Saving Phoebe Murrow: A Novel (40 page)

Her daughter's eyes opened a fraction, and she nodded her head a little. “Take me home.”

“Oh, Phoebe, I will. I will take you home.”

“Now, Mommy,” she said in a plaintive voice.

Tears gathered in Isabel's eyes and her throat constricted. She squeezed Phoebe's hand, trying to think what to say. “I don't know if you can see it, sweetie, but it's snowing outside. When we go home, I'll make you some hot chocolate, and Jackson will build you a snowman. What do you say to that, my dearest child? Oh, Phoebe, I love you so much and I'm so sorry—” her voice trailed off. No, now was not the time to get into all that. She'd have time, plenty of time to apologize to her daughter and start anew.

“I
will
take you home, baby, as soon as possible. I promise. With a little more rest you'll be all better and we'll have you back in your own bed. Just hang in there, okay, honey?”

“Let's see, where shall we begin, Phoebe?” Dr. Sharma said.

It was Phoebe's first face-to-face meeting with Dr. Sharma since her suicide attempt, though they had spoken a couple of times by phone while she was recovering.

“I don't know,” Phoebe said, leaning against the back of the beige leather couch with her hands tucked beneath her legs.

“You've been through a lot.”

Phoebe nodded. “I have.” She gave Dr. Sharma a little smile and studied the woman's kindly face, her lovely complexion, and the slightly sagging skin that was the nicest color. Olive, her mother called it. She wished her coloring were a little more like that. So that her own pale skin could tan, but it was no use, the sun just turned her face bright pink, like her father's.

“We'll talk about whatever you wish. So tell me about today.”

“Today was fine, and I hope tomorrow will be too.”

“Tell me something that makes you smile?”

“My mother asked me to make her a jean jacket! Can you believe that?” They both burst into laughter.

“Anything else good?”

“Well,” she said, her eyes growing wide, “Emma and I are hanging out a lot. You can't believe how hilarious she is! And if you knew her mother, you'd probably be surprised. So that's really cool. And,” she elongated the word, “Noah called and asked me out. He did, and I'm going to go.” A shy grin crept onto her face.

“Did you know that when I started to wake up in the hospital a few weeks ago, Noah was there? Emma, too. You know Noah? He's the boy I've liked since last year. I mean all through eighth grade. And then things got all messed up, you know, after the Adams Morgan thing.”

Dr. Sharma nodded. She sat in a chair opposite Phoebe. A window to Dr. Sharma's right cast a halo of light about her giving her an almost angelic glow. The sight made Phoebe stop speaking for a moment and gaze at the older woman. Then she continued, her eyes rising to the ceiling as the sequence of events spun through her mind, forgetting that she hadn't wanted to talk about the past, but perhaps needing to.

“I couldn't go with Noah to the dance, and then I forgot about Noah because of Shane,” she hesitated briefly. “Shane, who turned out not to be a person at all.” Phoebe's face puckered, as if she might cry.

“I imagine you must wonder about Mrs. Littleton,” Dr. Sharma said. “But you know that her actions had nothing to do with you?”

Phoebe nodded. “I do.”

“And that…well, what she did was terribly wrong.”

Phoebe nodded again. “What's going to happen to her?”

“I heard she moved away and there might be a legal case against her, I don't know,” Dr. Sharma said. “Are you worried she might do something to you?”

“Not really.” She paused. “What about Jessie?”

Dr. Sharma tilted her head. “What about Jessie?”

“I've been thinking about her.”

“What have you been thinking?”

“That I miss her.”

“I'll bet she'd like to talk to you. Perhaps you should call her?”

Phoebe thought about that for a while, imagining what it might be like to have her old friend back. “Maybe I will,” she finally said. “Maybe I will.”

And a few days later, she did.

THE END

Bringing a novel to completion is rarely done alone, and so the list of people I'd like to thank is long. First, thank you, Ann Starr (Upper Hand Press, US) and Joel Richardson (Twenty7 Books, UK), for your excellent suggestions, which made the novel eminently better. I am terribly grateful to both of you for believing in
SAVING PHOEBE MURROW
and bringing it to fruition.

Second, thank you, Emily Williamson, for all your hard work as an agent and also for the many hours you spent reading the manuscript and providing helpful suggestions for improving it.

Third, a huge thank you to the many readers of the manuscript; the list is too long to include everyone, but please know I appreciated your help and encouragement. Special thanks to Reina Brekke, Myra Gossens, Christine Grimaldi, Connie Karageorgis, Katherine Kingsland, Roger Marum, Tricia Paoletta, Kathy Pasley, Elizabeth Patton, Christine Pride, Darlynn Slosar, Louise Farmer Smith, Joe Vucovich, Rangeley Wallace, and Gail Wilkins.

A heartfelt thanks to my family, Jim, Max and Jack (Feely), my brother (Gary Burbach), my mother and now deceased father (Erna and Fritz Burbach), and my Tante Linde (Weimann) for all your support and encouragement throughout my years of writing.

I am grateful to Dr. Edward Selby for allowing me to use segments of his article, “Cutting to Escape from Emotional Pain;” to Janis Whitlock, Director of the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery, for her insights into the world of self-injury; to Dr. Martin R. Eichelberger and Dr. Brad Chaser for reviewing the medical segments of the story; and for legal aspects to Leslie Harris, Diana Rubin and Gail Wilkins. Obviously, any inaccuracies are mine. And thank you to Tina Meier and her staff at the Megan Meier Foundation for the resources they have provided related to the problem of cyber-bullying.

Finally, I will be forever indebted to the graduate journalism school at UC Berkeley and the masters writing program at Johns Hopkins University. In particular, early encouragement came from Mark Farrington, Margaret Meyers, Elly Williams and Claire Messud. Likewise, I am grateful to the James Jones First Novel Fellowship, the DC Commission on the Arts and Humanities, the Community of Writers at Squaw Valley, the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference and the Iowa Summer Writing Festival, especially Wayne Johnson and Mary Morris.

The inspiration for
SAVING PHOEBE MURROW
came from an article I read in 2008 about a woman who posed as a 15-year-old boy on a social media site to prey on a vulnerable 13-year-old girl named Megan Meier. In 2006, this woman (Lori Drew) launched a cyber-bullying attack on Megan through MySpace, which resulted in Megan taking her own life.

I was horrified by this report and couldn't understand how a woman, a mother who actually knew Megan and her family, could do such a thing. Over time the fictional characters for my novel emerged. While my characters are nothing like the people involved in the real life incident, my fictional character, Sandy, like Lori Drew, conspires against a young girl, in this case Phoebe Murrow.

I was deeply saddened by Megan's death, and appreciate Tina Meier's efforts to fight cyber-bullying by creating a foundation that honors the memory of her daughter. Not only is this novel written in memory of Megan, but I am also dedicating a portion of the proceeds from this novel to the Megan Meier Foundation. If you'd like to contribute, visit the organization's website:
www.meganmeierfoundation.org
. The website contains many resources for parents, teachers and teens to deal with cyber-bullying.

Cyber-bullying has become a huge problem, in part because of the ease of social media, texting, and the use of assorted electronic devices. According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, which has reviewed dozens of reports and studies, “it seems safe to conclude that about one out of every four teens has experienced cyber-bullying, and about one out of every six teens has done it to others.” With such statistics, clearly something needs to be done.

There are many resources available that can inform you about cyber-bullying, how to combat the problem, and also what legislation exists in your state. Just a few organizations' websites that provide invaluable information include:

•
The Megan Meier Foundation:
http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org

•
Cyberbullying Research Center:
http://cyberbullying.org

•
STOP!T features a cyber-bullying app to report cyber-bullying anonymously:
http://stopitcyberbully.com

•
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and their website:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

•
This website focuses on both bullying and cyber-bullying and contains a variety of information about how to stop bullying, and the policies and laws in each state, information well worth knowing:
www.stopbullying.gov

A very troubling article I read about a cyber-bullying incident instigated by a woman posing as a 15-year-old boy on MySpace. I thought that I'd first learned of this in People magazine in 2008, but in fact I must have read about it in the
Washington Post
first because when I looked back at those two articles, The Post piece ran in January 2008 and the People one didn't come out until December of the same year. I saved both articles, read each one once and knew I wanted to write a novel about a similar situation. I simply could not understand how or why a woman could do such a thing to a vulnerable girl she knew.

Not closely at all, except that in both the real incident and in my novel a woman creates a phony teenage guy (on social media) to prey on a 13-year-old girl, her daughter's best friend, or once best friend. In the actual case, the woman (Lori Drew) and her family had even gone on vacation with the girl's family. It's really quite monstrous, and to this day I can't understand someone's motivation.

Sandy, the character who does this to Phoebe, is damaged, just as I imagine Lori Drew must be. Sandy's backstory, which emerged over time (in my mind), became critical to her present story. I realized that she was damaged by her mother, through neglect and a lack of nurturing. And then she also suffered multiple betrayals. To survive she becomes vengeful. This vengeful side is again stimulated by numerous rejections and public humiliations she receives from Phoebe's mother, Isabel, who it should be noted does not intentionally humiliate her. To get back at Isabel, Sandy decides to strike at Isabel's Achilles' heel – her family.

Without question, Phoebe is the one I care about most. Hence, the title:
Saving Phoebe Murrow
. But let me add, that I care about all the characters, even Sandy.

There is a lot of love going on in this novel, especially the love between mothers and daughters, as well as between girls. And love gone wrong, and the often poor timing of love between two people. But the publisher felt that title was too evocative of a love story or romance, and this novel certainly isn't about that.
Saving Phoebe Murrow
came about at the very end of the process, when I realized that this story, essentially, is about Phoebe. Everything ties back to her. And we want desperately to save her. But the question always was: can we?

I wanted to show the consequences of such behavior. I wanted people to talk about what better choices the women and the girls had, and what it might mean to do the right thing. In the novel, we have one set of actions and reactions. It's stuff you hear and read about, and in some case, what people experience. But how can we rise above the petty differences, the cattiness, and so on. How can we be more loving and accepting toward one another? How can we stop gossiping and putting other girls/women down?

I didn't realize that anything in the novel related to my own life until well after I'd finished the final version of the novel and was discussing it with Emily Williamson. It was then that I realized I too had been bullied as young girl, after coming to the US in second grade. That children had shunned me just as they make fun of Phoebe in the novel. Not for being chubby, but for being German at a time when Germans were portrayed as Nazis. It was deeply painful, and I guess that emotion has resided there ever since. The emotion being one of non-acceptance, of somehow being ugly and unlovable.

To find this out, you must read the novel.

Q: Why does Phoebe decide to defy her mother's restrictions and go to Adams Morgan with her friends? Was it peer pressure or something else? Does she ultimately feel that not telling her parents the truth about it only compounded the problem later on?

Q: Has your child ever been bullied or cyber-bullied? How did you deal with it?

Q: The “mean girl” syndrome is a well-documented behavior among girls. Why do you think girls behave this way?

What about boys? How do they engage in bullying behaviors? Do bullying behaviors vary between genders? If so, why do you think this happens?

(
http://girlsleadership.org/blog/what-motivates-mean-girl-behavior/
)

Q: Who is a “mean” girl among the adult women in the novel?

Q: As an adult, do you know some “mean girls” among the women in your life or have you ever been the target of a mean girl's bullying? Have you ever been a mean girl yourself?

Q: Whose parenting style do you prefer? Sandy's or Isabel's? Are there elements of both that you identify with or do you feel that neither character is a good mother?

Q: Is Isabel right to say that “trust” is essential in a mother's relationship with her daughter? With her children, male or female?

Q: Isabel once told Phoebe: “There's no point in lying, I'll just find out anyway. Mothers always do.” Is this true? Is she talking about intuition or about keeping close tabs on her? Should a parent try to know everything about their child's life, or is that too invasive?

Q: Should girls resolve their own differences without adult interference, as Isabel had tried to do?

Q: Ron chastises Isabel for being overly worried about their daughter. Do you agree with him? Is there such a thing as worrying “too much” about your child?

Q: Ron also feels that Isabel is further alienating Phoebe by punishing her too severely. Is he right? If so, what would be a more appropriate punishment/consequence? What could Ron have done differently?

Q: Do parents tend to take on certain roles, that is, one tends to be stricter and often the disciplinarian, while the other is more passive and/or more lenient?

Q: Isabel questions her own tactics in trying to discipline her daughter. This internal conflict stems, in part, from her fears about Phoebe cutting herself again. How does a parent continue to provide limits and parental supervision when a child exhibits self-destructive behavior?

Q: What does Isabel not understand when she says to Ron that they are being held hostage by Phoebe's cutting?

Q: What do you think about Isabel reversing course and deciding to allow Phoebe to attend the dance after all? Do you agree with her rationale?

Q: Lorraine Blau, Emma's mother, tells Isabel that parents don't really have control over the choices kids make each day once they leave the house. Do you think this is true? What are a parent's obligations to keep a child out of trouble? What responsibility do children have in the choices they make online?

Q: How can one instill good judgment in a child? Does Phoebe have good judgment? What about Emma and Jessie? Would you allow your daughter (or son) to hang out with these two girls, knowing what you know about them?

Q: How should a parent go about discouraging their children from hanging out with unsavory characters? Or with children who they know are a “bad influence”?

Q: It's pretty obvious what Sandy does wrong in the story, but what about the things she does right? Are there any? In what ways is she a sympathetic character?

Some additional questions you might want to ask yourself:

•
What are the signs or symptoms of bullying, self-harm, and/or suicidality?

•
Are you aware of resources available in your community that can help in case a son or daughter experiences a bullying-related situation? Who can be of help? Who else might have helped Phoebe?

•
Why do you think youth are using the Internet to cyberbully?

•
As a parent, what is important to know about online social media platforms and networks?

•
How do I know if my child is bullying others? What can I do?