Save Me (24 page)

"Okay, maybe, but when I catch him, I bet I don't have the same look you do when Will looks at you." She sighed, frowning.

I wasn't sure what I looked like when I caught Will looking at me, but I understood what she meant. I knew how I felt when Will looked at me. It was a feeling that never came over me when anyone else looked at me, ever, not even Zach.

"What about me?" Will asked, walking in the room, bending to kiss me on the head.

"Oh just girl talk," Nikki giggled, winking at Will.

She really was a beautiful girl but she looked like a child. We were the same age, but she could easily pass for fourteen. Her skin was so pale white that it looked unhealthy. Maybe going to the military base would be good for her. She looked like she needed to be checked out by a doctor, and soon.

Will sat down on the floor with us, positioning himself behind me, with my back up against his chest and his arms wrapped around me. I leaned my head back against his chest, reveling in the feel of him against me. I could get used to this.

"I like girl talk," he said, winking back at Nikki.

I've never seen Will act like this before. I mean he knew how to joke around when we were alone, but around other people he was usually on the serious side, distant, not that I had seen him with many people. I guess I didn't have much to go on really. The only people I had ever seen him around were Janet and Dan, and well the cousins, but they didn't count. Around Janet, he was almost always serious. Maybe it had more to do with Janet than with how he normally was. It made me wonder what Will was like before the outbreak even more. I guess there are some things I may never know. I liked this version of him. It was good to see him smile and laugh and just be silly. It made me want to smile and laugh and be silly too. This was good. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe I could be happy again, maybe.

"So, are you two in love?" Nikki asked, batting her eyelashes in typical Nikki fashion.

I stared at Nikki for a moment, in shock that she actually blurted that out. My guess is that Will did the same because he didn't speak or move for a moment either. Then we both turned at the same time to look at each other.

Were we in love? I had no idea how Will felt about me. Did he love me? Could he? Did I love him? I thought about how I felt with Will. Just looking at him smiling melted my insides, making my legs weak and stole the air from my lungs. When he kissed me, I felt like I could die in that moment and nothing else would matter. When I thought Will was leaving for good, I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest, thrown to the ground, and stomped on repeatedly. I didn't want to live in a world without him. Was that love?

"Uh, okay. Awkward... wrong question maybe?" Nikki raised her eyebrows and looked to the side for a second before changing the subject.

Nikki started babbling on about her life before the outbreak, after she moved, but the question hung in the air between us, hovering. She went on and on, but I didn't catch most of what she said. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts. Looking over at Will, my bet was, he was doing the same. Dan said I should be certain. He said it was clear how Will and I felt about each other but it didn't seem so clear to me. If I wasn't certain, then maybe it was because I didn't love Will. Was it okay if I didn't? We were only together a couple days. I mean, that stuff took time, right? You couldn't really fall in love, like real love, after a few weeks. Could you?

"Well, I better go pack my stuff up. I don't wanna forget anything if Mike and Rose start rushing me when they get back," Nikki stood to leave.

"I think it's Janet you'll need to worry about for that," I warned her.

"Yeah, I still wish you were coming," she dropped her eyes to the floor and frowned before hurrying out of the room and down the hall to gather her things.

Will flipped me around so I was facing him, sitting in his lap, my legs wrapped around his body.

"Your friend, seems a bit, uh, chatty."

"Yeah," I laughed. "She always did like to talk. I haven't seen her since middle school but that certainly didn't change."

"You should probably spend more time with her while you can. I hate to say it, but you may never see her again." The corners of his mouth turned down, and I could tell he was speaking from experience.

I frowned, knowing he was right. Any time you saw someone, it could be the last. This was the world we lived in, our new reality. He was right though, I should spend more time with her, but sitting in Will's lap, looking into those green eyes sparkling back at me, so close I could feel his breath on me, well, I was finding it difficult to want to move. He licked his tongue over his bottom lip, wetting it. My eyes were drawn to the shiny wetness that begged to be tasted. I could feel my breathing become more shallow. A small smile curved up the corners of that delicious mouth as he realized I was staring at his mouth, and probably what I was thinking too.

"As much as I would love that," he said responding to my unspoken desire. "We have plenty of time for that."

He frowned a bit as he spoke. We both knew the one thing you could never count on in this world, was having more time. As if shaking the thought from his head, his smile returned. He stood, holding on to me, lifting me with him. After kissing me on the forehead, he placed me on my feet, and looked in my eyes, making it impossible for me to disagree with anything he could possibly say.

"Will?"

He stopped halfway to the door, turning to look at me.

"Yes babe?"

Dan's words rang in my head.
'Tell him how you feel. Life is short.'

"Kiss me."

Will's mouth curved up into a crooked smile, his eyes focused on my mouth. He stood there for a moment. I thought he was about to tell me to wait until later, when he rushed forward, backing me against the cold wall, pinning my wrists at my sides in his strong hands. His mouth was millimeters from mine, his breath hot against my face, his body pressed against me. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was positive he could hear every beat. Instead of soft and gentle, he pressed his mouth hard on mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth, devouring me. It was the kind of kiss that made the whole world melt away. Not that all of Will's kisses didn't feel that way, but this one was different, more intense, filled with need. When I thought my legs would give out from under me, he pulled back, breathing fast and shallow. His eyes remained focused on my mouth, his lips slightly apart. I was pretty sure I was breathing, but I couldn't feel the oxygen entering my lungs. My whole body tingled, wanting more. Will brought his lips together into a smile, knowing full well the effect he was having on me. He rested his forehead against mine, catching his breath, then slowly pushed back from me.

"Now go spend time with your friend, while you can."

He walked from the room, leaving me there to catch my breath. It was the right thing to do. Right now, I really hated doing the right thing.

Even before I made it to Nikki's room, I could hear her softly sobbing. I almost turned around and walked back down the hall, wanting to give her some privacy, but I knew that wasn't what she really needed. When she saw me, she dropped her arms to her sides, defeated, tears streaming down her cheeks. I pulled her face against me and hugged her tightly, not saying anything for a few minutes, giving her a chance to get the tears out of her system. When her sobs quieted, I led her over to the desk in the corner and pushed myself up on to it for a seat, motioning for her to do the same.

"What's going on, Nik?"

"It's just...I..." Her voice caught in her throat and more tears escaped down her pale face. "I'm just afraid I'll never see you again."

She looked at me with large eyes, larger than I remember. Maybe it was because she was so thin now, and her face was almost sunken in, making them appear bigger. She really didn't look well.

"You gotta stay positive Nik," I told her, draping my arm over her small shoulder.

I felt like a hypocrite saying it. I knew she was right. We probably wouldn't see each other again. Even if we both managed to stay alive for awhile, it wasn't likely we'd run into each other again. She was doing just fine without me before the outbreak, but just seeing someone you know these days made you need them more. I understood that, wanting to hold on to that old life. I used to feel the same way. It gets to a point though, where that just gets too difficult and you gotta let go. Nikki wasn't there yet.

"Please, Andi, can't you come with us, just for a little while?"

I felt guilty not wanting this as badly as she did, even more so because what I really wanted was to have things go back to just Will and me.

"I'm really sorry Nik, I can't."

"But why not?" She was desperate, pleading.

Part of me wanted to give in and agree, just because that's usually how it worked with Nikki. She used to guilt me into doing whatever she wanted when we were friends. It was always hard to say no to her. That was a long time ago now. I wasn't about to give in anymore. It was hard enough to let Will into my world, I wasn't about to let in old friends I got over long ago.

"I'm sorry," I said, getting up and leaving her there.

I went to find Will, who was up on the roof keeping watch. He looked at me a little confused. I knew it was because he expected me to spend more time with Nikki.

"What's up babe?" he asked, walking over and taking my hand into his.

"We're doing the right thing, aren't we?"

I was pretty sure that we both wanted the same thing but that didn't mean it was the right decision.

"About not going to the military base?" he frowned.

"Yes."

"Andi, if you've changed your mind..."

"I haven't," I tried to sound convincing. "It's just that, well maybe just because we made a decision, it doesn't mean it's the right one."

Will nodded, as if he understood what I was thinking. Even if I wasn't sure I really did.

"Well, I know why I made this decision. What was your reason?" He asked, brushing a stray hair behind my ear gently.

I knew Will's reason too. He was afraid it would be like the place he was at before. I could understand his fear after what he went through. I didn't have any logical reason for not wanting to go. Part of the reason was because I knew he didn't want to go and I didn't want him to agree because of me. Even more though, I really didn't want to go for selfish reasons. I could not bear to share him. I wanted to go back to our secluded basement life where it was just him and me. I knew it wasn't the smartest idea. I knew we would probably be safer in a larger community if it was everything Janet said it was. I just didn't care.

"Andi?" he lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

I just couldn't bring myself to look into those eyes and tell him how selfish I was. I pulled my face from his grip and walked away from him, peering over the side of the building at the abandoned world below us.

"Please talk to me," he begged, walking up behind me, close enough so I could feel his breath on my neck. "If you want to go, Andi, we can. I would do anything for you."

That last part melted my heart and made me feel even more guilty for wanting to keep him all to myself, even if that meant keeping him from a place he could have a more normal life.

"I don't."

"Then what is it?" he gently turned me to face him, his eyes pleading with me. "Please babe."

"I just... don't want to share you."

The corners of his mouth turned up into a smile slowly, before he let out a small laugh. I pulled away from him. That was not the reaction I expected.

"Hey, come back here," he said reaching for my arm. "Andi, I'm sorry. I just thought you were going to say something bad."

"That was bad. It's selfish, Will."

"Well then, I'm selfish too."

I looked at him confused. That didn't make sense. I already knew why Will didn't want to go.

"No, you have valid reasons for not wanting to go," I said shaking my head.

"Don't you think I feel the same way? Of course I have other reasons for not wanting to go, but that's not the whole reason."

He pulled me up against him, one arm around the small of my back, the other behind my head. I could feel his breath on my skin, his body warm against me. For a second, I completely forgot what we were talking about.

"There's nothing I want more than to have you all to myself, Andi," he bent down, brushing his nose against mine. "Don't you get that?"

I was pretty sure he was about to kiss me again, when we heard a truck pull up to the dental complex. Will peered over the side, his bow up and ready, back in protector mode. We watched quietly until we saw our friends emerge from the truck and walk toward the building.

"Come on," Will said, pulling me by the arm toward the stairs.

I wanted to tell him to wait, to kiss me first, but the moment was over. See, this is why I wanted him alone!

~Chapter Twenty-Two~

Dawn came sooner than I expected. I tossed and turned most of the night. Will spent the night with Janet. Strangely, I didn't feel jealous at all. I knew he needed time with his friend to say goodbye. Nikki spent the night in with me and I was happy she did. We stayed up late talking and reminiscing. Some time before the sun came up, Dan came in and squeezed in between me and Nikki, pushing her sleeping body over so he could snuggle up against me. I was really going to miss Dan. He really was the one person I wouldn't mind hanging around. I was pretty sure Will didn't feel the same, but Dan and I had grown to be good friends.