Ryder (19 page)

“I need to head home to change before I head in to work. Think about what I said, Letts” I nod. He leans in and kisses my forehead and leaves. I sink into the chair that Beck just vacated. A million different things run through, my head but everything comes back to the fact that Ryder is my Inside Noise also. He is everything within me. Fuck, I need to make this right but I am half way through my shift so it’s just going have to wait. I send a text to Quinn telling her my plan and she responds within seconds.

Quinn: About freaking time, dude!!!!!!!

I text Ryder next.

Me: Can you meet me outside Demi’s day care at three please?

Ryder: YES! Is Angel ok?

I smile at the nickname he gave her, she is our Angel.

Me: She is fine just meet me please?

Ryder: Will do

Once my shift is finished I touch up my make-up and brush my hair out. I look down at my uniform and shrug; there isn’t much I can do now. I’m wearing my The Hot Pot tee and my jean shorts and my red Chucks. Taking a deep breath I make my way out front and say bye to everyone.

“Go get him honey,” I hear Loren shout after me and smile and nod at her. I get outside the day care and hear someone calling my name. I turn to see my sister, Laurie walking towards me.

Oh fuck my life.

“Letty please talk to me.” What the fuck did she expect from me? She fucked my boyfriend, albeit that we weren't together at the time, but still.

“What do you want, Laurie? You want me to tell you it’s ok that you fucked Ryder behind Kevin’s back? That it’s ok that Ryder was put in hospital because you couldn’t keep your fucking legs closed?” My blood is pumping through my body but I can’t seem to calm myself, I have held in this anger for four fucking weeks and grieving my relationship.

“Letty please. Listen, I know that you hate me and you have every right, but I he didn’t know you were my sister. Have you seem him lately? He looks like death warmed over. And before you say anything, no he didn’t come and see me. I was out for lunch with the girls from work and saw him. I can see that being apart from Ryder is hurting you too. Why don’t you end this pain and go to him?”

I turn to look at the day care and take a deep breath. I turn to my sister but see Ryder come up behind her. Holy shit, he looks good even though he looks just as tired as I look. He seems bigger, muscle wise. I thought Ben said that he has been drinking.

Was he lying to me? Ryder is wearing very snug fitting blue jeans with rips in all the right places with grey Chucks. The black v-neck he is wearing is almost ripping in two the way it is tight across his shoulders. He has is ball cap twisted backwards and he has aviators on.

Breathe, Letty breathe. God, he looks good enough to eat.

“Baby you ok? You look all flushed.” He places his hands on my cheeks and looks into my eyes. As if it’s a natural movement, I place my hands on his hips and look into his sinful green eyes.

“I’m fine, Ry. I just let loose on my sister. I need to go in and grab Demi.” I go to step away but Ryder holds my waist.

“Let me go in, you stay and talk to Laurie and then we can take Demi for something to eat and we can talk, ok?” I hate my sister’s name on his lips; it feels dirty to me. I nod to him and he climbs the steps to pick my daughter up. I turn back to my sister.

“I’m gonna try and get over this thing with Ryder but I feel more for him that I do for you, not just because for what has happened with him, but for everything else that has gone on between us. When I needed you, you weren't there. I needed my sister when I found out I was having Demi but all you gave me was a mouthful of hate. Please give me some time and we can see where to go from there. I will contact you. Do you want …”

Demi’s laughter cuts me off and I turn to see her over Ryder’s shoulder. He is tickling her and I smile.

“Mama, Daddy picked me up. See I told you he still loves us.” Ryder sits Demi on his hip and comes to stand next to me and I see the look on Laurie’s face when Demi calls Ryder ‘dad’.

“Yeah, baby you did tell me. I want you to meet someone. Can you say hi to Laurie for me?”

“Hi, Laurie.” Demi says in her sweet voice; I see Laurie tearing up and my chest starts to hurt again but like I told her, I need more time. Ryder places his arm around my waist and pulls me to him for support I can feel the heat coming from his body. God how much I have missed that.

“Demi, Laurie is Mama’s big sister. She is your Auntie. You know like Uncle Rafe and Uncle Reeve are Ryder’s brothers.” Demi nods her understanding.

“So will Aunt Laurie be coming for food with us, because Daddy said that we are going to KFC?” I don’t get to answer as Laurie jumps in and I send her a silent thank you.

“Oh, I would love that so much Demi but I have to get back to work, baby girl. But we can go to lunch another day soon, if that is ok with your mom and dad?” She looks at me and I nod. “It was very nice to meet you, Demi.” She closes the gap and touches Demi’s cheek. “Ryder, I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you, please take care of my sister and niece.” He nods to her and she walks across the road, Demi waving at her as she walks away.

“Sunshine, we need to talk.” Ryder says as I turn back to him and I nod.

We drive to KFC, Demi telling Ryder about everything that he has missed in her life. My heart pounds in my chest every time he laughs at something she says. I am going to try my damned hardest to fix this with him, Demi deserves to have a dad that dotes on her and Ryder does just that. Shit, I deserve someone to dote on me.

We both deserve a happy complete life and I know that with Ryder in our lives we can have that. We pull up outside KFC and Ryder helps Demi get out and meets me around the front of the car. Still carrying Demi, he takes my hand in his and walks us in; we take a table by the window while Ryder goes up to the counter to order our food.

“You ok, baby?” I look up to find Ryder standing by the table with our food on a tray. He hands Demi a coloring sheet and a pack of crayons. We dish our food and start eating Demi is lost in coloring and eating her chicken pieces.

“How have you been?” Ryder asks in between bites of his chicken.

“Honestly, not good. I haven’t been sleeping or eating very well. But Demi and the girls have helped me deal I guess. What about you, Ben said that you have been drinking a lot, messing up at gigs.” There is no point sugar coating what I have been told has been happening. He wipes his hands in a napkin and sits back in his seat. He watches Demi for a beat then turns to me.

“I was drinking more than normal and I don’t mean to hurt you when I say the alcohol helped with the pain. I needed to numb the pain. I felt empty without you two. Skeet convinced me to hit the gym instead of hitting the bottle. He told me that you wouldn’t want a drunk around Demi and that hit home for me.” He takes a deep breath.

“I know that what happened is screwed up but Baby, I need you and Demi to breathe, to live. I’m hoping you can take me back, Sunshine. I want to have a life with you and Demi. I know some people won’t understand why a young, hot rock star like me wants to settle down with a very, very young hot sexy mom like you with a very beautiful and sweet little girl.”

He winks at me and kisses the top of Demi’s head. She doesn’t even notice us. “But I don’t give a shit what people think. I love you and Demi. I want to be a family. Can we get past this? I can’t help was has happened in the past but I want us to move forward.” He’s right, we can’t change what has happened. It still hurts, but we can’t change it so the only thing to do is move forward.

Onwards and upwards, I once read in a rather steamy book.

A peace settles over me. Taking a deep breath I stand and walk around the table, never breaking eye contact from Ryder. He senses what I want and scoots his chair back far enough so that I can sit on his lap. I sit there with his arms around my waist, his left hand slowly rubbing my thigh. I watch Demi and then turn to Ryder, I lay a gentle kiss on his lips and pull back to look in his eyes where I see love, passion, and lust. He pulls me back in for another kiss and our tongues play sweetly; he tastes amazing and God I have missed him. Demi breaks us from our sweet reunion.

“Ummm hello Mama stop kissing Daddy. People are looking at you.” She just carries on with her picture as if she hasn’t said anything. I laugh against Ryder lips and go to stand but he holds me tighter in his lap.

“I see why Rafe finds this appealing.” He winks at me.

Chapter 21

Ryder

(Five weeks later)

I am sitting here at my mom’s house, well garden watching my brothers throw my stepdaughter around in the pool. Letty is sitting on a lounge chair chatting with Lucy and the girls about the sex of the baby. They found out last week what they are having but they are keeping it a surprise from everyone until it’s born.

I have told Letty that when we are ready to have a baby of our own I would like to find out what we were having. I think it’s easier to get everything ready before the baby arrives; Letty agreed. I know that Rafe is nervous but talking to Letty and also talking to Kyle, who shares custody of his a ten year old son Spencer, has helped reassure him about some of his concerns.

Letty is wearing a red bikini and is a sight for sore eyes I tell you now; she looks like a nineteen fifty’s pin up babe. I hear Demi squeal and see Rafe tossing her over to Reeve. I can’t help but laugh. I take a pull from my beer and smile at my family. It keeps growing and I know that Dad would have loved Letty, and Demi.

I look up to the sky and run my hand over my tribute tattoo “How does it feel to be a Grandpa, Dad?” I feel a cool breeze blow across my chest and I smile, that’s Dad’s way of letting me know that he is happy for us. Another squeal from Demi brings me back to the now and I see my mom walking over to me. She pulls the chair closer and sits closer to me.

“Hey, mom”

“They are fitting in nicely.”

She nods to my girls and I smile at her. She is right, Letty and Demi have slotted themselves tight into the Phoenix family and I couldn’t ask for more. Well, maybe a baby of our own one day.

“Yeah they have. Thank you for helping me clear my head when Letty left me. I chose the wrong path and you and everyone helped me through it and I will always be grateful for that. I love you Mom” She touches my arm and smiles her big Mama Phoenix smile.

“Oh Ryder, I love you too. I love all you kids, even my two new grandbabies.” I smile at her and my heart swells knowing that she has taken Demi on as a grandchild. The same with my brothers and uncles, and all our friends, Demi calls them all her aunties and uncles. Even Brax and Nix don’t mind being called Uncle now. They hated us boys calling them Uncles. When a sweet girl like Demi does it though, you can’t stop your heart from melting. Seeing as everyone thinks of Demi as a Phoenix, a thought comes to mind and yes I am going to quote one of the best children’s movies ever made.

I get a ‘Light bulb’ moment.

“Mom, I want to ask Letty to marry me and make Demi my daughter officially. I want them both to carry our family name. Do you think I’m crazy? We have only been back together five weeks and only known each a few months in total, but Mom, she is it for me. I can’t see myself with anyone else. I see Demi as my own. Even though she doesn’t have my DNA, she is mine in my heart and soul.” My chest is heaving and blood is whooshing around my ears.

I honestly don’t know where the thought came from but it scares the fucking shit out of me. Oddly feels right at the same time though. My mom places her hand on my arm again to get me to look at her so she can calm me down. I see love and adoration in her eyes I know she loves Letty and Demi, she knows that I would do anything for them.

“Baby boy … Go for it. You won’t get another like her, like them. She trusts you with her heart and her daughter and that there tells me enough about her. I know that what happened with her sister is still a rough subject but I will say that I am happy that she is trying to reconnect with her sister. She needs her big sister and Demi needs to know her aunt. I am happy that you are both moving past all of this and like that you two are just like your dad and me. He was my best friend and no one loved me more than him. I know that you love Letty but I also know that she is your best friend and that is important. In any relationship all you have to do is love with all your heart and you two will be happy for many years. And yes my darling second son, I want more grandchildren. Lucy is due in a few months and Demi is going to see that baby and want a baby brother or sister of her own, so …” She pats my cheek and stands. “Fair warning, kiddo.” She winks and walks away. I tell you now that you won't find a cooler mom than Hayley Phoenix.

I place my now empty beer bottle on the table and walk over to the pool. Brax is currently dragging Demi through the water by her hands and she is doing her crazy laugh thing that I love. I step into the pool and Brax drags Demi over to me.

“Here, go to your dad, give us old guys a rest.” He kisses Demi on her head and walks out of the pool.