Salvaged (7 page)

(Attie)

As I sat cross-legged on the floor under the window, my mind
replayed the phone conversation with Anne. Riley was with some
girl named Tiffany, and she was probably gorgeous and had big
boobs, although I'm not really sure why I cared. It wasn't as if I was
interested in having him for myself, but the thought of him being
with that kind of girl didn't settle well with me.

Given the phone conversation, it was obvious that he and I had
less in common that I'd originally thought and once school started
I'd be on my own.

"What's bothering you?" Jesus asked as he appeared sitting next
to me.

"Nothing. Nothing we should talk about anyway."

"Since when do we not talk about things?"

"Since they're inappropriate."

"Nothing's off limits between us, Attie. You can talk to me about
anything. Come on, out with it."

Going way outside of my comfort zone, I dug down deep, finally
mustered up the courage, and dove right in. "I talked to my friend
Anne on the phone today, and she gave me some scoop about the
school I'll be going to and the kids that'll be there-and Riley."

"And?"

"And they're all into stuff that I'm not into. I realize I was out of
it most of last year, but I don't remember everyone around me being so promiscuous. From the way Anne makes it sound, she and I are
in the minority-big-time minority. It sounds like everyone is having sex or wants to or have basically done everything but. Some guy
even tried to seduce her at a party once. I don't know if I'm ready to
deal with all that. I'm already a freak and an outsider; what are they
going to do when they find out I'm also a major prude? I feel like I'm
walking into a lions' den and everyone's going to be ready to pounce.
I'm not going to fit in, I know it."

"It's never been easy to do the right thing. Ask anyone who's
done it."

I nodded, although I wanted to cry. Hearing him say that doing
the right thing wasn't easy wasn't helping my situation or relieving
my anxiety in any way.

"Do you remember the story of Daniel from the Bible?" he
asked.

"Daniel? Was he the one who was thrown into the lions' den?"

"Yes. The story seems appropriate seeing as how that's where
you feel you're heading. Do you remember what happened to him?"

I thought back to a coloring page that I'd been given in Sunday
school when I was little. It was a picture of a man dressed in a robe,
and he was sitting on the floor with a big smile on his face as he petted two lions. I remember wishing that I could pet a lion and right
then and there decided that when I became a vet I would take care
of lions and other zoo animals.

"Nothing," I finally answered. "Nothing happened to him."

"Why not?"

"God sent an angel that closed the lions' mouths. When they
pulled him out, he hadn't been injured at all. The lions hadn't
touched him."

"That's right. He'd called out to God, and God protected him.
Now, I can't guarantee you that when you walk through the halls at
school people won't say bad things about you or accuse you of things
that aren't right or fair. But what I can promise you is that I'll walk
through those doors with you and that I won't leave you alone-ever. I'll protect you, Attie; I'll protect your spirit. Nothing they say or do
can have an effect on you unless you let it."

"I appreciate that."

"Do you feel any better about it?"

"Yes, a little." It still bothered me to know that Riley was just
like the other kids, but there was no sense in mentioning it. That
was between Riley and Jesus, not Riley, Jesus, and me. I was pretty
sure that Jesus was aware of the situation, and he didn't need me
bringing it up.

"As time goes on you're going to have a lot of questions about
those kinds of things, and I don't ever want you to think it isn't safe
to talk to me about them. Trust me, there isn't anything you can say
that I haven't heard before-or worse."

"That's good to know." He was right. I was sure there'd be plenty
of things I had questions about or complaints that I wanted to file
with him. As a matter of fact, one was burning in my mind as we
sat there, and although it was a much lighter subject, it still weighed
heavily on my mind.

"Why didn't you give me bigger boobs?" I asked.

"If the man we have picked out for you wanted that, my Father
would have given them to you."

"Most boys like big boobs," I pouted.

"Most boys don't know what they want, let alone need," he
replied. "At least until they're twenty-five or so."

"Does that mean I'll be waiting until I'm twenty-five to get a
date?"

"Maybe."

"Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy got together when she was about my
age. So did Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables."

"Back then they also died when they were forty." His sarcasm
wasn't helping to improve my mood. "Look, you shouldn't worry
so much about what boys think of you anyway. No one can love
you like I can. My love is pure, complete, and unconditional. You're
precious and you're perfect just the way you are. Just the way you
were created."

"Thanks a lot." I wasn't being sincere, but at that moment all I
wanted to do was end the conversation. I knew what he was saying
was truth, but there was still that part of me that wished that someone-some human-would think I was beautiful.

"And by the way, you are beautiful." He'd read my mind.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"Attie, even when you find that boy who believes you're beautiful
and falls head over heels in love with you, the love won't be perfect.
It will be flawed, just like the boy who gives it."

"I understand." Disgusted with myself, I shook my head. "I don't
know, maybe I'll just become a nun or something. That way I don't
have to deal with any of this. Do you see a convent in my future?"

"I'm not a fortune teller."

"I know, it would just be nice to have a clue about my life in the
future."

"Okay, Attie, I never do this-"

I leaned close to him. "Do what?"

"Tell people about their future."

"You're going to tell me about my future?"

He nodded. "Part of it."

"Sweet!"

"Oh, I don't know if you can handle it." He enjoyed teasing me.
"Maybe I shouldn't say anything."

"Oh yes, you should," I squealed.

Jesus was about to reveal part of his master plan, and I was like
a dog with a steak in front of it. I was practically salivating at the
prospect of getting a glimpse into my future.

Jesus glanced around as if to make sure that no one was eavesdropping, and for some reason I did the same.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Tell me already," I begged. "I can't stand the suspense."

"Okay, here goes. You... "

I hung on the word.

"... are not going to be a nun."

"What? That's it? I'm not going to be a nun, that's the big news?"
My disappointment was evident.

Jesus shrugged. "Hey, you asked and it's better than nothing."

"An old maid?"

"No. Go to bed, Attie. You're tired and you're talking foolishly."

"Don't I always? Talk foolishly I mean."

"Not all the time just much of it. It's one of the many things I
love about you. Now go to sleep."

Mom glanced over at me from the driver's seat. "You girls are so
funny. I'm glad you're together for another summer."

"It's Just Attie, Mrs. Reed. She makes me seem funnier," Melody
said, laughing from the backseat. She leaned toward the front of the
car so she could join the conversation. "Oh look! It's Meg Patton
and her new baby. She just had it and she's only seventeen." Melody
pointed out my window, and I turned to look at the girl. The new
mother pushed a baby carriage and talked to a woman who was
walking beside her.

"She's a cute girl." Mom's voice sounded sweet.

I turned to talk to them, but a scream escaped my throat
instead.

Everything became dark. Muffled sounds filled my ears, but I
wasn't able to make sense of them. I wanted to move but couldn't;
something held me down, and a sharp pain throbbed in my
stomach.

My hearing returned to normal, but nothing made sense.

"Get them out of the car!"

"Help me grab her. Hurry! Her arm is stuck; I can't get her
out."

There was more screaming from many different voices, but they
were being drowned out by crackling and popping sounds.

"Attie!" Mom screamed. "Melody! Get them out first! Please get
the girls out!"

Mybodywas being torn apart, and my stomach felt as ifit exploded.
The pain was excruciating, and I was aware that I was dying.

Mom continued to appeal to anyone who would listen. "Somebody, please!"

"Mom?" My vision was murky, but I could see her face. It was
bloody, and her eyes were large and full of fear.

Hervoice calmed. "Get out of the car, Attie." Her words sounded
crisp and clear.

I looked into the backseat in search of Melody and found her lying
covered in blood in a twisted heap on the floor. I turned my attention
back to my mother and out of the corner of my eye saw fire.

"Get out, Attie!"

"Mom?"

Everything went dark.

(Riley)

I jolted out of bed at the sound of someone screaming, and it
only took a second to realize the scream came from Attie.

I threw sweatpants on over my boxers and sprinted to her room.
Throwing on the bedroom light, I found her sitting on the floor
screaming for her mother and Melody. Her eyes were closed, her
fists were tight, and her body was shaking.

Running to her, I knelt down, grabbed her shoulders, and gave
her a gentle shake. She needed to wake up and end the nightmare.
"Attie, wake up, Attie."

Her eyes finally opened, but she looked up at me as if she didn't
know me at all.

"You're all right." I tried to sound reassuring. "You're not alone.
I'm here; you're safe."

My parents came charging up the stairs behind me and stopped
in the doorway. They both looked terrified.

"Is she all right?" Dad asked in a breathless voice.

I held out my hand signaling for them to stay back. "Yes, it was
a nightmare. She's all right; she just needs to sleep. Go back downstairs. We'll be fine."

They stood back and watched as Attie shivered in my arms. Seeing her gripped in fear was agony for them.

Attie's eyes focused on me. "Riley?"

"Yes." Sitting down, I pulled her onto my lap. "I'm here."

"I almost didn't recognize you." Her voice was tired and soft.
"Why are you calling me Attie?"

"'Cause you scared me to death and I couldn't think straight,
that's why."

Mom rushed over, wrapped us in a blanket, and then kissed
Attie on the top of the head.

"It's okay, Mom. Go on, you don't need to watch this," I urged
quietly. "Go downstairs."

Dad started to take a step into the room but stopped himself.
After staring at Attie for a moment, he finally walked into the room
for the first time since Melody's death. He gently pulled Mom away
from us, and then the two of them slowly went back downstairs. My
mother wailed all the way down the stairs.

I rocked back and forth in an effort to soothe Attie back into a
deep sleep, but just as she started to fall asleep, her eyes opened again
and looked up at me. "You aren't trying to seduce me, are you?" Her
voice was hushed and her words sounded mumbled. "Anne said you
seduce girls and have a lot of sex."

Well, that explained the phone conversation I overheard.

"No, I'm not." I laughed. "I don't."

"I'm not like that," she muttered.

"I know you're not." I instinctively stroked her cheek with my
fingers, and the more I caressed her soft skin, the more she relaxed
in my arms. "I'm not like that either, Charlie. I'm not."

"You called me Charlie." A small smile inched across her face.
"You really are Riley; I thought that was you."

"Of course."