Safe in His Arms (35 page)

Simply a woman.

Was she enough?

There was only one way to find out. She opened the bathroom door and walked silently over to where Mac was sitting down at their outside patio table. They were alone, for once. The wedding had been wonderful, long, and beautiful. The parties afterwards had been great, but she wanted time with just Mac.

His gaze travelled down her body and she felt the heat in that look. She took a seat opposite him and accepted the beer he pulled out of the cooler at his feet.

“What is the news on the cartel?”

 
“They’re all in jail. Most of the men went easy. Catrina and Manuel not so much, but both are in a high security prison.”

She nodded. She still had mixed feelings about both of them, well, not Catrina, but Manuel. Her uncle. Her father, his younger brother Ruben, had been her father. Sorta.

“Did you want to visit Manuel? It can be arranged.”

“No, no, I don’t think so.” Mac stared over at her silently and she sensed he didn’t believe her. “He’s a killer, Mac. A real, cold-blooded killer. To me, he would have been an uncle, I’m sure of that. He could do that, turn the killer off and on, but he’s still a killer.”

“That doesn’t make you bad, Mandy.”

She nodded. She knew that. Now. “My dad, he was a killer too, wasn’t he?”

Mac looked down and readjusted his feet under the table before he finally nodded. “He was. Rob once shared some shit with me about him, but Mandy, baby, I—” Mac paused and exhaled heavily. “I killed him in Florida. That was my first mission with the team.”

Mandy nodded. She’d thought something like that. The world was a much smaller place than she’d ever imaged. “He was a killer. He hurt my mom, didn’t he?”

Mac grimaced and nodded. “Rob said that your mom didn’t find out about the drugs and other stuff, not until he left, then she got you all out. It took her a few times to really escape, though.”

“I’m not like him.”

“Hell no, baby.” Mac sat forward, took her hand in his, and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. “Baby, you’re not like those scumbags. They kill because it makes them feel strong. You did what a situation forced you to do.”

“Like you, but not with as much style.” She grinned over at him and raised her hand to brush his jaw. “I kinda killed by accident.”

“Well, thankfully not Ace, right?”

She laughed and shook her head. Ace still harassed her about that. West got a bigger kick out of it and, of course, Mac’s near escape from Trigger’s attention.

“I love you.” She said it softly but Mac brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it.

“Damn, baby, I love you too.”

She watched him sit back and sip his beer, watching her with a lazy, happy expression, and her stomach twisted. She’d worried he didn’t love her. She’d worried he might leave her. She worried about so much. Why couldn’t she just accept that he loved her and that was that? She knew, though. She always worried what he thought of her. Gathering her courage, she set her beer down and clenched her hands into fists on the table.

“I want to talk to you about a few other things. I mean, me. Or us. Us and sex,” Mandy said as clearly as she could, when inside her belly rioted like a gang of angry butterflies.

Mac was in the middle of taking a drink from his beer and coughed, made a strange choking sound, and quickly swallowed. He reached up, wiped his wrist over his mouth afterwards, and stared over at her with a puzzled expression.

Mandy said nothing.

“Shit.” Mac sat back, folded his hands on his hard stomach, and smiled. It was not a comforting smile. But it set her heart racing along with the mad butterflies in her stomach. This was it. He was listening now. She’d learnt a great deal about Mac since they’d been thrown back together. He never wanted to hurt her. He sometimes acted, then regretted, like that long ago night, but now, now he tried to learn from his mistakes. He wanted, above all else, to make her happy. Much, she knew, as she wanted to make him happy.

“Am I enough for you, Mac? You’ve told me you’ve never touched another woman after me, but… Well, am I enough? All of me? What I want, what I need from you, want to be able to tell you, is that going to be good?”

He stared at her as if she had more to say, then shook his head and his grin grew.

“Good? You tell me what you want, in bed, out, anywhere. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I love you, Mandy,” he said. “I always have. Always will,” he told her.

“I love you too, Mac, that’s what I mean, you know? I mean, I love you, I want you to see me for who I am, not what I thought you wanted, or even what, well, what you might have wanted—”

“Hold it there. I can see where this is going. Baby, I love you. Pure, simple, easy as that. You. I see you. Hell, I think I learnt more about how strong you are over the past two weeks than I would have learnt in twenty years. I love you, sugar. Always will. I see I might have to remember to say that daily, hourly, but I like a good challenge and getting you to believe how fucking awesome you are is my new mission in life.”

He stood and she did too. She didn’t wait for him to come to her, she dived into his embrace and hugged him hard. How could he love her so much? Tears filled her eyes and she let them fall. She’d been a mess and it was this simple, it was this easy. He loved her. Just as she loved him. No matter what she did, or said, or wanted, he loved her. Just like she loved him.

His arms tightened around her. She felt safe, loved, for the first time—the first time ever, she thought.

“Baby, I wish I could take back what you’ve had to go through in life.”

“Oh, Mac, don’t.”

“Shh, I do. Sarge, that bastard, then that fucked-up Trigger. Both put you through hell. Then my stupid shit. I don’t think there’s a part of you I don’t love. You can’t see it, can you? How you drive me nuts just with your smile? Or your teasing? How you call me on my shit? I need that, need to hear you tell me when I’m wrong, so I don’t fuck things up.”

“You never fu—”

“I did. Sugar, I did.” He stared down at her, his hazel eyes intense, his handsome face tanned and relaxed for once, not dirty or strained from having to keep her safe.

She reached up and touched his jaw. “We both did.”

He sighed heavily and gave her back a soft caress. “Maybe, maybe. But, sugar, you have to know, not a day that’s gone by I didn’t love you. Sure, I wanted to spank your ass for leaving me, but, baby, I get it. I get you. I love you.”

Another sob tried to break free, but she sucked it down and tightened her hold on him. “I thought of you every day too, Mac. I missed you so much. Sometimes I just wanted to go, find you and pray that Trigger never found out. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t survive losing you. I love you so much, Mac.” She rubbed her face against his T-shirt and tightened her fingers in the muscled curve of his back.

“Aw, baby, I’m not going to die. I told you, I’m a killing machine.”

She shook her head against his chest and simply held him while he soothed her with soft caresses down her back.

“You get me, too. We’re meant to be together, baby.”

She sniffed and dried her eyes on his T-shirt then stepped back. “I guess we are, aren’t we?”

He didn’t smile, but she saw the way his face turned softer, tender, she supposed, just for her. “It was the only thing that kept me going, sugar.”

She heaved a sigh, knowing that she’d also driven him into darker things, dark, terrible things that she knew, now, he’d be able to share, at least with her. She doubted he’d ever disclose all of the evil he’d had to do for his country, but she knew, deep inside where she was rebuilding the foundations of her life, around him, that he would always turn to her.

“Don’t look so glum about that, Mandy.”

Mac tightened his hands on her shoulders and she cleared her throat. “I’m not. I have regrets, I guess. The time we were—”

“The time we were apart is in the past. You grew up, sugar. And so did I. I was an arrogant bastard for thinking you didn’t know what you wanted.” He paused and grinned. No doubt at her shocked look. “Yeah, I listen to you. It might surprise you how much, actually. But yeah, I thought I knew best. I thought you were too…” He shook his head, clearly laughing at himself. “Weak. Shit, you just survived something most seasoned soldiers couldn’t have.”

He sounded so astonished she wanted to hit him, but resisted the urge simply because she knew what he meant. She had survived. She’d jumped out of a helicopter into an ocean, swum in shark-infested water in her clothes, killed one man with a knife then shot another while he’d tried to rape Mac. Oh, yeah, and she’d found out she was related to one of the sickest, most powerful families in Mexico. Yeah, she amazed herself. How could she resent Mac’s surprise at her ability to survive?

She’d survived simply because there was no other choice. She’d done the same with her move overseas and she’d done the same with Mac. But with Mac, she’d hidden. She wasn’t hiding any longer.

“I’ve never had sex with anyone but you, Mac.”

He looked at her with suddenly strange, defenceless eyes and just as suddenly hauled her into his arms and kissed her. He broke off and glared down at her. “Hell, I’m a jealous, selfish bastard, baby, but damn, I didn’t like the thought of anyone touching you.”

“I know. I never liked thinking of you with other women either.”

He laughed and touched his forehead to hers. “I know that, Mandy. I got that loud and clear.”

“Brat.”

“I never did let anyone touch me after you left, Mandy. I made you a promise that night.”

“You did?” She frowned up at him, not remembering any such promises.

“Yeah,” he sighed and tucked her head under his chin. She loved when he did that. It felt so safe. His arms around her, his body hard against hers, and his head resting on hers.

“I said it in my damn head, but I still meant it. You’re mine.”

“Oh.” She hugged him tighter for a second, then pulled back enough to look up at him. “Always. I’m always going to be yours, babe.”

He grinned, then kissed her. He was breathless, his body hard and every inch of it familiar and loved. The heat from him soothed and filled her with intense desire at the same time. She hung onto him and opened, giving him everything he demanded until, with a low groan in his throat, all six foot and more of his hard body surrounded her, pressing her back against the flimsy plastic table.

“You’re behind on your promises,” he husked against her face.

She felt her body heat with the memory of her promise to give him daily blow jobs. She tugged him down closer by an ear and whispered, “I actually think you’re behind on your promises, Mac. There’s one place you still haven’t claimed, and it’s been long enough.”

He jerked up like she’d goosed him. His face was tense, hot, and against her stomach she felt how hard and thick he’d become. It’d been five days, but it felt like five years all over again for her. Did he feel the same?

“Holy motherfucking hell,” he said. “You’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“I hope not,” she said laughing. “Can we? I bought some things.”

“Things?” he sounded strangled.

“Body butter, strawberry vanilla, and I cleaned. I’m like squeaky clean down there.”

He squeezed his incredulous eyes closed and she swore he counted to ten before he opened them again. He looked slightly panicked. “I’m big. You know I’m big.”

She licked her lips and nodded. “I know. That’s why I also bought a toy we can use.”

“Hell, hell, hell.” He ducked his head into her cleavage and simply breathed deeply for so long she got a bit worried.

“Um, we can have anal sex later, you know, after we have sex, if you’re worried.”

“Don’t. Just don’t talk anymore. Let a man get a grip here, baby.”

She laughed and hugged his head tight to her breasts. His hands moved down from her waist to cup her ass.

Lifting his head, he looked down at her. “I want this ass, but baby, I’ve been fantasising about taking your ass for years, and this, hell, this might be too soon. I’m big.”

“Are you bragging about that?” she teased.

His eyebrows lowered in a frown, then he tilted his head and grinned that cocky, sexy smile she loved. “Ah, baby, maybe I should spank you first. For getting all ready and springing this on me.” He swatted her butt and nipped at her jaw.

She screeched and laughed. With a happy feeling bursting up inside her chest, she tugged him closer and kissed the rough skin of his neck, rubbing her lips there afterwards. “I just want you, Mac. I want to feel you, I want you.”

“Ah, baby, you’re killing me. I love you so damn much,” he said in a tone filled with so much love that she hugged her arms around his neck and kissed him everywhere she could reach.

“I want to hear that daily. Hourly, okay? All the time.”

He laughed and with one quick move picked her up and started walking towards the bedroom. “I love you. I love you so damn much I’ve been in misery these past few days. You, hurt, can’t happen again, baby. Okay?”

He was so serious she nodded and cupped his jaw with both her hands, loving his mouth with hers. “I won’t. Now, kiss me, my Wolfman, kiss me until I come apart in your arms.”