Sandra Hill - [Vikings I 02] (39 page)

Five days later, Selik’s longship turned into the Humber. Selik begrudgingly credited Adam’s per
sistent prodding of his seamen for their rapid progress. More than one fierce Viking had been heard to remark, “Throw the little bugger over the side.”

No sooner did his ship hit the confluence of the Ouse and Foss Rivers at Jorvik than Selik rushed ashore and headed for his farmstead. And Rain.

Adam followed close behind, giving him instructions on how to behave with Rain. “Make sure ye do not yell. Ye have a tendency to roar on occasion.”

“Be quiet.”

“And mayhap ye ought to pretend ye liked her Lifesavers. Women like sweet words.”

“Be quiet.”

“Perchance ye could remark that she does not look quite so ungodly tall as last time ye saw her. She worries about bein’ big, ye know.”

“Be quiet.”

“And whatever ye do, do not be throwin’ her on a bed and plowin’ her first thing.”

Selik inhaled sharply and stopped dead in his tracks. Hands on hips, he turned to glare at the impudent scamp.

“I know, be quiet.”

Adam was the first to see the children playing in the fallow fields of the farmstead. Noticing Adela, Adam ran ahead and hugged his sister warmly. Then he threw his shoulders back and puffed his chest out with self-importance as the other children questioned him about his great adventure.

Hearing the noise, Ubbi came out of the barn and exclaimed, “Well, ’tis about time. We had given up on you.”

“Where is Rain?” Selik asked immediately, his eyes darting about the farmyard. Ignoring Ubbi, he rushed inside the barn, but it was empty, the early spring weather having drawn everyone outside—except for Ella, who was stirring a pot over the fire.

Ella! Bloody hell! She must finally have trapped Ubbi
.

Seeing him for the first time, Ella scowled condemningly and muttered, “Bloody bastard,” before turning her back on him rudely.

“Where is she?” he asked Ubbi once again when he went back outside.

Adela came rushing at him, wrapping her little arms around his legs. He whisked her up into his arms, and she wrapped her thin arms around his neck, kissing his face wetly. “Missed me, did you, Adela?” he asked, twirling her high above his head, to her delighted squeals.

She nodded her head up and down vigorously. He noticed that her thumb was no longer planted in her mouth. She seemed happy and unfearful, unlike the shivering child he had first seen on the street in Jorvik.

“He is me father now,” Adam boasted to the other children, jerking a thumb toward Selik.

“Fer shame, Adam, tellin’ such tales,” Ubbi chastised the little boy. He darted a look of apprehension toward Selik, knowing how he misliked reminders of his lost son.

“He is, too. Yea, he is,” Adam protested indignantly to Ubbi. “He ado…adopted me.”

Ubbi looked up at Selik in question.

He shrugged. “I had no choice. He came for me at Athelstan’s court and threatened me with Lifesavers if I would not do his bidding.”

Adam grinned at him, happy as a pup.

Selik put Adela down gently and looked directly at Ubbi. Ubbi’s eyes shifted nervously.

“Where is she?” he asked in a low voice, almost afraid of the answer.

“Gone.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and put a hand to his heart.
Please, God, please!

Trust in me
.

Hah! Look where it got me so far
.

Perhaps you haven’t trusted enough
.

He inhaled deeply and asked, “When? When did she leave?”

“This morn.”

Selik’s eyes shot open. “This morn? How could that be? The very day I return to Northumbria, she chooses to go back to her own country?”

“She goes every day,” Ubbi said with disgust.

“Every day?”

“Ye sound like a bloody parrot.”

Selik growled menacingly at Ubbi, and he backed away. “Tell me afore I pull out your tongue.”

“She goes to Coppergate every day. Packs that bloody bag of hers, says good-bye to all of us, cries a bit—Lord, the woman can cry a goodly amount—and—”

“Argh! Spit it out afore I pull out your tongue and tie it in a knot.”

“Testy, are ye?” Ubbi said. “What I bin tryin’ to tell ye is that she lost the aura.”

“Aura! What aura?”

Ubbi threw his hands up in the air. “I jist knew ye would ask me that, master. Truly, I do not understand these things. The aura—’tis what God sends down to bring His angels back to heaven, I s’pose. I do not know, really.”

Selik began to understand. He had felt the strange pulling sensation that day on Coppergate, months ago, when Rain had tried to go back to the future. She claimed her time-travel had begun there. ’Twas the site where she believed she would have to go to return to her own time.

A chill spread over Selik’s flesh, and he braced his hands at his sides for strength. “When did she leave?”

“Afore midday. She is usually back by now,” Ubbi
said, biting his bottom lip worriedly. “Mayhap it finally worked fer her today.”

Selik looked at the lowering sun in the sky. It was late afternoon. Had the “aura” finally worked for Rain on the very day he returned? Surely, God could not be so cruel. He looked upward then.
Could You?

You wound Me with your lack of trust
.

Selik turned on his heel then, without saying another word, and headed back toward Jorvik.

He did not meet Rain coming back to the farmstead. Nor did he find her at the Coppergate site.

And, most frightening of all, the aura had disappeared. Selik tramped all through the abandoned building and its yard. Nothing.

Rain must have come, found the aura, and gone.

Tears filled his eyes, and he rocked from side to side. Was this to be his punishment for the past ten years of bloody fighting? How could he bear the pain of her loss for the second time? For a long time, he stood staring about him, unable to move. He felt as if a huge weight lay over him, crushing out all his life forces, his will to go on living.

Finally, with a groan of despair, he turned and headed back toward the farmstead. He walked woodenly through the city streets, unseeing, racked with the pain of his lost love.

Recriminations hammered away at him. He should have loved her more. He should have trusted her and cherished her love while he had it. He should never have rejected her at Winchester.

He was nearing the minster steps when he saw Bernie—Father Bernard—enter the huge oak doors. A sudden thought occurred to him. He had much wealth. Mayhap he would make a donation to the hospitium in Rain’s memory. That would please her. He could even ask the church to mark his donation in the church records in her name. Perchance Rain would read of it many years hence and know that he had come back to her. That he had, indeed, loved her.

“Father Bernard,” he called out as he rushed through the church aisles and caught up with him near the entry to the hospitium.

The priest turned abruptly, then gasped. “Father Ethelwolf! Where is your priestly garb?”

“I am not a priest, Father Bernard,” he confessed.

“Tsk! Just like Rain, you chose to play your foolery in God’s house. For shame!”

“So you know Rain—Brother Godwine—was a woman?” he asked with a slight smile.

Father Bernard’s upper lip curled with disgust. “Yea, and most angry Father Theodric was at her deception. At first, he would not allow her to work in the hospitium.”

“Rain was still working here?” he asked in surprise. “Until when?”

“’Til now,” he answered irritably, obviously confused by the question.

It took only a moment for the cleric’s words to sink in.

Now
.

Suddenly hopeful, Selik brushed past Father Bernard, and his eyes scanned the hospitium, finally locking on the tall, tunic-clad figure bent over a patient.

Thank You, God
.

Oh, ye of little faith. When will you learn?

Selik gave a small salute upward and smiled. Then,
frozen in place, he gazed at Rain longingly, wanting to savor the wonderful gift God—or whoever—had just given him.

Rain finally stood. With her back to him, she put a hand to the small of her back, as if to stretch tired muscles. Her body went rigidly still then, as if sensing danger, and she turned abruptly. She inhaled sharply and her eyes widened.

“Selik?” she whispered.

For one brief moment, her golden eyes lit with happiness at seeing him, but they immediately hardened, turning both wounded and angry at the same time.

He stepped closer and reached out for her, but she backed away. “Don’t touch me,” she ordered.

He halted and tilted his head in question.

“So you finally came back,” she sneered.

“I came as soon as I could. Athelstan insisted I stay and—”

“For two months?” she asked incredulously.

Selik felt his face grow warm. “I sent a letter.”

“I never got it,” she retorted disbelievingly, glaring at him haughtily. “Aren’t you supposed to be in exile or something? Won’t King Athelstan set his men on you?”

“Athelstan has given me permission to live in Northumbria again.”

Her brow creased in confusion. “Why would he do that?”

“I pledged my loyalty to the Saxon king. And my services, if ever needed.”

“You gave your oath to the Saxon enemy?” she asked, clearly amazed.

“I have no real hatred for the Saxons themselves, just Steven. I know, I know, ’tis not what I always proclaimed. You taught me that, dearling.”

He saw the pulse in her neck jump at his endearment, and with a barely suppressed grin, he stored
the information away for future use. “Leastways, Athelstan is not so
very
bad.”

“Why have you come back, Selik?”

“Because I love you, Rain. I forgive you for all you did with Steven. In time, I will forget. Just come back.”

Rain did not soften and jump into his arms, as he desperately wanted. Instead, she stiffened and her eyes flashed.

“And where is Steven?”

“He fled to Frankland.”

“And will you go after him?” she asked in a cold voice.

He stared at her levelly, unable to comprehend the anger in her voice. “Not yet.”

She launched herself at him then, pummeling his chest, scratching at his face. “You bastard! You stupid bastard!”

“What? What?” He could not understand her anger. Finally, he was able to hold her forearms immobile at her sides, his body a distance from hers to avoid her kicking feet.

To his dismay, quite an audience of intrigued clerics had gathered nearby, listening to their every word.

“Why are you so angry, my love?” he asked softly, trying to ignore his audience.

“Because you’re as blind as a bat and can’t see the facts in front of your face. Because you’re still continuing this bloody vendetta against Steven. I hate the evil man. I wish he were dead, but I’m not going to ruin my life going after him. Nothing’s changed at all, has it, you jerk? And I’m not your love. I’m not your anything. Not anymore. By the way, where’s Blanche?”

“I do not know where Blanche is. Perchance in Winchester. I think I saw her with one of Athelstan’s guards.”

“Did you just pass her off to another man, like a possession?” she asked venomously.

He was beginning to understand. “Rain, I was never with Blanche—not in
that
way. I just pretended for your benefit. I saw you with Steven, and I wanted to hurt you back.”

Rain stared at him, disbelieving, for a moment before she swung an arm wildly and punched him in the stomach.

“Oomph!” He bent over from the waist, then wheezed out, “Why did you do that?”

“To hurt you, you bastard. Just like you hurt me.”

Selik stared at her as he rubbed his stomach, wanting more than anything in the world to touch her face, to kiss her lips, to show her how much she meant to him. How sorry he was for all the pain he had inflicted on her. “I love you, Rain.”

“That’s not what you said before I left you in Winchester.”

“I am truly, truly sorry. For all the hurts I caused.”

Tears streamed, unheeded, down her face, and he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Ah, sweetling, do not weep. Please. I am here now.”

She shrugged his hand away angrily. “Too late. Too damn late.” Her head bowed in dejection before she whispered brokenly, “I waited and waited for you. And the only way I could survive was to stop loving you. It’s too late.”

“Nay! ’Tis never too late,” he cried. “I love you.” He grabbed her arms and shook her gently. “Do you hear me? I love you. I love you.”

When she did not respond, he finally stopped and said wearily, “Come back to the farmstead with me. In time, we will be able to settle our differences.”

“No. Now that you’re back, I’m staying here in Jorvik with Gyda. I won’t live in the same house as you again.”

His heart skipped a beat, sensing some message
she did not speak aloud. He narrowed his eyes. “Do you fear weakening in my presence?”

“Hah! Still the supreme egotist!”

“You love me. I know you do. You have just buried it for a time, as I did my feelings afore you came into my life.”

She refused to respond, but he saw her lips tremble and knew he was making some headway. He just needed time. “If you prefer, stay with Gyda for now. We will start over again from the beginning. I will woo you like no other woman has been courted in the world.”

She almost smiled, but then she shook her head as if to clear it. “I’m going back, Selik,” she told him gently.

“Nay, I will not allow it.”

“You can’t stop me,” she snapped with exasperation. “I’ll continue to go back to the Coppergate site every day until it finally works. And eventually it will send me back. I know it will.” Her voice was not quite as certain as her strong words.

Well, God, what do we do now?

What’s this “we” business? It’s up to you now
.

Selik poked a finger in her chest and grinned, having a sudden inspiration. “Nay, you will not leave. Wouldst like to place a wager on it,
my love?
”

With that, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her ravenously, slanting his lips over hers, savoring the sweet taste of her breath, the heat of her skin. At first she struggled; then she too succumbed to the all-consuming passion they both shared. With a soft moan, she opened her mouth to his.

When he finally pulled away, staring hungrily at her parted lips and misty eyes, he urged rawly, “Come home with me, Rain.”

She seemed to waver, then pushed at his chest. “No. It’s too late.”

He gave her one more quick kiss, then released her.

“I will be back on the morrow. Be here.”

“I will probably be gone by then,” she stated stubbornly.

“Do you think so? I do not. By the by, what kind of fabric would you like for your wedding dress?”

“Wedding dress?” she sputtered. “Are you listening to me? Get this into your thick head. I…am…leaving.”

“Did I tell you I adopted Adam?”

Her eyes widened with shock. Good. Best to keep the wench guessing. He used to know that about women. He had forgotten over the years. Well, he would have to hone his skills now.

He continued. “Didst know that the little scamp stowed away on a ship and came all the way to Southampton to find me? To bring me back to you?”

Her mouth hung open now. Another good sign, he decided, and went for the kill. “Adam will, no doubt, insist on being my—what did you tell me that time about modern wedding rituals? Oh, I remember—my best man.”

Rain made a strange gurgling sound.

“And Adela can be your wench-of-honor.”

He turned then and left, without another word. He had much work to do before dark.

Rain stared at Selik’s departing body. She could barely keep herself from running after him. He looked so damned wonderful.

He no longer had the magnificent long blond hair that she had loved, but he looked just as good in the short style which barely came to his neck. Somehow it drew more attention to the sharp edges of his cheekbones and jaw, made him more handsome, less beautiful. A deep blue, short-sleeved tunic stretched across his wide shoulders, going only to his knees. The well-defined cords in his muscled calves and
thighs stood out under his tight braies as he walked away. A thick, silver-linked belt accented his narrow waist.

Would this be the picture Rain would take back with her to the future?

Just before he opened the doorway to the church, Selik turned and his eyes, a startling gray against his tanned face, held hers for a long moment. As if in promise.

She’d told him that she didn’t love him anymore, but that wasn’t true. She loved him more than life itself.

She had to go home. And it wasn’t just stubbornness that made her stick to that decision. Even though she could never forget Selik’s lack of trust and ugly words at Winchester, she had already forgiven him for that. And his still harboring that mistaken notion of her infidelity—well, she could even accept that, hurtful as it was.

But Selik intended to continue his blood feud with Steven of Gravely. What kind of future would they have if she stayed? The next time someone hurt him, whether it was Steven or some other enemy, which would inevitably happen in these violent times, he would be off on another round of vengeance. The cycle was never ending. And she refused to be part of it by staying in his life. She just couldn’t bear such continuing pain.

Trust in love
, the voice said.

But Rain was afraid to trust anymore.

“Well, what did ye expect?” an exasperated Ubbi exclaimed back at the farmstead when Selik told him of his failure with Rain. “Ye are blind as a bat, just as she said. And I thought ye had more sense than to go blundering after her so clumsily.”

“If I am willing to forgive Rain for her—for her
betrayal with Steven, why can’t she forgive my harsh words?”

“Betrayal! Betrayal! Is that what ye said to her? Well, no wonder she rejected ye!”

“Explain yourself,” Selik demanded.

“Do ye have any idea what condition my lady was in when she returned from Winchester? Her body was one big bruise from her shoulders to her toes. And all because of you!”

Stunned, Selik demanded that Ubbi tell him everything.

When he finished, Selik raked his hands through his hair distractedly. “But I saw them together.”

“Ye saw what ye wanted to see.”

“Why did Athelstan not tell me?”

“Because the mistress begged him not to tell you.”

Selik felt a huge lump forming in his throat, and his heart beat so fast he could barely breathe. “Why? Why did she convince the king to keep this information from me?” he asked, still disbelieving.

“Because she said ye would blame yerself fer not protectin’ her, just as ye wasted so many years blamin’ yerself fer Astrid’s and Thorkel’s deaths.”

Selik exhaled loudly, as if he had been kicked in the stomach.
Not protecting her
. Selik repeated Ubbi’s words silently. A loud buzzing roared in his ears and he braced himself. He feared what he would hear next, but he had to know. “Tell me all of it.”

For an hour, Ubbi talked, sparing him no details, not of the degradations Steven had subjected Rain to, nor the condition of her body once Athelstan and Elgiva found her finally.

“Why did she not scream for help?” Selik asked finally. “The castle is not that large.”

Ubbi just stared at him.

“To protect me?” he asked in horror.

Ubbi shook his head in disgust, no doubt thinking Selik’s self-recriminations would be punishment
enough for his lack of faith in the woman he loved.