Safe Haven (36 page)

“Suzanne, would you like more coffee?” Theo’s mother seemed to know that she was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. “I promise you,” she added, “that we will not grill you any more tonight.”

“Nope,” Theo’s dad said with a wink, “we’ll set up the spotlight and continue this whole business out in the barn tomorrow.”

Suzanne relaxed.

“Why don’t you two go sit on the porch and catch your breath,” Ellie suggested. “Jenny and Ethel and I can handle the clearing up, and I know these men want to talk farm business.”

“Please let me help as well,” Suzanne offered.

“Not a chance,” Theo said. “Come with me. I want to show you something.” He took hold of her hand and tugged her toward the back door.

“We need to talk, Theo,” Jim Sawyer called out, although he was still seated at the table drinking his third cup of coffee.

“Tomorrow,” Theo called back.

“Tonight,” Sawyer shouted.

Theo let the banging of the screen door serve as his answer as he led Suzanne across the yard to an outbuilding he had skipped on their earlier tour.

“You should talk to him,” Suzanne said. “He’s only trying to make sure that you’re ready.”

“I know. But the parade isn’t until Wednesday, and it’s only Saturday. We’ve got time.” He pulled open the door of the building and pulled a string to illuminate the interior.

“Obviously there’s a car under there,” Suzanne said, pointing to the tan canvas covering.

“Not just any car. A 1935 Plymouth convertible.” He swept away the covering like a magician. “Ta da!”

“I love it,” Suzanne said as she ran her finger lightly—reverently—over the ice-blue hood. “Does it run?”

“It will by the time we ride in the parade in it on Wednesday.” He rolled up his shirtsleeves and then opened the hood. “Hand me that wrench over there.” He pointed to a workbench where hand tools were lined up precisely.

“Where did you get this car?”

“I bought it when I was a senior in high school. Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

He grinned. “I was hoping you might.”

“But I can’t ride in the parade with you, Theo.”

“Why not?”

“How would that look?”

“Like I’m one lucky guy?”

“Be serious. You’re in the parade because you are a candidate for political office. If I was there, people would wonder who I was.”

“And?”

“And you don’t want that. And trust me. Mr. Sawyer definitely doesn’t want that. He wants the focus to be squarely on you.”

She could see by the way the muscles in his forearms tensed that he didn’t like being told what he could and could not do. He ducked under the hood and continued working on fine-tuning the engine. “If I can get Jim to agree, will you ride with me then?”

“He’ll never agree.”

Theo stood up and turned to face her. “But if he does?”

“Theo, if we were engaged or married, then maybe but—”

“That can be arranged,” he said as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She tried to read his expression in the dim glow of the single lightbulb. He had to be kidding around—didn’t he?

“Okay, it’s been a long, exhausting day and you are clearly starting to show the effects.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m going to bed, and you should have that meeting with Mr. Sawyer. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He moved to the doorway, and she knew he was watching as she started across the yard and up to the house. “Hey, Suzanne?”

She hesitated but did not turn around. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Good to know,” she said and continued on her way. But she was smiling, and she felt light—as if she could float back to the farmhouse.

After she’d thanked Theo’s parents and said her good-nights, she couldn’t help but relive that moment in the yard and Theo’s words. He hadn’t said, “I think I love you.” True to form, he had entertained no doubt at all.

But once she had changed into her nightgown and turned out the lights, she couldn’t help but consider the doubts that were never far from her mind whenever her life seemed to finally be going in a positive direction. Loving Theo carried with it a host of complications. At the top of the list was what would happen if he didn’t win a seat in Congress? That led to questions about whether or not he would understand her need to continue to pursue her career as a journalist or at least as a writer.

The farm was certainly idyllic, but she was not like Theo’s mother. She could never be content with the life that Ellie Bridgewater so obviously loved. No, overall it would be best if Suzanne did not allow her emotions to overpower her common sense.

A tap at the door made her sit up, and she reached to turn on the bedside lamp. Pulling her covers to her chin she said, “Come in,” and was relieved to see Ellie peeking around the door.

“Oh, Suzanne, forgive me. I thought you might be reading. I know whenever Paul and I travel I have such a hard time getting to sleep, especially that first night.”

“Come in. I was just lying here, thinking.”

Ellie sat on the side of the bed and pulled an envelope from the pocket of her housedress. “This letter from our daughter Elizabeth arrived a few days ago. As you will see, she had enclosed a letter for Liesl and another for Ilse. Will you see that they receive them?”

“Of course, but why not give them to Theo?”

“I was going to do that, but I overheard Paul and Theo and Jim talking, and it seems likely that Theo will not be returning to Oswego with you.”

“Why not?’

“Jim believes that it’s important for Theo to spend the time from now until the election here.”

Suzanne knew this was necessary, but the idea of returning to Oswego alone … of Theo being half a country away …

Ellie patted her hand. “I know it’s hard, dear, but in the long run it is for the best, don’t you think?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Now then, I had one more thing I wanted to tell you—our Friends group takes turns meeting in each other’s houses, and I’m afraid that I scheduled the meeting for worship to be here tomorrow. Ilse had once mentioned that you were raised Quaker but these days you were not … that is …”

“It has been some time since I attended a meeting for worship, Mrs. Bridgewater. Work got in the way. Life got in the way. But lately watching how religion has sustained so many of the residents at the fort, I’ve had to ask myself whether or not I made a mistake when I turned away. If it’s all right with you, I would very much like to take part in tomorrow’s meeting.”

Ellie smiled. “You will be most welcome, and we will all hold you in the Light.” She stood up and glanced around the room, stopping to straighten the shade on the bedside lamp. “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, thank you. You and Mr. Bridgewater have been so kind.”

Early Sunday morning Suzanne helped Theo and his dad with the chores. They insisted that she at least attempt to milk a cow. “She’s a natural,” Paul announced. “You better hang on to this one, Son. She’s a keeper.”

“I plan to,” Theo replied.

Again Suzanne wondered if he was teasing. After his warnings about his mother’s matchmaking, why would he say such things? Perhaps she had misread his declaration of love? Maybe he had simply meant that he cared for her—as a friend he could count on. When it came to romance, Suzanne had been burned before—most recently and seriously by placing her trust in Gordon Langford. Not that she put Theo in the same category at all, but men had a habit of saying things they didn’t necessarily mean the way she might think they were meant. Theo would never intentionally hurt her. Still, she needed to be careful that she didn’t get swept up into the whole Norman Rockwell thing.

“This milking thing is hard work,” she said lightly. “When’s breakfast?”

After a huge country breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausages, and biscuits, everyone pitched in to wash the dishes and move the dining-room chairs to the living room. They arranged the extra chairs along with the living-room furniture in a circle for the meeting. As soon as everything was in place, Ellie stationed herself by the front door to welcome the others, while Paul took a chair in the circle, signaling the beginning of the meeting and the silence that this entailed. Everyone entered the room in respectful silence and took a seat, although they each smiled and nodded at Theo, who had waited for Suzanne to choose her place and then sat next to her. Within a few minutes the room was full of people—and stillness. At first Suzanne felt anxious and out of place. She was a fraud among these believers, and they didn’t seem to notice.

She closed her eyes, willing her hands to relax and fall open on her lap with palms facing up. After a few seconds she became aware of the sounds within the silence—the distant lowing of the cows, the wind playing with a wind chime on the front porch, Theo’s steady breathing. Gradually she felt the clamor of work and deadlines and future decisions melt into the silence, replaced by a sense of calm and serenity that she had not felt in a very long time.

After a while Paul stood, and Suzanne waited for his vocal ministry. “I am thinking today,” he said, “about what a truly special Independence Day we will be celebrating this year. The war in Europe is over, and we have been brought out of that darkness.” In the tradition of Friends everywhere his message was brief—a single observation offered for others to ponder.

He sat down, and as was their custom, the room went silent once again. Now Suzanne found herself thinking about the residents of the fort, especially those she had come to know so well. She centered her thoughts on Ilse. Her husband was dead, her home was gone, and she had nothing more than the possessions she had managed to acquire since coming to America. She was facing such uncertainty for herself and her child.

For the first time in a very long time, Suzanne realized that she was praying for God to watch over Ilse and Liesl and hold them in His Light as they began this new phase of their lives. Then she realized that silent tears were leaking through the lashes of her closed eyes and bathing her cheeks. She let the tears fall, aware that she had sorely missed this simple act of sitting in silence and releasing all of her worries and concerns to the higher power of God’s Light.

The Fourth of July celebration at the fort was the residents’ first experience with this unique American holiday. Several buildings were festooned with bunting in red, white, and blue, and walking past, Ilse was reminded of the early days of the Reich when every public building had been draped in the brilliant scarlet accented by the black cross of Hitler’s Nazi Party. That felt like another time—another life. The war was over, and as had been the case following the first war—the so-called Great War to end all wars—Ilse understood that once again her beloved homeland lay in ruins economically and physically. So it was hard for her to completely enjoy the celebrations these Americans staged to celebrate their independence. She had to wonder if Germany would ever truly be independent again—the rest of the world must hate them so.

“Mom, can we go downtown and watch the parade? Please?” Liesl was wearing a red blouse with navy-blue shorts and a white bow in her hair. Her accent carried only a hint of her German heritage, and now that the war had ended she had stopped asking questions about what would happen to them next. It was as if she had decided to ignore the promise they had made to return to Germany. “Mom? Can we please?”

“Yes, we can go.”

Liesl ran to her and gave her a kiss. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll go see if Gisele wants to go with us while you change.”

“Change?”

“You can’t wear that.” Liesl scowled at Ilse’s faded housedress. “It’s a holiday.” She ran to the locker that served as their closet and pulled out a white dress that Ilse had worn once. “This one with a red belt.”

“I do not have a red belt.”

“I’ll borrow one from Gisele … and a hat.” She blew Ilse a kiss and raced out the door.

Ilse watched her go. How she dreaded the day they would return to Munich, dreaded the sadness and distress that such a move was bound to cause Liesl. Yet they had to go somewhere. The fort was to be shut down—the process had already begun. Gisele had once suggested that Ilse tell the authorities who managed the surveys that she and Liesl would go to England where Beth and Josef were—where they had family.

“You can search for Marta and the children from there as easily as you can from Munich,” she had argued. “It would be the perfect compromise for Liesl. You have told me how she adores her cousin Beth, and she would still be in an English-speaking country.”

But just before Theo left for Wisconsin, he had told her that Beth and Josef had applied for visas to come to the United States.“ She doesn’t want to say anything to our folks just yet,” he had added. “She doesn’t want to get their hopes up in case they get turned down.” Of course being married to Josef—a German and the son of a Gestapo agent—made the likelihood of rejection more of a probability. If Beth and Josef could not get visas, then going to England might be worth considering.

“Ready, Mom?” Liesl had not even reached the door before she called out.

“Mind your manners, young lady,” Ilse scolded her. “You are not the sole occupant of this building.”