Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) (20 page)

Ronan

The room Seth had booked was huge, but still felt too small to me. Of course, it hadn’t felt that way until after Seth’s heartbreaking words.

I want what you had with him
.
I want all of you.

The only problem with that was that Seth didn’t know all of me. If he did, he wouldn’t just be begging me to let him go, he’d be running from me as far as he could get.

I leaned the chair I’d snagged from the dining room back so the top of it was pressed against the wall behind me. I’d been out on the balcony for several hours now as I waited to see if Seth would make an appearance, but he hadn’t. After he’d disappeared into his bathroom the night before, I’d hoped that if I gave him some time, he’d come out and I could find a way to try to put us back to where we’d been before I’d fucked everything up. At least when we’d been friends, Seth had smiled. He’d laughed and joked. And he’d reminded me so much of the younger version of himself, that I’d felt a little less guilty for leaving him three years ago. But the only time I’d seen Seth was when he let Bullet out of the room so I or Hawke could take the dog outside, or to get the breakfast I’d ordered for him this morning and left outside his room.

“Ronan?”

“Out here,” I called to Hawke as I heard the front door open. I rocked the chair into an upright position and got up to go back inside. I was tempted to search out the alcohol that I knew would be in the mini bar, but I needed to be one hundred percent sober so I could be on alert for any danger that might come Seth’s way. As much as I believed the threat was isolated to home, I wasn’t going to risk Seth’s life for anything. Not even the need to drown myself in my own pity party.

I met Hawke in the seating area of the main room and was surprised to see he actually looked agitated. In all the years I’d known him, he’d always been in complete control of himself. “What is it?” I asked.

“Daisy, she found something.”

I automatically reached for my phone. “What did she find? She didn’t contact me.”

“Not about Seth. About Revay.”

I stilled and then put my phone down on a side table. “She found them,” I said quietly, unable to hide my surprise.

Hawke’s wife’s murder had remained unsolved for years, so one of the things I’d tasked Benny with from day one was trying to find ways to use the limited evidence the police had recovered in the murder to find the men who’d killed the young woman. I had no doubt that Mav had shared the information with Daisy in the hopes that she could find something new. As much as I’d wanted Hawke to get the break he deserved, I hadn’t actually expected it to happen.

“What did she find?”

“A DNA match and a name. In California.”

I nodded as I understood Hawke’s urgency. “Go,” I said. “Find them. And if you need anything…”

“I know,” was all Hawke said. “But I need to know you and Seth are covered.”

“I’ll get someone out here by tonight. We’re good…go.”

Hawke hesitated and then he was stepping back towards the front door. “I already found someone,” he said and then he opened the door. My stomach dropped out at the sight of a man I never expected to see again.

Mace Calhoun.

The very man I’d thought I’d been helping when I recruited him after the brutal rape and murder of his seven-year-old son. The man Benny had used to try to take out Jonas Davenport in exchange for a quarter of a million-dollar payout.

As Mace moved into the room, Hawke gave me a questioning look and I sent him a quick nod. His relief was palpable and I realized how much I truly owed this man. He’d saved me in so many ways even while he’d been suffering through his own personal hell.

Hawke went to his bedroom, presumably to get his stuff together, leaving me and Mace alone. I hadn’t seen Mace for several months – not since he’d asked me to keep an eye on Jonas and his other lover, Cole, while he went to bring Cole’s father to Chicago where Cole had been shot while protecting Jonas from one of the men who’d put a contract out on him.

“You mind?” Mace asked as he motioned to one of the two plush white couches across from one another. I heard Bullet whining excitedly behind the sliding doors leading to Seth’s room, but before I could go over to them and ask Seth if the dog could come out, Seth slid them open and Bullet darted through them. His eyes fell on Mace who was in the process of being checked out by Bullet, but if Seth was at all curious about the other man’s presence, he didn’t show it. His eyes met mine only briefly before he closed the doors again, shutting himself away from us…from me.

I went back to the seating area and dropped down on the couch across from Mace. Bullet had completed his exploration of the heavily tattooed man and came to plop his head on my lap. I let my fingers roam over his head as I studied Mace.

Mace was a larger guy like me, but that was about the extent of our similarities. His arms were covered from wrist to shoulder in tattoos and I’d seen enough of him during training exercises to know they continued along his chest and back. His dark blond hair was on the long side. The ex-cop had been one of my best men and had often worked cases involving crimes against children. I’d thought the jobs would cleanse his soul, but after Jonas accused me of using Mace’s grief over the loss of his son against him, I’d begun to wonder if I’d just fed the darkness inside of him. The way I was just now coming to realize I’d fed my own.

“How are Cole and Jonas?” I asked.

“Good,” Mace responded, his dark eyes studying mine intently. I felt like he was trying to get a read on me. We were both momentarily distracted when Hawke came out of his room, bag in hand. He gave me a quick nod and when Bullet ran up to greet him, he gave the dog an affectionate pat before leaving the room. I shifted my attention back to Mace and did my best not to show my discomfort at his presence.

I’d always kept my distance from all the men who worked for me. It wasn’t because I was on a power trip or anything or felt the need to wrap myself in mystery. I had just been too focused on the job to care about building friendships with any of them. I dealt in death. It wasn’t a “company picnic” kind of business.

“I never got a chance to thank you-” Mace began to say.

“Not necessary,” I interrupted. Killing the men who’d abused and taken a hit out on Jonas had been a pleasure.

“Jesus, Ronan, would you just shut the fuck up and let me say what I need to say?”

I wanted to tell him no. Because it didn’t matter. I’d done what needed to be done, plain and simple. Mace deserved a future with the two men he’d chosen to spend the rest of his life with. But I held my tongue.

“You already know I can’t ever repay you for saving them both.”

I managed to school my expression as I remembered the moment when I’d watched Cole take a bullet for Jonas. The whole thing had seemed to happen in slow motion as I’d rushed down the hall. Jonas had been screaming for Mace as a blood covered Cole lay prone before him. I’d pushed past countless people to get to Cole because in that moment, the doctor in me had replaced the assassin. I had saved Cole’s life – it was true. And I’d saved Jonas’s just hours later when the man who’d wanted him dead confronted him in an empty bathroom in the ICU of the hospital Cole had been taken too. I’d used my fingers to stem the blood of one man and used my gun to spill the blood of another. It was the first time I’d ever been the old Ronan and the new one.

“You saved mine too.”

I began shaking my head but Mace put his hand up. “The thing Jonas said about you using me…we both know that isn’t true. The only people who might have had a chance of saving me after what happened to my son would have been Jonas or Cole. I wouldn’t have given up on ending my life for anyone but them…not my parents, not my ex, not you.”

To my shock, I actually felt a shimmer of relief go through me. I’d found Mace by pure chance after his son’s killer had come to my attention. I often researched how the surviving victims of my mark’s crimes were doing…maybe because it made it so much easier to pull the trigger, maybe because I needed to know that the sin I was committing was truly justified beyond the victims who were no longer among us. I wasn’t really sure. But learning about Mace had hit entirely too close to home. Because his guilt had driven him to try taking his life, much like mine had done to me. Hawke had saved me and I knew I could do the same for Mace. I’d met him just after he’d been released from the psych ward he’d been admitted to after he’d tried to commit suicide. After a brief conversation with the belligerent, bitter man, I’d known he’d try it again the first chance he got. So I’d killed the man who’d taken his son’s life and offered Mace a chance to do for other kids what he hadn’t been able to do for his own child.

“You gave me a reason to live. I could have walked away from you, the job, any of it at any point. I didn’t because I needed it. Because it was all I had to keep me going, even if it was stealing little pieces from me bit by bit. Now I live for Jonas and Cole. I never would have had that chance if it hadn’t been for you.”

I was overwhelmed by the admission so all I managed was a brief nod. “Do they know you’re here?” I asked.

“Cole and Jonas?”

I nodded.

“They know. And they’re completely okay with it, Ronan. Like it or not, you’re family to us.”

I swallowed hard at that.

“Cole will be stopping by later tonight to spell me, if that’s okay with you.”

I felt pathetic for not being able to find my voice as I nodded yet again. As strange as being reunited with Mace and his lovers was, I would gladly accept the ex-cop and his Navy SEAL boyfriend’s help.

“Hawke gave me some of the details. Can you fill me in on the rest?”

“Yeah,” I finally said. My voice sounded shaky and uneven but I was glad that Mace didn’t seem to notice…or that he was kind enough not to remark on it.

I took a deep breath and sank farther onto the couch as I began outlining the attacks on Seth, starting with the one that had happened the day I’d walked back into his life.

* * *

God, what the fuck was I doing?

I was in the process of debating whether I should go through with opening the door when a harried young woman trotted up to me. She glanced at me as I blocked the door and it took her saying, “Are you going in?” to get me moving.

I murmured an apology and opened the door for her. Before I could even decide if I should walk through it, another woman carrying a baby and holding a little boy’s hand walked out and nodded her thanks.

I forced myself to enter the building, but felt my stomach clench as the woman I’d seen enter was walking through a doorway at the other end of the small space, a little girl in tow. “Bye, Jonas,” the girl called as she waved enthusiastically.

“Bye, Alyssa! See you next week.”

I managed to pull myself from my daze long enough to open the door for the woman again and once she was gone, I didn’t hear or see anything. The decision to come see Jonas Davenport had been an impulse because when I’d asked Mace to keep an eye on Seth for a little while, my only intention had been to go outside and get some air. But Mace’s visit had thrown me for a loop, as had his words about saving him. And then my last conversation with Jonas before I’d killed one of his attackers ran through my head. He’d thanked me for saving both Cole and Mace’s lives. Right after he’d asked me that damning question that I could no longer adamantly answer yes to.

Did it work for you?

I’d always been sure that the path I’d chosen after Trace’s death had saved me…had given me a new purpose in my life. But being with Seth…

God, I wanted
him
to be my purpose in life.

It was that realization that had caused me to get a cab and head to Brooklyn to see Jonas. Because it didn’t matter what Mace said about me saving him. I needed to know that if I were to answer Jonas’s question the way I really wanted to, would it change anything?

I forced myself to walk towards the back room where I knew Jonas kept the studio that he used to teach art to underprivileged kids whose schools could no longer afford art programs. I glanced at the art on the walls of the gallery which made up the front of the building. All of the artwork was on canvases and ranged from simple pictures of stick figures all the way up to more abstract-looking art with a wide array of colors and textures. Each canvas had a name on it and I could only imagine the pride each little boy or girl must have felt as they saw their art hanging on the spacious brick walls for all the community to see.

I saw Jonas as soon as I reached the studio doorway, but he had his back to me because he was bent over a canvas on a table in the center of the room. A little girl with mousy brown hair tied up in a tight ponytail was standing next to him, but her bright green eyes were on me. I guessed her to be seven or eight at the most. Her expression was blank as she watched me, but her small body was drawn up tight with nervousness. I saw her reach her hand up to tug on the end of Jonas’s shirt.

Jonas automatically put his arm down on her shoulder as he turned but when he saw me, he froze and his mouth opened wide. “Ronan,” he whispered.

It took him only a moment to recover, but that was probably because the little girl had pressed even closer to him. He automatically knelt down so he was at her level. “Natalie, this is my friend, Ronan.” Jonas’s eyes shifted up to mine. “Ronan, this is Natalie. She’s one of my best students.”