Rumor Has It (12 page)

    'Everyone's looking at you. You're making a spectacle of your self.' Exasperated, Fergus said, 'Go home, Stella. We'll talk about this tomorrow when you've calmed down.'

    'Hang on.' Erin knew she wouldn't be able to rest until she'd asked the question. 'Look, I'm really sorry you're upset, and I
swear
I've only been seeing Fergus for a few weeks, but how did you know he'd be here tonight? Did someone tell you?'

    Stella gazed up at her. 'Like who?'

    'Like anyone. Because we haven't told anyone,' said Erin. 'Because we didn't want you to find out and be upset.'

    'Well, that worked well, didn't it?'

    Erin bit her lip. 'Please.'

    She saw Stella hesitate. The temptation not to spill the beans must be huge. Luckily, it didn't quite match up to the even greater temptation to do her Miss Marple bit and tell all.

    'When Fergus came to the house last night, he smelled different. I thought I recognized the perfume but I couldn't be sure. That's why I came into the shop at lunchtime. And there it was again, on you.' Stella paused. 'Very… distinctive. No one else in Roxborough wears that scent.'

    This was true. Possibly because there was no Jo Malone shop within fifty miles. Tilly had sent her a bottle of the fabulously exotic perfume for Christmas.

    And the moral of the story was, if you don't want people to know you have a secret lover, you're probably better off
not
spraying Pomegranate Noir all over your brand new Egyptian cotton sheets.

The phone rang as Tilly was doing her impression of a chef in the kitchen. Feeling super-efficient, she tucked the cordless phone between ear and shoulder, stirred the frying mushrooms with one hand, and whisked the cheese sauce with the other. Oh yes, this cooking malarkey was a piece of cake.

    'Hi there.' It was Kaye's voice, cheerful and have-a-nice-dayish. 'How's everything going?'

    'Oh, fine. I'm multi-tasking! Just making—
oops
.' Tilly jumped back as the cheese sauce bubbled and spat, causing her to lose control of the phone, which slid down her chest, bounced off her right breast, and landed in the frying pan on top of the mushrooms. In a panic she hurriedly scooped it out with the spatula, sending the phone clattering across the stove and slices of mushroom flying through the air like confetti.

    Having given the phone a hasty wipe with kitchen towel, Tilly said, 'Hello, are you still there?'

    'Just about.' Kaye sounded amused. 'What happened to me?'

    'I just dropped you. I'm only a trainee multi-tasker. Sorry about that.' She switched off the gas rings before anything more drastic could happen.

    'No problem. Is Lou around?'

    'She's upstairs doing her homework, I'll just take the phone up. By the way, I saw her bickering with a boy yesterday as they were coming out of school. Quite good-looking too.'

'Ooh!' Avidly Kaye said, 'Do you think she fancied him?'

    'Well, I asked her what he was like and she said he was a com plete idiot. Then she changed the subject.'

    'Classic. Textbook response. Was his name Eddie?'

    Bingo. 'That's the one. Eddie Marshall-Hicks.'

    'Bless. My baby's getting interested in her first boy.' Kaye fal tered, emotion welling up. 'Oh God, and I'm not there to help her through it.'

    'Ah, but did you ask your mum for help when you were thirteen?'

    'No, I suppose not.'

    'Nor me. Sshh, Betty.' Turning round, Tilly saw that Betty had bounded up onto the window seat and, paws scrabbling against the glass, was barking in indignation at the rooks who had the temerity to be cawing and strutting around the lawn as if they owned the place.

    'Oh, Betty! Let me speak to her,' Kaye begged.

    OK, slightly weird but never mind. Glad she wasn't the one paying the phone bill, Tilly knelt on the window seat and held the receiver to Betty's ear.

    'Betsy-Boo! Hello, Betsy-Boo! It's
meee,
' crooned Kaye.

    Betty tilted her head to one side, then returned to gazing intently out of the window.

    'Betsy-Boo? Betsy-Boo-Boo-Boo! Hello, is the phone by her ear? Can she hear me?'

    'Bark,' Tilly whispered urgently in Betty's other ear. 'Woof, woof, go on, do it.'

    'She's not barking. She's never not barked before.' Kaye sounded distraught. 'She doesn't recognize me.' Her voice rose to a wail. 'She's forgotten who I am!'

    'She hasn't; she's just distracted.' Now Tilly really felt sorry for her. She gave Betty a nudge, willing her to bark.

    'Betty-Betty-Betty,' begged Kaye.

    Betty turned her head away, supremely uninterested. Tilly, crouched down next to her, did a doggy-type snuffle into the phone.

    'Is that her? Betsy-Boo?'

    Tilly closed her eyes and did an experimental high-pitched
yip. Actually
that wasn't bad at all. Who'd have thought she'd be so good at this? Even Betty had turned to look at her in surprise. Encouraged, Tilly took a deep breath and moved closer to the phone. 'Yip, yip-yip, yip…'

    'Hang on.' Evidently she wasn't the world-class dog mimic she'd imagined. Kaye said slowly, 'That wasn't Betty, was it?'

    'Um… what?'

    'That was you, wasn't it?'

    Tilly's heart sank. Oh well, she'd done her best. 'Yes. Sorry.'

    'Never mind. Thanks for trying. I'll speak to Lou now.' Dryly Kaye said, 'That's if she wants to talk to me.'

    Swiveling round, Tilly saw she wasn't the only person in the room. Just inside the doorway were Max and Jack. Honestly, as if yesterday's embarrassing moment in Jack's sitting room hadn't been enough. Keen to retain some dignity, she slid off the window seat and crossed the kitchen. As she passed between them, she waggled the phone and said, 'Call for Lou. I'll just take it up to her.'

    Thankfully, Lou had a better memory than Betty. She seized the phone with delight. 'Hey, Mum, I got fifty-eight percent in French today, and that might not sound brilliant but it really
was.
Euw,' she added, wrinkling her nose. 'This phone smells of mushrooms.'

    Back downstairs, Tilly switched the gas rings back on and resumed cooking without looking at either Max or Jack. For several seconds there was silence in the kitchen.

    Then, behind her, she heard, 'Woof.'

    'Yip-yip.'

    'Woof, woof-woof.'

    'All right.' Tilly turned to face them. 'It was Kaye on the phone. I was just trying to make her feel better.'

    'Does it for me, every time,' said Jack. 'Phew. Being barked at. Nothing beats that.'

    'Woof,' said Max.

    'Or there's growling.' Jack nodded thoughtfully. 'Maybe a growl beats a bark. I can't decide.'

    Max beckoned with both hands. 'Come on, Tilly, give us a growl. We'll see which one we like best.'

    'You know how much you hate mustard?' Tilly leveled the spatula at him. 'I could always put mustard in every meal I cook. And pepper in every pudding.'

    'Can't mess with this girl.' Grinning, Max searched amongst a pile of papers on the dresser before pulling out a folder. He passed it over to Jack. 'Here's the plan for the Avening conversion. See what you think.'

    'Great.' Jack moved towards the door, jangling his keys. 'Coming down to the Fox later?'

    Max grimaced. 'What, and spend the evening having to stand there like a spare part while every woman in the place chats you up?'

    'They don't.'

    'They do. Even the geriatrics. And let me tell you,
that's
not a pretty sight.'

    'It's Declan's fiftieth. He asked if you'd be there. Bring Tilly along,' Jack suggested as Lou bounded into the kitchen. 'It'll be a good night.'

    'I can't go,' said Tilly. 'Who'd be here to look after Lou?'

    'Look after me when?' Lou looked puzzled.

    'This evening.'

    'Excuse me! I'm thirteen, not
three
. I don't need a babysitter.'

    'Fancy it?' Max turned to Tilly. 'Declan's the landlord of the Lazy Fox on the High Street.'

    Proudly Tilly said, 'I've been there. With Erin. Declan was really nice.'

    'Must've been having an off day.' Jack headed for the door. 'Right, maybe see you later.'

    'Maybe.' Tilly returned her attention to the mushrooms and did her best to sound casual. After all, she might decide to stay in and watch TV instead.

'IT'S YOU!' RECOGNIZING TILLY, Declan said, 'The one who made fun of our headlines.'

    The Fox was busy, crammed with friends and customers helping their favorite grumpy landlord to celebrate his birthday. Silver helium balloons bobbed against the ceiling and the staff behind the bar were all wearing black and white T-shirts with 'Declan—86 today!' em blazoned across their chests.

    'You said I'd like it here,' said Tilly.

    'And now she's taken you up on it,' said Max.

    'Ha, so you're the one Max has got working for him.'

    'All thanks to you. I wouldn't have seen the ad if you hadn't given me that newspaper.'

    Declan patted her on the back. 'You'll be fine. We're not so bad. Erin coming along tonight?'

    'No, she's not feeling too well.' Tilly had sent a text earlier to ask if she wanted to join them but Erin had texted back saying she had a headache and that she'd see her another time.

    'That's a shame. Anyway, let's get you two a drink.' Declan ushered them over to the bar.

    Max was greeting friends, gazing around. 'Jack not here yet?'

    'Jack?' Declan sounded surprised. 'He's around somewhere.'

    At that moment the crowd shifted and they glimpsed him, surrounded by a gaggle of girls in their twenties. Max, cupping his hands around his mouth, called out, 'Hey, Lucas, never mind them. I'm here now.'

    Excusing himself, Jack came over. He grinned at Tilly. 'You made it then.'

    As if there'd ever been any possibility she wouldn't. Tilly shrugged. 'Just for an hour or two.'

    'And by the look of things we got here just in time.' Max nodded at the gaggle of girls who were still watching them. 'Once that lot get their claws into you, there's no escape.'

    'Liverpudlian poof to the rescue.' Dryly, Jack said, 'You have your uses.'

    Then the door to the pub swung open and Tilly saw Jack register the arrival of someone whose presence didn't fill him with joy. A split second later he raised a hand in greeting, flashed a friendly-but distant smile, and mouthed, 'Hi'.

    Turning, Tilly saw a thin blonde who ignored the 'but-distant' part of the message and, like a heat-seeking missile, determinedly battled her way through the crowds towards them. Except she was being a Jack-seeking missile. With a start Tilly realized she was drag ging a friend along in her wake, and that the friend was Erin's chap's ex-wife, the confident one from the upmarket interiors shop—what was her name?

    'Amy.' Jack greeted the blonde with a nod. 'Stella.'

    Stella, that was it.

    'Hi, Jack, how are you? I had such a fantastic time the other night.' Amy gazed up at him, adoration shining from her eyes. 'Wasn't it great?'

    What might have become an awkward pause was averted by Stella clutching Max's arm and blurting out, 'Never mind that. Oh Max, wait till you hear what's happened. You will not
believe
this.'

    Uh oh. And she wasn't saying it in a good, I've-won-the-lottery kind of way.

    '
You
.' Recognizing Tilly as Max's assistant, Stella said, 'Remember I told you about my husband? Well, I found out why he left me.' Addressing everyone now, she declared, 'Because he was having an affair! I knew it all along—why else would he move out? And get this, it's not even with someone amazing. Compared with me, she's eugh, not even close. And that just drives me insane because how
dare
she? I mean, how sly is that? And it's my husband she stole!'

    Tilly opened her mouth to protest but Amy was already trilling, 'And you'll never guess who it is!'

    'Edwina Currie?' said Max. 'Jo Brand? Peg-leg Aggie from the corner shop?'

    Hang on.

    'Actually, that's not fair,' Tilly blurted out. 'It wasn't a question of stealing him. Nothing happened until
well
after he left you.'

    Every head instantly swiveled in her direction. Jack's expression was unreadable. Max exclaimed, 'Fuck me!
You're
having an affair with Fergus? Is that why you were so desperate to move down here?'

    Stella's immaculately lipglossed mouth fell open. 'Not you as well! My God, how many women has my husband been shagging behind my back?'

    OK, getting out of control now.

    'Not me.' Vigorously, Tilly shook her head. 'I didn't mean me. I've never even met your husband.' Breaking into a cold sweat, she realized she might have just blown Erin's cover; what if Fergus
had
been multi-tasking, running more than one relationship? 'Sorry, I don't know why I said that. Oh, thanks.' She took the glass of wine Declan was offering her and gratefully dived into it.

    'Come on then,' said Max. 'Who's he seeing?'

    'OK, put it this way,' Stella announced. 'You know the dress exchange at the bottom of this street? Erin's Beautiful Clothes? Well, from now on, I'm going to be calling it Erin's Enormous Nose. Because I asked her if she thought my husband was seeing someone and she
lied
to me. It's her! She's the one! I've been going into her shop and she's been pretending to sympathize with me, and all this time that witch is the reason I was distraught in the first place!'