Rumors and Promises (39 page)

Sophie spread the slightly moth-eaten blanket that she had retrieved from the attic over a grassy spot in the cemetery. One summer day had melted into the next. She was thankful for the breeze rustling the poplar leaves overhead as they waved like elegant green fans.

She placed clean white stoneware dishes on the blanket and put out fruit and cheese, cold fried chicken and biscuits. The idyllic picture, along with Ian’s smiling face and the glorious day around them, buoyed her spirits for a moment.

“We picked the perfect afternoon, didn’t we?” Ian’s grin gave her confidence for the moment.

“We surely did. How kind of Maggie to watch Caira for me.”

“You mean for us. She didn’t mind a bit.”

She set a golden piece of chicken on her beau’s plate, mulling over what she must soon reveal. She reached for a biscuit to add to his meal.

“It’s all right, Sophie, I’ll get the rest for myself.”

“My mother always served my father first. She …” Sophie caught herself. “Never mind.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you mention your parents.” Ian raised his eyebrows. “Don’t worry about serving me everything. I’m an old bachelor. My sister doesn’t mind if I take care of myself, though I must say that she doesn’t think I do a very good job of it.” He chuckled.

After Ian said a prayer of thanksgiving, they both took a bite of the main dish Esther had provided. Usually, Sophie savored the delicious chicken, but at that moment the meat seemed as unappealing as sawdust and went down with as much ease. She put her plate on the blanket and leaned her back against the tree while Ian, sitting across from her, seemed to enjoy each bite of the food on his plate.

Sophie surveyed the area. Trees of every height grew around them, in their green spring finery. One tree, not far to her right, caught her attention. Tall with years of growth, its branches spread wide, but for one section. The deep separation and bark stripped away, like an angry scar, showed the tree had most likely been broken during a storm.

The damaged one stood in the midst of the healthy. Perhaps the exposed area would heal by itself, but it would never be the same. It seemed a picture of her life, broken beyond the most basic repair. And now she was asking the man she loved to share in this brokenness. Was she being selfish?

“Sophie, are you all right? You’re awfully quiet and have barely taken a bite.”

“There’s something I need to tell you before things go any farther between us.” She pushed her plate away. The intensity of
Ian’s gaze, with an expectancy she couldn’t quite read, made her stomach knot and her palms grow sweaty. She swallowed over the enormous lump in her throat. “I-it’s a-about Caira. And me.” Sophie glanced downward.

Ian set down his plate and moved closer to her, engulfing her hands in his. He listened, patient and unflinching as she poured out her story. At some point, as she recounted Charles’ deception and attack, Ian pushed the food aside and moved closer still.

“And then, there is the reason Caira’s name is spelled the way it is.” She looked up into his face.

“Oh?” The word hung between them like the unanswered question it was meant to be.

“Everyone thought it was pronounced ‘Care-uh’, but they were wrong. I was so weak after her birth. All I had written on a piece of paper was the word ‘Cairo’ and Mama had misunderstood.” Sophie smoothed the blanket over the prickly grass. “I’d been reading in my Bible about the Israelite bondage in Egypt. I didn’t want anyone to know how angry I was about feeling entrapped, so I wrote ‘Cairo’ because it’s a city there today.

“My parents made me feel like keeping the baby without marrying Charles would ruin my life. In fact, they believed my life was already ruined.” Sophie thought back to that day. Once she had rested and was able to hold the newborn Caira, her feelings had changed. The baby girl only had to yawn with her rosebud mouth, entrance her with the sparkle of gray eyes under lazy lids, and squeeze Sophie’s finger with a delicate grasp. Sophie had become Caira’s slave, with her heart in sweet lifetime bondage to the child. “But once I held her, I knew I could never let her go.

“My mother had found the slip of paper with ‘Cairo’ written on it while I was sleeping. She thought it said ‘Caira’ and thought the name was unusual but pretty. It was recorded that way, so the moniker stuck. Before the birth, because of how it had come about, I had not chosen a name. I’d been sure I would be forced to give
her up. I was too tired to argue about what to call her, and Caira sounded pretty. Besides, she didn’t ruin my life, only changed it.”

When she finished her tale, Ian stood up and began to pace.

“Are you angry with me?” Sophie stood to follow him, wringing her hands.

“Not with you, but I am furious with the scoundrel who hurt you.” Ian removed his straw boater and raked a hand through his hair, averting his gaze. “I’ve been waiting a long time for you to confide in me. I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me sooner.”

“What do you mean?” Sophie noticed the tic in his jaw muscles.

“You should know …” Ian’s voice trailed off.

“Know what?” Sophie stood.

CHAPTER 23

“I
’ve met your mother.”

“How? Where?” The sickening knot returned to her stomach.

“She came to me for prayer … and advice at the Florence Crittenton Home when I visited. I had no idea until she introduced herself and … told me some of your story.

“When she showed me your picture in her locket, why, that confirmed things.”

The cawing sound of a distant crow pierced Ian’s thoughts. “She’s devastated, Sophie. Your mother wants nothing more than to be reunited with you.”

Sophie stood there, glaring, her mouth open. “But …”

They faced one another, and he reached for her elbow. “Let me help you sit down.”

“I’m fine.” She pulled her arm from his grasp. “You’ve known this for how long? And you haven’t told me? And I should be happy you kept that from me?” A wounded doe replaced the frightened one he’d once known. She closed moist eyes.

“I assumed you had your reasons for not telling anyone, but I’d hoped I would be the one you would trust with your secret.
It doesn’t change how I feel about you.” The last piece had been placed into the puzzle. Ian felt he might be ready for the next step.

“How long would you have waited? Until Caira is grown? Until my mother is dead? You would test me rather than tell me the truth—I don’t understand. It’s so unlike you, Ian.” Sophie turned away, her shoulders shaking as she lamented over his revelation.

“You have to remember that I’m a pastor and a shepherd. I’m not free to tell what I am told in confidence.” Ian wanted to embrace her, but held back. “I had such great hope that perhaps when we were at this point, you’d be reunited with your parents, and I could ask your father for your hand in marriage. Properly.”

She swung around. “How dare you presume what is best for me and my family.”

“Haven’t your parents been deprived of their granddaughter long enough?”

“How can you say that, Ian? It’s my father’s fault I left.”

“And what about your mother? She truly misses you.”

“You’re not being fair.” Sophie crossed her arms.

“Sophie, I know it’s a little soon, but if you are inclined toward marrying me, I want to start out right. It’s time to forgive them. I think they will just be happy to know you are safe and healthy. Besides, you know we can’t hide your secret forever.”

“You can’t possibly understand what it’s like for me.” Sophie picked up her straw hat in a hurry, stomping off. “My father and mother deserted me. I had nowhere to go with Caira!” Scrunching the brim of her hat, she knew she was overreacting, but even Ian had betrayed her in a sense. The aloneness swallowed her with its cave-like emptiness.

“Sophie!” The dry grass crunched under Ian’s shoes. “Listen to me for a moment.”

She stubbed her toe on a rock. “Ow.” Sophie stood on one foot to rub the injured one. She turned away from him.

Ian stood beside her. “You and Caira are definitely cut from the same cloth.”

“Are you saying that I am behaving like a two-year-old?”

Ian stifled a laugh. She peered at him from the corner of her eye. He needed to tread carefully. He cleared his throat. “I realize I’m asking a lot of you. I’m sorry.” Wasn’t a man of God supposed to preach forgiveness?

Still balancing on one foot, Sophie lost her balance, falling into Ian’s embrace. He drew her closer. Their lips pressed together, merging in soft warmth. Her deep emotions poured into the sweetness of their kiss, blurring the reason for her anger for a moment. Then she remembered her mother’s face, peering at her with sad eyes. Sophie pulled away.

“So what did you tell my mother?” Sophie fought more tears, but they spilled over, making trails down both cheeks. Anger and sadness fought to control her. Sometimes she longed to see her mother again. If only the circumstances were different. How could she make Ian understand?

“Nothing. I didn’t feel it was my place.” Ian held her face between his hands. He rubbed the wetness off her cheeks with his thumbs.

“So all this time you’ve known I’m just used goods. What do you see in me, anyway?”

“You are not used goods.
Never.
You are God’s precious gift to me. And so is Caira.” He sighed. “Dearest, did you realize that if Caira’s name were spelled just a bit differently, it would mean ‘the beloved one’ in Italian? I’ve heard it spoken to mean that. She has been God’s beloved gift to you, and to us, all along. She was not meant to be a bondage to you,
ever
.”

Sophie nodded. “I know.” Though mesmerized by his aqua blue eyes, she saw the melancholy in them. “Then what’s wrong?”

Ian took a deep breath. “We’re at an impasse.”

“You didn’t feel that you could confide in me, and now you don’t want to forgive your parents. I’m a minister of God. I should live an open, honest life.” Even as he said it, Ian could see that she’d been wounded by his words. And conviction niggled at his conscience as he remembered his own secrets. But did she really need to know them? He averted his gaze.

Sophie recoiled, stepping backwards. “Do you think I have done this for myself? That I don’t hate myself every day for living a lie? I knew that someday I would have to tell you, but it was for Caira’s sake. I want her to have a chance. Do you know what people will call her if they find out the truth?” Sophie marched back toward the blanket and bent to pack the leftovers into the hamper.

“I understand your need to protect both yourself and Caira, but I thought we were close, like family. I only wish that when you were staying under my roof you’d taken me into your confidence, so I could help you.” He knelt and picked up a plate to hand to her.

Sophie shot him a glance as she reached for it. “Most of which time you spent in your study.”

She might as well have cut into his heart with a shard of glass. The truth hurt him, too. They’d done an odd dance, careful not to get too close so as not to bruise, but still they managed to injure one another. “Very well.” Droplets of rain began to sprinkle. Ian studied the swiftly overcast sky. “Come along, now, I need to take you home.” He helped her finish picking up and carried the hamper to his buggy. On the ride back to the boardinghouse, conversation eluded him.

“You’re right. We are at an impasse. I don’t know how I’ll ever trust you again, Ian.” Sophie sat next to him with arms crossed, staring ahead at the road. “How you could talk to my mother and side with her while seeing what I go through every day is unfathomable.”