Running Away With You (Running #3) (43 page)

Just as I’m about to open my mouth, the doorbell rings and I rush to answer it.  Detective Harper is standing there holding Maddy on a leash.  Crap.  I forgot my dog.  What else could possibly go wrong?

I return to the kitchen to find that Evan has stepped outside at Gavin’s suggestion.  “Juliette, Evan is near his breaking point right now,” he tells me.  “I suggest you go outside and speak with him openly and honestly.  I’ll be right here if either of you need me.”

Cautiously, I step outside and join Evan on the deck.  He doesn’t acknowledge me; he’s just staring at the rolling surf.  “Why are you doing this to me?” he asks.  “Why?”  His voice is shaky and his shoulders are slumped.  I hate seeing him like this.  But what I hate more is knowing I did this to him.

I join him at the railing without getting too close.  “Evan, everything I’ve done was to protect you.”  He lets out a loud and angry derisive snort.  “I only had suspicions and I didn’t want to upset you until I had facts.  That’s what I was trying to do – gather the facts.”

“Is that cheek swab mine?”  I nod, but he doesn’t see me.  “Well?”

“Yes, it is.”

Still refusing to look at me, he demands to know how I collected it.  I have no choice but to do exactly what Gavin suggested: be completely open and honest with him.

“You were blindfolded and I ... ” 

Evan holds up a hand to stop me from finishing.  “Sex.  You used sex to get what you wanted.”

“I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, but I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He turns and finally looks at me.  “Who is it?”

“The baby?” I ask.

“No, the fucking president.  Yes!  The baby.”

“Laci Keilani had a baby two years ago, Evan.  I think that’s why she kept calling you.  The timeline works.  The baby was born in September, which means conception was in early January.”

He turns away from me and hangs his head.  “Playoffs.  Three years ago.”

“Yes.”

“Have you seen him?  Or her?  What is it?”

“It’s a boy, Evan.  His name is Kai and he’s the most adorable little boy I’ve ever seen.  He loves chocolate chip cookies and shiny black racecars.”  Tears dot the corners of my eyes and I try to wipe them away without being noticed.  I have no right to my emotions right now.

“How do you know so much about him?  Why do you know more than I do?”

“Shea brought him into the restaurant a few weeks ago.  Derek claims they don’t know who the father is, but Laci must have told someone.”

There’s a full moon tonight and I can see every wrinkle on Evan’s face as he struggles to process this new information.  “I saw Shea with a toddler at Derek’s house.” 

I nod.

“Is that him?  Is that my son?”

Hearing those words leave Evan’s mouth hurts. 
His son
.  I have to answer honestly.  “I don’t know.”

“Well, we’re about to find out.”  Evan storms back into the house and walks right over to Gavin.  “Get me a court order for a paternity test.  Right away.  Mother is deceased.  I’ll call you tomorrow.  Fuck!  I have no phone.  I’ll meet you at your office.  Ten o’clock.”

Gavin gathers up his things, thinking about the latest directives he’s just received.  “Make it noon,” he corrects Evan.

The two rush out of the house.  Gavin gets into his car and pulls away as Evan heads directly for Derek’s.  He doesn’t bother knocking.  He throws the door open and barges right in.  The room goes deadly silent, and all eyes follow Evan as he paces around the room looking for something or someone.  “Where is she?”  He frantically searches.  “Shea?  Where are you?”

Shea comes out from around the corner.  “What the hell, Evan?  I’m right here, for Christ’s sake.”

He walks over to her, towering over her small and delicate frame, demanding information.  “If you know, you’d better fucking tell me right now.  I’m only going to ask you this once and I’m in no mood for mind games.  Is that my son?”  There are no words to describe the shock that registers on her face, on everyone’s faces. Emmy actually gasps.  “Upstairs, sleeping.  Your nephew.  Laci’s child.  Is that my son?”

Derek is there, as quick as a flash, placing himself squarely between Evan and Shea. 

Adam, too, is up off his feet at Evan’s side.  “Mac, what the hell’s going on?  What are you saying?” he asks.

Evan turns to Adam. “The only thing I know for sure is that Laci Keilani had a baby two years ago.”  He returns his attention to Shea.  “Who’s the father?” he repeats.

“I don’t know,” she answers tearfully, clearly frightened.

“What does the fucking birth certificate say?”

Shea doesn’t answer.  She shakes her head.

“Answer me.  I have a fucking right to know.  What does it say?” he demands.

“Father unknown,” she admits.

“Not for long,” he mutters as he walks away.

“Evan, stop.  Where are you going?” Shea asks.

“Upstairs.  I have to see for myself.  I have to see him.”  He races up the stairs, two at a time, so fast that no one can keep up with him.  We race after him.  He’s standing in Derek’s bedroom, hovering over the bed, staring at the sleeping child tucked beneath the sheets.  Gently, he moves stray hair away from his face and gazes at the little boy.  No one says a word.

In a whisper, Evan asks, “What’s his name?”

Shea answers quietly, “Kai.”

Evan nods and repeats the name, speaking directly to the slumbering toddler. “Kai.  Hello, Kai.  It’s nice to meet you.”  Gingerly, he moves Kai’s hair to the side and gazes down at the sleeping child’s angelic face.  After a moment of reflection, Evan turns around, pushes through us, and returns down the stairs slowly and quietly. 

Downstairs, we find Reese, Marcus, and Camilla putting on their coats and gathering their things.  They make their excuses and apologies, and slip out.  I wish I could leave with them right now.

Emmy appears from around the corner with her coat and Adam’s coat in hand, also wishing to make a clean getaway.  “Adam, I think we should get going too,” she tells him.

He turns to her and answers reticently, “We can’t.”  He turns to Evan.  “I can’t leave, can I?” he asks.

“No, you’d better stay,” Evan agrees.

Emmy insists that they leave.  “Adam, honey, this really is none of our business.  I know you want to be here for your friend, but ... ”

“Emmy, sit down,” he tells her.  Once she’s seated, he explains.  “Evan’s not the only one who slept with Laci Keilani that night in January three years ago.”

She looks at him as if he’s speaking a foreign language.  “I’m sorry, what exactly are you saying?”

“Emmy, sweetheart, listen to me.  It was three years ago.  We were drunk.  We went up to Laci’s hotel room that night, all three of us.  It was just that once.  But if Evan thinks he might be the father, then ... ”

“Then it might be you,” she acknowledges.  She places a hand on her belly, comforting the life growing inside her.  “And this baby might enter the world with a big brother?”

I kneel beside her. “Emmy, are you okay?”

She nods. “Every child is a gift, Jette.  Even the ones that come by surprise.”  I wrap my arms around her and we cry.  I should be comforting her, but I think she’s the one comforting me right now.

Shea is wrapped tightly in Derek’s arms, sobbing.  Not only is this a shocking development, it could permanently and drastically alter her entire life and the life of her sister’s child, whom she loves deeply.

Emmy peels me off her, stands up, and tries to take control.  “Okay.  Here’s what we’re going to do.  Everyone is going to sit down and we’re going to discuss this like adults.”

Derek is the first to agree. “Yes, I think everyone needs to calm down.  There’s a lot we don’t know and everyone’s jumping to a bunch of conclusions right now.”  He walks over to the dining room table and begins to clear the food away, making room for us to sit down.

I scurry over to help him. After all, it’s my fault this is all falling apart here and now. 

Evan follows me into the kitchen and not-so-gently grabs me by the elbow, leading me into the breezeway.  Whatever he has to say isn’t going to be good.  “Before I go in there and make an even bigger fool of myself,” he says, “is there anything you’re not telling me?”

“No, Evan. I swear I’ve told you everything.”

“Are there any private investigators I don’t know about?  Any lawsuits or legal matters you conveniently neglected to share?”

“Please stop.  I’ve already told you.  There’s nothing else.”

“Good.  We’re done here.  Go back to the house.  You have twenty-four hours.  I cannot deal with all this crap you’ve just laid on my doorstep if I’m living in a hotel room.  And I will not share a house with you.  I can’t.  Not anymore.  If you have anything else to say to me, you can do it through my attorney or the accountant.”  He turns to leave, but pauses briefly in the doorway.  “I never thought it would end like this.  I thought I was going to be the one to screw things up.  I always thought it would be you walking away from me one day.”

He walks away leaving me standing there alone and abandoned.  I feel like I’ve just been punched in the stomach and had the wind knocked right out of me. I wait for him to turn around and come back, telling me he can’t live without me.  He doesn’t come.

Any hopes I had of working through our problems together are quickly fading.  I can’t imagine how he’ll ever forgive me.  I knew from the very first time we met that he was my Kryptonite.  I knew I should stay away, and yet I was drawn to him in an inexplicable way.  I gave him all my power, and now I stand here, alone, with nothing.  I don’t even have the strength to cry. 

I have no choice but to leave.  All eyes follow me as I grab my coat and walk out the front door.  I don’t say a word to anyone.  There’s nothing left to say.  By keeping secrets from the people I love most in the world, I’ve brought them nothing but pain and anguish.  To say I’m sorry wouldn’t be nearly enough.  Not by miles.

The moment I enter the house, my pain becomes real.  There’s a crushing pain in my chest, making it hard to breathe.  Evan is my world, my sun, and my stars.  Without him, I have nothing.  I am nothing.  Perhaps I’ve been the cause of my own undoing.  To put all my happiness into the hands of one person was foolhardy.  But it’s too late now. I can’t turn back time and love him any less.  My choices are few;  find a way to live without him or work tirelessly to win him back.

I look up at the clock and discover it’s a few minutes past midnight.  I haven’t missed the dropping of the ball since I was a child.  And now it’s come and gone without notice or fanfare.

The tears still haven’t come.  I wonder if they’ll ever show themselves again.  I can no longer feel anything.  I’m afraid to invite those feelings to the surface, to acknowledge them and give them life.  Instead I push them far back into the dark recesses of my mind where nightmares live, and I focus on the here and now.  On what can be done and what needs to be done.

Wandering around the house, I am overwhelmed by the prospect of having to leave.  I don’t know how or where to start.  The kitchen is filled with my things:  pots, cookie sheets, muffin pans, pie plates, and cake pans.  Our cabinets are full of my cake decorating tools and appliances.  Evan bought and paid for all of it, every last piece, from the largest appliance to the smallest spoon, and I have no right to claim any of it.

Whatever knickknacks I’ve brought into our home will stay too.  They don’t belong with me and I don’t want any of them.  Each one was chosen specifically for this house, and here is where they will stay.  I don’t need the reminders of the mistakes I’ve made or the home I’ve lost.

As I walk around aimlessly, I glance out the window and see that Emmy, Adam, and Evan are all getting into their cars and leaving.  Checking the clock once again, I figure that only ten or fifteen minutes have passed.  What could have been accomplished in that short time?

Derek turns off the porch light along with most of the other lights in his house.  Now that I’ve been in his home, I can tell the only light left on is in his kitchen.  I imagine he and Shea have a lot to discuss.

With bloodshot eyes and a runny nose, I collect my things from the bathroom.  Wherever I decide to go, these are the things I know I will need.

I’m holding myself together, but just by a thread.  I try to think about simple solutions to complex problems, but keeping my mind clear and focused is nearly impossible.

I need to honor Evan’s wishes without completely erasing myself from his existence.  We have an empty guest bedroom, completely furnished and brimming with storage space.  Little by little, I collect my things from our bedroom and move them into the guest room.  It takes me all night, mostly because everything is moving in slow motion, including me.

Tonight was supposed to be a celebration of beginnings, not the painful realization of endings.  We were supposed to reflect on all the changes the passing year has brought and welcome in the New Year with all its hopes and promises for peace and prosperity.

In less than twelve months, my life has changed in so many unimaginable ways that it’s difficult to name them all. 

I’ve made new friendships that are just as important to me as family.  I’ve made career moves I never dreamed possible.  If one year ago today someone had tried to tell me I’d be swept into the world of fame and introduced to all the people and experiences that come along with it, I would have laughed and told them they were insane.

The past year brought Evan into my life, along with more love and happiness than I ever imagined possible.  He’s introduced me to the world of professional sports, where teamwork and dedication are more than just words.  He’s given me gifts, both large and small, that have altered my life forever.

He’s given me a truer love than I’ve ever experienced. Real love is what makes all the bad things in life seem that much more bearable. Love is intoxicating, irrational, overwhelming, and illogical. Love blinds you and makes you see the whole world in a new, clear, beautiful way at the same time. It sets your senses on fire and makes you do things you never would’ve done were it not for love.