Santa Paws: BBW Holiday Bear Shifter Romance (Christmas Bear Brothers Book 1) (4 page)

“I don’t think anything can help me. I’m sorry, but I have other plans now.”

“Other plans?” His voice was astonished. “Vicky, stop being the victim here and get yourself to where you know you have to be.”

“I am where I have to be. I have found my mate, and I am not leaving. You will have to go ahead without me.”

“That’s just it, Vicky, I don’t think we can. We need you.”

“I’m sorry. Please don't call again.” She ended the call, blinking back tears of desperation. Then she slid the phone under her pillow, out of sight.

“Everything OK?” he asked, passing her a cup of coffee. “You look upset. I never asked you before. I should have, but is it another man? I mean, we are mates, but you might have been dating before … us.”

“No,” she said shaking her head. “Nothing like that at all.” However, he could tell there was something bothering her and he needed to help.

“If you need to talk, that’s what I’m here for,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed, not sure what he was supposed to do or say.

“I know,” she said. “And thank you.”

“But we are complete strangers,” he finished for her.

“Yes. I mean I know how much you mean to me, but it doesn’t mean we can
know
everything about each other in an instant.” She took a sip of her coffee, watching him over the rim of her mug.

“So where do we begin?” he asked. “I suppose we can tell each other what we do. I’m a paramedic, as you might have guessed.”

“The ambulance did kind of give it away,” she said smiling, making his heart race with desire. She was so beautiful; her eyes lit up when she smiled, although there was a part of her deep inside, where happiness didn’t reach. Dermot wanted to grab it and pull it out into the light, chase it from her so she would always be filled with joy and love.

“I have lived in Bear Bluff all my life. I have two brothers, and although we had a reputation for being a little … mischievous when we were younger, we all came good. My brother Declan is the sheriff of Bear Bluff and my younger brother is a firefighter.”

“And do they have mates?” she asked.

“No. Or at least, they didn’t. But there seems to be more Christmas magic than usual in the air tonight. I think we have all got lucky.” He shook his head in bewilderment, missing the pained expression as it crossed her face. “What about you?”

“There is nothing much to tell,” she said evasively.

“That can’t be true. You turn up in Bear Bluff the night before Christmas Eve—where did you come from?” He smiled, trying to put her at her ease. “You are real, aren't you?”

“I am real, but I … I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet. I don’t want to spoil this moment.”

He put his mug down on the nightstand and slipped into bed beside her. “I won’t press you, if you don’t want to talk. Just tell me one thing. Are you in some kind of trouble? Because if this big, bad bear needs to protect you, it’s best I know now.”

She snuggled next to him, something he found he really liked. “Nothing like that.”

Although he wasn’t sure. After the phone call she seemed wary and more distant; whoever was on the other end of the line had upset her. But true to his word, he didn’t press her for answers. She was right: this was a good night, for them alone. Anything else could wait until the morning.

She woke up in a strange bed, with a strange man. It took her a moment to remember everything that had happened. It took her a moment more to realise this was the happiest she had felt for weeks. Sitting up in bed, trying not to wake him, she tried to tell if she was back to normal, if things were how they were supposed to be. Her reindeer told her
no
.

Her hope slipped away. She had thought that maybe one night with her mate, her true mate, would have made her feel more like her normal self, not that there was anything normal about her. It wasn’t just the fact she could turn into a reindeer that made her different; she was born with a gift more special than that, a gift that she had lost and she wasn’t sure why.

That was what frightened her. If she didn’t know why, then how could she ever hope to reclaim it?

“Hi, beautiful,” Dermot said, making her jump. “Sorry, you were miles away.”

She heard the concern in his voice and knew she had to get a grip on herself, or she would have to explain things to him and she didn't want to, not yet. He would think she was such a failure.

“Morning. I was just thinking how things had changed, you know, since we met. Yesterday I hadn't set foot in Bear Bluff. Now I have a mate, and a new life, I guess.”

He rested his head on one hand, looking at her, stroking her arm affectionately with his free hand. “I have always lived in Bear Bluff, like I told you, but if there is somewhere else you need to be, somewhere you want to live, I can be flexible. I’m not some big old bear who is going to demand you leave everything you have behind and move here to be my wife.”

She stroked his chest, feeling the warmth of his body, and knew if she didn’t get out of bed, they would probably spend all day her making love. And as wonderful as that sounded, she needed to eat. If not, she would be the grumpy bear, not a good thing when you haven’t even been on a first date.

“You know, I have no proper food in the cabin,” she said. “All I have is some fruit juice and a couple of bars of candy.” She moved away from him, about to swing her legs over the side of the bed and get up when she remembered she was naked. Searching around, she couldn’t remember where her clothes had ended up last night, or if her robe had made it out of the suitcase.

“We can go to the diner,” he said, scooting out of the bed butt naked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Taking her courage in both hands, plus the sheet to cover her a little, she did the same, feeling embarrassed by her curvy thighs and voluptuous breasts, but he didn’t seem to mind.
Relax
, she told herself, losing the sheet and grabbing some fresh underwear and a clean shirt. She pulled on the same jeans she had worn yesterday; they would be the most sensible thing to wear in the snow.

“OK?” he asked, now fully dressed and waiting by the door for her. “Or do you want me to make the bed?”

“My, you are house-trained,” she said.

“I have been waiting for you for a very long time,” he said, pulling her to him. “So I have had to learn to look after myself.”

“You’re not the kind of old-fashioned guy who wants to chain their woman to the kitchen sink, then?” she asked lightly, although her body was responding to him in the most delicious ways.

“Most certainly not,” he said, lowering his head so he could whisper in her ear, his breath caching on her neck. “I wouldn’t chain you to the kitchen sink. That would be a waste. But I might chain you to the bed instead.”

Then he kissed her, pulling her close so she could feel the strength of his arousal against her thigh. It took all her resolve not to place her hand on his cock and make him want to drag her back to bed. However, when her stomach growled, he broke away and said, “Come on, let’s eat. I want to keep your strength up. I am hoping we have plenty of calories to burn off in bed when we get back.”

“Don’t you have any plans for today?” she asked as she grabbed her coat and they made their way outside.

“No,” he said, gasping as the cold took his breath away. The snow was falling thickly, the courtyard covered with a generous layer of white. When she glanced upwards, the clouds looked heavy with more snow, and he turned to her, smiling. “I think a prolonged period of hibernation might be in order for this bear.”

“Is that right? Well I don’t have a cave for you. Maybe Mrs. McKinley has an old shed you can sleep in.”

“I was thinking more of your bed,” he said, his voice rising so she could hear him through the snow, which was determined to muffle any noise.

She laughed, and then bent down and picked up a handful of snow, rolling it into a snowball and throwing it at him. He ducked, and it sailed over his head, but he seemed to be happy to join in her game, and while he led her to the diner, they threw snowballs back and forth until they were both wet, cold, and gasping for breath.

“I am going to treat myself to hot chocolate,” she said as they sat down, at a table.

“I might join you. This is Christmas Eve, after all; I think, considering the circumstances, a little self-indulgence is deserved.” He saw her face fall. “Hey, you OK? Did I hit a nerve? Have you lost someone, is that why you came here on your own for Christmas?”

It was as close as he could get to guessing the real reason she saw here, and part of her, the part with four feet and antlers, wanted to tell him the truth, to see if he could help them. But she couldn’t tell him; he would think she was absolutely bonkers. “Not someone. Something,” she said, and then the waitress arrived and Vicky concentrated on the menu, avoiding his eyes.

“I’ll have a full breakfast,” Dermot said, closing the menu and looking over at Vicky. “Going to have the same?”

“I might,” she said. “Yes. I will. And hot chocolate, please.”

“Two breakfasts, two chocolates, Linda, thanks,” he said.

“No problem.” She kept glancing at Vicky, and then couldn’t resist asking, “So, are you two … you know … an item?”

“We certainly are.” Dermot grinned.

“I never thought I’d see the day. Now if you can just find the perfect mates for those brothers of yours, we can all rest easy. Town thinks you three are the bears with the biggest sore heads this time of year.” With that, she flicked her ponytail and turned around, leaving Dermot grinning even more broadly.

“You really do have a reputation,” Vicky said, bemused.

“We were only ribbing Declan yesterday about being bah humbug. Or bear humbug. Wow, hard to believe we won’t be sitting in the bar next year, drowning our sorrows before our Christmas shifts.”

“Do you have to work today?” she asked.

“No. Tim took my shift. He’s just moved here and has no family, said he would rather spend it at the hospital. They put on a real good show for the kids, and other patients that have to spend Christmas on the ward.”

“It was nice you brought Sorcha home yesterday. Her mom has invited me for Christmas lunch. I’m sure they won’t mind you coming too,” she said. Dermot might just be the thing to take her mind off how bad she would be feeling tomorrow if no one received their Christmas gifts because of her. On second thought, she shouldn’t encourage him, and she should think of an excuse not to go over to Sorcha’s. She might end up owning up to being the reason Christmas was cancelled.

“Sad story. Sorcha’s dad was killed in a car accident. They were here on vacation … and … he was in the car with Sorcha,” Dermot stuttered, looking pale.

“Are you OK?” Vicky asked.

“Yeah. It’s just the weirdest thing. My brother Declan, he just met his mate too; I spoke to him when I got back to the hospital yesterday. And her sister was killed in the same accident.” He looked at Vicky, his eyes fixed on her, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. And then his expression cleared. “They have made Bear Bluff their home. Sorcha has had to undergo several operations at the hospital, in the hope of fixing her legs. This will be the first time she has spent any time away from the hospital. It’s a good job she will now have a paramedic next door.”

“It is. She is a lucky girl to be alive, but it’s a hard time of year when you’ve lost someone. I sometimes wonder what it is about Christmas. If it’s even worth it. So many people on their own, thoughts of loved ones who have passed filling their empty days.”

He took hold of her hand, and instantly her melancholy thoughts disappeared. “Do you ever think of it the other way? That maybe those who have lost someone can at least find comfort that they had that love in the first place? Isn’t it better to have had that love filling your life, even if it rips your heart out when you lose someone, than to have never loved at all?”

“I’ve never looked at it that way.”

Their food arrived and Vicky found her appetite had all but disappeared. Her mind was a maelstrom of confusion. She no longer knew what to think. What was right and what was wrong; did anyone know for sure?

All she knew was that in the hours she had known Dermot, she could already feel his touch changing her. But it would be too late for this year. Every minute that ticked by took her closer to the point of no return, and when she looked inside herself and saw her forlorn reindeer, she knew that no matter what Dermot had said, he had still not given her back her Christmas spirit.

They walked hand in hand back to the cabin, his head filled with thoughts of what they would do once they got there. The snow had cleared a little, but it was the kind of day when you wanted nothing more than to stay inside by a warm fire. Hell, he’d even go and chop the logs if he had to.

“Oh, I nearly forgot,” she said, “I have to get Sorcha a gift for tomorrow.”

“OK. Although you’ll have to hand-deliver it,” he quipped. “You’ve left it too late to send to Santa.”

“It wouldn’t get here even if I did,” she said and then quickly clamped her mouth shut.

“You have a secret source on that?” he asked, lightly, “I have never known Santa to let kids down yet.”

“What if it’s not
his
fault?” she added cryptically.

“I can’t see who else would be to blame. In the movies, even if Santa can’t deliver the goods, then someone always steps in. As long as they have Rudolph to light their way.”

They reached the store, and she went inside, but something was off. Dermot had no idea what was messing with her moods, but he could see she was close to tears and her mind wasn’t on the job of toy selection, so he stepped in to help.

“I helped wrap the gifts for the kids in the hospital,” he said, taking a doll off the shelf and passing it to Vicky. “It’s not the exact one the others all wanted, but I think under the circumstances, Sorcha will be happy to receive it.”

Vicky looked at it. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all got exactly what we wanted?”