Savior (An Impossible Novel) (10 page)

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.  Apparently I have dark circles under my eyes,” I quipped.

She made an exasperated noise and made a grab for my phone.  “Are you going to text him or am I going to have to do it for you?”

My body careened to the side as I moved to jerk it out of her reach, and my shoulder collided painfully with the brick wall.  Appare
ntly I was more intoxicated than I had originally thought.

“Okay, no sex for you,” Penny decreed firmly.  “You’re going home.”

“Alright, alright.”  I held up my hands, capitulating.  “I guess it’s been enough fun for one evening.”

“Do you want to share a cab?”  Her eyes were filled with concern.

“Don’t be ridiculous.  You don’t live anywhere near my apartment.” 

“Okay, then,” she said as she hailed a cab.  “You take the first one.”

I shook my head.  “I just spent my cab money on some pricey, disgusting whisky.  I’m taking the bus.”

There was a taxi
waiting beside Penny now, but she still looked reluctant to leave me.

“I’ve been much drunker than this and gotten home just fine,” I insisted.  “You’ve seen me do it.”

“Alright,” she conceded.  “But call me if you need me.”

“Will do,” I promised.

As her taxi drove away, the last vestiges of my high left me.  I was alone again.  And I was going to have to go home.  Out of habit, I prayed I would find a lucid Greg when I got there.

But now I wasn’t so sure if that was what I wanted.  Recently, when Greg hadn’t been high, he had been mean.  And now
there was the possibility he might get violent.  The thought horrified me almost as much as the prospect of finding him strung out.

Hopefully he won’t be there at all.

I instantly hated myself for thinking that.  If he wasn’t at the apartment, then he was out with the Latin Kings.  They could be hurting him right now, while I was out getting drunk and toying with college boys.  My little adventure with Penny suddenly soured as Rose Baker’s reality settled back over me.

The idea of returning to my apartment alone was almost unbearable.  With or without Greg being there, I would be alone.  And I couldn’t bear my own company.

As inadvisable as it might be, I pulled my phone out of my purse to compose a text.  It had been hard enough to read the clock; navigating my way to my contact list and finding Clayton’s name took far more effort.  The final hurdle was typing the message itself.  I was trying for a simple “What’s up?”, but random letters kept appearing on my screen.  Why did the individual letter keys have to be so goddamn tiny?  It didn’t help that they seemed to jump away from my finger as I tried to press them.

There were some annoying jerks catcalling behind me, but I ignored them.  It took a minute for their words to penetrate my fuzzy mind; I was too intent on what I was doing.

“Stella!”

“Hey, baby, where’s Gloria?”

Shit.

“Go away,” I ordered.  Not even sparing them a backward glance, I started walking.  I was pretty sure I was headed in the right direction, but I was more concerned with getting away from them.  They had played their part in my little act of escapism.  But I wasn’t Stella anymore.

“I thought you said you were coming back.  We waited for you.”  They were closer now.  I was clearly going to have to deal with them directly in order to make them back off.

“Fuck off!”  I snapped as I spun to face them.  But my sense of balance was shot, and I tripped on my high heels.  I let out a string of curses as my knees banged on the concrete.  I was going to have a lot of self-inflicted bruises in the morning.

Two pairs of hands clasped around my upper arms and helped pull me to my feet.  Jeff was laughing.

“Damn, baby.  I knew you had a filthy mouth, but you cuss like a sailor.”

“Hey, I don’t mind, baby.  You can use your mouth on me anytime.” Sam’s words were slurred, but his hold on my arm was firm.  What had happened to the two guys who had been eating out of the palm of my hand?  A sliver of fear knifed through my gut.  They had been completely in my power at the bar, but now I was most definitely not the one in control.

“Take your hands off her, and walk away.”  His voice was calm, but it cut through the air like a cracking whip.

“Clayton,” I breathed.  I was both relieved and horrified to see him standing before me.  Had he heard what they had said about me?  About my
mouth? 
One look into his blazing eyes was all the answer I needed, and my cheeks burned with shame.

“Who the
fuck are you?”  Jeff demanded angrily.

Clayton didn’t answer him.  Instead, he pulled aside his suit jacket so that his gun was visible.

“Leave.  Now.”

The boys released me instantly, cursing as they tripped over their feet trying to put distance between us. 

I had hoped that when they had stumbled off, Clayton’s fierce expression might melt into something more reassuring, but I had no such luck.  Because now the furious glare that had just sent two men running away was fully turned on me.  The sick thing was, it thrilled me almost as much as it terrified me.

Chapter 6

My heart fluttered against my ribcage as tense silence stretched between us.  The sense of power emanating from Clayton made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.  I wasn’t afraid of his anger; I knew he would never hurt me.  But the man standing before me was implacable, unbending.  Nothing like the immature boys who I had so easily reduced to putty in my hands.  And that challenge to my ability to control the situation was terrifying.  In a decidedly arousing way.

“Do you want to explain to me what the hell you think you’re doing?”  I had expected him to shout at me, but when he spoke, his voice was carefully controlled.

“I…”  I stammered stupidly, completely thrown off.  “I was just trying to text you.”  I held up my phone between us like a shield.  He glanced down at the severely battered device and then fixed me with a hard stare, one brow arched.  Damn.  Was I the only person who couldn’t pull that off?

“I believe
trying
is the operative word there,” he said coolly.  “Allow me to re-phrase: What possessed you to get tanked and walk home alone at night when you know that the most violent gang in the city might be after you?  Not to mention the fact that you just baited two drunk assholes and then dropped them cold.  Are you actively trying to get yourself into trouble?”

A chunk of ice settled in the pit of my stomach.  “You…  You saw that?”  I asked faintly.

“You’re not a slut, Rose.”

If he really had believed that before, he most certainly didn’t anymore.  How could he after witnessing my lewd little drinking game?  My cheeks flamed red hot, and stupid, alcohol-enabled tears blurred my vision.

Clayton’s lips twisted downward as though he had a nasty taste in his mouth.  “Yes,” he replied, his voice clipped.  “I saw the obscene gestures they made at you.  I’m not saying they didn’t deserve to be knocked down a few pegs.  Hell, I wanted to come give them a good punch myself.”  His fists clenched with suppressed anger, and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at them or at me.  “But what you did was reckless and dangerous.  You led them on and then got them drunk.  Do you even realize what they might have done to you?  And then it wouldn’t matter what you said; they easily could claim that you wanted it.”

I dropped my eyes as the hot tears of shame spilled over.  Clayton had borne witness to my promiscuity.  He would never look at me the same way again.  “I…”  My voice wavered.  “I’m sorry.”

To my surprise, I felt his strong arms enfold me as he held me tightly against his chest.  “I’m not judging you, Rose,” he said softly.  “I know you’re going through a hard time.  I can understand that kind of pressure can drive people to do reckless things.  But I’ve watched too many people I care about destroy themselves that way.”  He suddenly sounded weary, but there was a thread of determination in his voice.  “And I’m not about to stand by and watch you head down that path.”

He cares about me? 
How could he possibly after what he had seen me do?

I laughed hollowly.  “You’re a little late.  I’ve been on this path for a while.”  Alcohol loosened my tongue, and I couldn’t seem to stop my deepest secrets from spilling forth.  Especially not when he was holding me like this.  I didn’t deserve it.  And he deserved to know who I really was.  My heart twisted as I came to the realization that he would finally back away in revulsion when he did, but it would be better than the pain I felt at him forcing me to face my problems.  “This is what I am, Clayton.  I learned a long time ago that there was no point in fighting it.  It’s not your job to save me.”

“Look at me, Rose,” he commanded sternly.  I couldn’t resist his direct order, and I found myself trapped in the intensity of his piercing gaze.  “That
is
my job.  Not just because I’ve been assigned to your case, but because I care about you.  I swore to protect you, and I’m not going to let you down.  And nothing you do or say will make me give up on you.  I’m not going anywhere, Rose.  Not even if you want me to.”

There it was again: he said
he
cared
about me.  And now he was swearing that he wouldn’t abandon me.  I hardly dared to believe it.  I had been abandoned and shunned by too many people who should have cared about me to trust that.  The only person who truly knew me who had stuck by me was Greg, and now I didn’t even have him.  Not really.  He was just the shadow of my brother, a monster who wore his skin.

“Why?”  I whispered.  “Why do you care?  I’m just a… a slut who’s going nowhere in life.”

Clayton frowned and his eyes flashed angrily.  He gripped my upper arms hard, as though he wanted to shake me.  “I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself that word again.  Whoever has made you believe that…”  He stopped himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath to reign in his anger.  “You have every right to choose what to do with your own body.  So long as you’re safe about it.  People have this imbalanced notion that a woman who is confident in her sexuality is a slut, but a man who does so is admired for his prowess.  It’s a double standard I don’t believe in.”  He cupped my cheek tenderly, and I suddenly felt small and vulnerable in his hold.  I was distantly surprised to find that it wasn’t a wholly unpleasant sensation.  When he spoke again, his voice was rough with emotion.  “But I can’t deny that seeing those guys touching you, seeing you flirt with them…  It made me jealous as hell.  You’re free to do as you please with your own body, but I want to be the only one who touches it.”

I shivered in his grasp.  I had known him for such a short time, but no one had ever treated me like he did.  With one piercing glance, he seemed to stare right into me, seeing the real me that no one else bothered to look for.  To be fair, I had carefully hidden myself away, masking my vulnerability with a carefree exterior.  That way no one could know my weaknesses; no one could hurt me. 
But Clayton had exposed me, and although that frightened me, I marveled at the fact that he wasn’t disgusted by what he saw.

“I…  I think I want that too,” I admitted quietly.  I wanted more of this calm reassurance, of Clayton’s firm refusal to allow me to hate myself.  The way he was looking at me now ma
de me want to be the person he saw, a good person who life and shitty circumstance had driven to self-loathing and bad choices.  A person who could be redeemed.

He smiled down at me gently, but there was a slightly predatory edge to the twist of his lips.  “I’m glad we’re on the same page, then.”

He leaned into me, and my eyes closed blissfully as his lips brushed against mine.  The kiss was brief but sweet, communicating his forgiveness and his faith in me.  I bit back a whine of protest when he pulled away from me all too soon.  The alcohol-fueled lust that had been quenched by our tense encounter came roaring back at his intimate touch.

“Come on,” he said softly, “I’m taking you home.”

His arm wrapped around my waist, and I was a bit embarrassed to realize I needed the support; I was still more than a little tipsy.  It was no wonder I had confessed my secrets in that state.

When we got to my apartment building, I tripped over the first stair step.  I let out a surprised squeak as the world spun around me, and I suddenly found myself cradled in Clayton’s arms as he carried me.  I couldn’t help pressing my face into his chest and breathing in deeply, loving the sexy scent that was uniquely his.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, a bit chagrined at my inability to put one foot in front of the other.

He just grinned down at me roguishly.  “I don’t mind.  It gives me an excuse to hold you.”

My stomach did a delighted little flip.  “I guess I’m not sorry, then,” I breathed.  He chuckled, and I relished the way the sound seemed to rumble through me, sending warmth flooding from my chest to my fingertips.

A part of me was secretly glad to find the apartment empty.  I didn’t think I could handle seeing Greg right now after my emotionally tumultuous evening.

Clayton set me down on my bed, supporting my back until he was sure I could maintain a sitting position without swaying too badly.  He started to pull away from me, but I caught his forearm.  It tried to arch up into him, to sate the need that was coursing through my veins, making my most sensitive areas pulse.  But he pressed two fingers to my lips, stopping me short.