Sapphire and Shadow (A Woman's Life) (38 page)

“I can’t believe you never did this,” he said to Jocelyn. “How could you be twelve and never have flown a kite?”

“I don’t think we have any in Beverly Hills,” she said with an absent shrug of her shoulders. Her eyes danced as they followed the kite’s path. It was climbing higher and higher, flirting with the wind.

“Another reason not to live in southern California,” Joshua murmured.

“Don’t you like southern California?” Jocelyn asked, curious.

“I like seasons.” He spoke to her the way he would to an adult. It never occurred to him to talk down to her. “Leaves that turn color before they crunch under my shoes. I like snow.”

“We have snow. It’s just in the mountains,” Jocelyn volunteered.

“I know, but I’m lazy. I don’t like to have to drive to see a snowfall. I like looking outside my window.” He grinned at her as he looked her way. “They close schools here when it snows too hard.”

“They do?” It was evident that she was very close to being completely won over.

“Sometimes,” Johanna put in. “But only when it snows very hard and it’s several feet deep.” She saw that Jocelyn was barely listening. Her eyes were on Joshua and the bobbing kite. Johanna couldn’t help smiling. “Besides, we’re already playing hooky today.”

Joshua leaned back to look at her. “We’re all playing hooky,” he reminded Johanna. His eyes skimmed over her body familiarly, touching it and seeing beneath the heavy lavender sweater and neatly creased slacks.

Johanna wavered under his gaze and shifted slightly.

“I didn’t know adults played hooky.” Jocelyn’s voice broke the spell.

“Worst offenders,” he said seriously, playing out the line to the kite.

“To fly kites?” Jocelyn wanted to know.

He grinned. “Sometimes. Sometimes just to spend an afternoon with two gorgeous women.”

Jocelyn liked the fact that he had said two women instead of two girls.

Someone walked by with a portable radio. Rather than having music from a rock group blaring at them, the radio’s owner was playing a tape of Beethoven.

“Oh, yuck,” Jocelyn muttered.

“Don’t much care for classical music, eh?” Joshua laughed.

“It’s the pits.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Joshua considered her statement. “If it wasn’t for Beethoven, the Beatles might have had a problem.”

“The beetles?” Jocelyn looked at him. “Who’re the beetles?”

Johanna and Joshua exchanged looks. “Ouch, I think I feel old,” Johanna said.

“Never.” He patted her thigh with his free hand. The gesture was fleeting, but intimate. He turned his attention to Jocelyn. “They’re the guys who made it easy for The New Kids On The Block to do their thing on stage.”

Jocelyn came to life. “Really?”

“I have it on the best authority.”

Jocelyn looked after the funny little man as he moved away, his music fading away with him. “Hey, how about that?”

“You know,” Johanna said in a lowered voice, “you have her eating out of your hand.”

“How about her mother?”

She found his eyes difficult to resist. She found him difficult to resist. “As long as it’s not fattening,” she said.

“I’m guaranteed low-calorie.” He winked at her. It was a decidedly wicked and sexy wink.

When the wind picked up, Joshua took a vote and they decided to retire the kite for the day while it was still in one piece.

They went to the zoo next, just as Johanna predicted. The wind helped clear away the smells and Jocelyn was in seventh heaven.

“She loves animals,” Johanna confided as they walked behind the girl. Jocelyn tried to be everywhere at once, seeing everything.

“I know.”

She looked at Joshua. “Is there anything you don’t know?”

“Yes,” he said meaningfully.

Johanna turned away and pretended to look at the antics of a spider monkey as he climbed up to the top of his black iron-bar cage. “I’ve been thinking of getting her a pet for Christmas. Think your friend would mind if I had a puppy in his loft?”

“It couldn’t do more harm than some of the friends he’s had over there on occasion.” Joshua laughed. “What kind of a puppy did you have in mind?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Something small. I like tea cup poodles myself.” A woman with three children, all heading in different directions, rushed by Johanna, making a grab for the nearest one.

Joshua side-stepped the woman and he shook his head. “Nope. Too hyper. Strictly a Beverly Hills-type dog.”

She was amused at the way he seemed to divide the country between good—New York—and bad—Beverly Hills. “Oh? What would you suggest?”

“I don’t know. Let me think on it.”

“You have until a week before Christmas.”

“I hope I have longer than that.”

“Jocelyn, don’t wander too far ahead,” she called after her daughter, using it as an excuse to curtail the direction the conversation was going.

They had slept together only that one time when Jocelyn had run away. Johanna made certain that there were no more times alone like that, no more solitary moments when temptations got the better of her. To her relief, and just possibly her regret, he had gone along without protest, even though she could tell that he wasn’t happy about it. She wanted no more thoughts of happiness, that kind of happiness, clouding her mind. She knew what she had to do, how she had to live. If it was shutting love out, so be it. It was also shutting out pain of a magnitude that she couldn’t endure twice.

Yet when he had appeared on her doorstep that morning, kite in hand, she couldn’t find it in her heart to turn him away. Even if she had, Jocelyn would have begged until she agreed. Work and school were forgotten. Dangers lurking in the dark, in soft kisses and light touches, were forgotten. The day was made to be enjoyed.

They spent another two hours at the zoo. Though it was by no means a large zoo, hardly meriting the title when compared to the zoos that Johanna had taken Jocelyn to, there was something very special about sharing the afternoon this way. He bought them hot dogs at a stand and Jocelyn swore she had never eaten anything tastier.

“And for dessert,” he announced, producing a cracker-jack box from his jacket pocket.

“Those’ll break your teeth,” Johanna warned.

“Where’s your sense of adventure, Johanna?” he teased, opening the box and pouring some carmel covered kernels into Jocelyn’s outstretched, cupped hands. He took some himself and then eyed Johanna.

“Well, I might as well go to the dentist with you two.” She reached into the box.

“What a sport, eh, Jocey?”

“It takes her a little time to get used to change,” Jocelyn told him matter-of-factly.

“Out of the mouths of babes,” he murmured, tossing up a kernel and catching it in his mouth.

“Hey, do that again,” Jocelyn urged.

“Don’t encourage him, Jocey.”

“I love an audience.” He winked at Jocelyn. “Hey, what’s this?” He looked into the box, moving some of the kernels around.

“What?” Jocelyn asked eagerly. She stood on her toes, trying to look into the box.

“Well, you know, if I remember correctly, these things used to have a prize in each box,” he told her.

“Does this one?” Jocelyn wanted to know. She had more than her share of expensive toys, but somehow the promise of a mysterious trinket outweighed them.

“Yes.” But rather than give it to Jocelyn, he handed the box to Johanna. “This one seems to have your mother’s name on it.”

Johanna stared at the box, dumbfounded. “Mine?”

“Open it, Mom. Let’s see,” Jocelyn urged, clapping her hands together.

Johanna eyed Joshua for a moment, then looked into the box. There was a small box within it. Cautiously, she drew it out. It was a ring box. Her breath caught in her throat as she opened it. A single perfect diamond mounted on a silver wishbone setting caught the sunlight and formed a rainbow of colors that spilled out onto her hand.

“Hey, wow! Do you think you can get another box like that for me?” Jocelyn asked Joshua, her eyes huge.

“I don’t think so,” Joshua answered quietly, watching Johanna’s face. “This is a one-of-a-kind box.”

Johanna raised her eyes to his. He saw wariness there again and he swore inwardly. He blamed himself, though. He should have never let her go all those years before. But all he had to work with was the present. And he intended to make the present work.

“Well, Jo?” he asked softly.

She closed the box, her face impassive as icy panic seized hold of her heart. She thrust the ring back to him, her hand trembling slightly, but he refused to take it. It was a major effort to keep the anger he felt from his face. She let the ring box fall back into the crackerjack box that he was still holding.

“I think we’d better go home,” Johanna said quietly. Her throat felt as if it was closing up, as if she couldn’t breathe. “It’s getting cold,”

“Whatever you say.”

Chapter Forty

“She said what?” Joshua’s voice echoed in the empty gallery. It was eight-thirty and more than an hour away from opening. It was further away than that as far as Joshua was concerned.

Kathy blinked. She’d never seen Joshua more than mildly annoyed. She had thought that the message she passed on when he walked in would make him frown. She didn’t think it would make him shout. Her boss, she decided, had it very, very bad.

“Johanna called in,” Kathy repeated patiently, “and said that she was taking the next three days off. She said that if you wanted to fire her, she’d understand.”

His hands curled into fists, but he refrained from hitting the desk. Just barely. “What I want to do is take her over my knee and spank her.”

“Isn’t that a little excessive for taking three days off?” Kathy asked mildly, not bothering to hide her knowing grin. She hadn’t been blind to what had been happening between her boss and the classy blonde he had hired. As far as she was concerned, it was about time someone rattled his cage. Kathy Connors firmly believed that everyone be-longed married with children of their own. That was true equality as far as she was concerned.

Joshua made a few quick calculations. “Kathy, can you hold down the fort for a while?”

“Haven’t I always?”

He kissed her cheek quickly. “Atta girl.”

Kathy ran her fingers along her cheek. “Do that again and I’ll forget I’m a married woman.”

He was already out the door, but he spared her a moment. “Why are the best ones always taken?”

“Ha!” She waved him out the door. “Go get her!” she ordered.

“I’m going to try, Kathy.” He closed the door behind him and stepped out into the street. “I’m damn well going to try.”

He tried the loft first.

Two minutes worth of ringing and calling her name had him bringing out the spare key that Elton had left with him before he went to Europe. It was to be used in emergencies and this, as far as Joshua was concerned, was a full-fledged emergency.

The loft was empty. And her suitcases, the ones he teased her about dragging all around the world, he thought bitterly, were gone. Though a few things remained in the loft, most notably the carved hope chest she kept by the window, he had the sinking feeling that she was gone for good.

He sat down on the white sofa, his hands clenched into fists.

Not again, he thought. Not again.

“Jo, what are you doing here?”

“Hi, Dad, can we come in?” Johanna asked, offering a weak smile. James Lindsey, a small, spare man with kindly eyes and a gentle smile, threw open the door and then his arms. Though they were all practically the same height, he drew both his daughter and granddaughter into the circle of his arms.

“God, it’s so good to see my girls again.” He allowed himself a moment just to drink in the sight of the two of them. Jocelyn had gotten taller, prettier, a lot like her mother. Johanna was thinner than he liked seeing her, but the worn look he had expected to see wasn’t there. Just a certain leeriness in her eyes. “What a wonderful surprise.”

“Are you going to work, Grandpa?” Jocelyn let her suitcase drop on the hardwood floor that bore the indelible scuff marks of three young girls growing up.

“Oh.” He looked down at the white smock that peeked out from beneath his dark topcoat. “That’s right. I am.” He drew in his shallow cheeks as he thought the situation through. This was Wednesday. The young assistant pharmacist who had been with him since late July didn’t work on Wednesdays.

Johanna touched her father’s downy smooth cheek fondly. She knew he was thinking of the drugstore, of his responsibility. He was very predictable. And very dear. “We’ll be here when you get back. You need a home-cooked meal.”

The store could wait a few minutes. He closed the door behind Jocelyn. “You didn’t come all this way because you were worried about my stomach, Joey.” He effectively turned so that Jocelyn was cut off and couldn’t hear his next sentence. She was already roaming about the cozy family room and out of earshot. “Some kind of trouble because of Harry?”
 

“In a way.”

The answer was too evasive. “In what way?”

Johanna patted his shoulder as she opened the door. “We’ll talk when you come home. It’s nothing that won’t keep,” she assured him.

Reluctantly, and only because there was no one to take his place today, James Lindsey left. A thirty-five-year-old habit was a hard thing to turn your back on. But he worried. That was his right as a father. As a father, he also knew that Johanna would tell him things when she was ready to and not before.

As soon as her father was gone, Johanna turned to Jocelyn. She tried to sound breezy. “C’mon.” She picked up a suitcase. “We’ll use my old room.” Johanna led the way to the staircase.

Jocelyn trudged behind her, dragging one of the suitcases. “I love Grandpa, Mom, but I still don’t see why we had to come here all of a sudden. My teacher—“

“I’ll write a note to Mrs. Olsen,” Johanna promised. “I just had to get away, honey, to think.” She stopped at the landing. Her room was the first on the left. The door was opened. For a moment, as she stepped inside, she felt seventeen again. Young and alive. The world was full of promise.

Just the way it was when she had laid in Joshua’s arms.

“About the crackerjack prize?” Jocelyn asked quietly.