Savage Desire (Savage Lagonda 1) (40 page)

"You are a fool, my son. I have never had cause to be disappointed in you until now. You must go to Mara and try to make it up to her. Do you know so little of women that you could reject a child she is giving you, no, worse, any child she will ever give you?"

"It is not as bad as it seems, my father. I do feel a certain pride and love for my unborn child."

Hamez's face grew stormy. "Mara must be handled with gentleness, Tajarez. You must do nothing to distress her and cause her to lose the baby. This child is very important to me and the people, whether it is to you or not."

"You choose to misunderstand me the same as Mara did. I wish I had kept my feelings to myself."

"In the future, do so," Hamez said angrily. He was no longer the father, but the king.

Tajarez had not often seen his father turn his anger against him, and it angered him also. "What I do with Mara is no concern of yours. She is my wife."

"When anything concerns the future of the Seven Cities, it is my concern. Make no mistake about that. Now, do you go to your wife, or do I?"

Tajarez walked across the room, then turned at the doorway. "You go to her. I am going away for a while. You may tell Mara for me that I do not know when I shall return."

Hamez felt his anger ebb as his son went out the door. He had been hard on him. Tajarez was not used to opposition in any form, a fact that Hamez had always felt great pride in until now. He did not want to see the rift between his son and Mara widen. He would seek out Mara and try to make her understand. He was sure Tajarez would return later tonight.

Mara did not go to her room, but went instead into the garden. Seeing a familiar shadow following her, she waited for Palomas to catch up with her. "I have missed you, my faithful watchdog," she told him.

"I have waited for your return," he said, surprised at himself for letting his feelings for her show. Since she had been away the days had been long. At first he had convinced himself that the monotony of being idle caused his restlessness, but as the days turned into weeks, he knew it was Mara herself that he missed. He loved her. It was not a love that cried out to possess, nor was it a love that wanted to be revealed to anyone. It was a pure, unselfish love. He wanted her happiness, for in her happiness he found his own joy. He was unable to function as a man, and he did not want Mara in that way. He wanted to fulfill his duties and protect her, and in doing so, he would be able to be near her each day.

"Sit down beside me, Palomas, and let us talk. That is something you and I have never done."

He sat down beside her, taking great care not to touch her. "What would you have me talk about, Mara?"

She needed something to take her mind off Tajarez and her troubles for the moment. She had been deeply hurt by his admission. Their time together had been so wonderful until Tajarez revealed to her how he felt about the baby. He could not truly love her as she did him. He did not want her baby, and he was ashamed of her.

Pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind, she looked at Palomas. She no longer found him annoying. He was beautiful to her—one who had risked his life to save hers—and she had a very special feeling for him. "Tell me about your family, Palomas."

"My father is one who raises horses. My mother is dead. I have three sisters and two brothers. I am the youngest."

"Did you help your father with his horses before you become my bodyguard, Palomas?"

"Yes. I grew up thinking I would raise horses as my father and his father before him."

"Have you ever regretted giving up your father's trade merely to look after a woman?"

He studied the tip of his moccasin. "I have never regretted it. My father feels great pride that I, a son of his, should be chosen for such an honor."

"I am learning a great deal about the pride of the Lagonda people, Palomas." She felt very close to tears and tried to hide it from him. The Lagonda women did not cry, another one of her faults that Tajarez had pointed out to her. She could do something about her tears, but she could not change the fact that she was white.

"Tell me, Palomas, will you feel revulsion if my baby has white skin, as I do, or hair the color of mine?"

"You are with child?" Palomas said softly.

"Yes, it would seem so."

"That is wonderful. I am very happy for you and Tajarez. The people will be overjoyed."

"You did not answer my question," she pressed. "What if my baby is white?"

Palomas knew she was upset by something. He had sensed it when she first came home. Now he knew what it was. The prince must have told her he did not want his child to be white. For the first time in his life, Palomas felt anger toward the prince he had sworn to honor and serve. It was his duty to protect Mara, but he could not protect her from her own husband. He fought against the impulse to reach for her hand.

"I will feel the same about the child if it is white, as well as if it is a boy or girl. It will make no difference to me. Nor will it matter to the people, but they would prefer that you have a boy first. It is only natural," he said in a matter-of-fact voice, trying to keep the conversation light.

Mara sighed deeply and rose to her feet. "I will go to bed now. I am weary." She walked down the path, with Palomas walking beside her. Just as they reached the door, Hamez joined her. Palomas stepped back a pace and watched as the king took Mara's hand in his.

"I came to talk with you, my daughter. Tajarez has told me what has upset you. I do not want you to take what he said too seriously. It is only natural that a man who is about to become a father would wonder what his child will look like."

"Did he send you to make peace, my father?"

"No. He does not know that I have come to you." He paused, hating to tell her that his son had left the palace. "He has gone away for a short time so he can have time alone. It is something he has done since he was a child. When he was troubled about something, he would seek solitude to work out his problem."

"You do admit that my baby is a problem for him."

"I admit that if the two of you do not talk this out there could be a problem. Mara, a wife must try and understand her husband and accept his faults when she cannot change them."

Mara looked him proudly in the face. "I accepted your son a long time ago. It is he who is having trouble accepting me."

"Come, my child, I will see you to your room. Tajarez will soon be home begging you for forgiveness. I have not told you of the great joy I felt that you will make me a grandfather. It is something I have long awaited. For a time I feared my line would die out with Tajarez. But he found you, loved you, and took you as his bride. Trust me when I tell you when my son holds his firstborn in his arms he will not see the color of the baby. He will feel only love and pride in the infant."

Mara smiled faintly. "Oh, mighty peacemaker. You are very wise, my father, but in this you cannot speak for Tajarez. Had he been less truthful with me, he would not be the man he is. If I were not truthful with you now, I would be less than I am. I believe that Tajarez will not love my baby. He will be unable to accept it if it is white. I know this to be true, but I do not know what to do about it."

Hamez stopped at her bedroom door. He cupped her face in his hands. "I could not love you more if you were a daughter from my own body. It pains me to see this trouble between you and Tajarez. Sleep well tonight. He will return soon, and together you will find the answer to your problems." He kissed her cheek and bid her a good night.

Tajarez did not return that night nor the next. In fact, a week had gone by, and still he did not return. Mara cried herself to sleep almost every night, but in the daylight hours she managed to present a happy face. Everyone was aware that she was making an effort to present a brave front, but no one called attention to it.

...
A LARGE CITY
...
IT HAS MANY PEOPLE AND
STREETS AND PLAZAS, AND
...
IN SOME PARTS OF THE CITY THERE ARE SOME VERY LARGE
HOUSES THAT HAVE TEN STORIES, AND THAT IN
THESE THE CHIEFS ASSEMBLE ON CERTAIN
DAYS OF THE YEAR. HE SAID THE HOUSES ARE
OF STONE AND LIME, IN THE FORM THAT I WAS
TOLD BY THOSE BEFORE, AND THAT THE PORCHES AND FRONT OF THE PRINCIPAL HOUSES ARE OF TURQUOISES. HE TOLD ME
THAT THE OTHER SEVEN WERE OF THE SAME
STYLE OF THIS CITY BUT SOME WERE LARGER.

—
Friar Marcos

24

Tajarez had now been away for seven days. Jeffery and Sasha had returned, and Sasha resumed her duties to Mara, although Mara had eased her out of the role of waiting upon her into that of companion. Sasha insisted, however, on directing the three women who now waited upon Mara, and she made sure that they did everything to her satisfaction.

Mara hardly ever saw her brother because he was always training with his men. He had told Mara that he had been a little apprehensive at first to be in command of the fierce Lagonda warriors, knowing they were much more proficient in the ways of hunting and fighting than he was, but the warriors had accepted him as their leader without hesitation and he found that while he learned many things from them, he could also contribute to their knowledge with skills from the white man's world.

Hamez was away from the city at the moment. One of the chiefs of the lesser cities had died, and Hamez was holding a council meeting to decide who would replace him.

Mara spent most of her days with Sagas. She was making very slow progress deciphering the carvings on the wall. She had compared the hieroglyphics to the ones in her father's notes, and it would take her many hours to find similarities. She had unraveled a small portion of the writings, and Sagas showed his joy as she began to read to him:

"I, Ramses, left Egypt under threat of death from my younger brother. With my family and a few faithful followers I sought a safe haven."

Mara beamed at Sagas over her notes. "It is as I thought, Sagas, the ancestors of the Lagonda came to this valley from Egypt."

Sagas was beside himself with joy. "Tell me more, Mara. I would hear how they found this valley."

She laughed at his enthusiasm. "I have to go slowly, Sagas, but before long you will have your complete story."

.Sagas shook his head. "You cannot know what your coming has meant to me. If only you had been born sooner and had come to us when I was a younger man, I would have journeyed to this Egypt so I could see it for myself."

"You would find the Egypt of today greatly changed from when your ancestors lived there."

"Hamez should be the rightful king of Egypt," Sagas said matter-of-factly.

"He is certainly a direct descendant, from what I can tell, but he would not be able to return to Egypt to rule."

Sagas nodded. "Many centuries have passed, too much time."

"Sagas, believe me when I tell you that you have the better world here in this valley. The Egypt of today is nothing compared to what it was in the days of Ramses. There is sickness and disease. People are starving there, while your children here go to bed never knowing a hungry day in their lives. Nor do they know about war or the political unrest that plagues Egypt."

"It will not always be so, Mara. I have seen visions of the white people pushing in on us."

"I wish the whole world would leave us in peace, Sagas. I would hate for anyone to find this valley."

"It will not happen in your day, Mara. You will live out your life in this valley." His eyes became piercing. "But there are troubled times ahead for you. Prepare yourself. When the trouble comes you must be ready for it."

Mara swallowed hard. She felt fear at his words. She looked away because she could no longer look into the eyes that saw so much. She had come to respect the old man, and though she had once doubted his ability to look into the future, she now knew that he had the true gift and could indeed foretell many things.

"Tell me about the trouble I must face, Sagas."

"I cannot, Mara. It would be an abuse of the power. I will tell you this, though. Your strength, love, and loyalty will be tested. You must be true to yourself, and be brave. It will be in your hands to save the king at a great sacrifice to yourself. What you are feeling now will be as petals on the wind compared to the troubles you will soon face. Now, I have promised I would not keep you working too long. Hamez does not want you to tire. I will see you on the morrow."

Mara watched him as he walked away from her, his back straight and his steps sure. She was still pondering his words when she saw Tajarez come through the doorway. She turned her back on him, wishing she did not have to face him at that moment. She had too much pride to let him see how much she had missed him. She picked up a sheet of paper, trying to concentrate on the tiny marks, but her mind was not really on her work, and she could not think clearly. She felt him standing beside her, but she did not acknowledge his presence.

Tajarez had ridden back to the place Mara called Eden. He had been deeply disturbed at hurting her, and had needed the time to try and rethink his feelings for the baby. He had found no solution for his torment, however. He could only think of Mara, and wish she was beside him. Try as he might to rid himself of the feelings, it still bothered him that his baby might be white.

"Mara, will you not look at me?"

She turned to him and gave him an icy stare. "I am looking, Tajarez."

"I have missed you, Mara, did you also miss me?"

"I have been busy, Tajarez. I have not given you much thought," she lied. "You went away and left your father to tell me you were going away. Could you not have told me yourself? Why should I give you any thought?"

"It is too public here for us to be having this conversation. Let us go to our room." He took her hand and led her across the room and up the stairs.

Mara was not ready to forgive Tajarez. She knew how he could render her mindless with his lovemaking, but she was determined that she would not give in to the feelings he aroused in her. This thing between them was too important. It concerned more than just the baby, it had to do with how Tajarez felt about her as well.

Tajarez closed the door behind them and pulled Mara into his arms. "My beloved, each hour I was away from you was like an eternity. My arms ached to hold you, my body ached to possess you."

She wedged her arm between them and shoved against his broad chest. "Remove your hands from me, Tajarez. My baby and I do not need you," she said angrily. She felt hot tears sting her eyes and was determined she would not let him see her cry.

Tajarez held her, refusing to release her. "I need you, Mara, and I need our baby also."

"Too little, too late, Tajarez. I know how you feel about my baby. You will pretend to love it when it is born, but I will always have doubts."

"Mara," he said, tightening his hold on her, "I am angry with myself that I have hurt you. You must believe that I want this baby as much as you do."

"You will not care if the baby is white, Tajarez?"

He hesitated, not wanting to hurt her more. "I will deal with my feelings if the baby is white."

She closed her eyes, wishing he were not always so honest. Once again she felt rejected. "I want to retire now, Tajarez. I do not wish to continue this conversation."

"I will take you to bed, Mara," he said, lifting her into his arms.

Mara felt his strong arms supporting her weight and she felt weak with longing. She was battling within herself. To give in to her desire would not solve anything, in fact it would only complicate everything, for when the lovemaking was over, the problem would still be there.

"I do not wish to sleep with you, Tajarez. I am having trouble sleeping, and your presence would only disturb me.

She felt his lips on her throat. "You disturb my sleep also, Mara," he said against her neck.

Her arms went around his neck and she laced her fingers through his hair. His lips traveled to her mouth. "I need you, beloved. Do not shut me out of your life. Any problem we have we will work out together."

Mara closed her eyes and twisted out of his arms. "I am good enough to lie with, but not good enough to carry the future prince. You are such a hypocrite, Tajarez." Her fury was unbounded. "I will tell you something. My family did not want me to marry you, as you know, but what you may not know is that they thought you beneath me, not good enough for me, Mara Golden. They did not have a very good opinion of Indians as a whole. But I loved you, and I went against my family's wishes to marry you, and not once since I have known you have I been ashamed of loving you. Nor have I given any thought to what color skin our children would have. I only cared that they would be a part of you and me, so therefore I would love them. You do not love me enough, or you would feel the same as I."

Tajarez watched her silently. Much of what she said was the truth, except the part about his not loving her enough. He loved her more than it was wise for a man to love a woman, for it was a great weakness within him that he depended so much on her love.

"Come to bed with me, Mara. I need you. Do not say cruel words to me. A word once spoken can never be recalled."

"Yes, Tajarez, words spoken
cannot
be recalled. First we work out this thing that is between us, and then we go to bed. I am not a child that you can offer sweets to and make the hurt go away."

"I know you are not a child, Mara." His eyes caressed her. "You are a very desirable woman, and once a man has had your beautiful body, he will never be satisfied with less. You do not understand a man, beloved. We have certain needs that have to be fulfilled. You are my need."

"And you do not understand a woman, at least not this woman. I have pride, Tajarez. My mother once told me that I have too much pride, but that is the way I am. I will not sleep with you, nor will I give you the fulfillment you desire until things are right between us."

"You do not intend to perform your wifely duties?" Tajarez said, his anger rising to meet hers.

"Oh, I can perform, if that is what you wish, Tajarez, but that is what it would be, a performance. I can assure you that you would not like me that way."

Tajarez's face was a mask of fury. "Go to the room next door then, Mara. But consider well before you leave. I will not come after you, nor will I ask you to return."

Mara turned away from him. Her anger carried her to the door, and she opened it, then slammed it behind her. That night was torture for her. She almost got out of bed several times during the night to go to Tajarez, but her pride always stopped her.

Tajarez sat on the bed that he should have been sharing with Mara. He was angry, more angry than he had ever been with her. He went to the door, determined to bring her back to his bed. No one, not even Mara, could treat him, Tajarez, prince royal, in such a manner. He paused outside her bedroom door. No, he would not demand she return to him. Mara would have to come to him. After all, she was the one who had left him.

The next morning when Mara arose, she was told by Palomas that Tajarez had gone away on a hunting trip and Palomas did not know when he would return. Jeffery and his guard had accompanied him, Sasha told her over breakfast. Mara tried to act as though nothing was wrong between her and Tajarez, but she was not completely successful. So deep was her hurt that it showed in her eyes.

Sagas patted her hand as they studied the charts together. He rolled up the parchment and smiled at her. "No work today. How would you like it if I took you on a tour of the city? You have not seen the real city. I think you would enjoy it, and I know I would like to be your guide."

Mara returned his smile. She did want to see the city, but she had thought Tajarez would be the one to take her. "I would like to go very much, Sagas."

"Good. Go and get a wrap. It has turned quite cold, but the fresh air will do you good."

Later Mara and Sagas rode through the streets with Sasha and Palomas in attendance. The people seemed genuinely pleased to see her and went out of their way to be friendly. Mara felt her heart lighten as they rode into the marketplace.

She had been told about the marketplace by Jeffery, but nothing had prepared her for what she witnessed. There were stalls lined along the streets where one could purchase almost anything. There was fish, vegetables, meats, cloth of every color, and shops that had beautiful jewelry with semiprecious stones. There were shops that had beautiful crocheted and beaded work, and one where they sold lovely woven rugs. It was like nowhere she had been before. Once more she was reminded that it was a time out of place. She felt she had stepped back into time a thousand years.

"What does one use to make a purchase?" Mara asked Sagas.

"We use what is known as a barter system, but if there is anything you wish, you only have to say so. The man who is in charge of the royal treasury will see that your purchase is taken care of later."