Authors: S.E. Chardou
Boston – The Present
“C
ongratulations, you two!”
I continued to plaster a smile on my face though this party wasn’t even supposed to be about us.
Mrs. Shaughnessy was on the verge of being drunk and had forgotten her oldest son had been released from prison after a four-year stint for possession to distribute cocaine and methamphetamines. Somehow, this whole party had turned toward Ness and my attention because we’d recently graduated from college. He, from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and me, from the prestigious Boston University.
This was his next to last night in Boston. He’d accepted a position as a software engineer at Google in Silicon Valley, California. I had a pharmaceutical degree, and decided to shop my resume before I graduated. So far, both Pfizer in Manhattan and Roche were interested in me. For the moment, I was more interested in Roche because their position was in Basel, at their headquarters, and I’d studied German as a minor since most of the pharmaceutical companies had opportunities in German-speaking countries.
I never missed the moment Shaw entered. In some way, I was waiting for him to get out, and although our mothers had been working overtime to get Ness and me together, it wasn’t working. I was over the moon he’d accepted his position in California because I knew it was a state I could never live in. I didn’t begrudge Ness’s good fortune but I hoped it sealed that hope our mothers’ both had of us ending up together.
Shaw entered the party stealthily and sneaked up on me pouring vodka in my fruit punch.
“Don’t think I forget a favor,” he whispered in my ear.
I smiled as I sipped from my spiked punch. “What? Do you mean Vlad, the so-called limp dick impaler? Don’t worry—nothing happened except I pissed off the Povikov family, and they blackmailed me harshly by forcing me into working at one of their top strip clubs.”
My eyes met Shaw’s crystal blue irises that had the look of murder in them. I covered his mouth with my hand. “Ness couldn’t do anything, and you were in the slammer. Just because I show the goods doesn’t mean I give them away, Shaw. You know me better than anyone. I haven’t changed except I have a degree, some offers to leave this shithole, and that’s it.”
Shaw snatched my arm so fast it surprised me but he held on to my wrist as if it were fragile and might break at the slightest wrench of his hand. “Why don’t you take them?”
I looked away, not being able to admit the obvious.
The offers didn’t mean shit if I couldn’t convince him to go with me. He was a felon, and couldn’t leave the state but we knew enough shady people to get him false documents, including a genuine Passport. That was the number one reason Basel was looking better and better to me. It meant not only a new start for me but also one for him. Away from all this crime and shit we’d grown up around. Shaw was versatile enough he could adapt and that was what I was hoping for desperately.
I stared into those crystal blue eyes that had seen more than they should have in his young life. They were so bright but the longer Shaw lived, the deadlier and much more serious they seemed to become. He’d seen too much, done too much. He would kill his own potential before he knew it.
“Why don’t you think I’ve left?” I questioned him and stared deeply into those endless pools of blue.
He laughed out loud, displaying a pair of white teeth that had never seen much to dim their smile. “If you say it’s because of me then I’ll belt you myself, Liv.”
“I’m a little old for an ass whipping, Shaw.” I snatched my wrist from his grasp and allowed my hands to touch his cheeks, rough from not being shaved in a few days. “And yes, you’re the reason why I haven’t left. I’d never leave you here—never—don’t you know me better by now? That night you saved me from Vladimir sealed our fates, and I didn’t mind it, not really. College gave me a reason to wait for you. I don’t regret what you did for me, and neither should you.”
He grabbed my hand while I grabbed my drink, and walked us into the backyard where there were fewer people. “How can you say that? Those Russian pricks had you shakin’ your ass for money—you’re better than that. You’re so much . . . more than this sordid crowd I have made money from. I could kill them all.”
“Povikov could have killed you in prison, and he threatened to do just that but . . . he said he needed you when you got out. You know what that was about? We know them, and they don’t have pity on anyone who isn’t family. Why did they spare you? Tell me.” I never tried to grab my hand from his grasp but he slowly let me go.
“Come on, Liv. You’ve been pulled into this enough, and I can’t involve you in anything else.”
I drank down my spiked punch in one go. “I’m not the naïve high school senior you left, babe.” I placed my hands on his shoulders. “How do you think I know what I want? Hell, I’ve always wanted you but I knew you would never go there . . . not before. I’m twenty-two years old, Shaw. What are you waiting for? Our family’s blessing? We know that’s never gonna happen because they don’t know Ness prefers men and I prefer you. What’s going on that you’re not telling me?”
“I have a story to tell you.” He pushed my hands away. “Afterwards, you may not want to touch me again let alone want me in any sexual way.”
“I doubt that—I waited all this time for you. I’m not giving you up so easily. You know how many times I’ve shaken my naked ass and given lap dances to greasy, smarmy men who wanted more?” I walked closer to him and embraced him before he pulled us apart. “I drew the line at blowjobs and I can’t believe I did
that
. I mean, I could use Listerine and brush my teeth afterward but it still made me feel like a dirty whore. You were the only one who I thought about while my life seemed to be going south. Nothing you could tell me would ever change the way I feel for you. I . . . love you. How can I not? We’ve known each other since we were children.”
“Yeah, since we were kids.” Shaw shook his head. “I shouldn’t even carry the last name Shaughnessy but my mother was clever. She never wanted to marry my ‘dad.’ In fact, she’d been spreading it about town. She hadn’t been a virgin since she was fifteen even though she played the good little Catholic girl.”
“Do we need a drink for this story? My alcohol tolerance is a lot higher now four years later.”
Shaw pulled out something better—a blunt—and lit it. “This should help you out then.”
I took it from it and dragged on it. It was strong as hell but I held the smoke in my lungs as long as possible before exhaling. The feeling hit me almost immediately as I felt more comfortable and relaxed.
“It’s been dipped in liquid cocaine. Just letting you know that you are officially using drugs.”
“Not the first time. I’ve done cocaine more times than I’d wanted to but it’s the only thing that allowed me to dance.” I looked down at the ground as I handed the blunt back to Shaw. “Your beautiful, innocent Liv is gone, Shaw. I did hold on to the one thing I could—I never slept with anyone. But I’ve pretty much done more than I’d care to admit at your welcome home party.”
He laughed out loud before he dragged on the blunt. “This isn’t my coming home party, Liv. This is the graduation party for you and Ness. I’m just here because I happened to get out the same day as this . . . celebration. You think my mom gives a fuck about me? It’s Ness she’s always cared about.”
“Don’t say that.” I knew it was true but I didn’t want it leaving those beautiful, pink lips that could seduce a chaste nun. “You said you had a story to tell. What were you going to tell me? Povikov didn’t kill you because you’re his illegitimate kid?”
“How did you know?” Shaw dragged on the blunt again.
I took it from him and dragged from it again. “The way he acted about Vlad’s death.” The smoke exhaled from my lungs. “He mentioned he had a couple of illegitimate kids and he said something about Vlad being the dumbest of his sons. I don’t know . . .” I touched his cheeks. “Your features aren’t completely Irish. Your forehead and this gorgeous face reminds me of Povikov. Too bad he’s a sociopath that drinks like a fish. When did you figure it out?”
“In the slammer . . . my blood type. My father is A positive and my mother is AB negative but I’m O negative. It’s a rare blood type—”
“Yes, I know that but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s possible Shaughnessy can still be your father.”
“He told me himself when I was Walpole. He wouldn’t give me any protection—told me to hang out with my Bratva family.” Shaw’s eyes watered but he didn’t shed any tears. “You know how hurtful that was? I had to get tatted so the Bratva knew who I was. Apparently, it’s a pretty common secret I’m Povikov’s son but no one told me. It’s the reason he trusted me as one of his dealers. I was the bridge between the Russians and the Irish—simple to do when I’m both, don’t you think?”
“Shaw, this doesn’t change anything between you and me—”
“It changes everything, babe. I’m not going anywhere. Who do you think got me out of prison early? I owe that motherfucker and he’s delivering drugs tonight here. I have to deal for him exclusively, and he hasn’t given me an end date.” Shaw threw the blunt to the ground, stomped on it and rushed toward me. His rough hands caressed my cheeks. “Get the fuck outta here, Liv. Be free of this place and me because I won’t do anything but drag you down to my level.”
The tears flowed from my eyes. “Shaw, don’t do this. I still love you—I’m in love with you. I waited for you!”
“You waited for nothing,” he responded as he walked back inside the house.
I couldn’t stop crying though I wanted to hate him the way he wanted me to. Feelings weren’t that easy to turn off and despite his secret, it didn’t change the way I felt about him. Why couldn’t he let me in? Why was he being such a major pussy about this issue? Something wasn’t right.
I walked back into the house knowing I wouldn’t rest until I found out what the hell was going on.
I
t was a hard feat to manage but Shaw avoided me the rest of the party. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me, especially when he grabbed Jerri O’Donnell, the town skank, and disappeared with her for more than an hour.
“Why are you still pining after Carrick Shaughnessy?” my closest friend, Nieve, wondered out loud. “My God, I thought that was a childhood crush. He’s a loser, just like his dad. You can get any guy in here if you really wanted to and you allow that dickhead to bring tears to your eyes on the night of your party. What’s wrong with you?”
I shook my head. “It’s never been that easy with Shaw. I know about his reputation and what he does but . . . he’s always been the one for me.”