Santa in a Stetson (14 page)

“I know that.”

“No, I don't think you do. They carved out a life for themselves. Now it's up to you to live the one destiny intended for you, not the one you assume you have to live in order to make up for all their pain.”

There'd been occasions when Dr. Morrow had made
her angry, but never more so than now. She felt the blood heat her cheeks.

“Guilt has a lot to answer for in this world, Kathryn. You feel more guilt than most people because of the new life you don't think you deserve since you were found. That's why it rips you apart whenever another child is kidnapped and killed.”

Her eyes stung with salty tears.

“Guilt is driving you to be all things to all people. Unfortunately if you're not careful, it's going to break you.”

Colt had said virtually the same thing when she'd accompanied Allie home from Salt Lake.

“You're a healthy, lovely woman who, since your kidnapping, has taken on the senseless obligation of owing your parents your life. I don't believe for a second that's what they want. This crusade to be like them and live up to the model they established through the Kathryn McFarland Foundation has overtaken your life.”

She lowered her head. “You make me sound like a freak.”

“That's one description for a hopeless workaholic. You spent the first twenty-six years wishing you could find your parents. Once you did, you've spent the past four years trying to make it up to them. It's past time you thought outside the box and did something that has nothing to do with the past thirty years. Otherwise, you'll remain single and burn out early. Is that what you really want?”

“No.”

“
No?
That's the first time you've ever admitted it to me. What's happened since our last session?”

She squirmed. “I'd rather not talk about it.”

“If not to me, then who?”

“It's not that, Dr. Morrow.”

“You've met a man.”

Heat crept through her body. “Colt's married with teenage children and owns a cattle ranch in Montana.”

“At least he's flesh and blood, not your fantasy outlaw. I do believe you're making progress. Since we've run out of time, we'll talk more about this rancher at our next appointment.”

Kathryn left his office tied up in knots and got into her Jeep. While she'd been in her session, Jake had left a message on her voice mail asking her to call him as soon as she could. She phoned him on the way back to her condo.

“Jake? Did you get a break in the case?”

“Let's just say your hunch paid off. When that collector in Bozeman gave you a list of serious collectors of Western memorabilia, one of your phone calls to them produced results. A Jonathon Dix from Omaha, Nebraska, phoned me an hour ago asking for you. He's in possession of Colt's gold buckle he bought four months ago off another collector.”

The blood pounded in her ears. “You're kidding!” She could hardly breathe. “How does he know if it's authentic?”

“Colt's name is there in gold letters. If you still want to buy it, the price is thirty thousand dollars.”

She couldn't hold back her cry of excitement. “Have you told Colt?”

“No. I'm leaving that up to you. This is our first big lead. A word of advice from a man who married a
McFarland? Let him buy his own prize back so he can feel like a man.”

Whoa. Her brother-in-law hadn't minced words. She supposed she deserved that reminder.

“Message received.” Once she surprised Colt with the news, she'd let him run the show from here on out.
Talk about fun!

“Good girl. When you get to Omaha, pick that collector's brains. Depending on how long Natalie kept his award and how many collectors have purchased it since, we might be closer to her than we think.”

“I pray we are. Love you, Jake.”

“Ditto.”

It was Friday noon. Without a moment to lose, she chartered a flight to Bozeman, then flew through the condo to pack a bag. On the way to the airport she would arrange for a rental car. No more asking favors from Maggie. Jake was probably sick and tired of that, too.

By quarter to three that afternoon, she drove up to the side of the ranch house. Though it was partly sunny, fresh snow had fallen during the night. She saw tire tracks but no sign of the truck or Xterra.

Not about to be defeated, she drove on to the barn in the distance where she could make out a couple of hands. She drew up to them. They eyed her with male interest as she stepped into fresh snow. The younger one tipped his hat. “Hi! I remember seeing you with the boss at the Westerner.”

She nodded. That was last Monday night, but it seemed like a century ago. “Do you know where I might find Colt?”

“Sure. He's at the far pen with the vet. If you keep following this road, you'll come to it.”

“Thank you very much.”

She got back in the car and drove on. The knowledge that she'd be seeing him in a few minutes was causing her temperature to spike.

 

“D
ON'T LOOK NOW,
Colt, but there's this knockout golden filly I'd sell my soul for approaching the pen.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Turn around and find out, but don't say I didn't warn you.”

Colt moved his boot-clad foot off the bottom rung of the fence and looked over his shoulder. When he saw the same vision, he felt a quickening in his blood real enough to convince him he'd just survived a powerful earth tremor.

As Kathryn walked toward him in her cowboy boots, the sight of her blond hair beneath a chocolate-brown cowboy hat blew him away. Neither he nor Tom, who was very married with four children, could tear their eyes from her hourglass figure outfitted in jeans and a dark brown fitted jacket. The fringe swayed with every movement.

“I probably should have phoned you I was coming, but I wanted to surprise you.” She sounded a trifle out of breath.

Tom nudged him hard in the back.

“It's a fact you've done that,” Colt said in a husky voice. Her hot blue eyes had a vaguely imploring quality that sucked him in. “Kathryn McFarland, meet Dr. Tom Sutton, my vet.”

She extended her hand. “How do you, Dr. Sutton.”

“I'm doing better than one of Colt's foals.”

“Oh, dear.”

He chuckled. “But she'll live.” Tom turned to Colt. “Call me if you don't see improvement in a couple of days.” After winking at him, he gave Kathryn a smile and walked around the pen to his truck, but Colt only had eyes for the stunning female standing in front of him. The urge to carry her off to his secret place on the mountain was so strong, it alarmed him.

“Please forgive me for interrupting, Colt, but this couldn't wait.”

He cocked his head. “Don't you know you can always bother me?” His question caused color to creep into her face. It felt like years instead of days since he'd molded her to him while they were dancing. Colt's need for her was so acute, he'd planned to fly to Salt Lake tomorrow because he couldn't stand to be apart from her any longer. “What's happened?”

“Jake called me with some good news this morning. He hasn't found Natalie yet, but one of the collectors I contacted this week phoned him from Omaha. His last name is Dix. Four months ago, he bought your gold buckle from another dealer. It's there if you want to buy it.”

She could have phoned him with that news, but she chose to deliver it in person. Now was the time to find out if he was just dreaming this up. “Then I think we ought to fly to Nebraska tomorrow.”

To his shock, she didn't give him a reason why she couldn't. Instead she said, “If we're going that soon, we'd better make flight reservations.”

So Maggie wouldn't be doing the honors. Another good shock.

“Did you already check into the Silver Spur?”

“No. I came straight here.”

Maybe he really was hallucinating, otherwise why wasn't she fighting him? There was a catch here somewhere. “That's good because I wouldn't let you stay in town again. Tomorrow we'll take the twins with us.”

At the same time her eyes lit up with emotion, she bit her lip. “Do they know Natalie took it?”

He shook his head. “I told them someone stole it a long time ago.”

“They'll be so excited for you.”

“That won't even cover it when they find out you're staying over. Follow me back to the house and we'll surprise them.”

It seemed the most natural thing in the world to grasp her hand. They walked through the snow in a kind of companionable silence he'd never known with any woman. Before helping her into the rental car, he gave her fingers a squeeze. “I'm glad you came,” he whispered.

She avoided his glance. “This was an important find for you.”

Colt lowered his head. “I'm glad you came,” he repeated forcefully against her lips and felt her body tremble.

“So am I.”

What he heard helped him find the strength to shut her door. They had all night after the twins went to bed. Colt could be patient a little longer. Barely.

On the way back to the house, he watched her through
the rearview mirror. It reminded him of the day she'd brought Allie home from Salt Lake. He couldn't take his eyes off her then, either, but at that point in time he was terrified that if he let his guard down for an instant, he would fall irrevocably in love with her.

They reached the house just as the twins were getting out of the Xterra with Noreen. He had the impression that if his daughter's brown eyes opened any wider, they'd pop.

Matt found his voice first. “Katy!”

Their guest walked over and gave them both a hug, backpacks and all.

Allie eyed her father curiously. “Did you know she was coming, Dad?”

“Nope. She surprised me.”

Noreen smiled at Kathryn. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“She's here for the weekend,” Colt announced before Kathryn could. “I think steak fajitas sound good. We'll all help.” He walked over to pull her suitcase out of the back of the car. More shock because she let him do it.

“How's the bull riding coming, Matt?” she asked as they all went in the back door of the house.

“Dad drove me and Rich over to the Thorntons' ranch this morning. They have practice bulls and an indoor arena. We watched Billy Thornton for a while. He's a year older than I am.”

“Is he good?” she queried as Colt helped her off with her jacket. Beneath it she wore a silky brown blouse tucked in at the waist. She removed her hat and put it on the shelf above the pegs. Every move she made captivated him.

Matt laughed. “He's terrible, isn't he, Dad?”

“We're all terrible at first.”

“It probably made him nervous with your famous father looking on.” They moved down the hall to the family room. Allie led the way.

“Look, Katy. We hung Dad's poster in here.”

“So I see. It's what this room needed.” She smiled at Allie. “Now it's complete.”

Colt's daughter beamed. “I think so, too.”

“No, it's not,” Matt piped up in a serious tone. Everyone looked at him in surprise. “His gold buckle should be on the mantel. When I told Billy that Dad's got stolen, he acted all weird like he couldn't believe he'd really won it.”

Kathryn darted Colt a heart-stopping smile. “How long are you going to keep your children in suspense?”

He studied her enticing features before his gaze swerved to the twins. “We'll have to prove Billy wrong and fly to Omaha in the morning to pick it up.”

Matt stared at him with uncomprehending eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean someone found it.”

After a long silence, Allie turned to Kathryn. “
You
did it.”

“I located a collector who knew another collector.”

“Oh, Katy!” Colt watched his daughter throw her arms around Kathryn.

“Would that I could find your mother as easily, darling.”

An excited yelp came out of Matt, who was oblivious to the emotional byplay going on around him. “Rich has
got to hear this!” He plopped down on the couch and pulled out his cell phone.

While Kathryn continued to work her magic on his children, Colt slipped into his den to make online reservations to Nebraska for four people. When he went back to the family room, he discovered the three of them had gone upstairs with her suitcase. He could hear their heightened chatter, the kind that had been missing in his home without a mother.

Colt had tried to do everything for his twins, but he couldn't give them that. As for being a husband to Natalie, how could he have done that when she'd never had any intention of being a wife?

What would it be like to have both?

 

A
FTER DINNER
, Kathryn delighted in the videos of the twins taken at different times and seasons of their lives. Now Colt had sent them to bed.

Since she'd arrived at the ranch earlier in the day, it felt as if she'd been playing house. There was a mommy and a daddy and a boy and a girl. The perfect family except for one flaw. The real mommy was missing, just as Kathryn's real mommy had been missing for the first twenty-six years of her life.

How odd that when Kathryn was a young girl on the farm, she fantasized about the people in her make-believe house—her real parents and siblings. She never once saw herself as the mommy, only the child. Then in her fantasies about Considine, she was simply his woman. Kids didn't enter into the picture in her fantasy.

Her childhood was so abnormal, she didn't play like
a normal child, or plan realistically for the future. She never once thought about dating or getting married. Frankly, to belong to a man after her long captivity was anathema to her.

Until Colt.

But he wasn't free. It wasn't just the legality of it. What Natalie had done to him had left emotional scars. How could he honestly ever trust a woman again? There was no violence in him. The shield he'd erected was much more powerful to keep him safe. Today he'd let his guard down a little, but one wrong move on Kathryn's part and the ice around his heart would never melt.