Running Home to You (The Running Series) (21 page)

I wrap my arms around her and try to put her fears to rest.  “Emmy, it’s not your fault.  Evan walked in at the worst possible moment and jumped to all the wrong conclusions, like he always does.  If it wasn’t Ryker, it would be Derek.  Or, God forbid, a poor, unsuspecting customer.”

Reese walks over to check on me.  “So, Jette, I guess we can cross off our plan to get Ryker to help Evan.  That ship’s pretty much sailed.”

“No shit,” I agree, shaking my head.  “Do you think either one of them will ever set foot in this place again?” I ask.

“Yeah, I think so.  Ryker is used to combat, so for him, this is probably no big deal,” Reese predicts.

“And Evan?”

“I think it’s time for you to play your Trump card,” Reese tells me.

“My what?”

“Your Trump card.  When it comes to men, every woman has a secret weapon,” she explains.

“And what, exactly, is my secret weapon?” I ask.

“Easy – it’s time to call his mother.”

I
decide to wait twenty-four hours before calling Jill.  I’m in no condition to make that call right now.  What I need to do is return to the hospital to relieve the Deegans from their shift.  They need to go home, eat, and get some rest.  I cry in my car the entire way there.  I don’t even know how I make it to the hospital safely.  I hope there weren’t any red lights, because I don’t remember stopping at any.

With Auggie’s overnight bag in hand, I make my way back up to the I.C.U.  Auggie’s parents are seated on a pair of matching chairs, and Auggie’s lying in bed, eyes wide open.  He takes one look at me, and tells me in the strongest voice he can muster, “What happened to you?  You look like shit.”

I laugh so hard, it hurts.  The nurse actually comes over and ask me to keep it down.  Once I finally gather my wits, I tell him, “It’s a long story.  We have plenty of time.  I’ll tell you all about it later.”  I kiss him on the forehead and set about unpacking his belongings.

After a quick update from the Deegans, they leave for the night.  Auggie nods in and out of consciousness every few minutes, but wakes when my phone goes off.  I take one look at the caller I.D. and for the first time in hours, I smile.  “Hello?  Yes, he is.”  I look over at Auggie who’s now wide-awake and curious.  “Would you like to talk to him?”

I hand the phone to Auggie who looks at me confused.  “Who is it?”

“Just take the call, Auggie,” I tell him.

He holds the phone up to hear ear.  “Hello?”  A great big grin spreads across Auggie’s face.  “Lucas?  Is it really you?”  I sit back down and eavesdrop on Auggie’s conversation with his boyfriend.  Once again, the tears come, but this time, it’s just a few.  I’ve shed enough tears for Evan.  These are tears of happiness.  Auggie’s going to be okay and he has someone who cares for him.  I know all too well how special that is.

Fish or Cut Bait

O
ver the next few hours, I tell Auggie all the heart-breaking details I can.  He, too, feels that Evan is suffering from some sort of an anxiety disorder, but he doesn’t feel it should be used as an excuse for his horrid behavior.  He doesn’t give me a choice in the matter, and insists I stay at his house for as long as I need to.  All the furniture is still in my old room, and he’s thrilled with the idea of having Maddy and me as roommates again.  “The house was empty without you, Jepetto.  It will be nice to have you home with me again.”

Home.  I feel like I don’t have a home.  I have a place where all my belongings are, but that’s not my home, at least not right now.

Reese stops by the hospital to visit Auggie sometime after dark.  When Auggie nods off, Reese and I chat quietly.  “So, Jette, are you going to stop home, I mean Evan’s, to pick up clothes or anything?”

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that.  I need a change of clothes and something to sleep in, but I really don’t want to see Evan again tonight.  I’ve had enough drama and heartbreak to last me for a lifetime.”

Reese offers to go for me.  “I could stop by and grab some of your things.  I don’t mind.”

“No way.  I’m not asking you or anyone else to get in the middle of this fucked-up situation.  Who know what shape he’ll be in?  Forget it,” I tell her.

“Well, you need clean clothes.  I can drop off some of my things for you.  I still have a house key.  Do you want me to pack a small overnight bag and leave it on the bed?  I really don’t mind, Jette.”

Auggie begins to wake, so I nod and mouth a silent, “Thank you.”  I don’t want him to worry about me any more than he already does.  We try to keep Auggie occupied with talk about Lucas’ movie role.  He has a starring role in the movie version of a popular kid’s cartoon from the eighties.  It’s going to have lots of action and special effects. 

It’s nearly midnight.  Reese is long gone and Auggie is sound asleep. The nurses gave him a sleeping pill about an hour ago, and he should rest comfortably for the remainder of the night. 

I drive to Auggie’s house and the driveway is empty.  Auggie’s car is in the body shop.  When I pull in, the motion detectors light up to show me the way to the front door.  The motion detectors were purchased by Evan during a tumultuous time in my life and were supposed to help keep me safe.  When I get in the house and enter the security code on the pad beside the door, I’m presented with another gift from Evan that was meant to safeguard me from harm. 

There was no way to know it at the time, but Evan was the cause for all my troubles then, and he’s the one making me miserable today.  He’s brought me more grief and sorrow than I ever thought was possible.  But I also know that with Evan, I’ve had more joy and passion than I could have ever imagined.  There’s a line drawn in the sand and I cannot decide on which side I belong.  If I stand on one side, that means I give up and walk away.  I take my memories and lessons learned, and move on without him.  If I move to the other side of that line, I fight.  I plant my feet firmly in the ground and make a stand.  The only problem on this side of the line is that I don’t know if I’m strong enough to fight.  How much more I can take before I break?

I walk around the house that was once, for a short time, my home.  Memories of Evan are everywhere.  If I close my eyes, I can picture the house filled with the flowers Evan had delivered here after our first fight.  He sent me ten arrangements of tulips and hyacinths that filled every room.  Memories of him are everywhere.

Just as promised, Reese left me an overnight bag.  In classic Reese thoughtfulness, there’s a new toothbrush in the bag, along with some hair ties and deodorant.  I change and climb into bed, but it’s no use.  I can’t lie still long enough for sleep to come.  Every small noise that I hear conjures visions of Evan letting himself into the house, sneaking into my room, and begging for my forgiveness.  Fantasies are all I have left. 

I fight the urge to crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.  Hour after hour passes, and eventually I slip into a fitful slumber.  When I close my eyes, visions of a life without Evan flash before me.  I wake each time in a deep, anguished panic, over and over again.  In some dreams, I am old and alone, having never found anyone to take Evan’s place.  In others, images of Evan falling in love and living happily ever after with a famous actress torture me. 

When I lie in bed awake, my mind races, revisiting every fight, every misunderstanding, every cruel word, and searching for a cause.  I rehearse my phone call to Evan’s mother over in my mind until I cannot think straight. 

As the sun rises I climb out of bed, change into some running clothes, and head to the beach.  I decide to try something new – running on the boardwalk.  I don’t have to drive anywhere near Evan’s house and I know I won’t run into him or Ryker on my run.  Neither one of them ever sets foot here.  Besides, there’s a bench at the end of the boardwalk along the inlet.  I like to sit there sometimes and watch the commercial and charter fishing boats heading out for the day.

I don’t have to return to the hospital until three or four o’clock this afternoon.  The Deegans take the day shift, and I take the night shift.  I have all day to take care of a few matters.  After I go back to Auggie’s house to shower, I call Adam to see if he knows anything about Evan’s whereabouts.  I hate to get him involved, but I don’t know any other way to find out if he’s home or not.  Much to my relief, he tells me Evan’s gone to practice today and I’m free to head over to the house without fear of running into him.

Walking around the home we share, I’m torn about what to pack.  Do I take enough for one night?  A week?  Forever?  Something my mother said to me a long time ago comes to mind, “Never make important decisions when you’re upset.”  I decide to pack just enough for one week.  A lot can happen in one week.  One week ago, I was happy.  One week ago, I was in love.  One week ago, I had a home and an amazing boyfriend.  Today, I have broken dreams and shattered hopes.

After packing the car, I grab Maddy, her food and toys, and leave.  As I pull out of the driveway, I pass Evan coming home.  I try not to look at him as our cars pass.  I drive slowly, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might turn around to follow me and convince me to come home with him.  I keep checking the rearview mirror, but he’s nowhere in sight.  Maybe he will call or text, begging me to let him explain.  I turn off the radio and wait, but the call never comes.

“A
uggie, you look so much better today,” I tell him.  “The color is starting to come back in your cheeks and you’re awake.  I’m so glad to have you back.”

“Well, I wish I could say the same, Jette my Pet, but honestly, you look awful.  What the hell happened today?” he asks.

“I had to call Evan’s mother.  I told her we broke up.  She didn’t take it well.  When I told her the hateful things that came out of Evan’s mouth, she cried.  God, I hated doing that, Auggie.” 

“How much did you tell her?” Auggie asks.

“She knows about Evan’s suspicions and accusations.  I told her all about his mood swings.  The last straw was when I told her that he got into a fight with one of his employees.”  I pace the room trying to expend my pent-up nervous energy.  “She’s coming down tonight to confront him.  He’s going to go ballistic.”

“I hope she’s bringing back-up.”

During my visit with Auggie, Lucas calls twice.  I help set up Auggie’s iPad so they can Skype.  Filming starts tomorrow and Lucas is beyond excited.  The two of them chat for nearly an hour.  As time slowly passes, I constantly monitor my phone for calls or messages from Jill.  Reese, Emmy, and Derek check in occasionally, but no one else.  The later it gets, the more I come to realize that I’m not going to hear from the McGuires.  Not today, anyway.

At the end of another long and exhausting day, I return to Auggie’s house without ever having heard from Evan or Jill.  I may not know what will happen with Evan, but I know that tomorrow Auggie will be transferred out of the ICU and into a regular room.  And because of that, for the first time in several days, when my head hits the pillow, I sleep.  It’s a deep, dreamless sleep that helps me clear my mind and get on with the business of life.

Finally, when I arrive for my visit on Friday, Auggie is transferred out of ICU and into a regular room.  I’m concerned that he hasn’t really gotten up and out of bed yet, but the nurses feel it’s important not to rush things too quickly.  They are going to see how he does for the next twenty-four hours, and if all goes well, they plan to get him out of bed and into a chair.  I know they said it would be a lengthy recovery, but I don’t think I really understood until now.  Auggie almost died.  I nearly lost him.  He’s got a long road ahead of him, and I want to make sure I’m here to help him every step of the way.