Rumor Has It (17 page)

“He is a good friend and my lieutenant, so I spend quite a bit of time with him. He was happy for a bit, and I know you were the cause. The funny thing about it is Liam isn’t a possessive guy. About anything. He never has a favorite anything. He takes what’s available and is satisfied with it. Even women—I’d talk about a woman he was with, question him about her…no problem, he gave his blessing. But the moment I started talking about you, he would get silent or change the topic. I know that probably doesn’t seem like a lot to you, but for him it’s huge.”

“You must be seeing things that aren’t there. Liam and I are just friends.”

“It doesn’t seem like it today. Something happened. He usually comes over to talk to me about something I already know or something that is pretty meaningless, just to get me away from you.” He looked at her and studied her. “There’s something going on, but you just don’t want to tell me.”

“You’ve been playing with me by acting like you’re interested in me, haven’t you?”

“I wouldn’t say playing with you, but I wanted him to see that now that you are available, he should make his move before you’re in another relationship and he goes off on his dating sprees. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but since you broke up with Theo—good move, by the way—Liam hasn’t had as many dates as he usually does. Why do you think that is?” Ethan asked.

She hoped he knew; she really didn’t want to talk about Liam and her predicament right now, but she sensed he felt the need to clear this up.

“I don’t think that means anything. He probably gets tired of the beautiful bubbleheads he always dates.”

“Or maybe it’s because he spends so much time at your house or hanging out with you.”

“Between poker night with the guys and helping out with the fire-dog program, he doesn’t really have a lot of free time.” She took a deep breath and continued. “We’ve been together lately because of this project, but it’s going to be over in the next day or two, and he’ll be back to normal. I can almost promise that.” She wanted him to know he’d have his friend back very soon.

“If you say so,” Ethan said with a smirk.

She went off to find Liam and try to get him to talk to her. She didn’t want anyone to speculate about them, and she’d love to be back on friendly terms. She’d been wrong, she knew that, but she didn’t deserve to be banned from his life. She’d had enough of this treatment.

She found him deep in a conversation with a beautiful woman. They were sitting innocently enough, but as she drew closer, she could see interest in her eyes and the intimacy of their gaze. Raina was being replaced right before her eyes. He looked at her as she drew near, and she could almost feel the warmth draining from his eyes, leaving an emotionless facade that made her want to lose the little bit of food she had managed to eat while they were all sitting in the rented room.

“Can I help you, Raina?” Even the way he said her name was flat, empty, and made her desperate for them to end this.

“I just needed to speak to you when you had a chance. I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”

The buxom blonde looked like a fifties pinup model and had confidence oozing out of her pores. She probably wasn’t intimidated by the thin, shapeless female who’d come over to talk to the man she was interested in.

He looked back at blondie. “We’ll have to finish our conversation at another time.”

“I’ll make sure we do.”

She got up from her spot at the large table in the recesses of the room and sauntered off, putting an extra twist in her hips as she left. Raina followed the beautiful woman’s path across the bar until she couldn’t see her anymore because she didn’t think she would be able to watch him do it.

“Raina.” His voice wasn’t loud, but it was sharp.

She turned toward him, and he motioned for her to sit down. There was no smile or warmth in his face, and although she wanted to be happy he was speaking to her, she could feel the difference in the way he was responding to her.

She stared at his profile, taking in the face she loved so much, and decided she needed to come out with the truth. She started quietly, hoping that would make him look at her.

“I lied to you.”

“What?”

“When I came to you with the proposition for sex?”

“Okay.” He was sitting there like she wasn’t important, like what she was saying didn’t matter. His fingers were frolicking with the water droplets that had collected on his beer glass, and his gaze was fixated on the condensation rolling down. Like he didn’t know her, like they hadn’t…

“Don’t you want to know why?” That came out a bit louder as her frustration grew.

“Why what?” He turned to look at her briefly but returned to what he was doing before their eyes could meet.

“Why I lied to you?”

“Not particularly.”

Then she got it…this was what he did. How he coped. She’d seen him do this millions of times. Things she thought he would care about but he didn’t…or maybe he did. Either way, she had to get it off her chest and come clean about what had happened.

“Theo asked me to marry him.” That at least got his attention.

“Well, that should make you happy. It’s what you’ve always wanted, right? Now you can have the family you’ve always wanted. I told him to try again.”

“You what? Wait…no. Not now. On my twenty-sixth birthday.”

He looked confused, which was better than disinterested. “So, what, you wanted to be with me before you settled down with him?”

“No. He knew about my plans and wanted to marry me, but he had a requirement.”

He was still looking at her, which was encouraging even though his posture said
I don’t give a damn
. “And that was…come on, Raina, either you want to tell me or you don’t. I really don’t feel like pulling this out of you.”

“I had to give you up.”

She could see his surprise, even though he quickly hid it, so she continued.

“That was the requirement. He said we could be married within the year and then start on kids, and I was happy. I was going to get what I’d always wanted: a husband and children to love me and for me to love.”

“Why didn’t you do it? You could have had your dream. Why pull me into it?”

“Because that’s not the first time I’d ever heard that.”

“The boyfriend before Theo.”

“Brad.”

“Right, Brad.” She smiled, happy he’d remembered but she was brought back to reality when her smile wasn’t returned. “He thought we were having an affair.” She cleared her throat, snatched his glass, and took a sip of his beer. She’d always hated the bitter brew but hoped for the liquid courage she’d always heard about.

“If you were looking for something with a bit more kick, I could have ordered something.” He smiled at her, but then he must have remembered he was mad at her and the smile faded.

“He said I moaned your name in my sleep. I told him he must be imagining it, that I probably was murmuring something else. He bought a tape recorder and taped me so we both could hear it. Brad was furious, but I didn’t think much of it. We spend a lot of time together, so maybe I was dreaming of you.”

“Is that what you told him?”

“I told him that was what it could be. It’s possible, isn’t it?”

“Probably not.”

“What would you do if your girlfriend said another man’s name in her sleep?”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t usually stay the night.”

She regretted bringing that up, as he looked like he was going to shut down or bolt or both. She started to talk quickly to get everything out she could.

“I was telling the truth about not being able to have an orgasm with anyone else, but I thought maybe if I was with you sexually, I could work you out of my system and then move on.”

“How’s that working for you?”

“Don’t be mean. I’ve learned a lot being with you these past couple of weeks. Like how you take the time to learn people and how you try to make them feel special. Even going against some things I know you don’t particularly like to do and doing them for me. I truly appreciate that.” She stopped to look at the effect her speech was having on Liam and found his face was again blank.

“I didn’t mean to tick you off by bringing your mother to your house for the breakfast. I didn’t know you wouldn’t be happy to see her. Probably because my mother died around the same time she left you, and I would have given anything to know my mother, to spend time with her. I just thought you would too. I didn’t mean it as a betrayal or me thinking I could control you. I just—”

“Your mother died. My mother just left.”

“I know, but she wanted to talk to you about that. You can still have something with her. I thought maybe if you cleared the air with her, you’d be ready to face whatever it is that has you not wanting to commit to anyone.”

“So you thought if you could fix me and my mommy problem, I’d be able to commit to you.”

“Well, it seems pretty selfish when you say it like that. I just thought about how you always said you didn’t want a commitment, and when I found out about your mother, I figured maybe that was the reason why.”

“That’s because you were only thinking about yourself.”

“That’s not true. I was thinking about both of us. We have so much in common. We like the same offbeat indie movies, we talk about any topic, we laugh and have fun doing really nothing at all. We enjoy each other’s company.”

He was just staring at her, and she didn’t think she was going to like what he said, but she pressed on. “We can just sit in the same room not talking and it’s more fun than I have with most people at their most festive.”

“I don’t want to be tied down. You said you understood that, but you really didn’t, did you? You say you know me, but you don’t. There was a reason I kept the relationship the way it was, and that was because I know you are a keeper, but I don’t want a keeper. I don’t want to be in a relationship at all. You are too kindhearted, and that’s why you get stepped on so often. You need to guard yourself. I should have told you no when you asked me to help you, but I wanted it to happen too.”

“I don’t want to guard myself. I know what I want, and I guess it’s always been what I wanted. I love you, Liam, I probably always have, but I knew if I let you know that, you would run from me like you do all the other women you love and leave. I thought I was different. It wasn’t just about sex. Well, at first I thought it was, but I was wrong. We have something meaningful. You know more about me than you do all the other girls combined, and here’s the truth. You don’t want to be in a committed relationship, but we’ve been in one for the last four years.”

“What?” That one clearly shocked him, but she was pleased to see something other than the dull, bored look he’d had on all night when in her presence.

“A friendship relationship.”

“Raina, don’t love me. I can’t love you. I can’t love anyone.” The blank expression cracked, and if asked, she didn’t know if she would have been able to describe her contentment when she witnessed that he cared about her at least to some extent. “Loving me will only cause you pain.” He moved closer to her. “This is why I didn’t want to do this. I never wanted to be one of the guys who hurt you. I’ve wanted you for a long time, but I made sure I didn’t take what you’ve been offering. But when you put it out there on full display like a present, I couldn’t turn it down.”

He placed his palm on her cheek, and she leaned into his hand.

“The friendship has to be over too.” His voice was deep and firm.

“What…why?” She snapped her head away from his hand and stared at him. This was not the way she’d wanted this to go.

“I’m the reason you can’t be with anyone else. I’ll take myself out of the equation, and you’ll forget about me.”

“Liam, you can’t believe that. Didn’t you just hear me tell you I love you? I love that you are trying to save me, that you want me to have the family I want, and I love that you at least look like you give a damn. But let’s be honest. I can’t be with someone else when it’s you I’ve always wanted.”

She watched him shake his head, but she’d seen him do that before and she’d been able to sway him her way.

“Let’s just try to work this out.”

“Good-bye, Raina.”

“Wait! You’re not even going to give this a chance?”

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said. This is all about you and what you want and need, but I don’t want any part of this.”

“Liam—”

“I’m going to ask that you respect my request of keeping your distance and leaving me alone.”

“But—”

“Don’t be like the other women who just hang on after it’s over. Don’t make me be mean to you. I don’t want to do that, but I will.” His expression was sad but unmovable. He got up and strolled back to the beautiful blonde.

She sat there for a few minutes feeling like she’d been in a fight. Her body felt sore, and it hurt to breathe. She just wanted to lie down where she sat.

Ethan came over and slid into the seat next to her.

“Everything is going to be all right. You sit here, and I’ll grab my things so I can walk you to your car.”

Elaine sashayed over from the bar. “You thought being his friend would make you special, and you thought you were better than the rest of us. I told you it wouldn’t take long for you to be just like everybody else. I know you think I was trying to be mean, but I didn’t want it to happen to you without you at least being warned that it could happen.” She gave Raina’s arm a comforting squeeze and then sauntered off into the crowd.

Raina attempted to focus on the last items she had to share about the Fire Ball, and when everyone was back, she started to speak but found herself looking for Liam.

He was there, looking as if nothing had happened. She could see the blonde on the other side of the glass wall, waiting with a drink like she had nothing but time. She was probably waiting to go home with Liam. When their eyes met, he had the good manners to look away.

The information was brief, and everyone was happy that they’d done their jobs well. They straightened up their mess, and all were released. She hung back because she didn’t want to see Liam and blondie go off together.