Sati (22 page)

'This is your home town?'I asked finally, my thoughts lost in the black sky. Her words seemed to come to me from several directions.

'There is a school of thought in the world that says each planet and constellation in the heavens influences a person's life. It says if you are born at a certain time in a certain place, you will be a certain person. If you are born in another time and place, you will be someone else. No two people are ever born at
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exactly the same time, in exactly the same place, and for this reason, no two people can ever be exactly alike. This is a belief, and it does not matter whether it is true or not. What does matter is that each planet and each star in the sky shines through me. I am all people, all possibilities. I am a perfect crystal. I am the focus of all the stars in the universe. I am the Starlight Crystal. I am Sati.'She paused.' Sit, Michael, and rest. Together we will enjoy the silence of my true nature.'

I settled on to the sandy ground. Sati continued to hold on to my hand. Her touch was potent. It was not long before I felt myself sinking deep inside. It was nice, very relaxing. I was pretty sure I didn't go to sleep. It seemed that only minutes passed before she asked me to open my eyes. But by then the sun had already risen intothe sky.

SIXTEEN

All who are born, die. Those were Sati's own words. She never said she was an exception to the rule.

Sati stared at the glass of orange juice when Mary handed it to her. Later, I was to remember the lesson of the sour milk. But Sati didn't take her own advice; she didn't smell the juice. I suppose it's useless to ask if she knew the drink was poisoned.

It was the evening of the day we had begun inthe desert. The whole gang was gathered in my living-room: David, Linda, Jenny, Nick, Mary, Mrs Hutchinson, Fred and Lori. It had been a long day for me. I had seen the morning sun bright above the desert landscape, and now sitting in a chair by the west window, I watched as it set into the ocean. The drive home from Arizona had gone quickly. I did not feel tired.

'Is that fresh-squeezed?'I asked as Sati set the juice beside her on a tray. I turned away from the sunset.

'Yes,'Mary said.' Would you like some? We've plenty of oranges.'

'Don't bother,'I said.' My system can't tolerate un-processed food.'

'How come you never talk about diet?'Lori asked Sati.' Isn't it important for our spiritual evolution?

Shouldn't we all be vegetarians?'

'If we were all vegetarians, every fast-food joint in the country would go out of business,'Fred said with a laugh.'I t would ruin the economy.'

'But eating meat is like eating a dead animal,'Lori

protested. She and Fred were arguing constantly these days. It was fun to watch.

'Most meat has dead animals in it,'Linda agreed. She had only stopped by my apartment to drop Jenny off. By unspoken agreement, the two of us were maintaining a respectable distance from each other.

'Mary once cooked me a hamburger made from soy beans,'Nick said.' It tasted like cardboard.'

'Ithink I burned it,'Mary confessed, sitting on the floor beside Nick. They had enjoyed their stay in the mountains, but had returned early to be with Sati. The Goodwill had cleared out the stuff Sati and I had moved into their apartment. The trouble was, they had also taken Nick and Mary's furniture in the process. Nick said he'd call them tomorrow. He wasn'tupset. He was a happily married man.

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'During the Depression, my mother used to make us burgers out of beans,'Mrs Hutchinson said nostalgically.' Back then, I thought they tasted just fine.'

'What is the Depression?'Jenny asked.

'That's when people were poor after the First World War, dear,'Mrs Hutchinson smiled.' It was a long time ago. I was your age then.'

'You weren't old?'Jenny asked, astounded.

'Remember that movie we watched last night on TV with the gangsters?'Linda said to Jenny.' That was the Depression.'

'Speaking of TV, are those reporters coming back tonight?'Nick asked David.

'What?'David said.

'The reporters?'Nick repeated.' Are they coming back tonight?'

David was standing slouched between the living-room and kitchen. He looked as if he needed a good night's sleep.' I don't know.'

'They said they'd be back,'Fred remarked.' I bet you knock them dead, Sati.'

'You're rude, you know that?'Loritold Fred.' I asked Sati an important question about diet. And before she could answer, you completely changed the subject.'

'I did not,'Fred said.' It was Mrs Hutchinson who brought up the Depression. Besides, it was a stupid question, anyway.'

Lori fumed, then made an effort to pretend he didn't exist.' Sati, what advice would you give us as far as our diet is concerned?'she asked politely.

Sati picked up the glass of orange juice. Without hesi-tating, she drank it down to the last drop. Then she sat staring at the far wall, her face paling, something akin to surprise flickering in the depths of her eyes.' Don't take poison,'she whispered.

The gang laughed. But Sati did not laugh. She con-tinued to stare at the wall. She took a couple of deep breaths. The colour in her cheeks faded further. I sat up, puzzled.

'I told you it was a stupid question,'Fred said to Lori.

'And how do you know what she means by poison?'Lori asked.'I bet she considers meat a poison.

Don't you, Sati?'

Sati suddenly clenched her eyes shut and bent forward. Her hair hung over her crossed legs. I leapt to her side and put my hand on her back.' What's wrong?"I asked.

'Poison,'she muttered.' In the juice.'

I can't take bad news. I just can't.' What are you talking about?'I asked.

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Sati sat up slowly, with my help. The skin on her face and arms was as white as a bedsheet. Beneath my fingers, her flesh shook with tiny spasms. She tried to smile.' Oh, Michael,'she said.

I picked up her empty glass. I was scared. The few drops of juice that remained smelt like death.' Are you sick?'I asked.' Should I call for an ambulance?'

'You moron!'Fred shouted, jumping up.' Shejustsaid she's been poisoned!''Mary, what was in that juice

?'Nick demanded.

'Oranges,'Mary cried.

Linda moved to Sati's side.' If you think you've drunk something bad,'she said,' it's vital you vomit it immediately.'

‘I’ll call the hospital,'Mrs Hutchinson said. She picked up the phone with trembling hands, and immediately dropped it to the floor. It was all happening too fast.' Oh,God,'she said.

'Yes, you've got to throw up,'I said. I grabbed Sati's arm and tried to pull her to her feet.' Come into the bathroom with me. Stick your fingers down your throat. It worked wonders for me.'

Satirefused to stand.' Let me be. The poison has already entered my system. It's too late.'

'No, you've got to get it out of your stomach,'I insisted, still trying to get her to stand. Sati gained a measure of control over the pain racking her body and put her hand on mine. She gently undid my fingers from her arm. Her breathing was ragged, as Timmy's had been but her blue eyes were calm.

'It's time,'she said.' I have to go.'

'No.'I shook my head.' You can't go. You just got here.'

Sati looked to the others. They were running around like chickens with their heads missing. But they froze as her eyes touched each of them. Once again, as in the hospital, they stood waiting for a miracle.

'There is little time,'Sati said.' No words can con-vey what I would have you know. But I will say I want you to remember me. I want you to think of me from time to time. And I want you to be happy. From the beginning of time, this has been my only wish for you.'She suppressed a grimace.' Tell all those who came to my meetings that I left for another place. Tell them you don't know the place. That's all. Don't tell them I died. You won't be lying. I never die. I go on and on.'

'But you can't leave us,'Fred pleaded.' You still have so much to teach us.'

Sati shook her head.' I did not come as a teacher. I came to play. And it has been fun. But now, the play is through. Don't feel sad. This body may suffer, but I do not. It's beneath my dignity. Don't feel obligated to tell others about me. Don't become martyrs. But if someone should ask, if they want to know, you may tell them of the days when Sati was here. Tell them... ' A convulsion shook her body. She had to close her eyes to control it.' Tell them that I am God, that we are all God, and that this can be experienced in silence.'Her head slumped on her shoulders.'N ow go, all of you, except for Michael, and wait outside. Let's have no tears. It's just a body that leaves you. The Goddess is with you always.'

They did as she asked. They filed silently out of the apart-ment. OnlyJenny came forward. With the
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others gone, Sati slowly opened here eyes. She could barely support herself upright. She smiled as Jenny laid a white carnation in her lap.

'I don't want you to go,'my daughter said, tears falling from her cheeks.

'One carnation, one life,'Sati whispered, picking up the flower.' That is enough for anyone to find me.

You, Jennifer, will do that. Before you leave this world, you will see me again. I promise you this.'Sati hugged her weakly.' Go to your mother, but remember who your real mother
is.
It is me.'

'Iknow,'Jenny whispered. She dried her tears and kissed Sati's cheek. Then she left the apartment, closing the door behind her.

The poison was choking off Sati's lungs. She sat with her head down for a couple of minutes, fighting for breath. Finally, she spoke;'I left the recipe for my cookies on top ofthe icebox.'

'Sati,'I said, but it was more of a moan.

She pushed herself erect. Her blue eyes peered at me throughher tangled hair.' Don't you like my cookies? They could change your life.'

My heart was breaking.' Are you really going to die?'

She nodded.

'Who poisoned you?'I asked.

'Does it matter?'

'Tell me.'

'I won't. You tell me what you discovered when you went searching for my true identity.'

'I found someone who identified you as a girl namedK athy Lion.'I felt ashamed.' I don't know, she said it was you. I wanted to believe you, but I just couldn't. I was afraid I'd be disappointed when the truth came out.'

Despite her physical pain, Satiwas amused.' You could have found thousands who could have identified me. I reside in all hearts. It shouldn't surprise you that so many should see me and think I look familiar.'

I swallowed.' You really are God, aren't you?'

'Yes.'

In that moment, there was no place for doubt. I believed her. I was sitting with the supreme being. I had always sat beside her. She was inside me.

'Will you rise on the third day?'I asked.

'No.'A fit of coughing shook her.'B ury me on the hill, beneath the stars.'

'If that's what you want.'

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Summoning the last of her strength, she raised her hand and touched my face. And she smiled, one last time. It was such a beautiful smile. It shone with the light of the sun andthe moon, andthe stars. The Starlight Crystal, she had called herself, and it was true. She was a jewel that onlythe heavens could have made.

'Before I came,'she said,' you thought of Linda constantly. You were miserable. But now you can think ofme. You can just think my name, and your life will befilled with joy. You can even write a story about me.'She closed her eyes.' There is no poison on these lips. Kiss me goodbye, Michael. I love you.'

I kissed her. She kissed me. Then she rested her head on my shoulder and died.

SEVENTEEN

There was light in the east when David and I finished digging the grave. Unlike the day before, however, there would be no beautiful sunrise. A murky overcast stretched from horizon to horizon, casting the desert in dismal colours. My back ached. The two of us had carried Sati's body from the car to the top of the hill. That had not been too difficult; unfortunately, the hilltop soil was rock hard. The high quartz content was probably to blame. It had taken us three hours to carve a six-foot hole.

'I've got to rest,'David said. He dropped his pick and climbed out of the hole. I followed him, but held on to my shovel. We sat on a boulder not far from the fresh spring beside which Sadlay. She wore her white dress but it wasn't visible; she was wrapped from head to toe in an orange blanket. David gave her a nervous glance.

'She's not getting up,'I reassured him.

David sighed and wiped the perspiration from his eyes. He pulled out a cigarette.' I wasn't worried about that.'

'What are you worried about?'

He lit his cigarette.' This ground is like concrete. It's killing me.'

'The worst is over,'I said.' We're down deep enough.'

'I don't think so. This is an illegal burial.'He puffed on his cigarette.' Let's go another couple of feet.'

'What are you worried about?'I repeated.

'Do you have to ask? Hundreds of people met Sati. A lot of them are going to want to know where she went.'

'She told us what to say.'

He snorted.' Her answer isn't going to satisfy anybody.'

'But no one in our group will admit she's dead. They won't disregard her request. And as far as we can tell, she doesn't have a past.'I ran my hands along the handle of my shovel.' I just can't understand why you're so worried.'

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David stared at me.' What's your problem?'

'I needed your help to get her up here and dig the grave. Sure, I could have brought Nick, but then I couldn't have been alone with you. This way ... ' I shrugged.' The grave is ready, and here we are.'