Run Johnboy Run: The Glasgow Chronicles 2 (52 page)

Chapter Fourteen

  “These cards ur fae fucking nineteen canteen, so they ur,” whinged Tottie fur the umpteenth time.

  “Well, dae something aboot it then.  Go and ask fur new wans, insteid ae us hivving tae sit here and listen tae they gums ae yers gieing it laldy,” Freckles suggested, raising his eyes skywards.

  “They’re aw fucking sticking thegither.  Look!”

  “So, dae something aboot it then, ya prick.”

  “Why should Ah?”

  “Cause nae other fucker is moaning.”

   “Hoi, Bum-boy, it’s no up tae me tae decide when we get new cards.”

  “See whit Ah hiv tae put up wae?  Ye don’t know how lucky ye ur, Tony.  It’s okay fur you and Joe…ye’ve only goat a dreaming sleepwalker and a talking clock tae deal wae.  Look at whit Ah’m left wae?” Freckles said, looking at the Garngad crowd in disgust, as The Mankys laughed.

  “Bella!” Johnboy shouted triumphantly, throwing doon the King ae Diamonds oan tap ae an Ace ae Spades.

  “Prick!” Freckles growled, as Johnboy lifted o’er the pile ae cards, grinning.

  It wis
said casually, bit as soon as Tony opened his gub, Johnboy could feel the excitement rush fae that arse ae his tae his heid.  Tony and Joe hid obviously been talking aboot it.  Johnboy wis glad a decision hid been made, bit it still seemed like ages away.

  “We’ll heid oan the Wednesday night, during the concert,” Tony confirmed.

  “So, whit date’s that then?” Minky asked.

  “Why?  Ur ye planning tae be somewhere else like?”

  “Naw, bit it’s ma dug’s birthday oan the twenty second.”

  “How dae ye know that then, Minky?” Patsy asked, impressed.

  “Because it wis born three days before Christmas, ya plonker, ye,” Freckles chipped in, tae laughter.

  “Right, Ah bet ye couldnae tell me when that auld broon flea bag ae a thing ye call a dug ae yours wis born, eh?  Tell me that wan, Freckles, ya piss-pot, ye.”

  “That’s because it wis born before me, tit-heid.”

  “Wis it?” Patsy asked.

  “Fuck the dugs and their birthdays.  If ye want tae talk aboot dugs, then fuck aff o’er there and argue amongst yersels.  We’ve far mair important things tae be talking aboot,” Joe grumbled, looking across tae see whit the teachers wur up tae.

  “So, that’ll be the eighteenth then…a week before Christmas?” Johnboy chipped in, getting aw excited.

  “Aye, ye’ll jist be in time tae dae some Christmas shoapping tae buy a present fur yer boyfriend, Johnboy.”

  “So, who’s included?” Freckles asked.

  “Masel, Joe, Johnboy and Silent, unless any ae youse kin get backstage withoot being noticed.  Ye’re aw welcome tae come,” Tony whispered.

  “Whit dae ye think, Joe?” Freckles asked.

  “Ah think it wid be hard withoot being clocked.  The stage is gonnae be a good distance fae the front row ae seats.  There’s nae guarantee ye’ll get a seat doon the front.  Even then, ye’d need tae crawl across the flair.  We’re no sure where the teachers ur gonnae be staunin.”

“Last year, there wis wan staunin wae his back tae the wall, bang in the middle, between the front row and the stage.  Remember, he goat the lights turned oan because he wis getting pelted wae jelly beans, Baby?” Minky said.

  “Oh, aye, Ah think it wis Rolled Back Neck.  Ye couldnae miss that fat bawheid ae his, even in the dark.”

  “Ach well, never mind.  So, it’ll jist be youse then,” Freckles said. “How ur ye gonnae dae it?”

  “They’re aboot tae start their full dress rehearsals this Friday.  We’ll be behind the scenes as part ae the concert party.  We’ll wait till they get tae their loudest song and then jist tan wan ae the windaes.  They’re the only windaes in the whole place that urnae alarmed…the stupid basturts.  Wance we make it through the
frame, we’ll take it fae there.”

  “Right, well, jist let me know whit song and Ah’ll speak tae that wee Allie Foster and his brother and get them tae make sure they’re aw screaming at the tap ae their lungs, like a bunch ae frightened altar boys oan a trip tae Lourdes wae aw they priests fae Roystonhill.”

  “Fine.  Ah don’t like they pair ae basturts, so it’s better that it’s yersel who deals wae them,” Joe agreed.

  “Joe, ye don’t like anywan, including yer ain reflection in the mirror,” said Patsy, which wis rich coming fae him, who’d hid a fight wae nearly everywan in the place at wan time or another.

Chapter Fifteen

  Fanny sat doodling.  She couldnae concentrate, despite the pile ae folders sitting in front ae her.  She hid tae arrange four hame visit reports fur the local probation services…three in Glesga and wan in Dundee.  They hid tae be oot that day as the boys wur due tae be released in mid-January and wae Christmas coming up, there wis nae guarantee the visits wid take place before the break.  Nae hame visit meant nae releases. 

  She’d stayed in bed aw day Sunday and maist ae Monday.  There hid been a knock at the door oan the Sunday night aboot hauf nine.  The evening service hid finished at eight so she’d assumed it hid been somewan fae The Citadel.  The knocking hid been persistent and she’d been jist aboot tae get up and answer it when she’d heard the footsteps heid back alang the landing and descend the stairs.  The flat hid been in total darkness, apart fae an orange glow coming in through the windae fae the street light ootside.  She hidnae been able tae make oot the sky, bit she’d watched the snowflakes blowing and swirling against the glass, chasing each other in mad dashes, in a never ending game ae hide and seek.  She’d been o’er the events ae Saturday night a thousand times.  It hidnae been his fault.  She shouldnae hiv gone back tae his place fur a drink.  She’d been stupid and selfish.  Hid she no driven past his flat in the first place, hoping tae see him, tae share the news that wan ae the Garngad boys hid returned against aw the odds?  The mair she thought aboot it, the mair angry and upset she’d become wae hersel.  She wis twenty two and hid never hid a boyfriend…well, no a proper boyfriend.  There hid been plenty ae opportunities though.  She’d been asked oot oan numerous occasions and hid gone tae the pictures a few times wae a few ae the Christian Fellowship lads.  Some ae the staff at the school hid also asked her oot earlier oan, jist efter she’d started working there, although maist ae them wur married.  She envied aw the couples she saw wandering aboot the toon centre, haun in haun, and she often wondered whit wis wrang wae her.  She’d been tae the Hallelujah Jamboree in Balloch earlier in the summer…bit the only people she seemed tae attract wur the married wans. 

  She’d decided no tae go intae work oan the Tuesday either.  It hid been late oan in the efternoon that she’d heard footsteps approaching her door.  The knock hid been loud and firm.  When she’d goat up and opened the door, she’d been surprised tae see Major Bellow staunin there.

  “Ah wis worried aboot ye.  Ah tried phoning the school bit they wurnae too sure where ye wur, so here Ah am,” he’d bellowed tae everywan in the building, taking a loud sip fae his teacup.

  “I’ve, er, not been feeling well, Major.”

  “Whit’s the matter, hen?  Ye look kind ae peely-wally, so ye dae.”

  “I think it’s maybe a cold or something.”

  “Or something...”

  “Yes, or something,” she’d said too quickly, seeing his eyes narrowing suspiciously, clearly no convinced.

  “Look, Ah’m here because we wur aw worried aboot ye, Fanny.  It’s no like ye no tae turn up when ye said ye wid.  The jumble sale wis a big success.  The only person missing wis yersel.  It’s jist no like ye,” he’d bawled, repeating himsel.

  “Yes, well, I...” she’d started tae say and that’s when she’d burst intae tears.   

  She couldnae help hersel.  Being in the flat oan her ain the previous two days hid perhaps been the catalyst fur whit hid happened next.  When she thought aboot it later, she hid tae admit tae hersel that he wis probably no the person she wid’ve spoken tae in the first place, bit at that time and place, there hidnae been anywan else.  The floodgates hid jist opened and she’d poured oot everything that hid happened, leaving oot the maist torrid details, bit admitting she’d woken up in Duponcie’s bed in the morning.  He hidnae butted in when she’d been rambling and at wan point he’d passed her o’er a hankie fur her tae blow her nose.  When she’d finished her tale, although feeling ashamed, she’d felt much better.

  “Aye, well, ye see…young wummin like yersel hiv tae watch oot.  Aw this free love that ye see splashed aw o’er the papers and telly disnae help.  Mrs Whitehoose is right…there’s far too much sex and violence oan the telly.  That’s who Ah blame.  Ye see young lassies, the same age as yersel, walking aboot hauf naked wae flowers in their hair nooadays.  Nae wonder men ur getting the wrang ideas.  Ye’re right aboot wan thing, Fanny.  Withoot excusing his weakness and the temptation put in front ae him, ye put Mr Duponcie in an awkward position, so ye did.  Ah mean, wae his wife away in hospital as well,” he’d bellowed, a look ae disappointment plastered aw o’er that lined face ae his. 

  At the mention ae Duponcie’s wife in hospital, she’d started sobbing again.  She knew he wis right, bit whit she wanted tae know wis, whit wis she gonnae dae aboot the situation?

  “There isnae much ye kin dae, hen, is there? He’s married wae a new baby.  He’s goat a job that carries a lot ae responsibility and a lot ae people depend oan him, particularly those who ur the maist vulnerable.   Why, in a week fae noo, ye’ll hiv forgotten aw aboot it.  It’ll jist be a distant memory, wae nae consequences tae anywan other than yersel.  It’ll be a learning experience.  Jist thank God and pray as a sinner, that ye’ll no make the same mistake twice.”

  He wis right.  It widnae hiv happened if she hidnae put temptation Duponcie’s way.  She looked o’er at the waste paper basket in the corner.  It seemed such a waste, bit she’d nae regrets.  The stems ae the roses wur sticking straight up.  She couldnae see the petals as they’d disappeared when she’d tossed the bunch across the room fae her desk.  They’d been waiting fur her when she’d dragged hersel oot ae the flat and gone back tae work.  They’d been delivered first thing oan the Monday morning.  She wis glad that nowan hid hid the sense tae put them in a vase ae water.  The only reminder ae who they wur fae, wis the ‘Thanks fur Saturday night. How aboot dinner?’ card that wis hinging o’er the rim ae the basket.  She looked at her desk and wiped away a couple ae loose petals wae the back ae her haun, before picking up her pen and reaching fur the folder oan the tap ae the pile in front ae her.

Chapter Sixteen

  It wis Friday morning and they’d jist been escorted fae the dining room alang tae the concert hall by Rolled Back Neck, who wis wearing a face like thunder.  No only hid Baby goat mair good behaviour ticks, so wis getting oot fur another day oan Saturday, bit Silent, Tony, Joe and Johnboy hid goat a tick each as well.  They wur aw chuffed fur Baby, who’d whispered o’er tae them no tae get any ‘fucking funny ideas’ as he wisnae coming back this time.  When they arrived in front ae the stage, they wur telt jist tae hing aboot and no get in anywan’s way or they’d be evicted back tae their hutch across in the hut.  The only people in the room wur The Mankys and Basil Brush, the director and concert organiser, bit there wis a definite buzz aboot the place, as this wis the first full dress rehearsal day fur the concert.  They wur waiting fur everywan tae finally move their gear o’er fae the hut.  No surprisingly, Rolled Back Neck hid reminded them that noo the hut wis becoming vacant, any shite oot ae them and they’d be back there pronto.  He’d also reminded them that he wis keeping his eyes oan them.

  “Ye might be fooling everywan else aboot here, bit ye don’t fool me,” the prick hid said efter he’d let them intae the room.

  “So, whit’s the story aboot then?” Johnboy mistakenly asked Basil.

  “It’s a cross between ‘South Pacific’ and ‘The Jolson Story,’ wae a wee bit ae ‘The King and I’ slung in fur good measure,” Basil answered, tae their blank expressions.

  “Whit, three films in wan?”

  “Musicals, Taylor, musicals.  The actual acting is secondary, so it is…the same as in the real films,” Basil lisped.

  “Dis that mean the concert’s gonnae go oan fur aboot six hours then?” Johnboy persisted.

  “Eh?  Whit the fuck ur ye oan aboot, lad?” the thespian lisped again, looking across tae the door, where Rolled Back Neck wis sitting, waiting tae welcome the cast when they arrived.

  “If each film lasts aboot two hours each, dis that mean...”

  “Naw, naw, naw, naw, ye stupid, stupid, boy.  Ah’m condensing them aw thegither intae the wan film.  That’s whit makes it an original production, so it dis,” The Director pouted, talking tae Johnboy as if he wis thick or something.

  “So, whit’s the actual story aboot then?” Joe asked in exasperation.

  “Right, get this, ye’ll bloody-well love it and be impressed, despite the fact ye won’t understaun a bloody thing.  Ah’ve done aw the scriptwriting masel, so it’s totally original.  We’re at war, at least the yanks ur, and there’s a whole battalion stuck oot oan a tropical island, surrounded by the Japs.  HQ…that’s headquarters by the way, need tae get a message intae the base commander, tae let him know there’s a Frog in their midst, who’s a spy…”

  “A Frog?”

“… some French basturt, who’s passing aw the intelligence oan tae they wee Jappos, aboot everything that’s gaun oan aw o’er the island.”

  “Why kin they no jist radio it through?” Joe asked, muddying the waters, as baith Basil and Johnboy slung him a dirty look.

  “Because the Japs will be lugging in, that’s why,” Basil retorted, raising they fluttering eyes ae his up tae the ceiling.

  “Kin they no jist use Morse code then?”

  “Look, they Japs might be wee slanty-eyed yella fuckers, bit they’re no stupid, so they’re no.  Look whit happened at Pearl Harbour, eh?” Basil challenged.

  “Aye, Ah suppose,” Joe agreed, clearly no convinced.

  “Anyway, it’s important that they get a message oan tae the island, tae warn the commander, so back at HQ…that’s headquarters by the way…they manage tae get a haud ae Al Jolson…”

  “Al Jolson?”  Tony, Joe and Johnboy aw exclaimed thegither.

  “Aye, Al Jolson.  They then whack a loin cloth oan him tae make sure he’s decent, before parachuting him behind enemy lines in amongst aw the local natives...ye follow?” Basil demanded, jist aboot tae shoot that load ae his in his good cavalry twills as The Mankys, including Silent, nodded their heids up and doon.  “Al then gets aw the natives organised thegither intae a fighting force, before getting them tae show him the way tae the base, where he kin pass oan the message aboot the Froggie spy.”

  Silence.

  “The fact that Al is as black as two in the morning, the same as them, means they trust him.  Ye’re okay as long as ye’re no yella or even white, wae they local natives…who jist happen tae be heid-hunters as well, by the way.”

  Silence.

  “Ur youse still wae me, so far, boys?” The Lisp lisped in excitement, looking at them like some demented extra oot ae a Boris Karloff film.

  “Ah thought Al Jolson wis awready white, or hiv Ah goat that wrang?” Johnboy asked fae in amongst the puzzled expressions.

“Exactly.  Noo, aw they Yankee–doodle–doo sojers, who ur guarding the perimeter fence tae the camp, ur aw trigger happy as fuck, so...and ye’ll like this bit...rather than hiv this black-arsed undercover native geezer, wae a loin cloth wrapped roond his Kerr’s Pinks, boldly marching up tae the gate, demanding tae speak tae the commandant, Al nips under a waterfall near the perimeter and gets cleaned up and then marches intae the place tae expose that dirty fucking Frog and his pals,” Basil whooped in triumph, eyes blazing.

  “Is this a comedy then?” Johnboy asked, no being able tae contain himsel.

  “Eh? Whit the fuck makes ye think that, ya dafty, ye?” Basil retorted indignantly, looking at Johnboy as if it wis him that wis the mad basturt aboot the place.

  “Well, Ah kin vaguely picture Al Jolson wandering aboot the jungle singing ‘My Mammy’ and ‘By The Light Ae The Silvery Moon’, seeing as it’ll be dark in amongst aw they trees oan the South Pacific island.  Ah’ve nae doubt ‘Bali Hai’ will go doon a treat, the same as ‘Happy Talk’ wae aw they natives, bit where the fuck dis ‘The King And I’ come in?” Johnboy stupidly asked The Mad Hatter.

  “Well, Al’s gonnae hiv tae persuade the king ae the jungle tae let his men go wae him.  That means Ah’ll be able tae slip in ‘Getting Tae Know Ye’ fae ‘The King And I,’” Basil retorted defensively.

  “And who’s playing Mitzi Gaynor then?” Johnboy asked.

  “Who’s he?” Joe butted in, looking bamboozled and trying tae keep up.

  “She’s the wan who plays Nellie Forbush, the French guy’s bit ae stuff in ‘South Pacific.’  She goat an Oscar,” Johnboy said, tae approving nods fae The Thespian, who wis aboot pishing himsel wae excitement.

  “Miss Flaw.  She’s agreed tae dae that part,” Basil informed them wae a wink.

  “Whit?  Fanny Flaw’s playing Nellie Furrybush?  Ah’d love tae see that poster ootside The Carlton picture hoose oan a Saturday efternoon,” Joe chipped in tae laughter.

  “So, who’s playing Al Jolson then?” Tony wanted tae know, speaking fur the first time.

  “The Foster brothers.  Wan before the waterfall scene and wan efter he supposedly washes the soot aff, exposing his true identity.  Nowan will know the difference when the lights ur low.  Ah’m no allowed tae use real water in case Ah make a mess, so Ah’m no.  Thank God we’ve goat a set ae real twins in the place, although their acting’s shite.  Think ae two left feet and double it.”

   “And ye don’t think the natives will be intelligent enough tae suss oot he’s no really wan ae them then?” Johnboy continued, doubt creeping intae that voice ae his.

  “This is the movies, wae real performance art thrown in, Taylor.  Everything’s no as it seems.  It wid amaze ye how convincing special effects ur wae a live audience,” enthused Sergio Leone.

  “And ye think this’ll work then?”

  “Whit’s no tae work?  Ah’ve been writing this since last year’s production ae ‘Snow White - Fae Here Tae Eternity.’  Ah only hid six months tae work oan that wan and that went doon a storm, if ma memory serves me well,” Basil bragged happily, suddenly rushing away fae them tae direct a squad ae actors who’d jist arrived oan the scene, carrying boxes ae costumes.

  “Kin we no postpone the escape fur wan day, Tony?  Please?”  Johnboy pleaded, straight-faced.

  “Why?”

  “Because Ah’m gonnae be bloody sick as a parrot no getting tae see this concert.”