Saving Silence (17 page)

There was no point staying silent so I did as she said. Mum started off interrupting constantly, but after I snapped at her she listened silently – well, silently apart from when I
mentioned I’d been roughed up. She made a huge fuss and demanded to look at my stomach. I felt a weird sense of satisfaction as she exclaimed at the large bruise.

When I was done, Mum said, ‘I can barely believe this – God, Immy! Are you sure you’re not in pain? We should get a doctor to look at that bruise. You should have done it
yesterday. You were right by the hospital when it happened, for goodness sake.’

‘Well, I didn’t. Shoot me.’

‘That isn’t funny. What a mess!’

‘Sorry,’ I said in an offhand voice. ‘All this just happened and I couldn’t stop it.’

‘Imogen –’ Mum folded her arms, face troubled – ‘I still don’t understand. Why on earth didn’t you tell anyone you were being threatened? You know how
serious cyber-bullying is. For God’s sake, they
beat you up
!’

She stressed each of the last three words. I stared at the table in front of me. I could see a ring from a coffee cup in the reflection. I concentrated very hard on how the light fell on the
table, and how it made it shine. I heard Mum sigh.

‘I’m your mother. You’re –’ Mum’s voice dipped a little. ‘Well, you’re my baby, though you’re not so little any more. This shouldn’t
be happening to you. Not by yourself. I’m here for you. I wish you’d told me. I wish you’d told the police. Why didn’t you?’

‘I just didn’t,’ I said, softly but firmly.

I felt Mum’s stare. She looked as though she was either going to burst into tears or come down on me like a ton of bricks and say how much I’d disappointed her. I waited to see which
it would be. Instead I heard her chair squeak, and then the splash of water. Looking up, I saw that she was filling the kettle.

‘Coffee?’

I nodded. Mum took two fresh mugs from the cupboard. Gently she said, ‘I’m having a tough time believing your Ollie is involved in this. He seems such a dependable young man.
Focused, with his head screwed on.’

‘He’s not “my” Ollie.’ I snapped. I didn’t want to talk to Mum about this, but I couldn’t help it. I’d suddenly realized how angry I was. ‘I
don’t want anything to do with someone who’s done what he has! How could he do something so totally out of order? We ran an anti-bullying campaign together, Mum. He hated gangs and
violence then. Clearly not any more! God – it’s like he was leading a double life!’

‘People go along with things for lots of reasons, Immy. Ollie may have got pressured into a situation he then couldn’t get out of.’

He should’ve been strong enough to say no, I thought. He should have known what was right. ‘Yeah, well, shoulda thought about that before he started hanging round with violent
killers.’

‘So you think he’s guilty then.’

‘I saw his face when the police came for him, Mum.’

The kettle clicked. ‘Let’s have these, calm down, then go to the police. And the doctor. No arguing.’

‘I want this sorted,’ I said. ‘I want to get on with my life without all this crap.’

‘Crap happens. Get used to it.’ If there hadn’t been softness in Mum’s voice she’d have sounded like she was on her high horse again. I took the coffee she handed
me. This hadn’t been as bad as I’d feared. Mum was being calm and reasonable rather than complaining how I’d disrupted her day. There had even, if I wasn’t mistaken, been a
hint of sympathy there too. I hadn’t even been grilled about our argument yesterday. Perhaps she realized this wasn’t the moment. Or perhaps my injury had shocked her into caring for
once. Either way, for the first time in a while, I was grateful she was there.

TUESDAY 19 NOVEMBER

Being back at sixth form after everything I’d been through felt surreal. I sat in English literature feeling even more out of the loop than usual. I couldn’t bring
myself to care about the novel we were studying. It was just a story and seemed silly. For a change I was preoccupied with real life. So much could happen in a week.

I didn’t feel like reading in a classroom at lunchtime. Before I knew where I was going I was in the canteen at one of the vending machines. As I picked up my can of Pepsi Max, I heard
Imogen’s voice behind me.

‘And here I was thinking I was going to have to trawl all the hidey-holes this school has to offer to find you.’

‘Oh. Hi there.’ I turned, hands automatically smoothing down my shirt. I never knew why I did that – an automatic response from when I’d been bigger maybe.

It felt weird to be talking to Imogen so publicly. I couldn’t help remembering what Nadina had said about Imogen finding me ‘strangely intriguing’. Maybe she’d wanted to
speak to me at school in the past but my unfriendliness had put her off.

Encouragingly, Imogen didn’t appear to be too mad at me over yesterday. She suggested we went somewhere away from the crowd. ‘Figure you’re the expert,’ she said. We
ended up sitting by the radiator in one of the fourth-floor English rooms.

‘You had your stitches out,’ Imogen said, taking a banana and a muesli bar out of her bag. I nodded.

‘I had an appointment first thing. The nurse said the scar’s healing well, my wrist too, though that never really gave me any trouble at all. No Nadina today?’

‘Nah, her mum wanted her to rest up. Nads was all set to argue but then she remembered she had a mock exam.’ She sighed. ‘I need to go over. Still don’t feel I apologized
properly.’

When I looked quizzical, Imogen explained that she and Nadina had fallen out because she’d accused Nadina of telling Ollie that she’d been to see me. I’d known Ollie had been
scared of the hold I’d had over him, but I hadn’t really clocked before that he’d been jealous too. After all, it must have looked to him like I’d been seeing his girlfriend
behind his back.

‘If Nadina says she didn’t, you have to believe her,’ I said. ‘She’s your best friend. There are tons of other ways Ollie could have found out – one of the
other girls you were with at lunch could have mentioned it maybe.’

Imogen swore. ‘Why didn’t I think this through? And why d’you have to be right all the time?’

‘Don’t know about right. Just trying to be logical, which normally I’m not.’

Imogen watched as I opened up my lunch, a ham-and-tomato sandwich and some crisps. ‘Talking of Nads, I hear you paid her a visit.’

I hesitated. ‘I thought that if Nadina or her dad had seen the guys I might not need to show the police the video.’ I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. ‘About that
. . . I’m sorry I lied to you about not backing it up. And I’m sorry you had to hear about, you know, Ollie, from the police rather than me. That can’t have been easy.’

She nodded. ‘It wasn’t.’

Unnerved by how calm she was I said, ‘Why aren’t you chewing me out about everything?’

‘Chewing on something else, that’s why,’ Imogen said, toasting me with her banana. When I just stared, she sighed. ‘That was a joke. Sometimes when everything’s
completely crap all you can do is laugh, y’know? In that hysterical fake happy kind of way.’

‘You’re a bit scary like this. I think I prefer being yelled at.’ I opened the crisps. She took a couple when I offered.

‘More seriously, I don’t know what to think.’

‘That makes two of us. Aren’t you . . .’ I hesitated, ‘upset? About Ollie?’

Imogen shrugged. ‘I don’t want to talk about him.’

‘Sometimes it’s the people around us that help us know who we really are. When they go, you end up in a kind of crisis.’

‘Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.’

It suddenly struck me that never in a million years could I have believed I’d be having a conversation like this with Imogen Maxwell, with her asking questions and actually sounding
interested.

‘I suppose I am,’ I went on, and told her about Mum, and how since the age of thirteen I’d had to come to terms with the fact that sooner or later she’d be leaving me
forever. About Dad, and how it had felt to move in with him and Tamsin. About how alien school had felt to me. When I got to that part, Imogen laughed.

‘You like to make life hard for yourself. So basically, you flung friendliness back in my face because you were being a judgemental jerk.’

I felt my cheeks colour. ‘That’s not fair! It was different. I was a total outsider, no one was into the same stuff as me . . . making friends was always going to be impossible
–’

‘How is that not being a judgemental jerk?’

It took me a moment to realize that her tone had been teasing.

‘Sorry,’ I huffed. ‘It was just hard for me, settling in somewhere new. I suppose . . . I suppose I wasn’t confident enough to try. After Mum died, I sort of didn’t
really know who I was any more. I’d been so focused on looking after her, I guess I lost sight of me. It was easier to avoid everyone and not have to deal with it.’

She smiled. ‘It was a bit like that for me when we first moved here from Kent. I guess it was so long ago I’d forgotten about how weird it was. And there was me thinking you were
just trying to act all superior and mysterious!’

The idea of me being mysterious was funny enough to make me laugh. ‘Isn’t it only brooding vampires who are mysterious?’

Imogen grinned. ‘For all I knew, you could’ve been a vampire. It’s not like you let anyone get to know you. Just so you know, we’re really not so different from you
northerners. We’re all human. We feel the same things. And actually? We can be OK when you give us a chance.’

‘Well, I’m all right too when you give me a chance,’ I replied.

Imogen gave me one of the wry
yeah, right
looks that I was beginning to like. ‘Seriously, Sam – you’ve been through a lot. But that’s then, this is now, and now
doesn’t need to be bad if you don’t let it. Your mum would want you to make the best of things, right?’

‘I’m not sure Mum would like me buddying up with my young, pretty stepmum.’

Imogen made a face. ‘C’mon, Tamsin seems OK. What’s she do for a living, anyway? Always seems to be at home.’

‘She’s an actress, but she’s taking some time out before the next job. Actually she’s really under the weather right now. I made pancakes this morning and she
couldn’t face them.’

‘Think she’s pregnant?’

The thought hadn’t remotely crossed my mind.

Imogen laughed at my dumbstruck expression. ‘Anyone would think you didn’t know what that meant. I bet she is; she told me she was off booze too.’

Oh, help, I thought. A little brother or sister? That would be a massive change. My reply was cut off by the buzzer. I realized I’d been talking so much that I hadn’t even started on
my sandwich.

TUESDAY 19 NOVEMBER

It was Benno’s reading-club day with Sam, so I was able to go straight to Nadina’s. I realized as I walked that I was constantly checking my phone. No news was good
news right now.

When I arrived Nads was sprawled on the couch in front of the telly drinking a lumpy brown concoction. When I asked what it was, she told me it was bean chilli.

‘Sam’s suggestion. Beats bananas, that’s for sure.’

It was so odd; the words were Nadina, but the husky voice wasn’t. I handed her the hairspray I’d picked up in Superdrug on the way over.

‘Guessed you might be running low on stock,’ I said. ‘Can’t have a disaster like that happening. And, I guess it’s a bit of a peace offering. Look, babe, I hate
bringing this up, cos it makes me feel like crap, but I owe you an apology. That argument we had about someone telling Ollie I’d been to Sam’s? I’m proper sorry I didn’t
believe it wasn’t you. Not the kind of thing a best mate does, eh?’

‘It’s all right.’ Nads shrugged. Somehow, something about the action made me pause . . . I was remembering something. Nadina, in the hospital. Unable to talk, but using my
phone to text an apology.

I did something really crap that makes me a bad mate.

At the time I’d taken that as confirmation that I’d been right to get mad at her for telling Ollie what I’d been up to. But if that
wasn’t
her, then what was it
she’d done?

I asked what she’d meant. Nadina groaned. ‘Don’t make me tell you. Really not what you’re gonna want to hear right now. It
is
to do with Ollie, but not in the way
you thought.’

‘I don’t want anything to do with Ollie any more,’ I snapped. ‘So rock on. I don’t care.’

When she saw that I wasn’t budging, Nadina shifted her position on the couch, putting aside the bean drink. Reluctantly she said, ‘The Monday after the chicken-shop thing, I went
round Kimmie’s. She lives on the same estate as Ollie. A guy Kimmie knows came over and said there was a party going on a few flats down. I know.’ She caught my sceptical look.
‘Party on a school night, right? The guy throwing it was older than us, out of work. Unplanned birthday thing or something. Anyway, wasn’t much of a party. Just a few people and bottles
and loud music, but . . .’

‘But?’ I prompted.

Nads looked away. ‘Ollie was there. He was in a right mood. Angry and upset and acting plain weird. He’d had a bit to drink. A bit too much, y’know?’

That wasn’t the Ollie I knew. But then, I hadn’t really known him at all, had I? ‘Go on.’

‘I went over to say hi. Ollie went off on one about how he’d seen you and Sam together and how you were lying to him about it . . .’

Suddenly it made sense. Ollie had never believed me about not liking Sam, even before I’d been round his house. He’d seemed to think there was something going on. Now I knew that
Ollie had been in the Gul’s shop that night. He’d have seen Sam running away with Mia. A tall, blonde girl with glasses. He must’ve assumed Mia was me! It was an easy mistake.
Hell, even I’d thought that photo of her was me for a moment. And when Sam came to the chicken shop, wanting to speak to me, any suspicions Ollie had would’ve been confirmed.

No wonder he’d been convinced I’d lied about Sam. God, he would have been scared I knew he’d done the robbery, though it must’ve become clear I didn’t. He’d
even checked out my phone to see if I had the video . . .

Hang on. The other guys . . . They’d texted me on that phone. They had my number. And they’d known where I was when they’d beaten me up near the hospital.