Save Riley (13 page)

But because I was doing this for Riley, it was stirring a new kind of monster inside of me. Now I was left wondering how I would feel if it was Riley herself who drew the blade across my skin.

I quickly undid the rope from around my arm and went into the Last Day room. I used a leather blindfold to create a tourniquet for myself so I wouldn’t bleed all over the damn house.

I’ll find her a new Perry. A better one. One that won’t fight us. One that would do anything for Riley. One that she would enjoy. She won’t be sad anymore because of it. I’ll find one and bring her back to the Alone Room before I ask Riley to cut me. It’ll be so perfect because after she does I’ll take her to her new gift. She’ll never want to leave me. Never.

I went straight to the den and grabbed Evan’s body. I slung him over my shoulder and left the house through the back door. I walked far out into the back of the property where I had a huge fire pit that I only used one other time before. I had killed one of my lessons accidentally and my mentors made me burn the body and watch. The smell was horrific and I became ill as the skin started to turn black and fall off.

Today I would have to use it again. For Evan and Perry then I would take what was left of them, bag them up, and throw them into the Tasman Sea when time allowed. I threw him on the side of the empty pit and turned around to gather some of the wood I had chopped a few months before I found Riley. I was frustrated that day, emotionally and sexually, so I just spent the day sawing trees down and chopping wood. I laughed when I looked at the pile and realized just
how
frustrated I must have been to have this much wood lying around.

Nonetheless, I covered him partially in wooden blocks, wiped the sweat from my forehead and went around to the side of the house to collect Perry’s body. It took me a few moments to find her body where it had apparently rolled into the bushes, but when I did, I carried her back to the makeshift pyre and tossed her onto her boyfriend. A few more blocks of wood and some accelerant and they would be ready.

I stretched my arms over my head before I went toward the shed that sat nearby. I grabbed a chair from inside, a bottle of lighter fluid, and a book of matches. I soaked the wood and went back to open my chair. When I was ready and comfortable, I lit the entire book of matches and tossed them onto Perry’s body.

In the distance, over the raging fire, I saw Riley appear in the windows of the den. She had her hands pressed tightly against them and she was watching me, but I couldn’t tell if her face was one of horror, understanding, or wonder.

I watched her small frame pressed against the window for a few minutes longer, with the flames raging between us, causing us to look like mirages to each other. At least that’s how I felt and I didn’t like it.

I got to my feet and started to make my way toward Riley when I noticed that she wasn’t dressed as I had left her. Curiosity caused me to walk faster and when I was finally able to see her clearly, she stole my breath away.

The lace nightgown I had put her in she had ripped a strip off and wrapped it around her eyes. She was wearing one of
my
button down shirts, but it was open and the only other thing she had on was a pair of my boxers. She had remade herself almost as if it were the first day she had woken up in my home.

But why?

I put a hand to the window that separated us and she slid hers up the glass to mirror mine. She never tore her gaze away from me. It was cold, void of purpose, full of hate, and yet still so beautiful.

Riley moved her right hand to her side and I smiled wistfully. Either she had figured out the codes or I had been dumb enough to leave the kitchen drawer open, which I know I hadn’t.

I reached for the door handle and held it tightly. A smile started to spread across her lips that was so entrancing that I swear to God, I could have died happily on the spot. Slowly, I opened the door and she walked out.

I felt my body go numb when she stood in front of me and looked up at me with her blue eyes. I fell to my knees in front of her when she raised the large knife over her head.

Mother Mercy, let this be over as quickly as it can be,
I thought as I looked up into her eyes.

When she brought her arm down, I quickly slapped her arm and the knife flew about twenty feet away.  Riley threw herself at me angrily and knocked us both over. I assumed that her sudden strength had come from an adrenaline rush. The moment I was lost in was gone as I began to laugh.

She became so angry at my laughter that she began to swat blindly with all the fury she could muster, hitting me in the face and pounding her fists into my chest.

I only laughed harder.

She had gone from a visually sexual goddess to a viciously angry anti-goddess and I loved it. I loved it because now I knew that she could switch her emotions as quickly as I could since I had been broken.

I didn’t have to do much to her to finally achieve what I wanted. Yes, I may have fucked her in her sleep and stolen her innocence. I may have viciously fucked her on the kitchen counter. I may have hung her in the Alone Room in shame and I may have given her the ultimatum to take Perry’s virginity or kill her, but what worked most was the psychological torments.

I had finally broken Riley.

Six months later

W
e were lying on the couch watching the telly. Riley was lying on top of me on her side, her head on my chest and an arm around my waist. Everything had been calm and quiet since we had taken Evan and Perry’s remains and dumped them into the Tasman Sea.

It took few months for her to get adjusted to her new life here with me, but I think I had her trust now since I had taken her out to help me. I didn’t trust her enough to let her out without me, but we would take walks sometimes and she would hold my hand so tightly that I often wondered if she were trying to break it.

But when we were home alone, she would be the most attentive nurturing captive I ever had. And in bed she had become insatiable. It was sex every night before we went to sleep and if ever there were a time that I fell asleep watching the telly with her on the couch, I would wake up to her either sucking my dick or riding me with such a ferocity that I was worried she would snap it off.

It was absolutely magnificent and perfect, the way our lives were turning out. Almost too magnificent and perfect.

I knew that she was plotting something. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that Riley just suddenly decided to be cooperative to everything and anything that I wanted. That she had forgotten about my kidnapping her, popping her sweet cherry as she lay drugged on my bed, and locking her up in the Alone Room.

I also had no qualms with playing along for now.

“Is it time for bed yet?” she asked with a wide yawn.

“It can be,” I replied running my hands over her hair.

She pushed herself up with her hands and looked tiredly into my eyes and nodded. I smiled and brushed her hair back.
If only this were real I would be so damn happy.

“Come on then, off to bed we go,” I said, gently smacking her ass. She giggled and pushed herself off of me, waiting patiently. I turned off the television and set the remote down in its usual place.

As we exited the living room, Riley took my hand and we walked up the stairs toward the bedroom. I pushed the door open for her as was our usual routine and locked the door once she had climbed into bed. Riley always slept facing away from the window; I knew it was because of Perry but I doubt if she would ever confess that much to me.

I opened the balcony doors slightly and hooked the bottoms together so that they wouldn’t open any further unless I loosened them up and lay down behind Riley. I put my arm around her and held her close to me waiting for her to start her usual hand roaming when instead she just sighed.

“Do you know what tomorrow is?” she asked quietly.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s nine months to the day that I woke up here,” she replied.

I grunted. I honestly thought we were past the whole hostage situation, but I had guessed incorrectly.

“Did you know that Jax?” she asked turning slightly.

“Nope.”

“It is. I’ve been counting the days. I thought by now it would be easier, especially since we’re ... together, but I just miss home so much sometimes that I can’t stand it,” she said softly.

“What can I do, Riley? To make it better?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she whispered.

I rolled onto my back and ran my hands through my hair. I knew that the only thing that would truly make Riley happy would be to let her go, but I couldn’t risk it. It wasn’t so much that I feared that she would turn me in, it was that I feared that my want – no my
need
for her would kill me if she weren’t here with me.

Still ... It can’t hurt to ask.

“Do you want to leave? Me? New South Wales? Do you want to go home and work in your book store and visit your family?” I asked.

Riley cleared her throat but didn’t say anything. Not at first; instead she sat up and crossed her legs underneath her. I watched her push her hair behind her ears before taking a deep breath and letting it out.

“No.”

What?

“No one there cares about me. No matter how much I miss them or how much I miss running around that book store, none of them care. If they did there would’ve been a manhunt looking for me by now. Sometimes when you leave, I watch the news just to see if maybe, just maybe, there’s something about a missing American girl or pleas from a family for her safe return. And do you know what I see Jax? Do you? Everything but. It kills me to know that they don’t love me anymore and have probably forgotten about me and yet I still love and miss them all so much. But, even though this is never a situation I thought I would be in, and even though I know you don’t love me and that you probably never will. I know that you only keep me around to ‘play with’, but goddammit Jax, I at least feel wanted when I’m with
you
,” she explained quietly.

I stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t think of a single fucking thing to say to her. How could you tell someone who had just poured their heart out to you that they were only half right? That what they were feeling wasn’t how they should be feeling at all? That you were the worst possible thing for them but couldn’t bear to watch them walk away?

She sighed unhappily and climbed off the bed. I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling while she walked over to the balcony doors and began to fidget with the loops.

“Up and to the left,” I said softly. Since I couldn’t respond to what she had just said, I figured I could at least tell her how to undo the locks that held the doors together.

Riley undid the loops and tossed them aside. The blast of cool air struck me like a knife to the side when she pulled the doors wide open and I shivered. I turned my back to the doors and pulled the quilt up from the end of the bed and wrapped myself securely in it. She wouldn’t jump so I had no reason to worry about her being on the balcony alone.

As I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, one thought kept floating through my mind.
Does Riley care enough about me now to cut me?
I chuckled after the thought crossed my mind for the fifth time.

“Jax?” Riley called from the balcony.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing,” she said after a few seconds of silence. She punctuated it with a heavy sigh and I opened my eyes.

Obviously nothing means something,
I thought pushing my quilt off. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat there waiting for her to continue, but she kept her back to me as I had to her and didn’t speak.

“What would you do if I jumped?” she asked suddenly.

“I’m faster than you think, Riley. You’d never have the chance,” I replied.

She glanced over her shoulder at me before grabbing onto the railing and hoisting herself up. I was off after her like a bullet. She had managed to get one leg over by the time I grabbed hold of her and pulled her back, falling onto the balcony floor.

I was shaking, not because of what Riley had just done, but because I let
her test me.
That’s not how this was supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to be the one in charge and I just ... I shoved her off of me and stood up. She looked up at me with her perfect blue eyes, a smile dancing in their hollowness. The hollowness that I had carved out of her from almost a year of captivity and I wondered if I had broken her mentally more than any of the others.
But the others never would have lasted this long
, I reminded myself.

“What’s wrong?” she inquired in a small voice.

“Everything,” I shouted. “This isn’t supposed to work like ... like ...
this!
You’re not supposed to want to be here Riley. You’re supposed to be fighting me every step of the way and I shouldn’t be tested. How dare you test me?” I began to pace quickly back and forth across the carpet in the bedroom.

“This is how I am, Jax. If you can’t handle it then you’re going to have to just do something about it,” she retorted defiantly.

I stopped pacing and looked at her as the feeling of my blood pressure rising hit me. How was it possible to go from the girl who couldn’t remember, to the girl that fought me, to the girl that tried to kill me, to my tester? How?

“Fine,” I seethed. I went over to the balcony and snatched her up from the floor. I slung her over my shoulder while she kicked violently as she tried to get out of my grip.

I had visions of throwing her on the pit and lighting her on fire
alive
dancing in my head. It would be amazing to watch her burn in front of me for her defiance. I wouldn’t let her die of course, but it would serve its purpose and no other man in the world would want her.

No other man but me. I’ll always want Riley and if this is how I have to keep her then so be it.

I was trying to punch the code into the front door but my thoughts were distracting me. Why would I always want Riley? Once I finally got the door open it suddenly hit me; because of the way she looked at me in the bookstore. How timid she was and how embarrassed that she ran into me. How desperately she wanted to get away from me, made her innocence seem so much more attractive. It was because she called me when her grandmother died. She called me for comfort and I took her to destroy her and then dispose of her. Like the others, except I think that she had fallen in love with me sometime through all of this and that’s what haunted my dreams, what kept me from killing her. That she
loves
me.