Salvation (55 page)

“Even you?” I sniped.

“Even me,” he agreed flatly.

I set my mug on the coffee table and drew my shoulders back. “I made a promise to myself to never let a man do that to me again.”

“And I haven’t.” Nate let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to fight your past anymore, Kara.”

“She shouldn’t have told you.” Mai had no right to stick her nose into my business. It was up to me when I told Nate, not her.

“Someone had to,” he scoffed. “You never would.”

“I might have.” I swallowed, turning my attention to an imaginary spot on the wall above the fireplace. “One day.”

“And that’s what pisses me off the most.” He started pacing, stopping only to set his mug beside mine. “You’ve driven home the point about needing total honesty, yet you couldn’t afford me the same decency. Can you see how hypocritical that is?”

I nodded, my agreement caught in my throat. Nate shook his head, disappointed, and let out an exasperated sigh as he moved in front of the TV. Right in my line of sight. “You’ve never given me reason not to trust you, so I do, with all my heart. Implicitly,” he stated, placing a hand on his chest. “But, you haven’t always been honest.”

“I’ve
always
told you the truth,” I spat, offended by his accusations.

“There’d been a constant memory holding you back. Except when we made love.” His voice lost its irritated edge and grew softer. “That’s when I finally get the real you. The wildly sensual woman who comes alive in my arms. Whose touch and kiss conveys far more to me than words ever could.” Nate skirted the table and dropped to his knees in front of me, clasping my fisted hands in his. “You believe in yourself enough to give not just your body, but your mind, your soul. You trust me. I want that all the time, not just in bed.”

“Someone to dominate?” I asked disbelievingly. “Because I won’t be told what to do, or when to do it, by anyone. Not again.”

“That’s unfair. We’re equals. Sexually, you’re becoming as much of an instigator, and I treasure that element of surprise when you take control.” Nate was right. I loved him possessing me, but I enjoyed taking charge, too. “To a certain extent you’re right,” he continued, thumbs brushing the backs of my hands. “When you surrender to me, completely let go of whatever demons you’re fighting in your head, nothing can come between us.
That’s
the submission I want.”

“Nate.” I touched his jaw, rigid and tight beneath his clean shaved skin. The big, beautiful eyes, full of admiration as they stared at me, surely mirrored my own. Then, they narrowed.

“Then last night happens and it’s like you’re determined to sabotage our relationship. Don’t make me question whether I should’ve left you alone when you told me to, instead of finding myself unable to breathe if I’m not with you.” His hand came to my face. “M.I.N.E. What does it spell?”

I wanted to give him the response he was expecting. Only I was still hurting. “It spells
mine
, Nate.”

His eyes flared.

“M.I.N.E,” I repeated, jabbing a finger into his chest with each letter. “It works both ways.” Standing, I had to escape the vortex that was Nate Blake. I was being sucked in by his heartfelt words and needed space to gain clarity. “Do you know how sick I felt seeing you with her? With your hands on her?”

“Not at the time.” He twisted and sat in the spot I’d vacated, legs spread, one arm draped over the back. He appeared so calm and unaffected, yet the cool gaze that followed me as I edged away revealed his lingering anguish and shock over my pronouncement.

“Women fall in love with you too easily. You’re gorgeous, emotionally intelligent, sensitive and so generous with your affection. Whatever you think, Yasmina wants you back.” My arms folded over my chest. “Acting like you’re open for that to happen doesn’t work for me.”

“Jesus Christ, Kara!” Nate pushed to his feet with an arrogant shove and marched towards me. “Yasmina is Manny’s sister.”

“Who you dated for two years.”

“What? No!” He stopped abruptly. His hands went to his hair, his usual reflex when he was frustrated. “I didn’t want to build a reputation for having a different woman on my arm every time I went out, so when I attended functions where I’d be in the public eye, she accompanied me.”

“Did she accompany you to bed?”

“Never.” He scrubbed his face with both hands. “None of this matters. I know who I belong to, which woman has captured my heart.”

I scrunched my face, drawing a deep breath as I massaged my brow. My head throbbed, overloaded with new insight and confusing confessions. Nate cocked his head to the side, examining me with eyes that had lost their sparkle. He was drained, worn out from all the misunderstandings, tired of the confrontation. When he spoke, his voice was agonisingly gentle, his words vehement.

“You have nothing to envy. You own me. All of me,” he vowed. “There’s nothing left for anyone else. The whole world could be falling apart around me and I wouldn’t notice, I’m that caught up in you. You’re all I see when we’re together.”

“What about when I’m
not
there? Do you still think about me then?”

“All the fucking time.” His expression hardened. His eyes raked me, from messy ponytail to pink painted toenails. I was visibly shaking, partly because I was cold, but mostly because I was a fragile mess of emotions. “Be all possessive, I get it, I
want
it. I feel exactly the same way about you.” Nate bypassed me and went to the fireplace.

“How would you feel if another man touched me like that?”

“I’d ensure he never touched anything else again,” he muttered, crouching to stack chopped wood into the hearth. “But I’d trust
you
enough to know you’d never act on it. You need to reciprocate that, otherwise…”

He didn’t have to finish. Everything he said was right. I grabbed my tea from the table. It was cold, but I still drank it. “You know,” I started wearily, leaning my shoulder to the cold window, “since you came into my life, my head is so screwed up I can’t think straight. I don’t know how to handle the feelings you’ve stirred up in me.”

Nate turned fractionally, his side profile revealing a man wary of my next words. He’d done everything in his power to prove he was worth the risk, yet I still wasn’t sure I would ever fully trust a man again. The need to protect myself from being used or hurt still clung to me. I was scared to love. Scared to trust.

“If I can’t get over this,” I mumbled shakily, tears welling in my eyes, “what does it say about our future?”

“Is it a possibility? That you won’t?” I could hear the fear in his voice. And those expressive eyes couldn’t meet mine, so I knew he was reeling as much from this as I was and didn’t want me to see it.

I set my empty mug down. “I feel like I’m running through a maze and can’t find the way out.”

Nate straightened and faced me. The most painful expression of lost hope and veneration tainted his eyes. The veins in his hand popped as he clenched a block of wood. “You want out?” he asked, eerily calm.

“Yes!” I cried in exasperation. Then, “No…God…I don’t know anything anymore…”

“Christ, you’re so fucking frustrating!” He dropped everything and rushed to my side, folding me into the embrace that sheltered me from the world and reassured me more than words ever would. “You have to be the most stubborn, infuriating woman I’ve ever known.”

Helpless in his arms, I felt so fragile I worried his strength might break me, physically and mentally. He smoothed my hair off my face, stroking it repeatedly behind my ear.

“Don’t you see?” Nate’s lips brushed my forehead. “There’s never a moment we’re apart because you’re here, with me.” He took my palm and placed it flat on his chest. “Feel it. You’re the beat in my heart.”

It was racing, like my own. A frantic pulse against my hand. A lone tear trickled down my cheek. “Don’t,” Nate whispered, bending to kiss it away. “You tears are killing me.”

I nuzzled against him, sliding my palms beneath his t-shirt so I could feel his warmth. We stood, quiet except for the occasional sniff as tears freely flowed, soaking a patch on his shoulder. “I’m so stupid,” I sobbed. “I thought you two were—”

“I know what you thought. But this has to stop. You need to talk to me when something is bothering you, not bottle it all up.” Nate led me to the sofa and settled me on his lap. He peeled away a few soggy strands of hair stuck to my cheek. Then, using the hem of his t-shirt, carefully dried my face. “Why is it so difficult to accept that I love you?”

My eyes widened, and I’m certain the world stopped spinning. “Wh-what…” I stuttered between sobs, swallowed and cleared my throat, “…what are you saying?”

“You know,” he said, quiet but certain. Running weary eyes over his serene face, I swiped at the new tears forming in my eyes with the heels of my palm. “I could say the words, Kara, but they’re nowhere near enough to convey what I feel for you. It’s gripped me so strongly, I’d die if I lost you.”

My breath was coming short and fast. I smoothed a hand down his chest. The connection I felt proved I wasn’t imagining this. Nate cupped my face and raised my gaze back up to meet his. “You know,” he implored, those glorious eyes like liquid. Clear, shiny and free from any doubt.

“Say them anyway,” I urged quietly, needing the validation of his words before allowing myself to truly believe it.

He blinked a couple of times, thumbs gently stroking my cheekbones. Then he gave me the killer blow of his sexy half-smile. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

I sucked in a sharp, shaky disbelieving breath. The sound of blood rushing through my body towards my heart filled my ears. “You’re…in
love
with me?”

He tipped his head back and laughed softly. “Is it really so unbelievable? Outside my office that first time, you gave me few words, simply a shy smile. Then you reached in and stole my heart. You’ve been holding onto it ever since.”

“Nate—”

His lips swept over mine. “Don’t say anything.” He tugged me into the safety of his arms, holding me like he was never letting go. And he wasn’t. I felt like I could burst with happiness.

The love radiating from Nate seeped into my mind and soul. Every slide of his palm on my back, every delicate touch of his fingertips in my hair, each murmured, “I love you,” whispered into my ear, cemented his commitment and strengthened our bond.

I didn’t think it possible, but as the beat of his heart lulled me into sleep, I actually started believing there was a future for us out there, just waiting to be grabbed.

THE next time I opened my eyes, I was curled up on the sofa with a blanket covering me. The fire was blazing, the spit and crackle from the flames accompanying the wind outside. I rolled onto my back and found Nate sitting by my feet, one arm over my ankles.

“Hi.” I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt really shy. With the one foot hanging outside the blanket, I wriggled my toes against his thigh, like a cat preparing its bed to sleep. He returned my small smile with one of his own.

“Feeling better?”

“In so many ways.” I pushed off the cover and sat, hugging my knees. “What have you been doing?”

“Watching you sleep.” The backs of his fingers brushed my warm cheek, and instinctively I turned into his caress, covering his hand with mine.

“Some might find that slightly creepy,” I teased.

“Do you?”

I shook my head. “I love it.”

Nate’s smile reached his eyes, a telltale sign he was really happy. I caught sight of his camera on the coffee table and my gaze narrowed when it returned to him. “What have you been photographing?”

“Nothing,” he said, far too innocently. He glanced outside. “Up for some fresh air?”

I turned. “In this?” Large storm clouds were gathering on the horizon, gulls and hawks circling above monstrous waves pounding the shore below.

“C’mon,” Nate said, patting my legs and standing, “you need to change.” He handled me like a delicate flower, dressing me in clothes he’d brought down from the closet, having already changed himself whilst I slept. After pulling grey leggings under my denim skirt, he knelt in front of me and tied up my white Converse. “I presume this skimpy outfit was chosen for my benefit?”

I nodded, pleased he
had
noticed.

“It’s cold out,” he said, pointing at my chest and grabbing a sweatshirt. “The braless look works for me, but I don’t want anyone else getting to enjoy your lush tits.” Happy I was wrapped up enough, he grabbed his camera and led me to the doors.

A bitter, salty wind whipped my face and hair when I stepped onto the deck. “Only crazy people would go out in this,” I shouted as we jogged down the steps and across the lawn, both laughing freely.

Nate pulled me to his side and pressed his lips to mine. “Then we’re fucking insane!”

WE MADE HOMEMADE pizza for dinner, both relishing the simple routine as we chopped vegetables and drank bottles of beer. At one point, Nate took me in his arms and spun me in the kitchen, dancing in time to James Morrison who sang about not letting go. When the song finished, he dipped me back and rewarded me with a luscious kiss.

After dinner, I stood alone on the deck and watched the sheet lightning flashing through the clouds, illuminating the swell of surf. Nate’s hands settled either side of mine on the glass perimeter, caging me in when he joined me. “Think the storm’s heading back out,” he said, nuzzling my ear.