Savage Run (31 page)

Suddenly Nicholas’s plan doesn’t sound so
bad. I’ll trust the Konders any day over Johnny. If President
Volkov still wants me dead…I’ll never have my freedom even if I do
make it to the end. Even if I place first. So what’s the use in
continuing? Unless…we can put enough pressure on President Volkov
and get all his benefactors to withdraw completely in the event I’m
killed.

“
Heidi,” I hear Nicholas’s
voice behind me.

“
She wanted to dance with
me,” Johnny says, letting go of me.

“
I’m fine, but I’m done.”
Johnny and I stare at each other for a moment and then Nicholas and
I leave the dance floor. “We need to talk.”

* * *

After I tell Nicholas what Johnny shared
with me, he recruits Mai to round up Timothy, Arthor, and Danny,
and then he has the chauffeur drive us back to Volkov Village.
Johnny included.

We pretend to go into our rooms, but once
Johnny is locked up, and we’re dressed back in our Savage Run
outfits, Mai brings Timothy, Arthor, Danny, and me back to
Nicholas’s townhome.

Nicholas crams us around his small, round
kitchen table. He remains standing and asks me to share with them
what Johnny told me, down to the minute details.

“
Now don’t think Johnny
will stop at just these two,” Nicholas points to Arthor and me.
“He’ll do whatever it takes to take first place. All of your lives
are in danger—more so than just from the obstacles. I know it’s a
lot to ask, but we need to find a way in which we can protect you
from Johnny. On my end, I’m going to talk with the Konders’ and the
other benefactors, to put pressure on President Volkov so he won’t
meddle with the obstacles.”

“
What makes you think he’ll
do that?” Timothy asks.

“
I know my father, and he
has his reasons, believe me.” He glances at me briefly.

Of course, wouldn’t President Volkov be
excited to announce to the world that his “lost” son has finally
returned, and not only that, that he won the entire race on his own
merits. Nicholas has far more to fear than anyone can fathom.

Timothy’s the first one to speak. “Dude, I…I
don’t have time to mess with this kind of stuff. I just came so I
could be free. And no offense, man…” He looks at Arthor. “But I
just can’t handle being around gays. You creep me out.”

“
How can you say that?” I
blurt out.

Nicholas places his hand on my shoulder.
“Timothy. Just know that Johnny will be hunting you, too.”

“
I know how to avoid
him.”

“
Danny?” Nicholas
says.

“
Timothy, you’re an idiot,”
Danny says. “I’m in.”

“
Dude, don’t hate me. I’m
just being honest.”

“
An honest jerk—what a
relief,” Mai says.

“
Can you just take me to my
room so I can go to bed?” No one answers. “Please.”

“
Just one more minute,”
Nicholas says. “I can’t provide you with any weapons—the Unifers
would find out and you’d be disqualified—but just being aware of
the fact that Johnny is after you will help you tremendously. I
will also speak to a few other young men in the Savage Run—guys I
trust—and they’ll be looking out for you as well. If you can just
survive the next phase, you’ll be out of the thickest. Though I’m
warning you, especially Arthor and Heidi, President Volkov may have
other things up his sleeves.”

“
Like what?” Arthor
asks.

“
He knows about you. Most
likely, he won’t grant you your freedom.”

I take Arthor’s hand. “Do you still want to
continue?”

He thinks for a moment. “If I go back home,
it won’t be any better. At least here I have a chance to…” He pulls
his hand away from mine and crosses his arms in front of his
chest.

“
To what?” I ask
softly.

“
I don’t know.”

I don’t want to say it, and he doesn’t seem
to either, but no matter what he chooses to do, he’s going to be
seen as a freak of nature, a misfit, and a diseased human being.
It’s the way I first reacted. It’s the way our society has
conditioned us to think. And what’s so sad, is that there’s no way
he can win here or at home.

“
I just really want to win
this so I can prove to everyone…” Arthor says.

Mai slams her fist in the table. Everyone
jumps—Nicholas included. “This kind of ‘poor me’ attitude will get
you all killed! ‘I just really want to win.’ Arthor.” She shoots
him a glance, her voice mocking. “Every single contestant who
registered for this program wanted to win. But that doesn’t mean
they will.” She stands up and starts to pace. “You have two
choices, guys. One: Feel sorry for yourselves and go in tomorrow
with a demeanor that reeks of weakness. Two: Stop your whining and
claim your freedom.”

For a moment, the room goes silent.

Mai says, “You’re making this about gender,
about sexual orientation? Forget about all that crap; your lives
are on the line here!”

“
She’s right, guys—Heidi,”
Nicholas says. “If you want to win, you need to give up all the
reasons why you think you’ll lose. If you stay together, you should
make it.”

“
Now, it’s late and you
need your rest,” Mai concludes.

Mai and Nicholas escort us back to our
rooms. I lie down on the wooden bed and stare into the ceiling as I
try to go to sleep. Should I have taken Nicholas up on his offer?
It would be nice to have someone take care of me for a change. But
I don’t know him well enough to trust him, do I? It’s not like I
have a good example to compare him to. Take my father, for example.
I’m sure he treated my mother the same way he treated me, and
that’s why she left. The woman who carried me for nine months and
left me to be raised by a man who cares for no one but himself. The
woman I’ve learned to both yearn for and despise in the quiet
moments. She gifted me the most important thing I own—my life—but
left without giving me a clue as to who she was or of a way to help
me navigate my existence.

And Master Douglas. Ugh. Another cruel man.
Are all men like that? Arthor seems different, but he could just be
acting selfless to gain recognition. But somehow I know that he’s
not that type; he seems genuine. Nicholas seems genuine, too. A
warm feeling spreads across my chest when I think about him and how
he kissed me in the closet. I touch my lips. There’s something so
fragile about us; I’m almost afraid to think about it, worried it
will slip away. Does he sense that fear in me? Or maybe he
recognizes it, and carries that same fear inside.

There’s a knock, and when the door unlocks
from the outside, I stand up and crack it open.

Nicholas stands outside in the hallway.

“
Hi.” Even at the eve of
the final phase of Savage Run, my body responds involuntarily by
turning into a thousand electrified butterflies.

“
I wanted to see if you
were all right.” His eyes grow dark and there’s a storm of passion
beyond the deep calm.

“
I’m fine.”

“
And I also wanted to
inform you that just short of five million Newkos have been donated
in your name.”

“
Uh…Wow! I hadn’t expected
that!” More leverage on President Volkov.

He smiles a little. “Well then.” For several
seconds his blue eyes are on mine, and he just stands there without
saying a word.

It has become awkwardly silent so I just
blurt out the first thing I think of. “Why did you kiss me?” What a
stupid question.

He gets a puzzled look on his face, but says
nothing.

I open the door a little more, turn around,
and walk into the room, hoping he’ll follow. I hear the click of
the lock and my heart leaps into my throat. “I mean…” I swivel
round and our eyes meet across the divide.

He presses his perfectly arched lips
together for a moment before saying, “Don’t go tomorrow.” In his
voice, I hear a man who’s as afraid as I am of losing what little
we have together, that little something that is so much more than
anything else I’ve had before with anyone.

“
Why are you asking me to
stay when we already decided that I’m going?”

“
I’m worried about you—out
there. And I do what I can to protect those I care about.” He steps
forward and takes my hand, pulling me in so my chest touches
his.

I look down, but he puts his hand underneath
my chin, raising my eyes to his. I have stopped breathing
completely and nothing and everything makes sense at the same time.
I can’t think at all when he is so near and for whatever reason,
right now, I’d give him whatever he asked for. My mouth parts as we
stand in this moment that has stopped the world.

“
You don’t have to go,” he
says. “I can take you to the Konders.”

I step away so I can think clearly, bracing
my chest. “Haven’t you been listening to me? I have to get
Gemma!”

“
You don’t owe her
anything.”

I swivel around, and suddenly my pulse
rises. “I owe her everything!” Never mind. You wouldn’t
understand.” I move into the shadows of a wall, deeper and farther
away. “Why are you trying to talk me out of this?”

“
Because I’m afraid, okay?”
His hand hits his temple and his voice cracks.

For an instant I’m stunned into silence.
“President Volkov’s son—afraid?”

“
I can’t stop worrying
about you, that you’ll…before I can get to know you and before I’ve
had the chance to tell you…”

I stare at him in silence.

“
Heidi, I can’t explain it,
but when I’m around you, everything makes sense.” He strokes my
arm.

I feel it too. It’s like I’m able to do
things I couldn’t before, be braver, stronger, more. But something
holds me back from saying it and instead, I say, “I…I don’t know
what you mean.” My words taste like ashes in my mouth.

The muscles in his shoulders and arms tense
beneath his Savage Run shirt. He groans.

“
What?” I say as ignorantly
as I can. I’m a horrible person, but in the short time we have left
I can hardly get him to understand that I just can’t trust any man.
I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable.

“
If you can’t even be
honest about how you feel, what’s left of life to live?”

“
It would never work and if
you were smart, you’d see that, too.” Not only have I told him he’s
stupid, I’ve managed to tell him we’re no good for each other. Both
of which are lies and I hate myself right now.

“
Is that the kind of crap
you tell yourself?” His eyes gleam with anger.

“
It’s not crap, it’s…” I
pull further back, farther into the shadows until a cold wall
presses against my back.

The muscles in his jaw tense. “Do you want
me to leave?”

“
No.” The word just tumbles
out.

“
Then what do you want?” He
pinches the bridge of his nose.

“
I just…I don’t know,” I
want to get away, want to be out of this uncomfortable situation,
but my body won’t budge like I’m commanding it to. Instead, I find
myself taking his hand and drawing him close, pressing my lips to
his. I just want to be safe. And being with him makes me feel safe.
Nicholas cradles my head in his hands, his mouth moving across mine
and when I feel their wetness, I open my lips and a moan escapes.
“I’m no good for you.”

“
Let me be the judge of
that.” His mouth meets mine again and he kisses me with so much
tenderness, my fear seems to melt away. His kiss grows passionate
and when our tongues meet, wet flesh against wet flesh, I gasp and
my senses become lost in the moment. His hands find their way to my
back, underneath my shirt, and his palms are hungry and warm and
strong. Strong arms that are gentle and kind, not harsh and
cruel.

He kisses me deeply one more time and then
he reaches around my shoulders, cocooning me in his arms.

“
I’m so tired of trying to
be strong all the time. And I’m scared. But I can’t give up until
Gemma’s safe.” A weight drops from off my shoulders when I’m
finally able to speak it.

“
You already are strong.
And I’m scared, too. I’ll do everything I can to help you get
Gemma.” He kisses me on top of my head. “There are many things I
don’t know, but the one thing I do know, is that when I’m around
you, I feel like I’ve finally come home.”

I look up into his eyes and kiss him
briefly.

He smiles. “I should go. I just didn’t want
you to go out there tomorrow not knowing that I care.”

I watch him leave my room, and this time, I
slip into a deep sleep almost right away.

Part 3

The Choice

Chapter 24

Early next morning, I dress in my last
Savage Run Uniform: a red tight-fitted suit with black stitching
and a yellow saber-toothed tiger’s head on the front and my name
written on the back. Now that the news is out, at least I don’t
have to squeeze my breasts flat.

When I get outside the Nissen hut, Timothy,
Arthor and Danny stand in a triangle, while Johnny stands by
himself, his legs wide apart, his arms crossed in front of his
chest. Nicholas and Mai stand to the side and are talking quietly.
I inch close to them to see if I can hear some of their
conversation since they don’t seem to notice that I have come
out.

Mai whispers, “Why did she have to leave?
When she was there, I knew where I had her; she was safe.”