SAHM I am (6 page)

Thought all you lovely ladies would like to know how this came out…

My pastor’s wife approaches me in church this morning. “Dulcie,” she croons, “it occurred to me the other day that
I may have accidentally hurt your feelings at the meeting with my little comment about your clothes.”

YA THINK? (But I don’t say it…honest.) I just shrug and try to look a little confused—which really isn’t all that difficult for me these days. “Oh, well…I knew what you meant.”

She gives me a gushing hug. “I’m SOOOO sorry, dear!” Then she pulls back and looks at me (I was wearing brown knit pants and a khaki tunic top). “You look great, REALLY!” Sure. That’s why she thought I was pregnant. Must have been my glowing countenance that fooled her.

“Well, thank you,” I tell her.

She takes one more hard look at my outfit and smiles sweetly. “You must just like to wear BIG clothes, that’s all!” Then one parting hug, and off she goes, radiating joy, peace and love to all. (Seriously, guys, despite the bad foot-in-mouth disorder, she’s a really sweet person.)

Sometimes, you just gotta wear your “all-you-can-laugh” outfit—because it’s the only one that nothing will stick to. :)

Cheers,

Dulcie

Dulcie, I admire your forgiving spirit, and your ability to see the good in her despite her faults. However, the next time she’s about to nibble her toes, you need to hold up your church
bulletin and use the following quote from you-know-who: “Shut your mouth, dame, or with this paper shall I stop it.”

Z

<“Shut your mouth, dame, or with this paper shall I stop it.”>

I should hope no one would EVER say something like that to a PASTOR’S WIFE! Being married to a pastor is in itself a high calling, and these women deserve to be shown the respect and honor due to them for their love and support for the men appointed by God to be our spiritual leaders. Maybe this woman is gently trying to guide Dulcie into making better health and fashion choices. Remember, my friends, the meek shall inherit the earth.

Yours,

Rosalyn

Rosalyn, With all due respect to your position as Loop moderator, I would like to express my strong disagreement to your thoughts. I AM a pastor’s wife, and, if I had a habit of humiliating my fellow sisters in Christ without realizing it, I would definitely want someone to tell me to “Shut your mouth, dame.” (Great Shakespeare quote, Zelia. Let’s talk Bard later, okay? My master’s degree is in early modern English literature. I bet I can match you quote for quote.)

I don’t believe that my calling is any higher than anyone else’s. I didn’t hear a voice in thunder tell me to “Go marry Jonathan Lorimer, for he is going to be a pastor.” I went on a blind date with the guy, thought he was extremely attractive, and fell madly in love with him before I even knew what his career goals were.

Furthermore, we aren’t even remotely close to being saintly. When we met, both of us were very lonely, and neither of us had much dating experience. We felt an instant rapport intellectually and emotionally, and it didn’t take long for us to connect physically, too—only two months. Our daughter, Julia, was five months old at our wedding.

We repented and kept our relationship pure from that time on, but Jonathan struggled with whether or not to still become a pastor. His own pastor was the one who showed him that sin is sin, and people are people—none are better or worse than any others.

So please don’t put us up on pedestals. There are none righteous, no, not one. Only Christ.

Your friend,

Phyllis Lorimer

Dear, sweet Phyllis, and friends,

I think perhaps my e-mail may have been misunderstood. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to think I believe pastors’ wives to be somehow more spiritual than the rest of us. I only meant to say that we shouldn’t speak with disrespect to ANYBODY—no matter what their position is.

Phyllis, thank you for being SO vulnerable and sharing your heart with us regarding your past sins. It made me more grateful than ever that I chose to have a pure relationship with my husband. I’m sure your choices have produced negative emotional baggage Chad and I will never have to worry about. What a blessing!

Have a blessed evening, everyone!

Rosalyn

Oh, Ros, I got me married to the most romantic man! He surprised me yesterday, for no reason at all, with a trip to the most exclusive, elegant day spa in Houston. I swan, you coulda knocked me down with a feather! I spent an entire ten hours surrounded by luxury, being pampered and cared for, while he took the kids to the zoo and a movie. He said he’d been fixing to do it before the wedding, but we planned it so
quick, there wasn’t time. I wish you could experience something so relaxing and refreshing—I can tell you could really use it, you tuckered out sweet thing. It’s just too bad Chad can’t afford it. Living on one salary must be so hard. But there ya go.

Ronnie

Good morning, all you Beautiful Brides,

Happy Labor Day! It’s a glorious 5 a.m. here in Washington, and I just returned from my two-mile jog. I noticed the apples are looking ripe, and I imagine the next few weekends will be open for apple-picking. I’m running a few minutes behind schedule already, so I can’t write much. (Need to finish my Bible study before fixing Chad’s breakfast—I promised to make homemade whole-wheat Belgian waffles, complete with fresh whipped cream and a raspberry glaze. And strawberry-banana fruit smoothies, too, since he has the day off.) But I wanted to get this week’s topic to you as quickly as possible.

Since it’s apple time, I thought it would be fun to create a SAHM I Am list of Creative Ways to Use Apples. So send in your best recipes, craft ideas, school lessons—anything to do with apples. After this week, I’ll compile all the results and post them in a single file on our loop Web site. I’m going to e-mail my contribution later: Romantic and Refreshing Apple Spa—including soap, candles, candle holders, bubble bath
and facial mask, all made from APPLES! You won’t want to miss it!

You girls are the “apples” of my eye,

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

No fair—she stole my idea! :)

Brenna

Guess you gotta get up earlier, Brenna. You slacker. :)

Z

Callin’ me a slacker, are you? I’ll have you know I gave the bucket calf a bottle, fed the dog, fixed breakfast AND made Madeline’s lunch before Ms. Ebberly even opened her eyes this morning. :) Labor Day, indeed!

Brenna

Hah! Well, I took Griffith potty, got Seamus and Cosette dressed, helped Tristan with breakfast, put the dishes in the dishwasher, kissed Tristan good morning (hey, it took us a while, okay?), threw a load of towels in the washing machine, stopped Seamus from teasing Cosette, cleaned up Griffith’s potty accident, read my e-mail, talked to my mother on the phone, ran back down to the basement to START the washing machine, stopped Seamus from teasing Cosette, took Griffith potty, checked my e-mail again, talked to my mother-in-law from England on the phone, stopped Seamus from teasing Cosette, set Seamus in the corner, told Griffith to take himself to the potty, put his wet pants to soak in the sink, sat down to eat my breakfast (my Marshmallow Crunchies were soggy by this time), stopped Cosette from gloating over Seamus-in-the-corner AND
helped Griffith (he fell in the toilet.) ALL BEFORE EITHER YOU OR ROSALYN SAW THE LIGHT OF DAY!

Now I need to go get dressed and fix lunch. It’s been a very productive morning.

Z

…but it does help that you live in the Eastern time zone. :)

Brenna

Not so fast, Z. Where’s Tristan in all this? Doesn’t he get the day off?

Jocelyn

I’ll confess—he was helping me with a lot of that this morning. But he also took the car in for an oil change and alphabetized our home library. He likes doing stuff like that.

Z

Then I say Brenna won anyway, because I’ll bet NOBODY at their house is getting a day off—are they, Bren?

Jocelyn

No fair—you’re pulling out the “pity the hardworking farmer” card on me! I can’t help it if my husband is a CPA. And a drop-dead gorgeous one, at that…

Z

Thanks, Jocelyn! Z, we’ll pity you during tax season—that’s our slow time on the farm anyway. Now do you feel better? Brenna

…but come January, I expect LOTS of sympathy!

Z

Hey gals,

Would it be okay for me to invite Phyllis to chat with us tonight? You know—she’s the pastor’s wife that likes Z’s Shakespeare quotes? We’ve been e-mailing off and on all day today—it started because I wrote to tell her I could relate to her story about getting pregnant before marriage. And I was upset with Rosalyn’s reaction to it. But Phyllis is really sweet, and she seems lonely. She told me she doesn’t really fit in with any of the women in her church. They treat her differently because she’s the pastor’s wife. Plus, she’s only 27 and everyone else is decades older. Dulcie, you’d be able to relate to her because her husband is always busy. And Z, you have the Shakespeare connection.
I don’t know about Jocelyn yet, but I’m sure you could find some common ground, too. Don’t you have room for one more?