Save Me (4 page)

Chapter Eight

Amanda lay on the stretcher, unconscious. Orange foam blocks stabilized her head, positioned on both sides of her neck, and blood clotted in her silky blond hair. Her forehead was a mass of bandages soaked with blood, bright red in the sunlight. Soot and blood spattered her face under the oxygen mask. Filth blanketed her shirt and skirt. Her arms and legs flopped askew. One glittery Candie’s sandal was lying sideways at the foot of the stretcher.

No, no, no.
Rose couldn’t speak, stricken.

“Oh my God,” Mrs. Nuru said, hushed, and Leo put his other arm around the teacher. The three of them huddled in shock as the nurses rushed the stretcher toward the emergency room, where the automatic doors opened, admitted them, and closed behind them.

“I wonder what happened,” Leo said quietly.

“Let’s go see.” Mrs. Nuru turned to the entrance, with Rose and Leo following, when the passenger door of the blue minivan flew open, and a woman jumped out, shouting.

“
You!
” the woman screamed. She hit the ground running and charged to the walkway, her blond hair flying and her features so contorted with rage that it took a moment for Rose to recognize her. It was Amanda’s mother, Eileen Gigot.

“What’s going on?” Leo gasped, astonished, as Eileen rushed toward them, shrieking at Rose.

“You!
What kind of
person
are you? What kind of
mother
are you?”

Rose edged backwards, reeling, and Leo blocked Eileen’s path, putting up his hands.

“Please,” he said, his tone calm. “You’re upset, and I don’t blame you, but there’s no call to—”

“You abandoned
my little girl
!” Eileen shouted at Rose, ignoring Leo. “You didn’t care if she lived or died! You took care of your daughter, not mine!”

“No, I didn’t. I took Amanda to the hallway—”

“Liar! Terry told me the whole thing! You yelled at Amanda! You had it in for her from the beginning, calling me to complain! Well, are you happy now? They found her on the first floor! She got hit on the head with something! She could
die!
”

Rose’s mouth dropped open. She felt sick to her stomach. Mrs. Nuru and everyone else on the walkway stared at the scene, appalled. Tanya held out her microphone, and the cameraman aimed his videocamera at Eileen, who was still shouting.

“You were only worried about your own daughter! You didn’t care what happened to mine!”

“Please, that’s enough.” Leo raised his hands, but Eileen smacked them aside.

“Screw
you
! You’re as disgusting as she is!”

“Eileen!” shouted another woman, running from the minivan. She reached Eileen, wrapped her arms around her, and tried to tug her away. “Forget them, they’re not worth it. We need to go see Amanda. Come on.”

“It’s
your
fault!” Eileen shrieked, as she was hustled past Tanya and the cameraman. “Her blood’s on your hands!”

“Let’s get out of here.” Leo hurried Rose toward the parking lot, and she fled the scene like a murderer.

Chapter Nine

Rose sat at the kitchen table, chin in hand, feeling horrible, while Leo ate Thai leftovers. He believed that food cured everything, having grown up in his family’s restaurant, and she wished she had a similar panacea. She’d showered and changed into a blue cotton sweater and clean jeans, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Amanda. She’d brushed her teeth, but the taste of smoke lingered on her tongue. She kept hearing Eileen Gigot, yelling in front of the hospital.

It’s your fault!

She’d told Leo everything that had happened in the cafeteria, and if he’d been angry that she’d left Melly until last, he’d been too kind to say so. It felt strange to be at home without her and John, who was still at the sitter’s because they were going back to the hospital. Rose missed his warm little presence, always around her, happily cuddled on her lap or bouncing along on her hip. She hadn’t known she could love a child as much as she loved Melly until John had been born, but then she learned that when it came to the human heart, one size fits all.

Mommy!

Her gaze flitted around the kitchen, and though it was the reason she’d fallen in love with the house, it gave her no pleasure today. It was big enough to eat in and was ringed with white cabinets, except for bay windows filled with French lavender, their tall green shoots showing tiny purple flowers. Ordinarily they scented the air, but Rose couldn’t smell anything but smoke. Mint-and-white tile made a muted backsplash, the appliances were stainless steel, and the table was rough pine. Underneath was their little spaniel, Princess Google, who rested her soft red-and-white head on Rose’s loafer, having sniffed her ankle bandage with curiosity.

Her blood’s on your hands!

“Don’t take this on, babe.” Leo steered his tablespoon into his rice like a shovel into fresh snow. His tie was off, and his shirtsleeves folded up. “You didn’t do anything wrong. By the way, a reporter called while you were upstairs, so I took the phone off the hook. The hospital has our cells.”

“Good.” Rose tried to rally, sipping some water, but her throat stung. “I pray to God that Amanda is okay.”

“You got her out, and it’s not your fault that she ran back in.”

“You think that’s what happened?”

“It has to be, doesn’t it?” Leo stopped his spoon in mid-air, dripping red curry sauce. “They found her somewhere on the first floor.”

“That can’t be what happened.” Rose felt sick at the thought of Amanda lying there, fire raging around her. “If she tried to run back in, the blond teacher would’ve stopped her.”

“Either the teacher was gone by then, or she didn’t see her. Amanda’s short for her age, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“So she got through, somehow. She could have come into the hallway on the opposite side, away from the teacher. With the hallway full of kids in between, it would be easy to miss her.” Leo scooped more sauce onto his rice. “The teachers and staff on the playground missed her, too. You heard Nuru, it was confusing. They had only one fire drill in the new school, so I don’t blame them. But I don’t blame
you
either, that’s for damn sure.”

Rose tried to imagine the scene on the playground. It would’ve been like the teachers’ parking lot, only worse. Smoke, tears, shouting. “Mrs. Nuru said she was out there, with the class list.”

“Yep. Nuru missed her, too. That’s why she’s pissing on you.”

“That’s not nice.”

“But it’s true.” Leo scoffed. “I was surprised at her. Giving you grief about procedures. I mean, really.”

“Maybe Amanda ran out of the cafeteria, then ran back in, before she went outside. Maybe the blond teacher didn’t see her.”

“Anything’s possible. All I know is, it’s not your fault.”

“My God.” Rose ran shaky fingers through her wet hair. She could still feel the grit, near her scalp. “Nobody can blame me for going back for Melly, can they?”

“Of course not, that’s ass backwards.” A flicker of disapproval crossed Leo’s face, and Rose sensed they should clear the air.

“Are you mad that I got the other kids out first?”

“Look.” Leo shifted forward, his forearms on the table. “I understand why you did. They were in front of you. You couldn’t turn your back on them.”

“Right.” Rose felt relieved.

“It was luck of the draw, who was closer. Bottom line, I’m glad Melly’s okay. We dodged a bullet. You wouldn’t normally put another kid ahead of your own.”

“No.” Rose flushed. It sounded awful, put that way.

“Plus it was an emergency. You had to react on the spot. Explosion. Fire. Ka-
boom!
” Leo glanced away, then his gaze shifted back to her and he set down his fork. “But I’m curious about one thing.”

“What?” Rose wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“Imagine this hypothetical. Let’s say that you’re supposed to take somebody’s kid home, in your car. But you only have one car seat. Two kids, but one car seat.” Leo wiggled two fingers. “Which kid gets the car seat? Your kid or hers?”

“You want me to say that my kid gets the car seat.”

“Uh, hello, yes.” Leo laughed uncomfortably.

“What would you do?”

“I’d give it to my kid, no question.”

“I might not. Maybe. I’d feel guilty about it if I did.”

“Why?” Leo asked, incredulous.

“Because if there were an accident on the way home, and something happened to the other child, I’d feel responsible for her. And I’d feel horrible if my kid got hurt, too.”

“And we always treat other people’s things better than our own, right?”

“Right.”

Leo shook it off. “On that we agree to disagree, and anyway, that’s not this case. You took care of the other kids, you went back for Melly, and in the end, you saved all of them. You were multi-tasker extraordinaire.”

“Not at all.” Rose shook her head. “What about Amanda?”

“You got her to safety. But next time, give Melly the car seat.” Leo smiled, but Rose couldn’t.

“Here’s what’s killing me. If I had delivered Amanda all the way to the playground, she’d be fine now.”

“But then you wouldn’t have had the time to go back for Melly. That’s five minutes more, like the doctor said.” Leo gulped some ice water. “Also, the way you told me, there’s more variables, like the fire in the hallway could have been too high for you to get through. It was no-win, and somehow you managed to win.”

“Not with Amanda hurt.” Rose flashed on Amanda, on the stretcher. The fresh blood on her bandages. “You saw her.”

“But what caused Amanda to get hurt? Who’s at fault? How about the blond teacher who didn’t see her run back in? How about the other lunch mom? What’s her name again?”

“Terry. How’s it her fault?”

“How many lunch moms are there?”

“Two.”

“Okay, two. Two lunch moms for two hundred kids isn’t much.” Leo nodded. “And I would imagine that the lunch moms are supposed to stay in the cafeteria until lunch is over, right?”

“Yes, until all the kids are out, then we go home.”

“So Terry didn’t follow procedure. If she’d stayed in the cafeteria instead of leaving to tell on you, she could have taken Amanda and the other girls to the playground while you went to rescue Melly.” Leo eyed her, trying to see if his message was hitting home. “All of these causes are only ‘but for’ causes. By which I mean,
but for
Amanda’s running back into the building, she wouldn’t have been hurt.
But for
Terry’s leaving her post, Amanda wouldn’t have been hurt.
But for
you talking to the kids about bullying, Amanda wouldn’t have been hurt.
But for
the bomb or whatever blew up, Amanda wouldn’t have been hurt. You get the idea? If you say yes, I’ll stop.”

Rose smiled. “Yes.”

“No single ‘but for’ cause, including you, caused what happened.”

“Then what did?”

“All of the above. The perfect storm of a terrible situation. No one thing. Everything went wrong, and that’s why Amanda and Melly are in the hospital and three people are dead.” Leo reached across the table and touched her hand. “For you to take the blame on yourself, to the exclusion of everything else, makes no sense.”

“Eileen thinks I didn’t even try.”

“Eileen doesn’t know the facts and she wants someone to blame. She doesn’t know us, either.” Leo cocked his head. “Please, who do you think Eileen would rescue? Melly or Amanda?”

Rose didn’t reply. “That poor kid.”

“Which poor kid? Melly or Amanda? Don’t get mixed up.”

“Amanda is the poor kid. Melly is fine, Amanda isn’t.”

“Point taken.” Leo paused, his eyes softening. “Listen, I know it’s terrible, but you have to be realistic. Amanda might not make it.”

Rose suppressed the emotion that welled up. “I’d hate to be responsible for that.”

“Then don’t. You’re not. We just went through the analysis.”

Mommy!

“Please stop beating yourself up, Ro.” Leo pushed out his chair and got up heavily from the table. “You’re supposed to save your own child. That’s why we each get a mother. My mother would’ve saved me, no question. My mother would’ve walked on bodies to save me, and you’re an even better mother than she was.”

Rose managed a smile. Leo was a great man, and she was lucky to have him, especially when the chips were down.

“Come on, sweetie.” Leo picked up his silverware, let it clatter onto the plate, and lifted his dish. “The baby’s at the sitter, but the clock is running. Let’s go to the hospital.”

Chapter Ten

Rose looked out the window of Leo’s sporty Audi, dismayed as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. They’d picked up her car at school and dropped it back off at home, since Leo didn’t want her driving herself to the hospital. It turned out he’d been right, but for a different reason. The main entrance was crowded with people, security guards and reporters with videocameras. Klieglights on metallic stalks sprouted above everyone, like steel sunflowers.

“We got company,” Leo said, cutting the ignition. The air conditioning hissed into silence.

“Do you think that Amanda—” Rose started to say, but the sentence trailed off.

“No. I checked online before we left the house.”

“I wonder how she is.”

“We’ll see. First, we gotta get through the media. Here’s some free legal advice.” Leo patted her leg. “Stay with me. Say nothing. Keep moving. Don’t put your head down, it makes you look guilty.”

“I feel guilty.”

“You shouldn’t. Please, remember, we’re going to visit our daughter. It’s not about Amanda, it’s about Melly, who almost died today.”

Rose flashed on the smoke in the bathroom. “You’re right.”

“As usual.” Leo flashed her a grim smile, and they got out of the car. The air was barely cooling, though the sun had dropped behind the trees. The streetlights along Allen Road were beginning to glow, as was the red neon CVS sign, the McDonald’s, the Olive Garden, and the Target. Rose drove the main drag so often she felt as if she’d lived here five years, but she hadn’t been to the hospital until today.

Leo took her arm and walked with her toward the entrance. Heads started to turn as they approached, then klieglights and videocameras. She held her chin up and kept pace with him, moving forward even when Tanya and her TV crew came running toward them, followed by other reporters and photographers.

“Hello, Ms. McKenna!” Tanya called out, on the run. “A few questions, please. What happened with Amanda in the cafeteria this morning? This is your chance to set the record straight.”

“No comment.” Rose masked her worry. She hadn’t realized there was a record.

“Ms. McKenna, talk to me and get your story out. My offer’s still good on that one-on-one. Tell me what happened, from your point of view. Can’t we set that up?”

“She said no comment, thanks.” Leo put up his hand, keeping them both walking ahead, but Tanya fell into step with them.

“Ms. McKenna, if you don’t tell your side of the story, it leaves everyone to speculate. Eileen Gigot alleges that you chose to rescue your child to the detriment of three other children, including Amanda. Is that true?”

Oh no.
Rose kept her chin up, even as other reporters joined the flock, yelling more questions.

“Ms. McKenna, did you complain to anyone about Amanda, calling her a bully?” “Ms. McKenna, did you place Amanda Gigot in a time-out?” “Ms. McKenna, over here!” “Rose, has Amanda ever struck your child?” “Ms. McKenna, did you move here because you claim your daughter was bullied?” “Any comment, Ms. McKenna? How about you, Mr. Ingrassia?”

Leo ignored the reporters, holding Rose close as they threaded their way through the crowd. She recognized parents from Melly’s class, and they craned their necks, their expressions collectively solemn. She lowered her head as Leo steered her up the walkway, followed by reporters, shouted questions, and videocameras. They reached the entrance, where a few women stood together.

“Rose McKenna?” one woman called out. She had short black hair and wore a blue dress with a laminated Homestead ID on a yellow lanyard around her neck, as if she’d come from work.

“Yes.” Rose approached, tentatively.

“I’m Wanda Jeresen. My daughter Courtney is in Nuru’s class, too, and Amanda is my goddaughter. I want to know how you justify what you did.” Wanda’s dark eyes flashed under light makeup, and her tone was angry, but controlled. “Terry and Eileen told me you ran to the bathroom to get Melly instead of helping her and Emily.”

“No, that’s not true,” Rose answered, and the crowd of parents and reporters closed in around them.

“Excuse me.” Leo put up a flat hand, turning to Wanda. “If you want to talk, we’re happy to do that, but not here.”

“Why not?” Wanda shot back. “I’d want an answer, here and now. We all do. I called you at home, but you didn’t answer.”

Leo raised both hands. “Hold on now—”

“Why am I talking to you anyway?” Wanda turned back to Rose. “Can’t you speak for yourself? You have to hide behind your husband? Don’t you think you owe me, or anybody, an explanation? We’re mothers, so talk to me, mother-to-mother.”

“Okay, well, that’s not the way it happened—”

“Then how did it happen?” Wanda’s dark eyes glittered. “Danielle had to run out of the fire, all by herself. I called and talked to Barbara, her mother. She didn’t even see you. You went to get your daughter and ignored her and Emily.”

“No, wait, listen.” Rose put up a hand. “I fell unconscious, and when I woke up, Danielle was running. Ask Emily, I took her and Amanda to the door.”

“Nice try, but I called Jerusha, too. Emily’s mother. We’ve been friends since the girls were in first grade. All Emily remembers is that you went to get Melly. She even remembers you saying that’s what you were doing. You told her that, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts about it! And thank God that Danielle ran. If she hadn’t run, she’d be upstairs now, like Amanda. Or dead!”

“Wanda, hold on!” another woman shouted, making her way through the crowd. She had glasses and long dark hair, and wore a striped top with jeans and flats. “Rose, I’m Cathy Tillman, Sarah’s mother, from class. Tell me, since when is it okay to
desert
a child?”

“I didn’t desert her. I helped her. The first thing I did was take Amanda and Emily to the hallway leading to the playground.”

“What about Danielle?” Wanda demanded, hands on hips.

“Danielle had already gone. She was in the hallway with the others. I told Amanda and Emily to follow Danielle—”

“Follow
Danielle,
that’s
it
?” Cathy interrupted, her light eyes round with astonishment behind her glasses. “You don’t put an eight-year-old in charge of another eight-year-old. They’re just kids, and it was an emergency. You should have taken them out to the playground yourself. Danielle wasn’t the lunch mom, you were. That’s your responsibility.”

“Right,” Wanda joined in. “I heard what happened. You punished Emily and Danielle for something they didn’t do, and so what if Amanda was joking around with your daughter? Kids are kids. You have to let them fight their own battles.”

Cathy leaned closer. “Let’s talk turkey. You’re just jealous of Amanda because she’s popular and Melly isn’t. Harry Potter this, Harry Potter that. Melly’s a freak!”

“She is not!” Rose’s temper flared. “She reads, that’s all!”

“Oh, please!” Cathy’s hand shot out, waving Rose off, but it startled her and she stepped backwards, bumping into a tall cylindrical ashtray, then losing her balance and falling to the hard concrete with the ashtray spilling sand, cigarette butts, and gum wrappers.

“That’s it!” Leo bellowed, pulling a stunned Rose to her feet.

Cathy burst into nervous laughter. Wanda’s mouth dropped open. The reporters surged forward, the photographers held their cameras overhead, and the crowd reacted with gasps, chatter, and a hoot or two.

“Let’s go!” Leo hurried Rose through the glass doors into the hospital. The lobby was like a refuge, quiet and cool, filled with potted plants and soothing framed landscapes. A few older people sat in sectional furniture, one holding Get Well balloons weighted with a small sandbag. Leo touched Rose’s arm. “My God. Are you okay, honey?”

“Yes.” She brushed cigarette ashes from her jeans. “And Melly’s not a freak.”

“I know.” Leo smoothed down his suit jacket. “Sorry about that. I should’ve seen that coming.”

“It was an accident.”

“Right. Yes, but they still laughed about it.”

Shaken, Rose tried to recover. “You told me not to talk to them, but I thought they deserved an answer.”

“They didn’t want an answer. They wanted to vent.” Leo put an arm around her. “Damn, I should have anticipated this. Hubby let you down.”

“Hubby never lets me down.”

Leo gave her a quick kiss. “You good to go?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then we need an information desk.” Leo looked around.

“There.” Rose pointed, and they went to the information desk, where they gave their name and asked for Melly’s room.

“She’s in 306,” answered the receptionist, who was an older woman with a button that read VOLUNTEER. “She’s one of the little girls from the school, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she’s our daughter.” Rose leaned over the counter. “Where is the other little girl, Amanda Gigot?”

“Let me see.” The receptionist hit a few keys. “Yes. She’s in 406. That’s Intensive Care.”

Rose felt her stomach tense.

Leo leaned on the desk. “What floor did you say is Intensive Care? The fourth?”

“Yes, but you can’t visit. Only immediate family is permitted.”

“I understand, thanks.” Leo took Rose’s arm, and they left for the elevators.

“Do you want to visit Amanda?” Rose asked, incredulous.

“No, I want to avoid the fourth floor.”