Saint's Sacrament - Sins of the Father (89 page)

Lawrence handed him the box. Jagger’s hands trembled as he opened it. Inside was a brilliant, oval shaped 5-
carat diamond ring. Traci gasped and leaned back.

“You don’t have to answer me right now, Traci. But, if you decide to stay with me, after all of this, I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want you to have my children. I want us to grow old together, sweetie.”

All of a sudden a shuffling noise started. Everyone shot a look at Xenia who was busy digging in her purse. She grabbed a tissue and blew, then noticed everyone was looking at her as happy tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Oh, sorry…” she said
from behind the tissue.

Saint smirked and turned away.

“So, Traci, I just want to know…if you’ll marry me?”

Lawrence reached around and pushed his hand into Jagger’s back. It seemed the big o
af was going to topple over.

“I…I don’t know. This is a lot to take in, Jagger.”

She looked up at him, pity in her eyes, and it was evident, Jagger’s heart was crushed to mere dust. He kept his brave face for a second or two, but then his damn bottom lip trembled. Saint had never seen him like this before and never thought he’d see the day. This is what happens when an alpha meets his soulmate and thinks he can no longer have her. He turns into a child, a pitiful little thing to the eye of society, when he is no child at all. He is a man who is losing out on hope because he stepped out on faith and it smacked him in the face and fucked him over with no mercy.

“Yes
.” Jagger lowered his head and withdrew the ring. “I…I understand, baby.” He sniffed and walked away, going into his room and closing the door behind him. The gentle giant had been defeated…

“Oh God,” Xenia shot out of her seat. “Traci, honey, do you mind if I speak to you alone please?”

Traci was now crying. Hard. Loud. And she shook like a leaf. Xenia raced over and, pushing Saint out of the way, she grabbed Traci and held her close in her arms, rocking her. “It’s going to be okay, alright?” Xenia leaned back, cupping the woman’s face with both hands as she looked into her eyes.  Saint choked up a bit when he saw a tear stream down Xenia’s face, this one of a different nature. He knew that tear was for him—for the same shock and pain she’d felt once she understood who she was in love with and for the fact that, no matter how frightened she was, she had to make the right choice, because he was everything she’d ever wanted.

“Let’s go talk in private
, okay?”

Traci nodded
. Xenia took her hand and led her away into another room, locking the door behind them.

Saint looked at Lawrence after a long silence.

“Who are you? The Village People? Where the hell is your shirt, man?”

“You are in no position to talk, Saint. I see your MC Hammer Pants were available for the evening
’s festivities. You look like a genie from a malt liquor bottle.”

The two men drew quiet again and burst out laughing, hugging one another.

“You know everything is going to be alright, right?” He smiled at Lawrence. Lawrence smiled back, just as big.

“Yes. But Jagger is too upset to listen.”

“Let me try, anyway.” Saint tapped Lawrence on the shoulder and made his way to the closed door. “A Jagger, it’s me, man.” He cleared his throat. “Open the door, I want to talk to you.”

“Saint, please go home
,” came a low voice, from an even lower spirit.

“I can’t go home.”

Jagger didn’t respond.

“You know I can just break the door down, right? If I felt like exerting the energy, I could psychically unlock the door, too. That would take a little time, but I’d get inside, and then you’d have a door you have to put back on the hinges after I’ve kicked it in and I wouldn’t give you back the money to rep
lace it because I warned you in advance. Once I get inside, I’d be tired and irritable, and then we’d argue…and we might roll around and fight because you’re mad and maybe a little mad at me too, right now and we’d both be a bloody mess. Fighting has a way of working up my appetite so I’d probably call a time out, go fix myself a sandwich from your refrigerator and then return to beat your ass some more. And then after that—”

“Fine.” Heavy footsteps stormed toward the door and tore it open.

Saint smiled and softly closed it behind him. Jagger sat on the edge of his bed. Saint looked around. The man’s luggage was still out from their trip. Jagger was typically meticulous about his bed, however. It must’ve hung over from basic training, but his bed was not only a mess, the distinct scent of freshly had sex floated in the air. He smirked, but covered his mouth as he leaned casually against a dresser.

Well
, at least he got some ass to tide him over for a while…

“What are you laughing about?” Jagger questioned as he stared down at the floor, his back hunched over.

“I just…nothing. Look man, Traci just needs a minute. Everything is going to be okay. I know what she said hurt. I would’ve been hurt, too. But she’ll come around. Just give her a little breathing room.”

“You’re the one
who told me to tell her!”

Saint knew this was coming. He also knew Jagger was hurting, so there was no need to air the flame with a flippant mouth right then, so he watched himself
for the time being. He’d just stick to the facts, no slams.

“You’re damn straight I did. She needed to know, Jagger.” Saint put his hands on his hips. “I told you it was too risky.”

“How so?! I stayed in my first marriage without her realizing one damn thing!”

“Because she didn’t love you and she wasn’t your soulmate! Traci is!” Saint screamed back. “And between you and me, she
knew
something was strange about you! I’m not buying it. Your ex
had
to have known something was up and damn it, Traci knew something was going on, too. Xenia knew something was different about me, too. She admitted it later and that was part of the reason she was afraid of me. They always know!”

“How do you figure?” Jagger looked up at him, his eyes brimming with tears.

“I can see it in her damn face! Of course she probably didn’t think it was anything like this.” Saint began to pace the room. “But she knew you were different from other men, Jagger. She stayed because she liked you, and a part of her needed to find out where this was going. She is scared not only because of your admission, but because she knows now that her gut instinct was correct. That will help you. She was already prepared, sorta, for something weird to come out of your mouth one day. She’ll come around, man. Trust me on this. Xenia wanted to run away, too. You heard me tell Traci that. But she didn’t. Donna is probably the only woman I know who acted like it was no big deal, but she was raised hearing about things like this, so she was more open minded. Now, my father’s girlfriend has responded similarly to Donna, but she, too, has her own reservations. They are all different, but because of the connection you two have, understand, she is
not
gone.” He put his hand on Jagger’s shoulder and patted it. “Look at it like this. She is taking a short vacation, okay? She’ll be right back. This is a ‘pause’ button, not ‘stop’.”

Jagger wiped his nose and looked away. “I hope you’re right. I need you to be right.”

“I
am
right. You are too upset at this moment to see that I’m correct. We all showed her a sample of the things we can do. She knows that wasn’t some trick. She also knows most people don’t believe in things like this, so it is confusing for her. Let me ask you something though. When Lawrence called me this morning, he said you texted him after you called him, so she couldn’t hear, and told him you were going to propose and for me to bring the ring you’d bought for her from Raphael. I brought it and handed it to him. You didn’t want it here in your house because you were afraid she may find it before you were ready to propose. Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” Jagger looked up at him.

“Why did you propose to her after all of this, man? I thought you were going to wait.”

“Because in my mind it played out differently! I can’t see into the future like that, Saint. In my mind, after everyone telling me I needed to tell her the truth, I convinced myself she’d leap into my arms once I proved to her it was all true
. I’d then propose and we’d be happy ever after.”

“Why would she say yes right now? Look at it from her vantage point.” Saint leaned against the wall and crossed his ankles and arms. “What if you were her, Jagger? What if you were in love with someone,
and you just finished making love…and then you tell her about the time you tried to slice your old man’s throat, but use that as an example of showing her the gifts you have?” Jagger’s face reddened. “First of all, that may be how you like to be spoken to, but women aren’t like that, Jagger. They are soft, man. You gotta be cool around them, take it easy. You have to do what I did when I came over here. Show them stuff that doesn’t look too scary, but is impressive. When you tell your woman the truth, you have to present it like it’s flowers, not a bomb, man. Anyway,” Saint said, shaking his head. “That’s over with, nothing we can do about it now, but things got worse because we had to show her you weren’t crazy, full of shit. She needs time to accept this. She can’t marry someone she is afraid of but loves at the same time. It is confusing for her.”

“But that’s not what you did
,” Jagger snapped. “You told me you met Xenia one week, returned the following week, two days later you two consummated the relationship after one date then three days later, you were married. Xenia didn’t need a pause, as you call it.” Jagger swallowed harshly and rolled his bright eyes, his brows knitted together. The only thing missing was steam coming out of his nose.

“Ahhh
.” Saint sighed. “So that’s what this is about. You had some fairytale that all women would be just alike. For your information, Xenia was scared out of her mind and after we made love and I told her, she still contemplated getting dressed and leaving while I went for a swim. She told me about it after the fact, although I knew what she was thinking while I was away from her. I was terrified, but she had that right. I couldn’t stop her. I was connected to her at that point. I made love to her to confirm what I already knew in my heart to be true, that she was my soulmate. I ensured we didn’t do it again, until she knew. It was a risk. Did I want her to go? Of course not, but I was giving her the option to leave without being afraid and she still fought me from time to time. The woman was scared of me at various times during our first year of marriage. Do you understand how frightening that has to be? To be in love with someone, they haven’t harmed a hair on your head, but they scare the fuck out of you because they can do some weird shit! Please don’t think our life was a fairytale, because it wasn’t, Jagger. The only difference is that Xenia forced herself to see this through. At any given time, she could’ve bailed and like I said, believe me, she thought about it.”

Jagger was quiet for a
while. “I just wanted to be me, man… I just wanted to be free, to be me.” His voice shook as his eyes watered. “She doesn’t want the real me, and I don’t think she
ever
will. You didn’t see how she looked at me, Saint.” He lifted his gaze. “She finds me diabolical.”

“No she doesn’t, Jagger. Because you are used to being upfront most of the time, and you are good at being you, man, it is hard for you to step out of that and see it from her perspective. She just gave you her body, man! That wiring is still fresh. You’d been away, you see her, you two consummate the relationship again, and she is emotionally vulnerable. You never want to tell a woman a horror story after making love to her, Jagger. Remember, give them bad news wrapped in flowers…” Saint chuckled as Jagger smiled
, a half-smile.

“Yeah, I guess in retrospect that wasn’t the best approach.”

“Right. Her hormones have been released, oxytocin. You’ve heard me explain this countless times. Right after lovemaking, women—particularly women we are in love with and vice versa—are clingier. Now, if you want to confess something to her that is kinda heavy, it is a good time to do it, so, I understand your attempts here, you just want to make sure it isn’t something that’s too upsetting. Your mother being beaten up and you trying to kill someone was just too much, but hey, on the bright side, at least she knows all about that too, now. You would have had to tell her eventually.”

“Yeah…I thought that I had done it right since she was relaxed, into me. I didn’t plan to have sex with her, honest.”

Saint laughed. “Jagger, look, that is
your
business. You don’t owe me any explanation but since you brought it up, it wasn’t necessarily wrong to do it, especially if she was the initiator and like I told you, man, if you do it right, it’s like giving a woman a couple glasses of Hennessey. She’s relaxed, she’s listening, the words coming out of your mouth sound a bit more golden. It’s the delivery and content that will do you in. Hey, it’s kinda a compliment to your character that you messed it up. It means you are just a man that talks. You aren’t trying to be slick or cunning, you just shoot from the heart, man.”

“Yeah, that’s one way to look at it. I actually was avoiding it, but she wanted it, so
I gave it to her. Not that I didn’t, but I didn’t try to put it all on her—”