and their entire team had worn. “Ah, shit. They think they’re picking me up at the airport… Hey, yeah, Mom,” he said into the phone, “it’s me. I’m sorry, I didn’t make my flight… No, no, everything’s fine. I’m still coming. Yes, I promise. Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

He disconnected with a groan and sank onto the stool again, dropping his head. “Fuck me.”

Kelly’s hand shot up. “Yes!” Grace and Sandy shot Kelly a what-the-hell look, and Kelly gave an impish grin and a little shoulder shrug. “Nikki knows my number if you ever have the urge to offer that up again.”

Josh chuckled. Then turned his head, still resting against his arms. His eyes were clear, sky blue, sleepy, and scanned her face intimately, caressing every surface from her forehead to her chin. “There’s my girl.” His mouth tipped up at the corner. “You look twelve years old again.”

She’d scrubbed off all her makeup, changed into shorts, a T-shirt, and flip-flops, and thrown her hair into a ponytail. Yeah, she’d probably taken a decade off her looks. And the affection in Josh’s eyes when he saw the Grace beneath all the props swelled her heart against her will.

“You didn’t know me when I was twelve,” she said.

“But I saw pictures. Remember when your mom brought your photo albums to the team’s barbecue?” He laughed. “God that was sweet.”

Sandy’s hands worked a towel over a glass, but she was shooting Grace her why-exactly-aren’t-you-jumping-this-guy look.

The past washed in and took every ounce of comfort from the moment. Grace answered Sandy’s silent question with “Long story.”

Customers beckoned, and Sandy and Kelly drifted down the bar again.

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” he murmured.

She sighed, running her fingers through his hair. “And you’re even more obnoxious.” He grinned, that sleepy, sloppy grin that made her insides ache. “Shit, what am I going to do with you?”

He lifted his head and propped it on his palm, then curled the other hand around hers. “Talk to me, Gracie.”

Christ, that voice, deep and smoky. Those eyes, bright and intense. He pried her heart open, and Grace felt the year separating them melting away.

“Josh—”

“You sold your town house; you’re living in a dangerous neighborhood. Now you’re working here. What happened to cheer coaching at the high school?”

Just like that, her defenses burned to life. “I’m still coaching. The girls are on winter break. We cut back the training schedule.”

His brow creased. “You’re working
both
jobs? How long have you been here?”

“Nine months.”

“Jesus, Grace, what does your mom think about you working at a strip club?”

She sighed, the weight of everything he wanted to know wearing on her patience. “I’m too tired to get into this now. Come on.” She pulled on his hand until he stood. “I’ll drop you at a hotel.”

When she tried to take her hand from his, he laced their fingers and let her guide him through the club, following like a puppy. God, he was so drunk. Which was completely out of character for the Josh she’d known—always in control, always sharp, always on.

Theo stood ready to open the door for them. “Want me to call him a cab?”

“I’ll do it, thanks.”

“It’s raining out there…” Theo warned.

“I know.” Grace had seen the rain splashing on the windows in the dressing room, but she didn’t care. She was burning up from the inside out. She could play hot and sexy with the customers all night without getting worked up, but put Josh Marx within eyesight and she felt like she’d burst into flames.

She stepped out into the night and paused under the awning as the club door closed behind them, muffling the music. She took a cleansing breath of the cold, rain-soaked night air, letting some of the stress leak from her shoulders, but an old, familiar ache had settled in her heart.

She pulled her phone from her purse, tapped into the Internet browser, and started searching for hotels nearby.

“Seems like your shoulder healed just like the doctor said it would,” she said absently as a website popped up on her screen.

Josh pulled her around to face him, his gaze deliberate. “Okay, what’s going on here, Grace? No one’s listening. No one’s watching.
Talk to me
.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I think you’re the one who should be telling me what this is about. Why are you suddenly so concerned?”

“Your whole life has changed in a year, and not for the better. If you needed something, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell Beck?”

All the anger and frustration and hurt she’d buried crept in. “First of all, my life might be different, but it’s definitely not worse, and that assumption offends me. Second, why in the hell would I call you for anything after you so completely bailed on our friendship? And third, Isaac was never there for me even when we were married. Why would I think it would be any different now?”

She didn’t wait for an answer. She couldn’t. She’d been holding everything together for so long on her own, she was ready to break. She’d put Isaac and Josh behind her. She had goals now. A direction of her very own. No mother guiding her to an acceptable place in life, no absent husband placing confining expectations on her. No friend stealing her heart.

She turned and walked into the rain. “My life may not look perfect to you, but it’s mine, and it’s staying that way. Find your own way to a hotel.”

Hold it together. Hold it together.

“We may not be perfect, Grace,” he said, coming up alongside her, “but Beck and I would have been here for you if you needed us.”

She stopped and turned on him, outraged he’d claim such bullshit. “Really? Where is Beck right now? Oh, wait, classified, right? Let’s narrow it down—is he in the United States?” When Josh glanced away, she said, “I thought not. And what about you? When’s the last time I heard from you?”

His jaw shifted sideways, gaze lowered to the ground for only a second before he met her eyes with familiar determination. “I’m here now.”

Way too little, way too late.

“Ironically, I don’t need you now. And I never needed Isaac.” She turned toward her car again, and the rain came down harder. By the time she reached the cheap little sedan, her clothes clung to her body.

“Is that why you’re not answering his calls?” Josh called behind her. “Because you’re too damn stubborn to accept help?”

Grace’s feet stopped dead in a puddle. She swung around on her heel and took three steps back toward him before she stopped herself. “
That’s
why you’re here—Isaac called you.” She threw her hands out, caught between fury and heartbreak. “
Of course
that’s why you’re here—for Isaac. Not for me.” She started for the car again, shaking now, but not from the cold or the wet. She was shaking with anger, disillusionment, hurt. So much hurt. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

Water splashed around her flip-flops and squished through her toes. She should have been freezing, but she only felt numb. Why did she keep falling for physically and emotionally unreachable men? Men who were never satisfied with who she was?

She fumbled with her keys, struggling to find the one for her car through the rain and welling tears.

“He heard a rumor that you were stripping, and—“

Grace pivoted toward him, eyes narrowed. “A
rumor
?” That was a strange turn of phrase…or maybe she was just oversensitive. “How did he hear a rumor like that when he’s all the way across the fucking world?”

“Someone from another SEAL team was here. He recognized you in a photo from your anniversary trip to Mexico.”

She closed her eyes. “The trip from hell?”

“Couldn’t have been all bad. Beck still has fond memories of—”

“Isaac is clueless, Josh. He may be a good man and an amazing soldier, but he’s clueless in just about every other area of his life.” She turned away again, muttering, “I’m starting to wonder if that’s a prerequisite to become a SEAL.”

“Wait, Grace, we can talk this out.”

“I don’t have anything else to say.” Christ, that had come out in her borderline hysterical voice. But she couldn’t control the wild emotions as she faced him again. “You already know I’m not stripping. And even if I was, it wouldn’t give either of you the right to shove your two cents at me. And, as you can see, I’m perfectly fine. So when you talk to Isaac again, you can tell him I don’t need either one of you. Which works out fine, because neither of you ever really wanted me either.”

Tears swam in her eyes. Angry tears. Hurt tears. Sick-to-death-of-this-shit tears. She jammed her key into the door lock and clicked it open. Josh pulled her around to face him again, trapping her against the car, and stared down into her face with frustration darkening his expression.

“I didn’t walk away because I didn’t want you, Gracie,” he said, his words so low they were almost drowned by the night sounds. Rain dripped off his straight nose and clumped his golden eyelashes. His smoky blue eyes lowered to her mouth in a languid way that told Grace the alcohol was still singing in his bloodstream. “I walked away because I
did
.”

Grace’s lips parted with another protective, dismissive remark, but nothing came out. Her throat tightened into a ball. Her mind teetered between believing the sincere declaration in the moment and brushing it aside.

“Sure. That’s why you moved to LA when I told you how I felt.” She drew a breath, forcing herself to put self-preservation first. “Here’s what I learned during those four long years married to Isaac—
action
, not
words
, is what separates the boys from the men. And I’ve had more than enough little boys in my life.”

His eyes narrowed, and the skin over his cheeks tightened. His lips thinned. And God, he was beautiful, his bronze skin contrasting with his crystal-blue eyes.

“I’m not Beck,” he rasped. “And I’m no kid either.”

“Kids run when they’re scared. Which is exactly what you—”

His hands tightened on her arms. His body pressed her against the car. The surprise of cold steel at her back and warm muscle at her front made her gasp and close her fists in the wet folds of his shirt. He lowered his head, pressing his body into hers. A rigid erection indented her lower belly and burned hot beneath his zipper, stealing Grace’s breath. Her body flooded with surprise, confusion…and lust.

“Damn right you scare me,” he murmured, his lips an inch from hers. “You’re the only thing that’s ever scared me, Grace.”

Her mind didn’t have time to process what that meant, because Josh’s mouth sealed over hers, cool and wet and firm. The deliberate press of his lips stunned her for long seconds, while thoughts snapped in her brain like firing synapses. She’d never believed he’d ever cross that line. There had been so many times in the past, perfect moments for their first kiss, but he’d always backed off.

Now, he groaned, the sound a combination of pleasure and frustration. He tilted his head, curved one hand around the back of her neck, and this time when he kissed her again, he meant it—lips parted, searching, suckling. His other hand slipped around her waist and dragged her up against his body.

Her brain scrambled. Let go and enjoy, or push back to safety? Swoon or rail?

She shouldn’t give in to temptation. She knew this was the alcohol taking over. Knew he’d regret kissing her the moment the lust ebbed and his buzz cleared. But then his tongue licked across her bottom lip, her muscles went limp, and her mouth opened. The first sweep of his tongue across hers made her breath catch, made heat rush between her legs. He was hungry, demanding, and far more passionate than she’d ever imagined. The man who’d gone out of his way to deliver appropriate responses, keep respectable distances, and spare her every courtesy, was now fucking her mouth with long strokes of his tongue, exploring in decadent caresses, driving the kiss with hungry urgency.

Grace’s mind spiraled. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t reason. Couldn’t make any decisions. She just held on tight, experiencing this lightning strike. Every inch of her skin burned with desire. Every cell vibrated with the thrill of being so desperately wanted by a man she’d craved for years. And she needed more of him. So much more. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she didn’t dare ask or even suggest, sure he’d pull away. Again.