Sandalwood Death (15 page)

Those slaps swept away every shred of the swine’s sense of esteem and made him slink away like a mangy dog with its tail between its legs. But I could tell that deep down he did not admit defeat, no, not for a minute, as I saw in his eyes, set deep in sockets so dark that no trace of white emerged, only rays of emerald-green light like will-o’-the-wisps. And yet that swine was no craven pushover. As we stood outside the yamen gate, I asked: “How did that feel, Grandma Zhao?” Do you know what he said? The swine actually giggled and said to me, “Those were fine slaps, Your Eminence, and one day I shall return the favor.” “Well,” I said, “that day will never come. I may one day swallow gold, hang myself, take poison, or cut my throat, but my demise will not come at your hands.” “My only fear,” he said, “is that when the time comes, Your Eminence will not be in a position to control his own fate.” He then added, “There are precedents for that.”

Yes, dear wife, you are right. I soiled my hand by using it on him. A County Magistrate, a representative of the Imperial Court, should not lower himself to vie with so lowly an antagonist. What is he, after all? A pig? No, a pig has more grace than he. A dog? No, a dog is nobler. But what was I to do? Excellency Yuan ordered me to extend the invitation, and once a grand official of that elevated status had spoken, I had no choice but to send messengers, who failed, necessitating my personal attention to it. One would be a fool not to see that in the eyes of Excellency Yuan, the Gaomi County Magistrate is of less worth than a common executioner.

Before we went into the hall, I took the hand of that swine—it was as hot as cinders and as soft as dough, a hand unlike any other—with the idea to lead him inside with feigned affection, making him uncomfortable but unable to say so. But the swine gently pulled his hand from mine and fixed his eyes on me with an enigmatic look. Sinister thoughts, impossible to interpret, were running through his head. He climbed back into my palanquin, where he draped the prayer beads around his neck and emerged with the Dragon Chair over his head, legs up. I was amazed to see that this skeletal dog of a man actually had the strength to carry such a heavy wooden chair. The swine then entered the hall, swaying from side to side under the heft of his protective talisman. Feeling incredibly awkward, I followed him inside, where I saw Excellency Yuan sitting shoulder to shoulder with the Jiao’ao Plenipotentiary, von Ketteler, looking rather bewildered. The foreign bastard was winking and making strange faces.

The swine, still holding the chair over his head, knelt in the middle of the hall and announced crisply, “Your humble servant Zhao Jia, a former executioner who was granted retirement from the Board of Punishments by Her Royal Highness and permitted to return home, is here in response to Your Excellency’s summons.”

Excellency Yuan nearly jumped to his feet and trotted across the hall to where that swine knelt, his protruding paunch leading the way, and reached out to relieve him of the weighty chair. Seeing that it was too heavy for His Excellency to manage by himself, I rushed over to help him take it from the swine and then carefully turn it right side up and set it down in the middle of the hall. As for Excellency Yuan, he shook his wide sleeves, removed his cap with both hands, and fell to his knees. After touching his head to the floor, he intoned: “Shandong Governor Yuan Shikai humbly wishes His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness a long and prosperous life!” I stood mutely off to one side as if struck by a thunderbolt for a moment before being abruptly awakened to the knowledge that my lack of action was a monumental affront to the august Son of Heaven. I could not fall to my knees fast enough, as I again performed the three bows and nine kowtows to that swine and his chair and prayer beads. The cold brick flooring raised blisters on my forehead. As I was banging my head on the floor to the Imperial chair, that foreign bastard whispered something to his interpreter and wore a contemptuous smirk on his long, skinny, goat-like face. Oh, Great Qing Empire, what you excel in is trampling your own officials underfoot and pandering to the foreigners. That bastard von Ketteler and I have clashed many times, so I am confident that he would never speak kindly of me to Excellency Yuan. There may be nothing I can do about those bastards, but no matter what you say, it was I who made it possible for them to take Sun Bing into custody.

That swine remained on his knees, even when Excellency Yuan reached down to help him to his feet, and I steeled myself for the worst. The moment for that swine to get his revenge over those two slaps had arrived. As I feared, he took the prayer beads from around his neck, held them out with two hands, and said, “Your humble servant asks His Excellency to be his arbiter.”

With a derisive snort and a quick glance at me, Excellency Yuan said, “State your case.”

“His Eminence Qian has accused me of gross fabrication and spreading a rumor.”

“What did he accuse you of fabricating, and what rumor are you supposed to have spread?”

“He said that the Dragon Chair and prayer beads are common items among the populace, and he has accused me of using deception to burnish my name.”

Excellency Yuan glared at me. “He is just ignorant and ill-informed!” he said.

“Excellency,” I defended myself, “your humble servant believes that propriety does not extend to the lower classes and that punishments do not accrue to the elite. How could the exalted Imperial Majesty and Royal Highness grant an audience to an executioner and reward him with gifts of inestimable value? That is why your humble servant was suspicious.”

Excellency Yuan replied, “You are a man of shallow learning who has swallowed the lessons of antiquity without digesting them. In conforming to the times in their desire to make the country prosper, His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness have dedicated Themselves to loving the common people as Their own children, to understanding and sympathizing with those at the bottom, in the same way that the sun shines down on all creation. Tall trees and minuscule blades of grass alike receive nourishment. You are narrow-minded and petty, adhering blindly to convention, an ignorant man too easily surprised.”

Then that swine said, “His Eminence Qian also slapped me so hard I lost two teeth.”

Excellency Yuan pounded the table and sputtered angrily, “Grandma Zhao has served three emperors in his role of punishing miscreants for the Board of Punishments Bureau of Detentions. He has made great contributions in meting out punishments with such skill and loyalty that even the Emperor and the Empress Dowager have commended and rewarded him, and yet you, a mere County Magistrate, had the audacity to knock out two of his teeth. Do His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness mean nothing to you?”

I was paralyzed with fear, as if struck by lightning, until I was covered with perspiration that soaked my clothes. My legs were so weak they could not hold me up. I fell to my knees and began banging my head on the floor. “This humble, small-minded subordinate, who cannot see what is under his nose, has offended Grandma and sinned against the Son of Heaven,” I said. “I deserve ten thousand deaths and throw myself upon His Excellency’s mercy!”

Excellency Yuan was silent for a moment before he said, “By physically abusing an ordinary citizen, you have proven that the Imperial Court means nothing to you, and you deserve to be severely punished. However, you aided the Plenipotentiary in capturing the bandit chieftain Sun Bing alive, a notable achievement, and I shall let that erase your crime.”

I banged my head again on the floor and said, “Eternal thanks to Your Excellency!”

“There is a popular adage that goes, ‘Do not hit someone in the face or reveal another’s shortcomings,’” he continued. “You struck him in the face without provocation and dislodged two teeth. If I were to simply absolve you of that, Grandma Zhao might well object. So here is what we shall do: You kowtow twice to Grandma Zhao and give him twenty ounces of silver to replace his missing teeth.”

Now you know, dear wife, the extent of the humiliation to which I was subjected today. But when I stand beneath low eaves, how can I not lower my head? So I steeled myself and once again fell to my knees, though it caused me excruciating pain to do so, and, as I saw red, gave that swine two kowtows.

The swine grinned as he accepted my obeisance and had the unmitigated gall to say, “Your Eminence, this humble servant is one of society’s poorest, lacking even rice for the next meal, so I look forward to receiving those twenty ounces of silver very soon.”

That got a big laugh out of Excellency Yuan. Yuan Shikai, Excellency Yuan, you son of a bitch, how dare you humiliate one of your subordinates by siding with a common executioner in front of a foreigner! I was an impressively successful double candidate at the metropolitan examination and am a respected representative of the Imperial government. I ask you, Excellency Yuan, by humiliating a man of letters, have you not inflicted emotional pain upon all who serve? On the surface it looks as if you and he together have humiliated only the insignificant Magistrate of Gaomi County, whereas in fact you have brought dishonor to the Great Qing Court. A sallow-faced interpreter repeated everything that was said in the hall to the Plenipotentiary, a man who can kill without blinking, and whose laughter drowned out even that of Excellency Yuan. Dear wife, they treated your husband like a trained chimp. Utter abasement and degradation! Let me drink, dear wife, until I am drunk and as good as dead. Excellency Yuan, has the reality that “you can kill a gentleman but you must not humiliate him” escaped you? Do not worry, dear wife, I have no desire to kill myself. Sooner or later I will sacrifice myself in the cause of the Great Qing enterprise, but now is not the time.

That swine, having received the tacit approval of Excellency Yuan, sat proudly in his sandalwood chair, while I stood off to one side, like a common yayi. An overwhelming sense of indignation filled my heart, and heated blood rushed to my head. My ears were buzzing, my hands seemed to swell, and it was all I could do to keep from throttling that swine. But knowing what a coward I am, that was not to be. Instead, I tucked in my head, raised my shoulders, and managed a forced smile. I am a shameful, debased, contemptible, disgraced clown, dear wife, the most pathologically restrained person anywhere. Do you hear me, dear wife?

Excellency Yuan asked that swine, “Has it really been almost a year since we parted at Tianjin, Grandma?”

“Eight months, Excellency,” the swine replied.

“Do you know why we invited you here?” Excellency Yuan asked him.

“No, Excellency, your humble servant does not,” the swine replied.

“Do you know why Her Royal Highness requested an audience?” Excellency Yuan asked.

“Your humble servant heard from Grand Steward Li that Excellency Yuan spoke highly of your humble servant to Her Royal Highness Herself.”

“You and I are tied together by fate,” Excellency Yuan said.

“Your humble servant will remember Your Excellency’s benevolence to the end of his days,” the swine said as he got out of his chair to kowtow to Excellency Yuan; he then sat down again.

Excellency Yuan said, “I have asked you here today to perform another task for me—and, of course, for the Imperial Court.”

“What task does Your Excellency wish your humble servant to perform?” the swine asked.

The great man laughed. “You are a damned executioner. What do you think it could be?”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant must be honest with Your Excellency. Ever since the executions at Tianjin, an infirmity of the wrist has made holding a knife impossible.”

Excellency Yuan merely sneered. “If you can lift the Dragon Chair, a mere knife cannot present a problem. I can only hope that, in the wake of an audience with Her Royal Highness, you have not actually become a Buddha.”

Well, that swine slid out of his chair and knelt on both knees. “Excellency,” he said, “nothing could be further from the truth. Your humble servant is a pig, a dog, someone who will never become a Buddha.”

Excellency Yuan sneered again. “If even you were to become a Buddha, then the same could not be denied to a stinking turtle!”

“Your Excellency speaks the truth,” the swine said.

“Have you heard news of Sun Bing’s rebellion?” Excellency Yuan asked.

The swine replied, “Since your humble servant’s return to his native home, that is where I have stayed. I know nothing of events in the outside world.”

Excellency Yuan said to him, “You are aware that Sun Bing is your married son’s qinjia, I assume.”

The swine said, “Your humble servant plied his trade in the capital for decades without returning home. The marriage of my son was arranged by my departed wife.”

“Sun Bing has allied himself with the Boxer bandits,” Excellency Yuan said, “inciting rebellion among the people and creating an international incident that has caused unimaginable grief to His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness. In accordance with the Qing legal code, accountability for a crime of this magnitude must extend to the culprit’s extended family, wouldn’t you say?”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant merely carries out punishments and has no knowledge of the law.”

Excellency Yuan said, “According to the law, you count as a member of his extended family.”

The swine replied, “Your humble servant returned home barely six months ago, and would not recognize Sun Bing if he saw him.”

Excellency Yuan said, “The people’s hearts are iron, the law is a furnace. Since last year’s rebellious disturbance by the Boxers, their anti-religion movement and murderous attacks on foreigners have led to an international incident, a calamity of monstrous proportions. As we speak, Peking is ringed by the Great Powers, and the capital is in imminent peril. Sun Bing has been apprehended, but surviving members of his clique are prepared to stir up the countryside again. The people of Shandong are known for their quick tempers, especially those in Gaomi County. With the nation in extreme peril, caught up in the chaos of war, only the most severe punishments can strike fear into the hearts of the unruly. I have asked you here today both to recall our days of friendship and to ask you to devise a means of execution for Sun Bing that will have the power to terrorize and serve as a warning to his unruly adherents.”