Sati (7 page)

Mary nodded.' She invited me to walk withher.'

'Where did you go?'

'To the beach.'

'Justthe two of you?'

'Yes.'

'What do youthink of her?'

Mary hesitated, her serious face tensing slightly.' She is... I don't havethe right words. She islike
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someone my mother once took me to when I was al ittle girl and very sick.'

'A healer?'

Mary nodded.'I had a fever, andthe doctor was far away at another village. This man put his hand on my forehead and I was better.'

'Did Sati touch you?'

'No.'

"Then why does she remind you ofthis healer?'

'She can heal. Mrs Hutchinson's fingers are already better.'

I sat up.' What do you mean?'

'A light glittered in Mary's usually soft eyes.' She has been working in her garden allmorning. She is weeding and turningthe soil withboth hands.'

'Does Mrs Hutchinson know Sati's healed her?'

Mary shook her head.

'Why not?'I asked.

'She says only God can heal.'

'But does she know her hands are better?'

'She should,'Mary said.

My heart was pounding andI was glad Maryc ould not hear it. My reactiontothe news embarrassed me.

Arthritis was the one disease faithhealers were famous for improving. Lay on the hands, I thought, invoke the name of the Lord,and practically any desperate person would start bending parts that hadn't moved in awhile.

Except Satihad done neither of the above. She had told no one what to expect from her period of silence. And Mrs Hutchinson had not come to her for healing.

'Mary, you're Catholic,'I said.' Doesn't it bother you that Sati says she's God?'

'Holy people can be strange. Saint Francis used to run naked with the animals.'

'Then you think she's a saint?'

Mary nodded.' You can see it in her eyes, and hear it in her words.'

'But she's not even Catholic.'

Mary shifted uneasily.' She could be baptised.'

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Sati walked in at that moment and all thoughts of miracles went out the window. Her white dress was gone. In its place was a tight red T-shirt and a baggy pair of white running shorts. The absence of a bra created an interesting effect, with her shiny hair hanging around her breasts. Her legs were tanned, even slightly sunburned.

'You were talking about me,'she said with a laugh. In that moment, I imagined she was a college co-ed back from cheerleading practice. The serene power that had seemingly emanated from her the previous night was hard to find.

'No, we were discussing running with animals,'I stam-mered, imagining how shewould look in place of crazy Francis. I also thought if this really was God I would be going straight to hell the second I died.

Sati smiled.'I don't believe you.'

I could feel the blood in my face.' In that case, am I forgiven for lying to you?'

'Certainly.I forgive everybody everything, even when they don't ask for forgiveness.'She turned towards the kitchen,' What do you want for breakfast?'

'Don't you know?'I teased.

'Pancakes,'Sati said.' You want pancakes.'

'You're wrong. I was thinking of having bacon and sausage.'

'There is no bacon or sausage in the icebox. Besides, when you taste my pancakes, you'll realise they're what you really wanted.'

Her pancakes were excellent, better than Pete's at the diner. Not long afterwards, Sati sat beside me in the kitchen as I shoved them hungrily into my mouth, her bare legs tucked cross-legged beneath her, fine golden hairs just visible from the top of her thighs to her ankles. She didn't shave her legs, I noted, and there wasn't a male on the planet who would have minded.

Mary had returned home. I was sort of glad. It was nice to have Sati to myself for a few minutes.

'Have you had breakfast?'I asked, reaching for the butter.

'Iwanted to have breakfast with you.'

'Then what are you waiting for?'I nodded to the steam-ing food stacked on the plate in the centre of the table.' Eat.'

It was as if she had been waiting to make sure I was taken care of. Fetching another plate, she lifted two small pancakes for herself.

'Is that all you're having?'I asked.

'It is enough for me.'

I stood,'Iforgot the milk.'

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'Ishould get it for you."

'No problem,'I said, already at the icebox. There were two opened cartons inside. I took the closest one. Return-ing to the table, I poured us each a full glass. Sati stared at her glass for a moment, but I di dn't pay it any heed. She was always staring at things.

'What time did you turn off my alarm and call Jesse?'I asked.

'Clever boy. Four in themorning. He was glad for the extra work. I told him you would pay himdouble.'

I almost chokedo n my milk.'Why did you tell him that?'

'I had just woken him up. I didn't want him mad at me.'

'Did he ask who you were?'

Satinodded.' He's coming to one of my meetings thisweek.'

Jesse was a conservative fellow. She must have given him a great pitch.' Are you going to have lots of them?'I asked.

'Every night.'

'Are you going to do any advertising?'

'Word of mouth will be enough.'

'But you'd reach a lot more people if you put out some ads.'

'Numbers are not as important as you think.'

'You're not trying to reach everyone?'

'When I reach one, I reach everyone. There is only one of us here.'

'You?'

'And you.'

The telephone rang.'H ello?'I said with a full mouth.

'Michael, what are you doing home?'Linda asked.

'Eating pancakes,'I said.' What's up?'

'It's Jenny. She was up half the night with horrible dreams. I wanted to take her to McAllister, but she says she'll only talk to Sati. I'm worried about her. Is Sati there?'

'Yes.'I put my hand over the phone.' My daughter's been having nightmares for months now. She had them last night She wants to talk to you.'

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Sati drank her milk.'H ave Linda bring her here.'

'You don't want just to talk to her on the phone?'

'No.'

I spoke to Linda.' Sati says to bring her here.'

Linda did not protest,and that worried me. Jenny must have been extremely upset. I said goodbye to Linda and put down the phone.' I slept so well last night,'I muttered.'W hen I first woke up, I honestly thought your meeting last night had something to do with it.'

'You're disappointed that the silence did not help your daughter?'

'I'm not looking for miracles, Sati.'

She was doubtful.' But you would like to see one. Something you could verify with your senses. I'll give you none of those. You'll recognise me from inside yourself, or you won't recognise me at all.'

'But Mary says you've healed Mrs Hutchinson's arthritis. Is that true?'

"The rest duringthesilence last night has helped her condition.'

'I don't see how simple rest could get her fingers working again.'

'Rest is a great gift. It is the silent side of my nature. When it is perfect,it can heal anything.'

'How did you do ... whatever it was you did last night?'

'Why ask? You don't think I did anything.'She smiled.' Your doubts don't bother me. Deep inside, you know who I am.'

'But I don't know it consciously?'

'Yes.'

"Then what good does it do me? Sati, I don't want to strain our friendship, especially after you've gone to all the trouble to make me breakfast, but I don'tthink you're God. You're asking too much.'

'Did I ask for your belief?'

'Iassumed you wanted it.'

'Your happiness is what I wantI am a God of bliss; a happy man does me the greatest worship just by being alive.'

'All right.'1 returned to my pancakes.'But I think I'd be a lot happier if I knew my daughter was all right.'

'My touch can be cool and soothing. It can also burn, if the need is there. The experience of silence caused Jennifer's avalanche of dreams. But it isgood. They will pass and she will feel better.'

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'I sure hope so.'

We finished our breakfast and together did the dishes. I thought I should use my unexpected free time to take another look at the tractors and trailers I was planning on buying. But I ended up sitting in the living-room with Sati. She was notan easy person to leave. ThisI did realise consciously.

We had not been talking long when Timmy Pinton came to the door. Timmy also lived in the apartments, across the swimming pool from my place. The day I'd moved in, he'd helped me unload my furniture. But he wouldn't be helping me load it back on the truck if Linda ever had a change of heart and wanted to give the marriage another shot.He was forty pounds lighter than he had been last November. He was a thirty-five-year-old homosexual with AIDS. Next to Nick, he was the best friend I had.

When I opened the door, the sight of him almost brought tears to my eyes. With my busy schedule, I'd missed him the last couple of weeks, and it seemed he had shrunk even more in that short time. His once thick auburn hair was so thin I knew it must come out in hand-fills when he showered, the side effect of some new wonder drug. His generous hello smile did not help - I could see every bone in his face. It was amazing he could still get around. He'd had a cough for the last two months.

'Mike,'he said.' You look like you just saw a ghost.'

'How are you doing, Timmy?'I asked,trying to sound casual.

'Wonderful. Got a great story for you. I was down at the drugstore getting a prescription filled, when this redneck dude— hel ooked like one of your gorgeous truck drivers - asked what was ailing me. He sounded sort of suspicious so I told him I had a brain tumour, and that I was buying medicine to help with the pain. Little did I realise the poor sap's mom had died of a brain tumour. Anyway, he felt so guilty and all that, he offered to buy me an ice cream next door.

'We were sitting there, enjoying our cones, talking about what a bitch life can be, when these twoold boyfriends walk by on the pavement. They were holding hands. They didn't see me but the truck driver saw them, and said something about AIDS, and the plagues in Revelations, and how it's about time the scum got washed away. Naturally, I asked if I could have a taste of his cone. Ordinarily he probably wouldn't have let me have a bite, but he must have got to thinking about his mom and feeling nostalgic.

"Sure, son," he said,and I tookthis bigslurpy lick. Then we talked some more, and ate some more ice cream. Finally these two old pals of mine reappeared, walking in the other direction on the pavement Before the guy could say anything again, I jumped up and shouted, "Hey, I know those dudes! They're my buddies!"'

Timmy giggled.' You should have been there, Mike. He looked down at his ice cream with these big bulging eyes. You'd have sworn he was going to vomit. I thought of giving him a lecture on how you can't get AIDS from someone's ice cream cone, but I don't think he would have believed me."

'You didn't tell him you had AIDS?'I asked.

"That's what made it so perfect I didn't have to. He knew.'

'I'm surprised he didn't kill you.'

Timmy chuckled.' He was afraid to touch me.'

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I patted him on the back.' Glad to see you're having fun. But why are we doing all this talking here?

Come on in.'I stepped aside and lethimpass, his eyes lighting the instant he saw Sati. She was sitting cross

-legged on the couch.' I have av isitor youmight haw heard of,' Isaid'Sati, thisisTimmy. He fives in apartmente ight. Timmy,this is Sati. She's... someoneI met'

Satinodded,not budging fromherseat'Hello, Timothy.'

'Oh, you're nice,'he said, immediately swooping over to sit beside her.' Is it true what they say about you

?'

'By "they" do you mean the Muslims or the Jews?'she asked.

We all laughed together.I took a seat across from them. Timmy boldly touched her bare knee.'W hy did youcome as a blonde this time?'he asked.

If he was trying to intimidate her with his nearness,he was not succeeding.' It is you who determine how I willlook,'she said.

'But I had a strong black dude in mind for my Second Coming,'Timmy said.

'Iwas speaking of the group desire of the human race.'She smiled and patted his arm.' But maybe next time,'

'Then you'll be coming again after this?'I asked.

'Yes,'she said.' There are many comings.Time is muchol der than any of you imagine. I never leave you lost and rolling hiits waves for long.'

'Why leave uslost at all?'Timmy asked, easing back into the couch. I knew he had come strictly to joke with her, but he appeared to be having second thoughts.

'Yes,'I said.'W hy all this suffering when we're supposed to be happy all the time? Or are you going to say our suffering is only an illusion?'

She shook her head.' You feel pain, do you not? It must have some reality. But I can't satisfy yourq uestion with words. The only true answer is to realise your inner self. Then this question and all paradoxes associated with life will disappear.'

'How about telling us a parable?'Timmy suggested.' Jesus did all right with those.'

Sati tugged on her hair.' Very well. But an analogy will serve us better than a parable.'She considered for a moment.'When you ares itting still ina hot bath, it some-times happens,if yousitl ong enough, that you no longer feel the warmth. You have to wiggle a toe to feel it. Then you say to yourself,"Yes, this warmth is delightful." You see,I am always complete, always warm. But occasionallyI havethe desire to feel my warmth.'She gestured above.' All this vast creation is a ripple from when I wiggled my toe. Each of you is an infinitesimal bubble created bythatripple. You floatinmy waters, surrounded by my waters, yet you are always dry inside, always looking for a drink. Until the day your bubble pops, and you are me again.'