Running on Empty (16 page)

The rush of arousal was unsurprising. One certain body part didn’t give a damn about her betrayal. It wanted what it wanted. He leaned against the doorjamb and clenched his jaw until he’d gotten control of his entire body.

If she knew he was there, she gave no indication as she continued to pummel the bag. He wondered whose face she saw as she pounded. His or Albert’s? Or perhaps she saw her stepbrother and the family who’d almost destroyed her before she had been able to defend herself. 

Not bothering to stop the slams of her fists into the bag, she asked, “You here to finish the job?”

“What job?”

“Albert’s already ripped open my heart. Are you here to tear it from my chest?”

“No, I’m here to set the record straight.”

That brought her to a sudden, abrupt stop. “So I’m supposed to listen to you, but I can barely get a word in before you shut me down. Too bad that time in captivity didn’t help with your arrogance.”

“You want the truth or not?”

Wariness and doubt glistened in her eyes. He didn’t like seeing that. He might not trust her, but having her distrust him was unacceptable. He refused to speculate why.

He threw her a towel from a stack at the door. “Grab some water and cool off. Then let’s go back to the apartment.”

“Why can’t we talk here?”

“Because I envision there will be shouting and cursing. I’m assuming you want some privacy.”

“Privacy? You mean you know the meaning of the word? After you allowed people to hear us in our home—having sex, doing the most intimate things a man and woman can do to each other—you’re concerned about privacy?”

He had walked right into that one but wouldn’t back down. “I was suggesting that for you, not me.”

“How sensitive, Declan.” The words dripped with bitter sarcasm. Nevertheless, she wiped her face and grabbed her clothes, which had been lying on a bench against the wall. “My car’s out front.”

There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but would wait until they were completely alone. Despite what she believed, having an audience for anything private with his wife had never appealed to him. 

She knew what he had done and believed the worst. And why the hell shouldn’t she? From her perspective, his behavior looked staged. He didn’t know why he felt the need to clear up her misconceptions. He still believed she sold him out, but for some inexplicable reason, he needed her to understand the reasons for his lies.

And the rumors of his infidelity? Laughable. Since the moment he’d met her, he hadn’t wanted another woman. But just because she hadn’t believed the rumors didn’t mean they hadn’t hurt her.

Declan suppressed a harsh laugh as he followed her. Of all the scenarios he had envisioned when he finally saw her again, apologizing sure as hell hadn’t been one of them.

Sabrina pushed the apartment door open, several steps ahead of Declan. The thought of taking a hot shower to soothe her aching muscles was tempting, but she wanted answers more than she wanted to be soothed. Settling for a bottle of water from the fridge, she watched Declan pace around the living room. That was one of his tells—something he rarely did when he was on a job, but with her, if he had something on his mind, he had paced around until he formed the words he wanted to say. Where she could spontaneously combust in anger, Declan rarely lost his temper. He was methodical and usually measured his words, choosing them carefully. 

He surprised her with his first words. “I never cheated on you.”

She shook her head. “I never for an instant believed you did.”

“Albert said there were rumors.”

“Rumors. Nothing more. I knew that.”

“Good. Fine.”

“Tell me about the job. Why you told me the lies about leaving the Agency.”

“I started looking into a traitor at EDJE about two years before I was taken.” 

“Yes, Albert told me that.” 

“I had worked my ass off without any substantive proof that there was a mole. We knew there was at least one, because of some ops that had gone bad and wouldn’t have without the leak of vital intel.

“When I found the bugs, I knew I’d been compromised. There was no other explanation. Someone knew I’d been digging. The decision to tell you I was leaving the Agency was impulsive…not well thought-out. Whoever’s behind this knew me too well to believe I’d just up and quit.”

And she had been so stupidly in love, so willing to believe that whatever he said was the absolute truth, she had never even questioned his words. If she hadn’t trusted him so completely, she too would have seen the lie.

A wave of humiliation rolled through her. Had the whole night been a lie? Those last hours together had gotten her through those terrible days when she’d thought Declan had died. They had comforted and consoled her, helped her to grieve. When she’d heard the horrible rumors, she had been able to push them aside, knowing without a doubt they weren’t true. That one night had lived in her memory as untainted and perfect. What if it had all been a lie?

“No. It wasn’t all a lie, Sabrina.”

She had spoken the last words aloud. “What wasn’t, Declan? That you weren’t leaving the Agency? Yes, it was.”

“I wanted to protect you. When I found the bugs, I knew you could easily become a target. I couldn’t risk that.”

She turned away from him, from the sadness in his eyes. What hurt the most? That he had allowed some of their most intimate moments to be heard by others or that he’d lied about leaving the Agency? She had been so excited, so thrilled that she would be seeing more of him. That he would be out of the dangerous game of covert ops.

She knew the truth and refused to hide it from him. Having people hear their intimate moments wasn’t comfortable, but that didn’t demean what it had meant. “If you had told me what you were doing, I would have helped. Maybe I could have made it more convincing.”

“Your reaction was perfect.”

Of course it was. She had trusted him as though his words were sacred. A thought flickered through her mind at his explanation that’d it’d been an impulsive and not well-thought-out plan. “When did you find the bugs?”

“While you were asleep. Stupid, but I hadn’t even considered I might’ve been compromised. I was going through my luggage, looking for my toothbrush. Once I found that one bug, I checked the rest of my stuff. Found three more.”

“So you didn’t plan it in advance?”

“No. I texted Albert, and we came up with the idea on the fly. Idiotic plan since it definitely didn’t work. I intended to tell you the truth as soon as I could.”

The fact that he hadn’t known about the bugs in advance helped a lot. She’d been in enough tough spots to know that you worked with what you had. Swallowing hard, she nodded. “I believe you. And I forgive you.”

“Albert told me there were a lot of rumors.”

She flicked her hand in a careless gesture. “They were ridiculous. Others might have believed them. I didn’t.”

“But they still hurt.”

She couldn’t deny that. You can’t listen to those kinds of words about someone you adored and not be hurt.

“They made me mad.” She shrugged. “It was nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

His mouth opened as if to argue. Yeah, he didn’t want her quick understanding or forgiveness. Tough shit.

Proving her thoughts, he took her right hand and folded it into a fist. “I’m glad you were smart enough to know I’d never cheat. But you have every right to be angry about the lies. Instead of the boxing bag you were beating the shit out of, hit me instead.”

“What?”

“I deserve it.”

She didn’t know whether to laugh in his face or kick him for being so infuriating. “I’m not going to hit you, Declan.”

“Come on. You know you want to.” 

His eyes lit with laughter, his grin almost sent her to her knees. That was a Declan grin, charming, sweet, oh so sexy. Oh heavens, how she loved this man.

Telling herself not to say the words, telling herself she was a fool, didn’t stop her from saying, “You’re right. You do owe me one.”

Even though his eyes flared with surprise that she was actually going to take him up on his offer, he tilted his head a little to give her a better shot.

She shook her head. “A hit isn’t what I want.”

“What then?”

“A kiss. The last time our lips met, people were listening. No one can hear us now. Give me what I should have had that last day—a kiss without an audience.”

He was shaking his head before she could finish her request. “No. No way. You think I’m going to kiss you and forget everything you did.” He actually backed away from her.

She told herself to let it go. That he would only continue to say hurtful things if she pursued this outrageous request. Instead, she taunted him. “Scared, Declan?”

The icy glare from his eyes could have frozen a forest fire. He stood there for several seconds and then walked toward the door.

Sabrina closed her eyes. She had been stupid to even think that—

Hard hands gently cupped her face. Breath caught in her throat, she opened her eyes to see his searing, heated look. He lowered his head slowly. Even though this was what she’d asked for, she knew he was giving her time to pull away. That wasn’t going to happen. She’d dreamed about this for too long.

At last, his lips touched hers. Sabrina whimpered at the first soft stroke of his mouth. Beautifully familiar…delicious, perfect. Better than all her dreams combined.

Declan swallowed a groan at her taste. Hell, what was he doing? He shouldn’t want this. Shouldn’t want her. Somehow, the rest of his body disagreed with his brain. He drew her closer, yanking her so hard against him, she gasped. He took advantage of her open mouth and thrust his tongue deep inside. 

Heat surged, pounded within him. Sabrina’s body pressed against his, and every cell inside him said to take her. He wanted her beneath him, taking him deep, screaming his name as she came. He wanted to explode inside her, taking the pleasure denied him for so long. He wanted to feel her pulsing around him, hear her cry in ecstasy as she came, over and over. 

He wanted.

With a growl of need, he devoured her lips as his hands slid over her, then under her T-shirt. His fingers touched silken skin, and it was all he could do not to lay her on the floor and taste every inch of that succulent flesh. His hands slid down to her beautiful ass, and then holding her hips still, he pushed deep into her. Soft, warm, giving. Her mound providing the perfect home for his arousal, he ground himself into her, creating a friction and heat that could not be denied. Buzzing, roaring in his brain shut down all rational thought. He had to have her now…wanted her more than anything. He had to—

Declan jerked out of her arms, stumbling backward to get away from her. “Damn you, no.”

Beautiful face flushed, eyes dilated, glazed with need, she whispered his name.

He gave an emphatic, angry shake of his head. “No. Just no, Sabrina. You are not going to seduce me into believing you.”

“You think that I—” A laughing sob broke from her. “You think this was about some kind of coercion. That I would— You’re my husband. I—” 

She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, and he could see she was trembling. Then, like a switch had been flipped, blankness washed over her face. The passion in her eyes disappeared, replaced by a cold, contemptuous stare. Her lush mouth flattened into a sneer. “I forgive you for lying to me that night. I even forgive you for allowing those monsters to hear us making love. But I will never forgive you for this, Declan Steele. Never.”

She turned and marched out the door.

Chapter Thirteen

The drone of the plane beneath Noah’s feet was a familiar, comforting noise. Other than being with Samara and their kids, there was nothing he enjoyed more than to head out on a rescue mission with a team of operatives. He didn’t get a chance to go on as many ops as he wanted. This wasn’t one he felt he should miss.

His eyes shifted to the hollow-eyed, silent couple across from him. Whatever had happened between these two wasn’t good. Hard to believe they looked worse than they had when LCR had knocked down the doors in Idaho and rescued Sabrina. It was obvious that they hadn’t worked anything out. The wariness seemed to be even more heightened. But on both sides this time.

He had broken more rules for Declan Steele than he ever had for anyone. Rarely was a non-LCR operative invited to participate in a mission. And never had he approved an individual for an op who held a personal vendetta. Declan Steele had made it clear he had one goal—to find the men who had tortured him and make them talk. Saving the life of Barry Tyndall wasn’t a priority for him. In fact, Noah had grave doubts the man would go out of his way to save the lives of any of the operatives he was working with—even his own wife’s.

That kind of emptiness of the soul was worrisome. Even though he could understand and sympathize with how the emptiness came about—torture not only destroyed flesh and bone but the spirit as well—it was hard to know what to expect from the man. 

Noah had the utmost confidence in his own operatives. They were highly trained, focused and determined. The mission of rescuing the innocent would always be their number one goal. He could depend on them no matter the circumstances. But what about Steele? If things got hairy, would he run or stay and fight? Would he watch the backs of others or just his own?

Shifting his eyes slightly, he observed the woman for whom he had broken his rules. Without a doubt, Sabrina was one of his most competent operatives. She had come to LCR with more than enough training to head up a mission on day one. She had fully embraced LCR’s philosophy and had told him more than once that the adrenaline rush of saving lives instead of taking them kept her sane. 

And just like all his operatives, Noah trusted Sabrina’s judgment. She had vouched for Steele’s competency and skills. The man had once been her trainer at EDJE. She’d said he was ten times better than she was at hand-to-hand. 

He’d seen for himself Sabrina’s skills. If Declan Steele was better, that was damn impressive. 

When Noah had expressed doubts about Steele’s motives and agenda, she had made a promise…one that shouldn’t have surprised him but did. If push came to shove and Steele betrayed the team, she would put him down herself.